I tried not to look. It was a habit—to only look briefly. I didn’t want to think about the rolls I didn’t like or the fat that hung from places it didn’t belong. As I changed, I realized that if I really wanted to be at my goal weight by the wedding, I needed to lose about fifty pounds.
Fifty pounds.
The very thought seemed overwhelming to me.
It wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried. Yo-yo dieting had consumed my twenties and I’d sworn that I’d be at a healthy weight by the time I turned thirty. Then I turned thirty.
I’d met Jake and known almost instantly that I would marry him. I’d been telling myself that I would be at my goal weight by the time he proposed. And now that time had come and gone in the blink of an eye.
After I dressed, I forced myself to look in the mirror. The woman reflected back to me was the same woman Jake had gotten on one knee to propose to. I was the same woman that he looked at with such desire that it made my knees grow weak—without him even speaking a word.
I wanted to be that woman—only fifty pounds lighter.
End of the preview.
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Single Wide Female
An introduction to the fun Single Wide Female series…
Please enjoy the following preview for Book 1
of Single Wide Female:
The Bucket List #1 Learn Pole Dancing
Chapter 1
I ran my fingertips over the well-worn piece of notebook paper. It had ridges from the amount of times I’d folded it up and tucked it away. I had written the list at a time when I didn’t really believe I would ever actually accomplish anything on it. But I had, and now it was time to look at the next item.
I rolled over on my bed and stared down at it. When I had added it to my list, it was just a fun little whim, not something I thought I would actually do. But then again, I never would have thought I’d be able to lose so much weight either.
“What was I thinking?” I said out loud as I gnawed on the pencil between my teeth. I was tempted to just erase the item and replace it with something else. No one would have to know. But I would know. I cringed at the idea of actually following through with it. But I had to do it. I had to. It was on the list. I groaned and rolled over on my bed. I stared up at the cracks in my ceiling for a moment. Then I sat up with a new determination.
“Yes, I will do this,” I said, looking down at the item on the list. “Pole dancing class, here I come.” I was attempting to sound brave for myself, when I caught sight of the time on my alarm clock.
I grabbed my jeans out of the laundry basket beside my bed, and slid the pants up over my hips with my eyes squeezed shut. With a sigh of relief, I let out the belly I had been struggling to hold in. I didn’t think the zipper would slide up so easily, but it did with one smooth zip. I smiled at my reflection in the tall mirror as I studied the way that my jeans hugged my hips and rear. All of my hard work, all of the passed-up snacks, had really paid off. My body looked different and I felt different.
“Hey, you sexy lady,” I said to the shapely woman in the mirror, twisting my hips first one way and then the other. “Do you come here often?” I asked in the deepest voice I could muster and batted my long lashes at my own reflection.
“Uh, Sam?” a voice said from the doorway of my bedroom.
I froze and held my breath for another reason. It was Max. Max, my best friend. Max, with the deep green eyes and a body that would make any woman glance in his direction. I turned around slowly to face him, not wanting him to see what I knew would be sheer embarrassment on my face.
“What?” I asked as innocently as I could.
He stared at me with one quirked eyebrow, looking as sexy as ever. Max was not conventionally handsome, but a quirky kind of cute, like the kind of guy that got the lead in romantic movies. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but just goofy enough to grow on you and make you think he was adorable by the end of the movie.
“I’ve heard of bisexual, but what would you call it if you try to pick yourself up?” He smiled and leaned against the doorway.
God, but that smile made me want to snuggle right up to him.
Friend, I reminded myself. Max, my friend. No matter what my fantasies wanted to believe, we had never been anything more than that. Of course, when my eyes were closed late at night he played a very active role in my life.
“I don’t discriminate, Max. If I see something as hot and lovely as the lady in the mirror happens to be, I’ve got to give it a shot.” I grinned, hoping he would not notice that I was mortified.
“Well, I’d have to agree with you there,” he said with a laugh, and shook his head as he walked into my room.
We had spent hours snuggled up on this very bed on several occasions. Him thinking we were just watching a movie, me praying he would lean over and kiss me. He never did. At least, not in reality. The things that he had done in my mind…
“What are you up to today?” he asked, perched on the end of my bed.
“I’m going out,” I said, fluffing my newly bleached blonde hair with my fingers.
He was smiling as he watched me.
“Are you going out to break some man’s heart?” he asked, brushing his thick dark hair away from his eyes.
He was studying me intently. It always unnerved me when he looked at me so closely. I could never tell if it was with approval, desire, or confusion.
“Sure, of course,” I said and stuck my tongue out at him.
He tilted his head to the side. “So you don’t have a date?”
“Stop it, Max.” I sighed and shook my head as I turned away from him. Only then did I spot the black leotard and tights still lying on the bed. I felt a rush of horror flood me. If Max saw them, he’d be full of questions that I didn’t want to answer.
“Stop what?” he asked as he leaned back on the bed. His hand came to rest just beside the tights. “I’m just curious. You haven’t had a date in a while.”
“Thanks for pointing that out.” I reached past him to nudge the leotard away from where he was sitting. Sometimes having a man for a best friend was not ideal. “I’ve had plenty of dates. You don’t know everything there is to know about me.”
Of course I hadn’t had any dates lately, but Max didn’t need to know that. As confident as I was in my beauty, it would appear that being big and beautiful hadn’t translated to a man tripping head-over-heels in love with me—not yet anyways—a fact that was beginning to make me slightly nervous. At thirty-two, my clock wasn’t quite ticking just yet, but I did feel that I was ready to fall in love.
“Then tell me,” Max said, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Are you keeping secrets from me?”
“Secrets?” I laughed a little at the idea. In the fourteen years that Max and I had been friends I had never been able to keep a secret from him. But this time I was determined to do it. My dignity depended on it.
I sat down on the bed next to him and slid my hand casually back across the bedspread toward the tights and leotard, now behind him on the bed.
“So are you saving yourself for me, is that it?” he asked and met my eyes.
Chapter 2
With Max sitting so close I could feel the heat of the outside of his thigh pressed against my jeans. I tried to keep my breathing steady as I looked into his eyes. I knew that he was joking. I’d seen the women he dated, and they did not look like me. But he was always lavishing me with praise, as if I was just as beautiful. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure if he was teasing me or being serious, but he never put me down.
“I’m going to a class,” I said quietly, snatching up my black leotard and tights.
“What kind of class?” He leaned back on my bed, placing his hands behind him.
“Sort of a dance class,” I said, thankful that I’d gotten the leota
rd out of the way before he could spot it.
“What’s this?” Max sat up with a piece of paper in his hand.
I thought nothing of it at first, until I realized what it was.
“Max, give me that!”
My heart was pounding. I so did not want to deal with telling him about this right now. But he was already reading it.
“Pole dancing,” he read out loud. “Why is this highlighted and surrounded by stars?” He glanced up at me as I lunged across the bed, grabbing the list out of his hand.
“Mine!” I said just a little too loudly, and he laughed.
“Is that the dance class? Pole dancing?” He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me.
“Maybe,” I said, tucking the list into my pocket.
“So that’s what the leotard is for.” He had a mischievous grin on his face, and I was annoyed that he’d seen the outfit despite my best efforts to get it out of his eyesight. “Put it on. Let me see you in it.”
“No way, Max.” And he was not going to convince me otherwise. “Some things are private.”
He was quiet for a few seconds as he looked at me intently. “Even from me?”
Oh, definitely from you, I thought.
“This has nothing to do with you, Max, so wipe that pout off your face. It’s not happening.” I got up from the bed, leotard in hand. “The only people that are going to see me in this are the teacher and the other students in the class.”
“Well, where can I sign up?”
I laughed and threw my leotard at him. “Only if you try this on first.”
He grinned and shook his head. “Not my style, Sam. But I think you’ll look fantastic in it. I dare you to wear just that to class. Don’t cover yourself up so much.”
“I know, I know, I’ve lost so much weight, I should be proud, blah, blah, blah,” I said, walking across the room towards the mirror. I had lost about seventy pounds over the past year, leaving me at my new svelte size of one hundred and eighty pounds.
“No, Sammy,” he said and sat forward a bit on the bed. “You should be proud no matter what you weigh, because you’re gorgeous. Nothing can change that.”
I smiled at him in the mirror and he smiled back. He always knew just what to say to make me feel better.
“So are you going to do it?” he asked, his smile turning devilish. “Just the tights and the leotard, nothing else.”
“Maybe. But you won’t find out because you’re not going!”
“Fine.” He threw himself backwards on my bed, silent for several seconds.
I wondered what he was thinking, as there was nothing particularly interesting about the ceiling that he seemed to be studying so intently.
“So what’s the paper for?” he asked. “I noticed it’s like a list.”
“None of your business,” I said, turning back to the mirror, trying to look as casual as possible.
“So many secrets.” He frowned and stared at my reflection. “I thought I was your best friend.”
Max was very good at laying on the guilt trip, but I didn’t have time for any of it at the moment.
“Best guy friend.” I smiled at him. “That means you don’t get to be in on some secrets. You should be grateful for that,” I added with a laugh.
“I’m not grateful at all. That’s just discrimination,” he said, and I couldn’t help but notice that he seemed genuinely upset. “I thought you were more evolved than that.”
“Nope, I’m not more evolved than that,” I said and turned to face him. “Now get off my bed, get out of my apartment, and go fix some computers.”
He wiped his hand over his eyes and mouth and shook his head. “That is not what I do.”
I knew what was coming next and I really didn’t have time for it.
“Would you like me to explain it again?” he asked.
“No, please don’t.” I laughed and shook my head.
Max had tried several times to explain his high-tech job to me, but I still didn’t quite get it.
“I think you should quit your tinkering and come back to the Fluff and Stuff.”
“Ah, the good old Fluff and Stuff,” Max said with a slight shake of his head. “The only laundromat where I can wash my boxers and buy a box of junk.”
“Like you wear boxers.” I winked at him.
It was Max’s turn to blush a little.
“And it’s not junk, it’s unique one-of-a-kind items,” I said, always quick to defend the job that had come to mean a lot to me over the years. “I love the Fluff and Stuff. You used to love it too.”
“Right, while I was still in college, studying for my real job.”
His words stung a little and took me by surprise. I frowned as I turned away from him.
“It’s real enough to me,” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean it that way,” he said quickly. “I just meant—you know—when we started working there, we were both just out of high school. It was a college gig for both of us.”
“But you finished college and I couldn’t pick a major,” I said and shook my head, annoyed at where the conversation was headed. I started to push Max towards the door. “I have to get to class.”
Max turned to face me. “Sam, please. You know I didn’t mean anything by it.”
I looked back at him and couldn’t help but smile. His obvious concern for my feelings was touching.
“I know you didn’t, Max. Besides, I’m the manager now, and that’s much more important than fixing computers,” I said with a shrug.
“Sam, that is not what I do.”
“Well, whatever you do”—I waved my hand towards the door of my apartment—“go do it, so I can get ready for class.”
“Remember, just the leotard!” he hollered over his shoulder, and I could hear him laughing as he walked away.
End of the preview.
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An introduction to the fun Alex in Onederland series…
Please enjoy the following preview for
book 1 - “Common Grounds”
Chapter 1
I guided the sign over the hooks on the front door and felt my heart flutter. It was official. Common Grounds was no longer just a dream, but a reality.
“Where do you want these books, Mom?”
I turned to see my daughter, her arms full of books, near the front counter of the cafe. Rachel, with her golden hair and her bright green eyes, looked at me with pride. It was a wonderful feeling to see that in her eyes.
“Right there on the shelf beside the counter. We’ll make that section the lending library.”
“Great idea.” Rachel turned to shelve the books.
Just as I was about to turn back to the front window, the door swung open and in whisked my best friend.
“Alex! Oh, the place looks astounding!” She clapped her hands, which caused the multitude of jewelry she wore to jingle.
“You just saw it yesterday, Willow.” I laughed and hugged her.
“I know, but each day you add something new.” She hugged me in return. “I’m so excited for you.”
“Thanks. I’m excited too. I can’t believe this is finally happening. And to think—when I first told you about the idea, I didn’t see how it could ever work.” I smiled at her. “But you were so supportive—never letting me give up.”
“Well, I am always right.” Willow grinned. “By the way, have you heard from Samantha yet?”
I was still pinching myself that Samantha Bradford, author of the B.I.G. Girls Club series, had agreed to come speak at my event. Her books and blog, Single Wide Female, had inspired me so much throughout all the changes I’d made.
“Not yet. She’s supposed to arrive any minute. It’s still hard for me to believe that she’s actually coming here.”
“I don’t know if I would go that far.” I shrugged and smoothed my dark hair away from my face. “Maybe I should have gotten my hair cut.”
“Your hair is perfect.”
“It’s not. It’s mousey and thin and outdated.”
“We’re outdated, love.” Willow laughed. “Your hair suits you at that length. Besides, this is all about you embracing you, not you trying to look a part.”
“True.” I smiled. “Maybe the real me wants to go purple.”
“Purple. Hmm, I like that idea.” She fluffed her short, layered hair and showed off the black streaks beneath the dark red tendrils. “I can get you in to see my stylist.”
“Let me get through my first week here, then we’ll see.”
“Alright. Now, how can I help?”
“If you’d like to line up the coffees so they face the customers, that would be great.”
“I’m on it.”
As Willow walked away, I nearly pinched myself. I was so excited, but I was also a little nervous. Most businesses failed in the first few months. I knew that. Even with my business degree and background, it would be a struggle. But, I was taking a chance—perhaps for the first time in my life. The thought filled me with anticipation and some dread as well.
The door swung open and I turned to find the woman whom I’d admired so much from afar. I’d read so many of Sammy’s books and blog posts over the past months that I felt as if we were already friends. I still couldn’t believe that I’d gotten up the courage to invite her to speak at the opening of my cafe, and even more incredible, that she’d agreed to it.
“Samantha!” I smiled so wide that my cheeks ached as I thrust my hand out toward her. “I’m Alex.”
Then Comes Marriage Page 11