by Jacki James
“Seriously?” he asked while he pouted.
“Yes, seriously. As a matter of fact, I think I should probably get going before I forget what we’re doing here.”
“Getting to know each other.” Then he sighed, rolled his eyes, and added, “With our clothes on.”
I chuckled, shaking my head before replying, “Exactly. What are you doing on your next day off?”
“I don’t know, big guy. What am I doing on my next day off?” he asked cheekily.
“You’re going out with me somewhere public. Very public, so you don’t tempt me with your sexy ass.”
“Oh, lead me not into temptation,” he lamented dramatically, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Alex.” He sobered. “How do you want me to dress? I know you aren’t out, and I don’t want to push you by showing up in heels and short shorts.”
Good Lord, this man was going to be the death of me. I didn’t want him to be any different for me, but the fact that he was worried about it, that he put other people first, was one of the things that made him so special. I just wished he saw that.
“Baby, I don’t want you to be anyone but you. The real you. If that means short shorts, then wear short shorts; if that means sweats and t-shirt, then wear sweats and a t-shirt. I don’t care. I just want you. Not the guy you were pretending to be tonight, and not the guy that shows up all conservative at work. Just you.”
“What if I’m not even sure who he is anymore,” he said quietly as he stared at the floor.
I put a finger under his chin and turned his head to look at me. I smiled down at him before I said, “Then we’ll have fun finding out, won’t we?”
Chapter Eight
Nathan
After Alex left, I turned off the lights, got a glass of wine, and sat down on the couch. I had no idea how I felt about what happened tonight.
“Baby, I don’t want you to be anyone but you.”
I kept hearing that over and over in my head, and while it sounded good, I didn't understand how that worked. The only place I was truly me was here at home and back at the ranch. I had Patty, Lincoln’s mom, to thank for that. She had loved me like her own from the day I went to live with them. Probably even before that, to be honest. I was so lucky to have the Reynolds’ family in my life. But I didn’t know how to do that in a relationship.
With Trevor, I had tried so hard to be what he wanted. The perfect partner for a doctor and prominent member of the community, but no matter what I did, it wasn’t right. I was still too… well, too something. Too loud, too colorful, too feminine. The only time I was able to be what people wanted was at work and in bed, but even then, it wasn’t entirely me. At work, I had to tone it down, and in bed, I had to hide the part of me that cared. I wasn’t sure how to merge the two.
I was so lost in thought I didn’t hear Lincoln come in until he spoke.
“What are you doing sitting here by yourself in the dark? I figured you would be all wrapped up in your bear right about now.”
“Yeah,” I huffed. “I did too. But he left about half an hour ago.”
“Seriously? I hadn’t figured Alex for the fuck and run type,” Lincoln said obviously irritated as he flipped on the lamp and joined me on the couch.
“He didn’t. Fuck and run I mean. He didn’t fuck at all. He just told me he wasn’t going to sleep with me and then kissed me senseless.”
“He said he didn’t want to sleep with you? That makes no sense at all. He wants you so badly you can feel it rolling off him in waves.”
I sighed. “Lincoln, pay attention, I didn’t say he didn’t want to. I said he wasn’t going to.” I replayed what happened for him and to my surprise, he laughed.
“This is not funny, Linc. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”
“Well, I guess you go on a date with him and be yourself. You know that isn’t a bad thing. The Nathan I know is a pretty special guy. I think Alex is going to like him.”
I glared at him for a minute, and then it hit me. “What are you doing here? I thought you would be out getting busy with a pretty little twink boy.”
“Nah, I wasn’t feeling it at all. I just gave you time to get situated. I figured you would be in your room, and I would just sneak in."
He slid over to me and pulled me into a side hug, and I relaxed against him, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“You’re going to be fine, Nathan. Just give him a chance. He’s a good guy, and I think he really likes you.”
“He sees me, Lincoln. I mean the real me, and that scares me.”
“I know, sweetie. But if you let him, he’ll like what he sees because you’re awesome.”
“You have to say that because you love me,” I teased, swatting him on the shoulder.
“I do, and if you give him time, he might, too. Now, how about a movie? We can watch whatever you want.”
“Really? Whatever I want?”
“Yes, whatever you want. You pick the movie and I’ll get the popcorn.”
Alex
I was driving myself crazy with this mess with Nathan. I had no idea how to date a man. At first, I was thinking it would be easy. I was a man, so I knew what men wanted, right? Except Nathan was different. He was special, and he didn’t seem the kind of guy to enjoy hanging out in a dive bar, watching MMA, and drinking beer. But he wasn’t a woman either. He was all man, and I didn’t want to make the mistake of treating him like a woman. Shit, this was complicated.
I needed to talk this all through, and there was only one person I could think of to call, and that was my friend Blake. I thought he would be okay with everything. I mean, I hoped he would anyway, and I guess it was better to find that out now rather than later. I had no plans to let Nathan go anytime soon, so at some point I would have to tell people. Blake was a good place to start as any. I might as well get on with it.
Me: Hey you got time for a beer tonight?
Blake: Yeah, sure. Want me to call up the guys?
Me: No. Just us. Need to hash some shit out.
Blake: No prob. where?
Me: How about my place. I’ll order pizza.
Blake: Sure 7 okay?
Me: Yep, later.
I had known Blake since we were kids, and he was a good guy. I went to the Navy mostly because I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but Blake on the other hand had always known. As far back as I could remember, he’d wanted to be a cop. At my request, he was on the Emergency Response Team, and that wasn’t just because he was my friend. He was sharp and was a class A puzzle solver. More than once he’d helped me sort through some logistical nightmare. While I needed his expertise right now, I was pretty sure this wasn’t what he was expecting to talk about.
He arrived right on time, as always, and I had a couple beers waiting for us.
He had the pizza with him.
“I met the pizza guy outside, so I brought it in. I still can’t get over this place, man. I had envisioned it, but to see it actually built and someone living in it is amazing,” he said as he looked around my house. The construction company he helped found was building ecofriendly communities and this was part of their first project. I knew more about green building, living roofs, solar panels, and landscaping with native plants than I’d ever wanted to, thanks to their company.
“I know, me neither to be honest,” I said and laughed. “Sometimes I think I should’ve used my money for something else, like investments or something. But then I look around and remember how much I love it.”
“Your grams would be thrilled that you used the money she left you for this house. She’s probably sitting up there in heaven beaming, waiting on you to fill this house with a wife and kids,” he chuckled.
“Yeah,” I said as we carried the pizza and beer out back on the deck. “That’s what I wanted to talk over with you. I kinda am seeing someone but it’s complicated.”
“It isn’t Jessica, is it? Just tell me it isn’t Jessica.”
I laughed. “No, it i
sn’t Jessica. There’s no way I would consider seeing her again.”
“Good,” he said with a sigh of relief. “Then what’s so complicated about her?”
I took a deep breath and braced myself. “What's complicated is that it isn’t a her. His name is Nathan.” I watched him closely for his reaction. I saw shock and confusion but no anger or disgust. The lack of the later was what I’d expected, but you never knew for sure, so that was a relief.
“He’s a dude?” he asked trying to sort through what I just told him.
"Yeah, he’s definitely a dude," I said.
“But, Jessica, and Susan, and Beth, and that red-headed chick from San Antonio?”
“Rita?” I asked.
“Yeah, Rita. She was stacked, man. So how can you be gay? I mean, that is what you’re telling me, right? That you’re gay?”
“No, I’m telling you I’m bisexual, and I’m currently dating a guy.”
He took a long drink of his beer, and I could tell he was processing. Finally, he sat down the bottle and looked at me.
“Well, that sucks then.”
I gave him a look to let him know I wasn’t thrilled with how this was going.
“I mean, dude. The girls always love you. You make a shitty wingman because they all want you. For a minute there I was thinking if you were gay it would be awesome because you could draw them in, and then hand them off to me. But if you're bi, you're still fucking competition.”
“Man, that is fucked up.” I gave in and laughed, partially, because he was a ridiculous fucker, and partially, out of relief from his reaction.
“You didn’t think I would care, did you?” he asked me seriously. “Because I don’t. Who you fuck is your business. Doesn’t matter to me at all. As long as he isn’t a psycho like Jessica, I don’t care at all.”
“Thanks, and I’m not fucking him. Not yet anyway. That’s part of what's complicated.” I got up to grab another beer. “You want another one?”
“Yeah, if we’re going to sit around and talk about why you aren’t getting any dick, I think I need another one.”
“Shut up, asshole!” I grumbled, but I knew he was just fucking with me.
I returned with both bottles. “We’re taking things slow. I want him to know I want him for more than sex. We're going to date for a bit first. Be sure, you know.”
I looked up at him and he looked more confused and shocked now than he did when I told him Nathan was a guy. “What?” I asked.
“You really like him. I mean, like, really like him.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I really like him. But I don't know how to date a guy. I mean, if he was like me or you, I think I would know. But he isn’t. He's a nurse and he's sweet and caring. He's also strong and ripped; you should see his abs. But he’s also small and wears lip gloss. I have no idea how to date a guy like him.”
Blake was just looking at me. "Okay, two things. First, did you say he was a nurse? Does he work at the hospital because dating people you work with is a bad idea, man.”
Before he could launch into number two, I said “Don’t you ever let him hear you say that. That is one of his biggest issues. He has some kind of stupid rule about not dating people at work.”
“So, a smart man then.” Blake nodded. “Anyway, second, you date him the same way you would anyone else. You can’t be someone you aren’t. Take him to places he’ll like, take him to places you like, go to places you both like. Get to know each other. It's only complicated if you make it so."
“You’re right. I’m making it more complicated than it has to be.”
“You always do, my friend. That’s your nature. You make things crazy complicated, then ruthlessly cut out the bullshit and narrow it down to what matters. Your brain is truly a magical thing.” Then he laughed. “Oh my god, Jessica is going to lose her shit. I can’t wait to see that. So how did Tony react?”
“I haven’t told him, yet. I haven’t told anyone but you.”
“Well, my lips are sealed. When do I get to meet this magical Nathan?”
“I didn’t say he was magical, you fucker,” I said as I nudged his shoulder and then smiled. “Let us get a couple dates under our belts first, and then I’ll set something up.”
Chapter Nine
Alex
We had decided we’d go out on a date on Thursday because Nathan was off that day. Then if that went well, I would go with him to Mark and Justin’s for a cookout. Apparently, cookouts were commonplace over at their house. I had an idea what I wanted to do for our next date, but sadly, we couldn’t do that until Sunday. I wasn’t waiting until then to see him so that one got pushed to date number three for the week. It was kind of like our own version of speed dating.
Since my date idea got pushed to Sunday, I was at a loss for what to do. One thing about me, I didn’t mind asking for help when I need it, so I called up Lincoln and asked him for a list of things Nathan liked. From that, I got the perfect idea for our first date alone, and I shot him a text.
Me: I have our date all planned. I’ll pick you up at 6.
Nathan: Where are we going?
Me: It’s a surprise.
Nathan: How am I supposed to know how to dress for a ‘surprise’?
I didn't know how to answer that. I wanted the date to be a surprise, but I didn’t want him stressing over what to wear. I thought about it for a minute, and then typed a reply.
Me: We’re not going to the mall but clothes like you would wear there are appropriate. I’m wearing jeans & a t-shirt if that helps.
Nathan: That does help. Does it matter to you what I wear?
That is when I realized what he was really asking me.
Me: Like I said the other night, just be you. I think you’re gorgeous no matter what you wear. But just so you know I like the peach flavored lip gloss.
Nathan: The way it looks or the way it tastes?
Me: Both
I was the most nervous I had ever been for a date. I didn’t know if this thing with Nathan would go anywhere. I hoped it would, but regardless, I felt like what we were doing here was important, and I wanted to get it right.
I knocked on his door and waited, wondering which Nathan would answer the door. I told him I didn’t care what he wore, but truthfully, if he was dressed in any way close to the other night, I would have to change our plans. I knew he didn’t dress that way on a daily basis, but I was afraid he would do it just to make a point. And while he was sexy as fuck in the mesh shirt and painted on jeans, they weren’t appropriate for this date.
The door opened and fuck, he was gorgeous. He had on skinny jeans, an off the shoulder sweatshirt that said sparkle in glitter on the front, and just enough make-up to highlight his features. He had his hand on his cocked hip and one perfect eyebrow raised.
“So, are you gonna stand there and look at me, or are we going on this date?”
“We’re going on this date. But I just need a little taste first,” I told him as I moved closer for a kiss. I kept it sweet and soft, even though I wanted to just ravage him. He sighed against me, and it was so hard to keep from pulling him closer and taking what I wanted.
“Okay, we need to get going, or we aren’t going anywhere, and that’s not the plan.”
“Well, I think your plan is stupid.” He rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.
“Let’s go,” I chuckled.
Nathan
We got in Alex’s car and headed… well, somewhere. I didn't know where we were going. I also had no idea how to handle this man. He was gorgeous and sweet and different from anyone I’d ever known. I had a bad feeling that I was headed for a fall which was stupid. While I’d been lusting after him for months, I’d only actually known him for few weeks, and we’d only been on one date. But when he looked at me, it was like he saw me, and that was both scary and a little bit intoxicating.
Lincoln, our family, and Mark were the only people I let see the real me, but it was like Alex wasn’t giving me a choice. I worried b
ecause I doubted he was going to like what he found. The truth was the real me was an insecure brat who had no patience and not much to offer another person.
“Here we are,” he said pulling me out of my thoughts and back to our date as he pulled into a parking spot.
I looked up and we were parked in front of a small building with giant cats painted all over the front. It had a big sign that said Cat Cafe.
“It’s a cat cafe!” I exclaimed unable to hide my excitement. “I’ve always wanted to go to one. This is so awesome.”
I jumped out of the car and headed straight for the door. But then I stopped when I realized Alex wasn’t with me. I turned around and he was watching me with a huge grin on his face. I headed back and linked my arm with his pulling him with me.
“Come on! I want to pet the kitties.”
“We have to order our food out here.” He pointed over at the food truck where you ordered. “It’s vegetarian. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I’m not a vegetarian. Are you?”
He laughed. “No, I’m not a vegetarian. I love a good steak.”
“Whew, good deal because I don’t know if we’d’ve worked out if I couldn’t eat meat around you. But I’m sure I can find something here, like black bean tacos or something. What matters is the kittens.”
“Well, why don’t you go on in and get us a seat, and I will bring you something to eat. What do you drink?”
“Any kind of Coke is fine.” I was so excited I was practically vibrating, so I was glad when he waved me off and told me to go on and he would meet me in there.
I walked in the front door and it was amazing. There was a double door entryway to help keep any cats from slipping by, although I couldn’t imagine any of the cats here wanting to get away. The inside was like cat heaven. There were climbing trees and window seats spread around the place. There were adorable cat hammocks strung up with the cutest cats laying in them.