by Kelly Oram
Aiden looked so funny when he was angry. His adorable face just wasn’t meant to hold such negative emotions.
Aiden looked a lot like his brother, and yet he didn’t. Aiden was a lot shorter, but he had the same coloring as Grayson—same rich golden hair and skin. He had brown eyes and not blue, but he and Grayson shared the same perfect smile. The difference, though, is where Grayson’s smile labeled him as an obvious lady-killer, that same smile made Aiden look like the adorable class clown. Fury just didn’t work well for him.
“I’m fine, Aiden.” I laughed. “Grayson didn’t make a move on me.” Well, not technically. I didn’t think. He hadn’t yet, anyway.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just felt bad for walking out on you. You asked me to stay and talk, and you were right. We really need to.”
Aiden sagged in relief and pulled me into a hug. “I’m really sorry, Aves. I totally screwed that up earlier. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
I squeezed him back. It felt so good that I almost cried. For a while I thought I’d never feel this again. “It’s okay. What happened was just as much my fault as yours. We should have talked about this years ago.”
Aiden was surprised by my comment. I tugged him over to the bed with me, and we sat shoulder to shoulder. He picked up my hand and rested his head on mine. “I don’t ever want to lose you, Avery. I don’t think I could handle that.”
My heart, which had hurt so bad just minutes before, suddenly soared. “Me either.” I took a breath. No time like the present. “I love you so much, Aiden.”
“I know, Aves. Me too.”
“No, I don’t think you do know. I’m saying I’m in love with you.”
Aiden’s grip on my hand tightened. “What?”
“I’m in love with you, Aiden. I have been for years and years. I should have said something, but I always just figured you’d get it when you were ready.”
I let out a huge breath. I couldn’t believe it. After so long my deepest secret, my biggest frustration, was finally out there. Aiden finally understood.
“Oh no, Aves,” Aiden said quietly. “No. No, don’t say that.”
“Wait! Hear me out.” I swallowed back my sudden nerves. The devastation in his voice had shaken my confidence. “I get what you were trying to say earlier. I totally understand you needing some space and some things to do on your own. You want to go join the debate team, fine. That’s great. I’ll support you. You can go be you, and I can go be me, but we can do that and still be us. I know we need a change, but what I’m saying is that I want things to change in the romantic direction. I’ve always wanted that.”
“Aves . . .” Aiden’s voice broke, and his hand started shaking.
“I know that must sound crazy to you, but I’m sure it could work. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. You are it for me. I love you, and I want you to love me back.”
Just then a tear splashed down onto the back of my hand that Aiden was holding in his lap. I glanced up and met his eyes, surprised to see the streak of moisture running down his face. I’d never seen Aiden cry before.
I didn’t understand. He was so sad. It was as if somehow I’d just broken his heart.
“Avery, I am so sorry.” His voice had a sort of helplessness to it. “I—I didn’t know. You never said—you never acted like—I assumed it was the same for us. You’re my best friend, but that’s it. I don’t think of you that way.”
Moisture was gathering in my eyes now too. I blinked and a tear fell down my cheek. “How do you know if you’ve never given it a chance?” I squeezed his hand and mustered up every ounce of courage I had in me. “Will you kiss me, Aiden? Please? Just once? Maybe that’s all you need. Maybe if we kissed, you’d feel what I feel.”
Aiden closed his eyes. When he shook his head, it looked as if the action caused him pain. “I’m sorry, Aves, but I can’t. I have a girlfriend now.”
“You . . .”
Who knew a heart could break twice? This time it was so bad I didn’t even feel it. I didn’t feel anything. I actually stopped crying. It was like his confession just . . . broke me.
“Mindy Perez,” Aiden whispered. “We were partners all semester in public speaking and . . . it just happened the last day of school.”
Aiden had a girlfriend.
He’d left me high and dry without a science project partner, ditched me as co-president of science club, told me he needed space, bailed on me for our birthday next month, said he loved me like a twin sister, and I’d been so in denial that I actually thought I’d still stood a chance with him.
I was so stupid.
I believed it now. The second stage of grief was complete. Stage three too. I’d done enough bargaining. I’d asked him to love me, begged him to kiss me—to just give me a chance. It didn’t work, and now I was done with that. I wouldn’t do it again. Aiden Kennedy was never going to love me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“Okay.” I shook myself and rose to my feet.
“Aves!” He tried to keep hold of my hand, but I managed to slip out of his grip. “Avery, wait! I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad.”
I stopped in the doorway and turned back to him. He was still sitting on his bed, looking every bit as upset as I felt.
“I’m not mad,” I promised, and at the time, it was true. Someone who is completely dead inside can’t be mad. They can’t really be anything.
Grayson
I totally discovered something lamer than journals. Being stuck in a condo for two days with an idiot brother that you want to pound in the face, while he’s acting all emo (As if he had any right to be depressed, the stupid jerk!), and Avery while she’s having a full-on mental breakdown. Seriously. Break. Freaking. Down. The girl turned into a zombie, complete with the limited speech abilities and glazed over eyes.
Who’d have ever thought that I would actually be glad to start school again?
I was a little anxious to see Avery. I hadn’t seen or heard from her since we left the condo. She wasn’t answering her cell phone, and I wasn’t allowed to call Kaitlin and ask. She and my mom were having the mother of all best friend fights because their children had broken each other’s hearts and, of course, in both cases, it was the other woman’s kid who was to blame for the “misunderstanding.”
I sort of felt guilty about what happened. I shouldn’t have sent Avery back to Aiden that night. I knew my brother. I knew Avery was going to get shot down, but she couldn’t see it, or had refused to see it anyway. I figured his official rejection was not just inevitable but necessary, so I let her go.
I didn’t know Aiden had a secret girlfriend bomb to drop on her. Avery would have found out soon enough anyway, and better she had a few days to cope in private instead of just being blindsided at school. But still, I couldn’t help feeling like I hadn’t protected her enough.
I sat in the cafeteria drumming my fingers on the lunch table like a crack addict suffering withdrawals as I watched the door for Avery. We’d never spoken at school before. We didn’t have any classes together, and we were in way different social circles, so I hardly ever even saw her, but I knew we had the same lunch. I also knew that she sat with my brother everyday. Except now that he and his new leash holder were public with their relationship, I didn’t know what that meant for Avery.
I was scared for her, which was kind of a new feeling for me because I never really pay that much attention to anyone. Aves was just so destroyed after New Year’s Eve that I couldn’t help myself. I was either stepping up as the role of overprotective big brother, or I’d developed an impossible crush and was pissed off that someone dared hurt my woman. I had no idea which it was.
Turns out I was every bit as tangled up in our warped relationship as Avery and Aiden. Thanks a lot, moms. Prenatal yoga classes should be illegal.
“No!”
My worst fear was about to happen. Avery had just been dragged into the cafeteria by some fellow nerd girl.
Aves was whiter than a sheet and shaking her head in protest, but her friend had a grim look of determination on her face and was dragging Avery toward their lunch table.
I was glad to see that at least one person from Aiden and Avery’s little nerd herd had taken her side, but one girl wasn’t going to be enough. Aiden’s new girlfriend was a real piece of work. She’d come over to the house the day before and steamrolled her way to a place the family. She was loud, outspoken, and determined. She knew what she wanted and she meant business.
Unfortunately, what Mindy Perez wanted most was Avery out of Aiden’s life completely. I’d overheard her telling him that keeping up a friendship with Aves was totally inappropriate. He’d tried to tell her that he didn’t want to stop being friends with Avery, but the conversation still ended with him promising he’d “do something about it.”
“No, no, no, no, no!”
There were only two open seats at Avery’s table and one was right next to Aiden. This was not going to be pretty.
“Yo Grayson! What’s up with you, man?”
“Yeah, Gray, baby, what’s wrong?”
“She’ll eat her alive,” I muttered, and then, suddenly, I was on my feet, ignoring my friends and crossing over into the unpopular side of the cafeteria.
I got there just in time to watch Avery’s friend plunk her down in her usual seat at Aiden’s side, then take the seat next to her and say to the whole table, “Hey guys! How was everyone’s break? I got the new Celestron SkyProdigy 70 for Christmas! I’m going to have a stargazing party this weekend. You’re all invited.” She leaned around Avery to glare at Aiden. “Except for you.”
I had to give the girl props for that one, even though I had no clue what a Celestron SkyProdigy 70 was.
A few people gave nervous replies, but then Mindy cleared her throat. It was the tiniest little sound, and yet it silenced the entire table. Aiden’s shoulders hunched in response to it.
“Hey, um, Aves?” Aiden asked.
Mindy elbowed him, and he corrected his use of our nickname for Avery.
“I mean Avery? Um, do you think you could . . . um . . . I mean, would you mind—ow, ow, ow, ow!”
I’d grabbed his ear and yanked him back hard. “You utter one more word of that sentence, little brother, and I will kick your ass into next Tuesday.”
I had everyone’s attention, and I don’t just mean the dorks at Avery’s table.
I don’t know that I’d ever sounded more menacing, but I don’t think I’d ever been more out of my mind with rage either. The little pissant was about to ask Avery to leave her own lunch table and not sit by him anymore in front of all of her friends.
Aiden wisely hadn’t said another word, and all his friends were staring up at me completely terrified, except for Mindy. She just sort of blinked at me in disbelief. I’m pretty sure she’d assumed my family all loved her simply because she’d expected it of us.
“Aves, get up.”
“Huh?”
I had to work to control the anger in my voice. “Get up,” I repeated. “You are not sitting here anymore.”
Avery shook herself out of a daze and then scrambled obediently to her feet.
“Aiden, grow some balls you whipped bastard.” I let go of his ear with a little push, snapping him back into his seat. Then I glared at the girl next to him. “Mindy.” She paled when I spoke her name. “Avery is a hundred times the person you will ever be. If you say a single unkind thing to her or about her to anyone ever, you will be socially crucified. Get me? I will make it my personal mission in life to ruin you.”
She stared up at me in disbelief, but she looked scared. She should. I wasn’t kidding, and she seemed like the kind of person who cared very much about her reputation.
Next, I pointed a finger at Avery’s chubby little friend who’d dragged her to her table. “And you . . .” The girl flinched and looked like she was about to vomit. I felt bad because I hadn’t meant to scare her. “You seem pretty cool. Thanks for looking out for my girl. Keep up the good work.”
With that, I grabbed Avery’s hand and dragged her back toward my table on the other side of the cafeteria.
“Grayson!” Avery pleaded in a shocked whisper. “What are you doing?”
“You deserve better than that, Aves. You eat lunch with me from now on, okay?”
“Um . . .” She was still trying to put on the breaks. “That is really sweet of you and all, Grayson, but I don’t know. I mean I don’t exactly fit in with your friends. I’m . . . I’m . . .”
“You’re what?” Her insecurity was frustrating. She was worth more than she thought of herself. She needed to understand that.
She gulped. “Well, you know, I’m not popular.”
I stopped only because she was terrified and about to have another panic attack. “Aves, you’ll be fine. My friends will be cool. You’ll see.”
“I don’t know. I think I’ve seen this movie, and it doesn’t turn out so well for me.”
I smiled at that, even though she hadn’t meant it to be funny. “How much you want to bet? I’m sure you’ve seen nature shows on alpha males or pack leaders or whatever—the whole flock of sheep thing, right?” I turned my smile extra confident because I know it annoys her when I act cocky. “Aves, Grayson Kennedy is at the top of the Spanish Fork High food chain. I’m the king of the jungle. My friends will like you because I like you.”
She didn’t look entirely convinced, but she wasn’t going to hyperventilate anymore, either.
“You’re all about experiments and stuff,” I said. “So let’s do an experiment. Come eat lunch with me, at least for today, and let me introduce you to my friends. We will put Animal Planet to the test, and if I can’t have all of my friends completely enamored with you by the end of lunch, then I’ll back off and you can take your one cool friend and go hide out in the science lab every lunch for the rest of the year.” Geez, that sounded awful. I really hoped she didn’t do that. “Come on, what do you say?”
She gazed up at me, and in her current post-trauma daze said the last thing I ever expected. “I’m surprised you know a word like enamored.”
I burst out laughing and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “Yeah, three syllables is pretty much my limit.”
Avery didn’t protest anymore as I dragged her over to my friends, but she started to panic when we reached the table. I suppose I couldn’t blame her, considering my friends were all sitting there gaping at me as if I’d lost my mind and was introducing them to a piece of scum I got on my shoe while I was over in no-man’s land.
“Guys, this is Avery,” I said conversationally. “Everybody shove down and make some room for her.” I paused and gave Avery a grin, hoping to break some of the tension. “Unless you want to sit on my lap?”
I’m sure deep inside her somewhere she knew I was only teasing her, but she looked at me with eyes as big as baseballs and frantically shook her head. Her stupid panic was taking over.
I knew this might be an issue. Avery’s anxiety was legitimate. She was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder a few years back. She even took medication for it. The drugs allowed her to come to school—they’d talked about homeschooling her when she hit middle school and started having too many problems—but even the medicine couldn’t fix everything.
Avery didn’t handle change well, and meeting strangers was almost impossible. That my friends were all seniors and the most popular kids in school had to be making this scarier for her too. Then there was the fact that we were both the main focus of everyone in the cafeteria right now because I’d caused a scene. I kicked myself for that one, but it was too late now. I couldn’t undo it, so instead I tried to help her come back from freak-out mode.
She seemed to do better when all she could see was my eyes, so I grabbed her cheeks and pulled her face close to mine. “Remember what we talked about with the whole breathing thing? You’ve got to do it, Aves.” I prompted her by taking a deep breath, and eventually she copied the
action. After a few more I smiled at her. “You good now?” It was the same thing I’d asked her in the shower, and I think we were both remembering that, because her cheeks turned pink as she nodded.
I sat her down at the table next to me and tucked her safely into my side. She shook a little as she clung to me, but she didn’t lose it. I was proud of her for regaining control of herself. For a second there I didn’t think she was going to make it.
I was going to have to be very careful about this transition, but there was no way I could leave her to deal with Aiden and Mindy on her own. That would get her pulled from school in a matter of days.
“Well done, Aves,” I whispered as I planted a kiss on the side of her head. “Hardest part’s over now.”
I stuck a tater tot in front of her face until she rolled her eyes at me and ate it. Not that I was a fan of feeding people or anything, I was just stalling as I figured out the best way to proceed with my friends.
“Have you really been through so many girls at this school that you’re stealing them from the geeks now?” my best friend Owen Jackson teased.
“Nah, Avery’s cool. We’ve been like this”—I crossed my fingers—“since before she was born. Really. I used to read picture books to her while she was still in her mom’s stomach.”
A couple of the girls gave us pouty little “Aww’s,” and I knew we would be fine. The guys would be a little trickier, but nothing I couldn’t handle.
“Didn’t I just take her picture for the science club before break?”
I cringed inwardly. That was the one thing my friends might not be able to swallow about Avery. I’d been hoping they wouldn’t realize that until they knew her better. I’d forgotten that Mark was the photographer for the yearbook staff.
I plastered a wicked smile on my face and said, “Well, yes, but we’re going to forgive her that one nerdy offense because Avery looks really hot in the shower.”
Avery choked on the food in her mouth and started coughing. I hoped I hadn’t just stopped her heart permanently, but I needed the guys to see her as dating potential and science club president was pretty much the opposite of that.