“No.” Abigail placed a hand to her chest and shook her head as she stood there and tried to recover. “I’m good.”
“Are you sure?” Rory’s eyebrows knitted in disappointment.
“You can help me over here,” Alex requested.
Abigail breathed out a subtle sigh of relief. Good. Rory would be placed elsewhere. If she helped Alex brew up the mixtures of coffee drinks, and there was a plethora of options, she would be too busy to be Abigail’s probing shadow, asking over and over if she was alright.
The truth of the matter was, Abigail didn’t really want to talk about it. She didn’t even want to be living the unsettled pain she felt inside. She was screaming from within but planting on a happy face on the surface. It wasn’t the first time she had to do that in her life. She could manage, no matter how difficult it was.
She tried to make herself busy with work. She did her best to engage the customers once it was her turn at the register. She wanted to forget the fact that every time she closed her eyes, she saw the image of the doped out naked woman in Lucas’ bed.
Abigail shivered and glanced out the window. The sun was hidden behind the clouds today. It was a gray day and added to her dismal mood. She began abstractly wiping down the counters when they had a lull in customers.
She was tired of being on her feet, and her back ached. That always happened towards the end of her shifts. She didn’t necessarily mind working at the coffee shop. It was easy money, aside from having to stand up for most of the shift. She needed the job, and it was conveniently close to her house.
Since she wasn’t making any money with her internship, she had to do something to help pay the bills. She barely had time to do anything other than go to work, her internship and school. Maybe if things didn’t work out with Lucas, it wouldn’t be so bad or hard on her in the end.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she had too much on her plate already. She didn’t need to add the drama of a relationship to the mix. She was already scrambling as it was to keep all of her activities in order.
But as she walked to the bathroom on her break and stared at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t help but think that she was acting a little harsh towards Lucas. She should at least let him explain himself. She certainly didn’t owe him, but a part of her was curious what he’d have to say. She was curious enough to wonder who the mystery woman in his bed was, and why she was there. There was a missing puzzle piece. Something just wasn’t adding up. If he had been expecting a woman to jump in his bed, then why would he have given her a key in the first place?
Perhaps the woman took advantage of him and tried to trap him? That didn’t make sense either. Abigail frowned at her reflection. She had to know the answer. If nothing else, she would let Lucas come clean and lay this to bed once and for all. She couldn’t let it keep plaguing her.
“I need answers,” she told herself in the mirror. “That’s all. I don’t have to act on any decisions. I’ll just hear him out for now, and at least I’ll know what happened.”
Curiosity was going to get the best of her. She had to find out what was going on. Besides, Lucas didn’t seem like the type to do drugs either. Certainly, she would have caught on by now if he had been hiding something so secretive like that from her. She was spry. She had her intuition that she trusted.
And there was one other thing that was gnawing at her. She was still insanely attracted to Lucas. She was head over heels for him. Every time she saw a guy who resembled him walk into the coffee shop, her stomach flipped with desire. No one before him had ever gone out of their way to make her feel as good as he did. No one had ever shown they cared like Lucas did. And the sex? It was off the chain. He did things to her body she’d never imagined.
She would make a point to call him and take him up on his offer to explain everything to her. As soon as her shift ended, she would step outside and make the call. She glanced at her watch as she exited the bathroom. She only had half an hour left until her shift ended.
She could make it through. It wasn’t that much longer, but she was on pins and needles. He had told her that she could call him any time, day or night. He said he would always be there, waiting to talk to her.
Why would he make the effort if he had been in the wrong? He certainly was going above and beyond to try and clear his name, so she figured she might as well give him the benefit of the doubt, even if it was only short lived.
“Hey, can you cover the register for me?” Ned asked as they crossed paths in the hallway. “I have to take the trash out.”
“Absolutely,” Abigail nodded.
The last task she wanted to take care of on the job was emptying the trash. She would much rather man the register and hold down the fort there.
Rory was sweeping the front dining area and washing down the tables. She beamed when she saw Abigail. “Almost quitting time.”
“Thank God,” Abigail breathed out under her breath. There weren’t any customers at the register, so she felt comfortable speaking her mind about how excited she was to be ending her shift. “It seems like I have been here forever.”
Rory let out an amused chuckle. “I feel your pain.”
Abigail studied Rory and became entranced by her sweeping motions. She wondered what Rory’s life was like outside of work. She wondered what kind of actual pain or suffering Rory might endure. Everyone had skeletons in their closet. Some were just more out in the open than others.
Thirty minutes later, Abigail walked to the back wall and clocked out. She took off her apron and placed it in her locker. She let out a relieved sigh to be done for the day. She said goodbye to her coworkers and watched as the next batch came in to begin their shifts.
The coffee shop would only be open for a few more hours. Abigail was thankful that she didn’t have to be on the shift that had to close up shop. She stepped out into the street. The air felt damp. She grabbed her phone out of her purse, listening to the sounds of traffic going by. She stared at the screen, looking at Lucas name across the display. She couldn’t bring herself to call him.
Her thumb hovered over the call button. She had hesitated too long. She was beginning to doubt herself and her capabilities of facing the harsh reality.
“You want to find out what happened, right?” She quietly reminded herself.
Then, without thinking too much, she pressed the call button. It was too late to go back now. She pressed the phone to her ear. It was already ringing. He would see her missed call, even if she hung up at this point.
Within a matter of seconds, he answered. His voice was deep and eager. “Abigail?”
“Hi.” Abigail felt her cheeks heat, even though she wasn’t face to face with him.
“Thank you for calling me,” he said. He sounded genuine.
“Yeah, um...” she trailed off and shifted her weight.
She looked both ways before crossing the busy intersection. She stopped on the other side and stood next to a bench but didn’t sit down. Her adrenaline was pumping furiously through her veins.
“Is everything okay?” Now his voice had changed to profound concern.
“I want to talk to you,” she blurted out.
“You do?” He sounded optimistic. Abigail did her best to absorb some of that mentality herself.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I guess I want to know what happened that night. Maybe work things out.”
Why did she say that? She dug deep into her collective emotions. Because she was falling hard for him. That was the only reasonable explanation she could offer to herself.
“Okay.” Lucas exhaled deeply on the other end. “Can you meet me somewhere?”
Abigail’s intrigue tingled. “Sure. I just got off of work. Where do you want to meet?”
“Can you meet me at Bentford Park?” Lucas asked.
Abigail glanced down the street. She might have to take the rail to get there. “Uh...yeah.” She said after a brief pause. “I am across town though.�
�
“Take your time. I have something to show you. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay,” Abigail said quietly. It was too late to back out now. She had already agreed to the plan.
“Great,” Lucas said enthusiastically. “When do you think you could get there?”
“Thirty minutes?” Abigail guessed.
“Sounds good to me,” Lucas confirmed. “And Abigail?”
“Yeah?”
“You won’t regret the decision to meet me.”
“I hope not,” she said and hung up with a deep sigh. It was now or never. She would finally hear Lucas side of the story, and just prayed that it would be worth the effort. Along the way to the park, she would do her best to remind herself of how charming and charismatic he was, not to mention how talented and skilled he was at making love to her.
He had so many handsome qualities and attributes that made him desirable. She was too wrapped up in him to let him go completely. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies. She hated being so uncertain about the future, but at the same time, she knew in her heart that she was going down the right path. Hopefully, the man she thought Lucas was would emerge from this mental shit storm.
And then everything could be okay again.
Chapter Nineteen
LUCAS PULLED INTO THE parking lot adjacent to the park access path. He took a deep breath. His hands were still gripping the steering wheel at the ten and two o’clock positions. A light drizzle was beginning, and there was gray cloud cover overhead.
His mood was as bleak as the sky, but he hoped that would soon change after he talked to Abigail. He was so relieved that she had agreed to meet him here. But would she actually show up? That was still debatable. She had every right not to, and he wouldn’t blame her if she ghosted him.
The rain made a cozy pitter-patter sound as it hit against the windshield. Tiny droplets of water began to bead on the surface of the glass, dribbling down as they followed the route of gravity.
Lucas watched the beads as they fell in long, translucently silver lines across the windshield. It was a good distraction for his nerves, at least for the moment. After a few minutes, he flicked on the windshield wipers. It gave him soothing, watching the blades push the rain droplets away.
He glanced in his rearview mirror, looking for Abigail’s approach. He glanced through his side mirrors and craned his neck to peer behind him. What if she didn’t show up? The thought kept playing through his mind. Impossible. She had promised she would, and he knew that Abigail wasn’t the type of woman to redact on something that she had already committed to doing.
Lucas took another deep breath. The rhythm helped calm him down. He needed to pacify his mind, but he knew that wasn’t a possibility until he got this confession about his past off his chest. It was time to come clean to Abigail about everything.
If he didn’t, then he would risk losing her forever. There wasn’t a chance in hell that she would ever trust him again unless he started from the beginning. Then, she could make her own decision, but he hoped that the fact that he was putting himself and all his vulnerabilities on the line would make her realize that he was worth fighting for.
After a few seconds, he took his hands off the steering wheel. They were clammy and sweaty. He rubbed them on his jeans and glanced out the rearview mirror again. The rain hadn’t picked up much more than a misty drizzle, much to his relief.
He knew that Abigail would be walking to the park from the train station about a block away. He would have picked her up, but he wanted to take baby steps with her. He was just grateful that she had agreed to even meet him in the park in the first place.
Lucas heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he saw her. She was walking briskly in the rain, slightly hunched, her hands deep in her pockets. She spotted his car and hesitated. Leaning across the passenger seat, he opened the door for her. She needed to get in before she got completely soaked.
“Get in.”
She ducked as if to get inside, hesitated again. Her eyes locked with his and suddenly, anxiety hit him. He was about to spill his entire truth to her, and he risked having her never, ever look at him the same way again.
“Come on, Ab. Get in the car.”
Abigail looked conflicted. “Okay,” she said with a guarded look of trepidation on her face. She slid inside with a sigh. She kept her hands in her pockets. Her body was tense, hard almost. There was little trace of the soft, eager woman to her right now. She was all hard edges and reservation. Damn, he’d done a number on her with his fuck up. No, he’d done a number on them.
“I am not going to hurt you anymore Abigail,” he gently whispered and stared at her until she had no choice but to raise her own eyes and gaze back at him.
He waited to observe her response. Her upper lip twitched slightly, and she continued to stare out the windshield without a response. Abigail was giving him her poker face. She was impossible to read as she remained silent.
Lucas cleared his throat. “I want to show you a few things. Are you okay with that?”
“Like, we’re going to go driving around?”
“Yeah. We’re traveling back to my past.”
Her brow furrowed. “Sounds a little like the Christmas Carol to me.”
“Right. And, I am Scrooge, unfortunately.”
The tension between them lessened a fraction, though she hadn’t cracked a smile at his teasing. What if he never saw her smile again?
“Well, you do fit the profile.” There was a tiny hint of a smile on Abigail’s lips.
Her charismatic wit was still under there. He wanted to pull the rest out and have her shining brightly like a star in the night sky once again by the end of their trip around the block.
He swallowed hard and noticed how Abigail’s cheeks turned a crimson shade. He had a lot of chivalry and trustworthiness to prove to her. He might as well get started. It would be a long road ahead. She would be a tough nut to crack. Her exterior shell had on layers upon layers of protective barriers that he would have to peel through to get back to where they had been in the beginning together.
“I need to shed the demons of my past, and I want you to help me. I need to face up to the things I’ve done before you were in my life because they keep following me. I think if I tell you... if I show you who I used to be, you might understand why I’m the man I am now. And, what happened the other night.”
“Alright...” Abigail looked at him curiously.
He ran a hand through his hair and realized that his hands were shaking.
“Lucas?” Abigail must have noticed too. She gave him a troubled look. Lucas felt her worry reflecting on him.
“Yes?” He turned to look at her for a split second before forcing his eyes back on the road in front of them.
“Just tell me. Just come out with it. I don’t need a bunch of warming up.”
“You don’t?” His eyebrows peaked.
“No.” Abigail shook her head. “Not if it means you won’t tell me the whole truth.”
“I’m going to tell you the whole truth.”
“Then do it,” she coaxed.
He inhaled sharply. They were entering the shady part of town where he grew up, where he used to sell and use drugs on a regular and routine basis with Christy. He had thought he had friends back then, but little did he know that they were just enabling leeches.
“Why are we going into the hood?” There was alarm in Abigail’s tone as she looked at Lucas with trepidation.
“This is where I grew up,” he said with a resigned sigh. Everything was going to be out in the open soon. His heart pounded, and a nervous sweat began to bead on his forehead. With a mental slap, he centered himself and quit all this nervous bullshit. Enough.
“You did?” She looked startled to learn the information but more curious than judgmental.
“Yes,” he confirmed with a nod.
“Oh.” She peered out her passenger side window. She didn’t seem disturbed. She gave him a pitying g
lance that made him grip the steering wheel tighter. “Okay then.”
“I didn’t bring you here to make you feel sorry for me.”
“Then why did you?” He could feel her eyes on him once again.
“I wanted to give you a bigger picture of where it all began for me. I feel like if you knew my history, things would make more sense for you. I couldn’t control being born into poverty.”
“No of course not.” Abigail’s voice sounded sympathetic. “I wasn’t rich growing up either, you know.”
“But were you a drug dealer? Did you use on a daily basis?” He looked at her and felt a magnitude of suffering, familiar suffering, and cascade over him.
Just saying it made it all real to him again. All the nights spent on the streets, selling and taking money and hoping not to get busted. All the days that passed hour after hour while he wasted in oblivion, high and unknowing what day it even was. All the time he spent with Christy, just the two of them, enabling each other time and time again.
“No...” She eyed him suspiciously.
“Well, I was.” He nodded his chin in the direction of a house at the end of the street. His pulse was pounding full throttle through his veins. He was afraid to look at her and see her reaction.
The house he pointed to was a faded blue color and had paint chipping off the sides. It looked tired and worn down, just like he felt on the inside.
“I grew up in that house.”
The silence was deafening. Abigail peered at it with narrowed eyes. He could tell that she was trying not to give away too much of a reaction, but the shadow of disgust was there.
“Who was that woman?” She asked bluntly. “In...” she paused and grimaced, “your bed when I found you?”
Lucas was relieved to finally air his dirty laundry. Abigail hadn’t jumped out of the moving car yet, which he took to be a good sign that she was still interested enough to hear more. She hadn’t bolted when he had confessed to being a drug dealer and dope addict in his past either.
“She is my ex-girlfriend,” he said in a soft voice. He didn’t want to say her name, but he felt the question at the tip of Abigail’s tongue.
Rockstar Intern (Infinity Prism, #5) Page 16