by Prenisha Aja
Troy
I was still standing in the women’s bathroom as Brynlee stared at me with so much pain in her eyes that I damn near wanted to turn around and just let her be. The last thing that I wanted was for her to find out that I had a baby on her like this.
If only Jadoré could have chilled the fuck out, but she had to be on that extra shit. I hated that she was turning into one of those baby mamas from hell because every chance that she got she was breathing down my neck with some bullshit.
“Brynlee, baby please say something.” I reached to grab her hand, but she snatched away from me and backed up, hitting the sink behind her.
“Come on. Do you at least want to hear me out first?” I pleaded as her bottom lip trembled and the tears continued to fall slowly out of her eyes.
I had indeed hurt her and I swear I hated myself for it. Something deep down in me said for me to go ahead and tell her, but the fright of losing her was a risk that I just couldn’t take, so I didn’t say anything.
It scared me and had me feeling like I needed to do whatever to keep her, which was why I was begging on my knees in Texas to get her back and I had been doing everything in my will to keep her in my good graces, but that shit was now all a waste of time.
“I can’t believe you Troy,” her shaky voice mumbled as she aggressively wiped her face.
“We are over,” she spat, pulling her ring off her finger for the second time and throwing at my chest.
I heard the ring hit the ground but fuck that ring. I needed to stop Brynlee from walking out of here. Grapping her arm as she tried to walk away from me, she spun around and slapped the fuck out of me.
“I don’t ever want to see you again. I’ll be over to get my shit.” Her voice was laced with so much hate, that I had to back up a little. I continued to rub my jaw up and down, where she had smacked the hell out of me at, shocked.
“You don’t mean that. We can get through this. I promise,” I uttered, but she wasn’t trying to hear any of that.
Brynlee turned around and stormed out of the bathroom, leaving me to stand there and think about the mistake I had made.
I rushed out once I realized I had to keep on begging her. I burst out of the door and looked from my left to my right and she was out of sight.
I made my way farther down the hallway and there stood Jadoré, with a stupid look on her face as she held onto my son.
“Troy,” she called out, but I put my hand up to stop her from talking to me.
“Troy, I’m sorry. I really didn’t want it to happen like that,” she explained as she followed behind me.
However, that was nothing more than a lie. If she didn’t want it to happen like that, she should have chosen a better time, but she knew that Brynlee was going to be at the game.
Sighing, I ran my hand over my head and got myself together as I walked back into the gym. Thank God for my assistant coach who was able to continue on with the game while I was in the middle of some bullshit ass drama.
“Thank you,” I leaned over close to him and said lowly as I grabbed the clip board from him.
I looked over at the score and was happy to see that we were in the lead. As I continued to coach the game, I was relieved to see that Jadoré did not come inside of the gym. I just didn’t want to look at her any more.
“Let’s go Sim,” a guy’s voice yelled out.
Turning around to see who was cheering on our star player, it was that same guy from earlier.
It finally dawned on me that he was that rapper guy from Texas and that I had met his baby mama when I was down there. Granted nothing had happened, yet now I was wishing I would have messed around with her, just to throw it in his face since he was in my business.
He and I locked eyes. He smirked at me as if my situation was comical. He then flicked me off and continued watching the game.
Huffing, I directed my attention back to the court as I twisted my lips, trying to get rid of this unwanted taste that had appeared in my mouth.
I knew from jump that dude and I were not the same. He had to be some type of thug or something, simply by the way that he effortlessly used foul language, not to mention how he had his pants sagging and all those gold chains around his neck. His appearance spoke for him and even though Brynlee swore she wasn’t into those type of men when we first met, something in me told me it was way deeper, and it was a reason why he took up for her.
The game was now over, and the boys had blown the other team out of the water, which I already had faith that they would.
The players had just left off the court and I watched as Simon ran over to where this same guy who I had already formed some type of hate for stood.
Inhaling, I prayed that he didn’t call me over to where they were because that would have been too awkward. And even despite the bullshit, Simon and I were really close. He was one of my best players and I had basically taken him up under my wing here.
Matter fact, I did recall him telling me he had a brother, who was a rapper, but I never paid him any mind because these kids at this collage lied all the time.
“Aye yo coach.” He waved me over right as I was about to turn and walk to the back to give my team a speech and let them know that I was proud of them.
Cursing myself, I walked over and joined them. The guy stared me up and down like he wanted to beat my ass, but I played it cool and smiled.
“What’s up Simon.” I patted him on the back as I continued to get grilled.
“Hey coach, this is my brother Sawyer I was telling you about,” he cheesed, as he introduced me to his brother.
I could tell that Simon loved his brother and looked up to him. When he did talk about him, he always wore this crazy grin on his face. So, I knew they had a close relationship.
Clearing my throat, I was hesitant to say anything. Hell, I didn’t know what to say after what had happened earlier.
“Man, Simon, I know your punk ass coach already. But check it, I got some shit to handle. Aite,” he let his brother know, as I stood there not being able to say a word.
I just didn’t feel like speaking up and then have to get into an altercation with him and possibly lose my job. The stuff that had happened between all of us earlier could have easily jeopardized everything.
“Oh, and I wired you some money. Check your account in a few hours,” he turned and stated as he continued to walk out of the gym.
Stunned and over today, I exhaled as I shook my head and headed over to the locker room. There definitely wouldn’t be any good job speeches tonight. I was stressed, I needed a damn bottle of Jack and I also needed to see if I could get in touch with Brynlee.
The whole drive to my house, I prayed to God that just maybe Brynlee had calmed down and decided to stay at the house so that we could talk about it.
However, when I pulled into our yard it was no surprise to see her car wasn’t there. I knew that I hurt her way worse than the last time and sadly, she would most likely never forgive me. The shit was tragic, but I had to accept that I did some messed up shit.
Getting out of my car, I made my way into our home even though this was the last place I wanted to be. Just the thought of having to sleep without her, was fuckin’ with me.
Fuck, I hissed, throwing my keys on top of the bar as I made my way to our bedroom to see what damage had been done.
The first place I went to was the closet and when I saw that her pink suitcase that she had taken the last time she left was still tucked away in corner of the closet, I was able to breathe a little.
I then turned the light off inside of there and went over to her drawer and opened it. Everything was still there.
My mind was now wondering where the hell did she go and why didn’t she come and get anything? I also thought about Sawyer. The way he came to her rescue had me wondering what exactly they did have going on and was he who she was with right now.
The thought of her being with another man other than me, had me wanting to pull out my shoe
box that was in the top of my closet and retrieve my gun I stored in there for protection. I wanted to murder someone, and I had never felt this way before. I was so angry that tears were starting to form in my eyes. This shit wasn’t right.
Sitting down on our bed, I tried to think. Figure out what I could do, maybe even say to get her back. I just couldn’t let her go and allow some random nigga to snatch up something that meant the world to me.
“Shit,” I cursed as I swung at the air.
The ringing of my phone stopped me from acting a fool. I quickly reached into my pocket with the hopes that it was Brynlee.
The fuck she wants, I wondered as I looked down at my phone to see that Jadoré was calling me. Sliding the white bar that was on my phone across my screen, I answered her call only because she had my son.
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked, aggravated as fuck.
“I just want to talk. Please,” she stated calmly, but I couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t have this same energy earlier. It could have prevented the chaos that had happened.
“Jadoré, what do you want to talk about? I think you have said enough for the night. I think you’ve showed your ass enough and started way more shit than you needed to,” I aired, sounding tired and over it.
“Really Troy? So, you are blaming me? Wow…” she huffed, and I just didn’t care to even continue the conversation.
Instead, I hung up in her face, stood to my feet and went to find the bottle of Jack Daniel’s that I always kept at the bar for stressful times like these.
Brynlee
As I laid across the king size bed inside of the hotel room, all I could do was stare up at the ceiling as the tears fell and soaked the comforter underneath me.
I felt so soulless. I felt like I was just here, but my mind wasn’t. It was crazy the amount of pain I felt. The way it sat at the bottom of my stomach and gave me this nagging, ill feeling. I was hurting and I didn’t know what to do.
Never in my life had I felt so many emotions. I was hurt but the humiliation that I felt was making me feel sick. It was also like it almost overpowered the pain that I was currently feeling. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how the guy I gave my heart to, basically stepped on that bitch.
Troy, the man that I was going to marry and promise till death do us part, had went and gave another woman something that I couldn’t give him.
The thing that made matters worse was that I kept putting my body through that torture because I knew how much it meant to him. He wanted a child and I wanted to be the one to give my man one.
Troy had always expressed how he wanted to have his own little family. He wanted to allow his child to experience being inside of a two-parent home, which was what drove me to push hard and endure those rough times to give him one. Only for him to go and get another bitch pregnant and try to hide the shit.
Ugh. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly as I wrapped my arms around myself.
To see the girl standing there, holding her baby, did something to my soul. It was like seeing them, sucked the life out of me. It made me feel like I hated the world.
Oh, and then to make matters worse, she knew my personal business. She knew about my miscarriages which meant my fiancé, or should I say ex because there was no way I was getting back with him, had told her.
He was pillow talking with her and there was no telling what bad things he was saying, but I knew it had to be something because of how she said it. It was like she was taunting me over me losing each kid that I had gotten pregnant with.
Never did I ever ask to be the woman who couldn’t carry kids, but here I was, and I felt like an outcast.
As I laid on the bed sulking, trying to wrap my mind around all of this, I heard my phone go off. Not even bothering to answer it, I simply pressed the side button to silence the call.
I knew it wasn’t nobody calling me but Troy, and I didn’t want to hear shit he had to say. It didn’t matter how much he begged or even cried; it was fuck him. There was no coming back from this.
He had fucked up and now I realized Merci wasn’t just saying hateful shit, she was being honest with me. She was able to see shit that I wasn’t able to. I guess I was too blinded by love to see the real him; however, she did.
Sighing, I wished that I hadn’t been ignoring her calls because right now I needed my friend. I needed someone to talk to and tell me what the hell I needed to do next. To let me know that everything would be ok, and even though shit seemed terrible right now, it would get better. God would bless me with more than what I was asking for right now.
This was just too much for me to handle, not to mention how sick I felt. It was like my stomach was turning flips, my mouth had this horrible, metal-like taste, and the urge to throw up again had hit me out of nowhere.
Rushing up, I began to breathe slowly just to calm myself down. I figured the reason I kept feeling like this was because I was getting myself too worked up with all of the crying and stuff.
As I tried not to throw up, I picked my phone up and decided to at least call my mother. I knew she would tell me the right thing and no matter what, she would never steer me wrong and would stand behind me, no matter what decision I made.
I scrolled through my recent call history and rolled my eyes when I saw that it was Troy who had called me. I quickly blocked his phone number and went back searching for my mother’s contact.
Huffing at the sound of my phone ringing again, I wondered who the hell was this calling me. It wasn’t a New York area code at all, so I knew it wasn’t Troy.
“Hello,” I answered the phone, trying to sound way better than the way I actually felt.
“Brynlee,” his deep voice said my name into the phone, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Yes, Sawyer,” I finally answered him.
“Where you at? Are you good?” he asked me, and as badly as I wanted to lie and tell him that I was fine, I wasn’t.
“No Sawyer, I’m not fine.” My voice cracked, and the tears began to come down all over again.
“Where you at?” he asked me. “I want to come see you before I head back to Texas.”
“Sawyer, not right now. It’s just not the right time,” I wept, wiping my nose as the snot began to drizzle out.
“Man, Brynlee just tell me where you at. Stop acting like that.”
“Ugh…I’ll send you the address and the room number Sawyer,” I replied as I rose slowly to my feet and made my way to the bathroom.
“Alright. Talk to you when I get there.” He then hung up the phone and I was standing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror.
I was looking a shitty ass mess and I had no strength or even care to try to fix myself up. I looked exactly how I felt, horrible.
My eyes were literally swollen from all of the crying that I was doing. My hair was all over my head from rolling around in the bed, sulking over this bullshit, and I just felt so yuck about myself.
Flicking the bathroom light back off, I said fuck it, and went and had a seat right back on the bed. I didn’t even bother to run my fingers through my hair.
I grabbed my phone and sent Sawyer the address. It was actually crazy that he was here. He actually witnessed me getting played by the same man that I jumped on a plane and came back home to.
Wow, I thought. I didn’t know why, but I felt like that was my karma for jumping and leaving his ass without even telling him bye, especially after the good time we had and me being able to meet his son.
The more I thought about how wrong of me it was to up and leave Sawyer the way I did, the deeper I fell off into my feelings.
It was like I was steady piling, pile after pile of different shit on top of me. I was blaming myself for most of it and it angered me.
Looking down at the phone, it was now twenty minutes later, and I was still in the same spot, just this time I was laying down. My stomach was rumbling; however, I had no taste for food right now. Just the thought of it was makin
g me feel sick.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Hearing the knocking on the door caused me to rise to my feet and slowly mosey my way over to the door.
Before opening the door, I took a deep breath, exhaled and gave myself a pep talk. I didn’t want to break down any more than I had already done in front of him.
Opening the door, after hearing Sawyer knock on the door again, there he stood. His brown sugar skin looked good as ever, his pink lips reminded me of the kisses we shared and the scent of his cologne, slowed down my racing heart.
The presence of Sawyer crazily calmed me down. Him standing here was bringing me some type of peace, which was weird.
“How you feeling?” he asked me as he leaned up against the entrance of the doorway and stroked his big, bushy beard.
“Not so well,” I confessed, as I slouched my shoulders and stared down at the grey carpet.
“Look, it’s going to be ok. His fuck up is another nigga’s lucky day. You feel me. It’s just now up to you on what you gon’ do,” he let me know, cupping my chin as he slowly guided my head up so that we were now making eye contact.
“What do you mean what am I going to do? What can I do?” I raised my hand, not understanding his question.
What was there for me to do? I wasn’t really thinking about being another man’s lucky charm. That was not where my head was right now.
Right now, I was single. Nowhere to go and just a heartbroken girl. It was like I worked so hard for all of the nice things I had.
Also, I strived to not be like the environment that I was raised around, yet I still ended up in some shit far worse.
“Damn Brynlee, open up your damn eyes,” he damn near yelled as he pushed up against me, snaked his hand around my neck and kissed me against my lips.
He kissed me so deeply that I felt like I was floating up off the ground. My heart was racing, my stomach was no longer feeling queasy, and the aching feeling that I felt had disappeared. Just his kiss alone had made me feel better. I missed him.