by Melanie
"I shall have to see this research before it is tried," the EMH declared. "It may be too dangerous to attempt."
Tom shook his head. "No, Doc. Only Tuvok and I'll be seeing the information. Starfleet Command will be mad enough when they hear I know about it without my dragging the rest of you into it. You needn't worry about how it may effect us. I've been present when it was done successfully in the past. It'll work."
"Captain, I advise against this. Because it worked once does not mean it will again. Something could go wrong. And can you guarantee only Lieutenant Commander Tuvok is transferred and not yourself as well?"
"That's the one obstacle to the plan," Tom conceded. "Graves successfully transferred only himself and not Data also, but he was dealing with a positronic brain, not an organic one. It might be difficult to separate the two brainwave patterns, but not impossible."
The Captain rose and paced a bit then leaned on the back of her chair. "You agree to this option, Tuvok?"
The Vulcan re-emerged. "I do, Captain."
She sighed. "B'Elanna, start on the robot. And bring in Seven on this, too. Maybe she can apply some Borg technology to this."
"Captain-" the hologram spluttered.
"It is only an option, Doctor. We all hope that we won't need to use it, but I want it available if we need it. If you or anyone else can come up with another option, I'll gladly consider it." The Captain rubbed the back of her neck. "I supposed a general announcement will have to be made to the crew so they'll understand what is happening."
"Tom" nodded. "That would be the most appropriate action, Captain."
-------
Megan Delaney stopped dead in her tracks at the announcement regarding "Tom." The moment the Captain's voice had faded away, she rushed off to her and her twin's quarters.
"We are in *so* much trouble," Jenny whispered as her sister entered.
"Don't I know it," Megan agreed and reached into their hiding place for one of the bottles of Rajen wine.
"What are you doing?"
"We have to be in the Security office at 1100 with this or have you forgotten."
Jenny shook her head.
In the past, they had been in trouble with Tuvok before for various infractions. They only hoped Tom's presence might soften the Vulcan Security Chief and their punishment would not be too extreme.
-------
It had been a long morning for "Tom." After they had argued over the seriousness of Delaneys' crime, there had been a myriad of problems both in the Security and Conn departments that had demanded their attention. Plus Tuvok had scheduled an impromptu meeting with his staff to discuss certain developments during the time they had been in Sickbay. Then there was the weekly Conn meeting for which Tom had to prepare. A growling in Tom's stomach was what finally had driven them out of Tuvok's office and into the Mess Hall.
They barely had made it to the serving counter before Naomi Wildman slammed into Tom's leg.
"Tommy!" she squealed and wrapped her little arms tightly around his leg.
Everyone in the room went silent as they watched "Tom" with varying degrees of horror, concern, and curiosity.
The Vulcan's ill ease with the child was well known. It started with his refusal to hold her when she was an infant and continued to his having as little to do with her as possible as she grew up.
Tom Paris, on the other hand, adored the little girl. He spent plenty of time with her and never shied away from a chance to cuddle.
They all breathed a sigh of relief, at the gentle smile on "Tom's" face. Naomi's feelings were not going to be hurt by her playmate inexplicably -- to her three-year-old mind anyway -- rejecting her.
Then "Tom" shuddered. The smile vanished as conflicting emotions warred across the handsome face. He stumbled backwards. Neelix rushed around the counter to pull his goddaughter away from the trembling man.
"Tom?" he called softly. "Mr. Vulcan?"
"Tom" said nothing. He blindly turned and fled.
-------
Hovering in the doorway to the Holodeck, B'Elanna's eyebrows rose. "Captain, is this important? I really ought to be in Engineering working on the robot designs."
"Yes, I think it is important," Kathryn answered. "Come in, B'Elanna."
The younger woman looked around her. The interior of Holodeck One looked like the interior of the Main Shuttle Bay, complete with the Argo flanked by two smaller shuttles. The two armchairs from Tom's San Moritz program were a discordant note.
"Captain, what is all this?"
"'This' I'll get to in a moment. Join me?" She gestured to the empty chairs and took one herself. "B'Elanna," she began once her guest had been seated, "I want to talk to you about you and Tom."
Only the fact Kathryn was the Captain saved her from being told very bluntly where to go. As it was, B'Elanna made a move to surge to her feet.
"Captain-"
"We are staying here until we talk, B'Elanna, so you might as well get comfortable."
"Is that an order, *Captain*?"
"No. It is a request from someone who is very concerned about you two."
"Well, don't be. It's-"
"Computer, run program," Janeway overrode.
Images of Tom and Chakotay suddenly appeared a couple of meters away and one of B'Elanna herself was shown leaving the Shuttle Bay. At first, B'Elanna tried not to watch, her anger with the Captain and Tom and everyone else who had tried to calm her down was too great. The moment she heard Tom asking Chakotay to promise to look after her for him, she relented. Slowly, she turned her head towards the holograms of the two men she knew so well. The beginnings of tears formed in her eyes at the desolation she heard in Tom's voice when he snapped at Chakotay.
"Don't ever presume to think you know how I feel about her. I am doing this for her -- for everyone on this ship."
Once the rest of the encounter with Chakotay had played itself out, Kathryn stopped the recording of Tom's parole test. She leaned forwards in her chair, careful not to touch or startle the half-Klingon in anyway. She knew from the slight trembling of B'Elanna's features that the young woman was close to breaking down.
And Kathryn determinedly pushed her over the edge.
"Computer, Janeway mark two."
The armchairs remained but the location changed. Now it was the Bridge. The Bridge crew was unconscious and draped over consoles and chairs. Tom was shown entering the Bridge with Naomi in his arms.
Hot tears obscured her vision by the time Tom had reached her inert form next to the Engineering console. They fell as he gently caressed the sleeping face, his love for her plain in every line in his face.
"Computer, end and run program Paris San Moritz Lodge."
Tom's skiing lodge appeared around them complete with roaring fire. Kathryn's wrapping B'Elanna's blanket around B'Elanna's trembling form was the overwrought woman's undoing. The tears ran down her face with no end in sight.
Perching on the chair arm, the mother hen gently enfolded her chick in her arms. As she rocked her back and forth, she cooed softly to her though did not try to convince her to stop crying. She knew B'Elanna needed this. The poor woman had been so emotionally on edge for so long now, she needed to let it out. If only she could do the same for Tom.
After a few minutes, the tears subsided into hiccups. Kathryn mopped B'Elanna's face with a corner of the blanket and smiled.
"Feeling better?"
B'Elanna nodded. "You know since I started seeing Tom, I've never cried so much in my life," she admitted with a self-deprecating smile.
Kathryn smiled kindly. "Or laughed as much?"
"No."
"You and Tom do tend to bring out the best and worst in one another." She wiped an errant tear away with her thumb. "I'm sorry I had to do it this way. You wouldn't listen to any of us. I knew the only way you'd finally see what really happened was if you were given no other choice."
"Too stubborn."
"Just like someone else we both know. Talk to him, B'Elanna. He
loves you so much it actually scares me."
"What do you mean?"
She smoothed back B'Elanna's hair. "Some times, when I have to send you on an Away mission without sending him as well or something's happened in Engineering and he knows you're down there, he gets his look in his eyes. He does his duty, but there is little doubt as to where he'd much rather be. I honestly don't know what it would do to him if anything happened to you. I sometimes worry that we'd lose him, too, if we lost you."
There was silence as both women considered the importance of what had just been said.
"I know what happened on the planet with you and Harry," Kathryn admitted softly.
B'Elanna broke away to huddle deeper into her blanket.
"Chakotay talked to Harry after he talked to you and both of them were worried you might say something you were going to regret to Tom. So, Chakotay came to me to see what I thought should be done." She touched B'Elanna's arm. "Why did you kiss Harry, B'Elanna?"
"I don't know. He and I were talking -- well, I guess you already know about 'what'?"
"You and Tom then how you sort of wished you and Harry were the couple since he was so easy going."
"And wouldn't give me any grief. I know we're not a good couple, Captain. Friends, yes. Couple, no." She half-laughed, half-snorted. "He's scared of me, you know. Doesn't ever admit it, but I know he is."
"That does not surprise me, actually. Harry is very calm, almost like Chakotay in some ways."
"Yeah. Not like Tom. Tom's not calm or scared of me in the least."
"Seems like the perfect match for you to me."
"Yeah."
"So why did you nearly screw it all up, B'Elanna?"
"I don't know. I guess I was desperate to push Tom right out of my life," she at last admitted to herself and the Captain, "and I thought maybe I was wrong about Harry and me being totally wrong for one another as a couple."
"So kissing him was what? Testing the waters?"
"And I found it to be a tepid pool."
"No spark whatsoever?"
"No. It was nice and all."
"But 'nice' isn't enough. You want... the raging river, not the tepid pool?"
B'Elanna nodded.
Kathryn smiled. "So now what?"
"I don't know. Tom hates me because I betrayed him by helping all of you with the parole test. He might never forgive me for that."
"I think he will. He loves you. If you explain why you did it, I think he'll forgive you and us in time."
"We haven't spoken more than absolutely necessary in a couple of weeks. And now...."
"And now there is Tuvok to think about."
"What if he is stuck inside Tom permanently? What if Tuvok's body dies and this option of Tom's doesn't work? I never get Tom back, whether he's willing to take me back or not."
"He will take you back, B'Elanna. Frankly, I don't think he's ever let you go anyway. And we have to think positively. The Doctor says Tuvok's body *is* improving extremely slowly. With luck, Tuvok eventually should be back in his own body where he belongs. Right now, you need to think about what you've seen here, not on 'what ifs.' I've authorized you to see all of the parole test if you want."
"Later? I have to work on the robot option and there's a certain Ensign I think I need to talk to first."
"He's off-duty I believe. Said something about practicing his clarinet for the next performance." She smiled at the nod she received. "B'Elanna, there's still the matter of the letter he gave Chakotay for you. No one has read it. I don't know quite what to do with it."
"Tom should get it back unread," the intended recipient insisted.
"That is what I was thinking. I'll see you later."
"Neelix to the Captain," Kathryn's combadge chirped.
"Go ahead, Neelix," she invited as B'Elanna exited the Holodeck.
"I think we have a problem, Captain."
-------
The tremors continued until well after "Tom" had entered Tuvok's quarters. When they had been released from Sickbay to shower and change into a clean uniform earlier that morning, Tuvok had put up only a token argument when Tom had stepped in and directed his body to his quarters instead of Tuvok's.
'It's my body so it will need to wear my uniforms,' Tom had argued. 'My uniforms are in my quarters. Therefore, it makes the most sense for us to stay there instead of in your quarters.'
'Agreed,' was all that the Vulcan had said.
Now, when he needed solitude and solace, Tuvok automatically had headed for his own home.
Tom was at a loss. He felt Tuvok's pain yet was not a part of it. Only briefly did he consider the correct course of action of remaining silent and permitting the Vulcan to regain his composure. Unfortunately for both of them, it was only briefly.
'Tuvok, are you-'
'LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!'
'Tuvok-'
'YOU AND YOUR OUT OF CONTROL EMOTIONS! WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST STAYED PASSIVE LIKE WE'D AGREED? NO, YOU HAD TO PUSH ME OUT OF THE WAY JUST SO YOU COULD -' Tuvok broke off, frantically trying to regain control of his rampaging emotions.
Tom was at a loss. What had he done? Everything was fine one minute then spiraling out of control the next.
He replayed the past ten or so minutes, attempting to figure out what had gone wrong. They were talking about the penchant of the Delaneys and other crewmembers -- Tom included -- for minor infractions of the regulations. They entered the Mess Hall. Tom asked to table the discussion into the disregard by him and others for the rules that, according to Tuvok, were vital to the security of Voyager. They approached the serving counter and-
And Naomi latched on to them! Until then, Tuvok had been the one in control of their mutual body, but Tom automatically had stepped forwards to greet her as he always did.
'Naomi?' Tom asked softly. 'Her hugging us upset you? Everyone knows you don't like her, but -'
'Vulcans love children, Mr. Paris,' Tuvok gasped, 'we just don't show it.'
'But your discomfort in Naomi's presence?'
'I have children of my own. And now a grandchild I have never even seen. Miss Wildman, she reminds me of them at her age. Not in coloring, certainly, but in the sound of her voice, her curiosity about everything, her manner of movement.'
It was then that Tom finally began to understand the Vulcan in as far as Naomi was concerned. 'Every time you see her you get homesick.'
Tuvok was quiet for a moment then confirmed the conclusion.
'Tell me about them.'
'I don't-'
'It might help.'
After thinking it over, Tuvok opened his mind to Tom. His "roommate" watched the Vulcan's memories silently. Tuvok's first meeting with his potential mate. The births of their children. The last time he had seen them prior to departing for his secret mission with the Maquis.
That last one was the strongest for Tuvok and had the biggest impact on Tom. At the sight of the lovely Vulcan female, regally standing in the austere garden next to her offspring as they wished Tuvok success with his mission, hit Tom as hard as it did Tuvok.
Tears ran down their face. They were the human's, though the overwrought Vulcan felt as if they were his as well.
-------
Harry gulped at the sight of his visitor. "B'Elanna, I-"
Before he could make up some excuse for not letting her inside his quarters, B'Elanna pushed past him and took a seat on the couch. "We have to talk, Harry."
Knowing he would be delaying the inevitable if he put her off, he set his clarinet on its stand then joined her on the couch. "We do need to talk, yes. About what happened on the planet, B'Elanna, I like you, you know that. You're a great person, a great *friend*, but I-"
"Harry, I don't want you either."
The Ensign gaped at his friend's grinning face then tentatively smiled himself. "Really?" All the relief in the Universe was in that one little word.
"Really. I want a certain -- what was it? Cocky, restless, sarcastic-"
"Oh, yes. Moody, sarcastic -- you could go on -- pilot," she smiled ruefully. "The Captain tricked me into seeing some of the parole test, the important parts I guess you could call them."
"So now you know what really happened?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, Harry."
"For what?"
"For giving you such a hard time the past couple of weeks. And for what happened on the planet. I was using you, hoping I might be able to forget Tom by replacing him with you. I'm sorry, Starfleet."
"It's okay, Maquis. As long as you know what happened was not... was not..."
She smiled at his loss for words. "The beginning of some grand passionate affair? I know, Harry."
He sighed in relief. "Have you talked to Tom yet?"
Her face fell. "How can I with Tuvok there?"
"They won't be this way forever. Tuvok's body will heal and he'll go back where he belongs or this robot thing might work."
"I worry how Tom's going to be after all this."
"What do you mean?"
"The minute I entered Engineering after the staff meeting, Vorik came to me. He warned me about 'mental traumas' Tom and Tuvok might go through while they're together. I didn't like the sound of it, Harry."
No longer worried about giving her the wrong impression, he clasped her hand in his. "Tom's strong, B'Elanna. He'll be okay."
-------
They did not know how many times the door had chimed before they heard it. When they finally did, they lay there on the deck, unmoving for another two chimes. Whoever was on the other side of the door was not going to leave. Like the feeble old man they felt they were, they slowly got to their feet and straightened their uniform. By unspoken agreement, Tom took control of the situation and called out to the visitor.
"Who is it?"
"It's me," the Captain's concerned voice answered.
"One moment, Captain."
Tom walked them into the bathroom to quickly bathe their tearstained face. There was little he could do about the puffy, reddened eyes except keep the light level low and hope the Captain possessed the tact to overlook the obvious evidence of their breakdown.