by Kahlen Aymes
“So much more.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been a complete idiot. I should have done something about this years ago. We wasted so much damn time, Julia.”
“I like to think that things happen for a reason, Ryan. I still had you in my life, and really, I wouldn’t change a moment of the time we spent together.” I hoped he didn’t hear the catch in my voice but the look on his face told me differently.
His lips were warm and reverent as they softly brushed across my knuckles, then Ryan rested our entwined hands on his thigh. “Julia.” He smiled and shook his head.
“Yeah?” I smiled.
Ryan laughed and shook his head. “Nothing…just, Julia.”
“Well, Matthews, I need to stop at the grocery store if I’m making a big spread tomorrow. I don’t suppose you’d be satisfied with cold cereal and toast?” The corners of my mouth quirked in the start of a grin as I anticipated his reply.
“Pfft. Hell, no! I want it all! Turkey, dressing, potatoes, fresh bread and lots and lots of dessert!” Ryan said happily.
I wasn’t prepared for how elated it made me to hear him talk like that and to know that I could make him so happy. I pointed to a grocery store off to the right that was only three blocks from my apartment. He parked near the door and turned the car off.
“Of course, you leave out salad or vegetables. Fucking typical,” I added mockingly and he burst out laughing.
“Oh, okay. Salad and vegetables,” he said reluctantly. “If you’re gonna make me.”
“Can I make you?” I laughed.
“I’m thinking you can make me do any damn thing you want right about now.”
“Hmmm…now that sounds really good.” My mind raced at all the things I’d like to make him do. He meant that he’d give me anything that I wanted.
“Yes. It does,” he agreed devilishly and leaned over to kiss me, greedily sucking my lower lip into his mouth before pulling away. “Mmmm…so delicious.”
I smiled and I couldn’t resist one more little taunt. “You know what they say…Whatever makes me happy, will set you free.” I bit my lip as my eyes lifted to his.
“I’m sure of it. Let’s get these damn groceries, so I can start getting my orders, shall we?”
I giggled as we both got out of the car. Ryan threw his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple on the way into the store.
I was staring, but I couldn’t help it. I could tell she noticed by the little glances she threw at me and the smile that danced around those gorgeous lips.
She was so incredibly beautiful. Her legs went on forever in those damn spiky heels and I wanted to ask her to take off her jacket so I could see the way her blouse clung to her body. This was Julia, but so sophisticated and sexy. She had a new confidence about her that I found extremely irresistible. She was everything I could want.
“You’re sure you want turkey tomorrow?” She looked quizzically at me as she gathered some fresh herbs from the produce department.
I grinned. “With all the trimmings, please.” I was pushing the cart, which suited me because it gave me an unobstructed view of her. I took my jacket off and threw it in the basket. “Um, aren’t you hot, Julia?” I teased. “Maybe you should take off your jacket.”
She shook her head and rolled her eyes. She knew exactly what I was up to and laughed softly.
“Ryan. You’re acting like you’ve never seen me before,” she said as we headed to the meat department and began looking over the birds. She picked out a small one that wasn’t frozen after she’d rummaged through the bin.
“Well, you are different, honey. But it’s all good.” I laughed and grabbed her arm as she placed the bird in the basket. I pulled her to me and wrapped my arm around her waist.
“Stop,” she said breathlessly, but I placed my mouth on the skin of her neck below her ear. I couldn’t help myself. The scent of her skin, mixed with the muskiness of her perfume was enough to make me want to ravish her right there. Her hand came up to my chest and pushed against me a little.
“Mmmm…you smell so good,” I whispered as I nuzzled her neck with my nose.
“I think we should finish shopping before we get arrested for indecent exposure.” She was flirting and I loved it. We’d always been so careful of our feelings to keep our relationship from going anywhere romantic, and I found this new playfulness a huge turn-on.
“I don’t care. I’m only kissing you a little.” I let my hand slide lower to her hip and pressed her closer to my side. “I thought I was allowed now.” I smiled, nuzzling a little more and my breath rushed out over her skin.
She pulled back slightly. “You’re allowed…but let’s get this done so we can get out of here, hmmm?”
I laughed at the tone in her voice. She wanted to be alone with me as much as I wanted to be alone with her. I wasn’t about to let go of her completely, so my hand slid across her back and out to take her hand. I sighed. “Okay…more shopping,” I said reluctantly.
I watched in amazement as Julia gathered everything she needed. She didn’t have a list, just asked me if I wanted this dish or that and then picked out the ingredients. I would never get used to how perfect she was.
Beyond the Thanksgiving meal, we bought things to make some of my favorites, lemon muffins, Eggs Benedict, blueberry pancakes, cheesecake and Pad Thai. Things she made back in college. My heart clenched at how much my life in Boston lacked her presence. I missed her beyond reason and I’d come to depend on her more than I’d realized.
I nodded when she held up a bottle of Pinot Grigio, a Pies Porter and a Merlot. “That should hold us for the weekend, huh?”
“I’m hoping we’ll get to your apartment and never leave, so get everything you need.” I lowered my head and ran my hand through my hair, but my eyes never left hers.
“Um…Ellie invited us out on Friday night.” She smiled when I grimaced at the prospect. “Harris’ band has a gig and she wanted to see you. I’m trying not to be selfish. How about we stay in all the rest of the time?” Her green eyes sparkled.
“I guess I’m being selfish. I haven’t been thinking much about Ellie. Soooo sorry,” I teased as I squeezed her hand. My heart soared at the sympathetic look on her face as her little fingers curled around mine. “But, okay.”
Julia laughed. “Mmm…thank you. Only one night,” she said reassuringly.
I paid for the groceries and loaded them into the trunk of her car. The temperature had turned cooler and it was starting to mist. Los Angeles never got as cold as Boston and I found myself missing the holiday weather.
“Do you miss the cooler weather in Northern California?” I asked as I settled in behind the wheel. I thought back to the many times we used to go for walks with the snow falling and how she loved to go skiing and sledding. We had so many fun times making snowmen or having snowball fights. My favorite part was when she would start to shiver and I’d take her in my arms to warm her up.
“Yes. I miss a lot of things. But, the thing I miss the absolute most is sitting right next to me. So, I’m good,” she said softly.
My heart swelled to the point of bursting as I brushed the silky skin of her chin with my fingers.
“Come here,” I commanded. She leaned in and I touched my mouth to hers. “Julia,” I whispered against her mouth. “I can’t believe how much I’ve missed you.”
“I can,” she whispered, her lips ghosting over mine. “It’s like an ache that won’t go away.”
God, I love you.
Her fingers lightly brushed against my chin as I deepened the kiss and then her hand slid behind my head to twine in my hair. It was so sexy, having her tug on my hair and pull my mouth tighter into hers. My body reacted and my jeans suddenly got uncomfortably tight, but I couldn’t stop kissing her. She was like the sweetest nectar I’d ever tasted.
Both of us panting, I rested my head against hers as we struggled to get control. I finally sat back in my seat and looked at her flushed face. Her skin was p
ale and translucent but for the rosy glow in her cheeks. We smiled at each other softly.
“It’s like we’re in high school, making out and steaming everything up! If it were colder, I’d be writing ‘I heart Ryan’ on the window.”
Thump. My heart stopped and the amusement left my face.
“Julia,” I began but she put two trembling fingers to my mouth.
“Just…let’s go home, Ryan. Please?”
“Is that an order?” My body protested; my mouth wanted hers.
She leaned toward me and placed a hand at the back of my head to play with the hair at the nape. Her touch made my body quake with anticipation of what was to come. My breath caught as she nodded without hesitation. “Yes. It’s an order.”
The sexual tension between Ryan and me was palpable. My skin literally vibrated whenever he looked at me. His brilliant eyes roaming over me was almost like a physical caress. Four years of waiting and wanting…finally, it was going to happen. Just thinking about it had me throbbing in all the right places.
Ryan brought the last of the groceries to the marble countertop while I continued to put things away.
He threw his jacket over one of the upholstered chairs in the living room before coming back into the kitchen to lean his hip near the sink. I felt nervous, my skin on fire as his gaze burned into me. I fluttered here and there between the counter, the refrigerator and pantry.
Ryan watched for a few minutes in silent contemplation, until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Um…so how are Jenna and Aaron? You haven’t mentioned them the last couple of times that we’ve talked.”
He removed the bottle of wine I was unpacking from my hands and set it on the counter, then slid his hand down my arm and gathered my hand in his. His clear blue eyes were intent on my face.
Tugging on my hand, he brought me closer until our bodies were only a few inches apart and his other hand rested on my waist. He smelled so good and the heat radiating off his skin scorched me alive.
“They’re good. Jen’s working a lot of nights so she’s tired and cranky, which makes Aaron cranky too.” His mouth quirked at one side. It was evident that his expression wasn’t about the conversation. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
“Why the abbreviated version?” I asked finally, trying to control the tremble in my voice.
“Julia. Are you…nervous?” His head cocked to one side. “It’s me. It’s just me,” he whispered as his hand came up to brush my hair back. “Nothing is going to happen that you don’t want to happen…I promise.”
I smiled a little and searched for the words I needed. “I’ll talk to you about everything that’s going through my head, but first, do you need anything? A shower, a drink, some food?”
The crooked grin that I loved and adored split across his face. “Yeah, there is something that I need, but it can wait…awhile,” he teased and brushed his fingers down the side of my neck. Shocks ran through me, beginning where his fingers touched me and running along the nerves in my entire body.
“Hmmph.” I let out my breath and then moved away from him slightly.
I kicked off my heels and sank down to my original height, allowing Ryan to tower over me. He was still 3 or 4 inches taller than me in heels, but without them, I barely reached his chin.
“I need a drink, even if you don’t,” I said as I went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Chardonnay that Ellie and I had opened the night before. I pulled the cork and grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard.
With the wine and glasses in my hand, I went to the living room, flipped on the gas fireplace and poured a glass for Ryan. He reached for the glass and took a long pull on it, his eyes never leaving mine. I began to fill mine but never had the chance to finish. Ryan removed the bottle and my half filled glass and set it next to his on the coffee table.
“You’re not going to let me have that…?” I began as I reached for it and took a drink. He took it from me again and returned it to its former place on the table.
Before I knew what was happening, Ryan grabbed me and pulled me down on the couch. I squealed as I landed on top of him and we both laughed briefly. He quickly situated us so we were lying on our sides facing each other, our legs twining together. His expression became serious and he pulled my hand to his mouth.
I gasped in surprise, but his face was so serious, I stopped completely and met his gaze, the prospect of the wine, forgotten.
Ryan’s voice was velvet and soft. “Do you want to go first or should I?” Warmth seeped between us as his thumb traced the line of my brow and moved to my cheekbone and back again. So magnetic, I could feel the live electricity racing across my skin. I never wanted him to stop touching me. I was drowning in the deep blue depths of his eyes, completely mesmerized.
“You can…I…if you want.”
“Okay.” He swallowed and bit his lower lip, leaving me breathless in anticipation before he finally continued.
“I’ve missed you. So much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
He smiled at my interruption. “I thought I was going first…” His index finger came up to touch my nose softly and then my lower lip. I couldn’t breathe, but my mouth turned up slightly.
His demeanor was slightly teasing, yet so serious, intent and with purpose. “I’m completely…and utterly in love with you.” My eyes widened and my heart raced so fast I felt like I would die. “Night and day, you’re all I think about. I miss my best friend, but I want so much more with you. From the moment we met, you’ve had me…captivated. It feels amazing to finally be able to say the words.”
Tears welled in my eyes and my throat began to ache. His eyes searched mine as I struggled to speak.
This is it.
There was no going back. I closed my eyes and swallowed the emotion that threatened to overflow.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We’d become so close…I didn’t want to rock the boat, but I always hoped it would turn into more.” I closed my eyes as his fingers brushed the tears from my cheeks. “So, are you going to put me out of my misery or what?” he whispered, his mouth mere centimeters from my own.
I opened my eyes to find his still on my face. “I love you, too, Ryan. So much. For what feels like forever.”
His hand trembled as he paused in his movements over the skin on my face. “I’ve needed those words for so long.” He groaned as he gathered me close and let his mouth take mine hungrily. My arms slid up around his neck as I opened to his need and greedily sucked his tongue inside my mouth.
Ryan rolled over on top of me and my legs parted automatically as he sank into the cradle of my body. It felt so good to be in his arms like I’d wanted to be for so long. He was clearly as aroused as I was and his hardness pressed into me as our hips surged together, his heart beating above mine.
“Oh my God,” I breathed against his mouth, unwilling to let his lips leave mine. Feeling him with me like this, and hearing him finally say that he loved me, sent my emotions into overdrive. First one then another tear squeezed from behind my closed lids.
Ryan dragged his mouth from mine to kiss the side of my jaw and up my cheek to my temple. When he tasted my tears on his tongue, he pulled back to look into my face. I closed my eyes as more tears fell. He rose up on his elbows above me and tenderly brushed my hair back as he kissed my cheek and temple again. His lips so gentle, worshiping me with each touch.
“Julia, Julia…don’t cry, my love. Never cry. Did I hurt you?” The sound of my name coming off his velvet voice was like beautiful music, so reverent that it made me cry even harder and my shoulders began to shake.
“Honey…what is it? Tell me, please,” he pleaded gently.
I nuzzled his nose with mine and wrapped my arms around his waist before finally bringing my eyes back up to his. “It’s just…that it’s a little overwhelming. I’ve loved you for s…so long, and I’d pretty much convinced myself that you’d only ever see me as yo
ur friend. I didn’t think this would ever happen.”
He smiled softly and placed one small kiss on my mouth. His mouth was open, soft and sucking ever so slightly on mine and when the kiss ended, he smiled against my lips. The flames in the fireplace cast a warm glow which flickered across the strong planes of his face. His eyes looked darker, almost black, his skin glowed golden, and his hair reflected many shades of dark and light.
He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“Even after that last night in Boston?”
“I was afraid to hope for what I wanted with you, Ryan. We were going to be so far apart and I thought…”
“I can assure you that I have always seen you as a woman, Julia. Yes, you are my best friend, but I love you so much, it consumes me. I was afraid you’d shoot me down and laugh if I told you how I really felt.” He paused when I shook my head.
“You know me…you feel me, don’t you?”
“I was as worried as you’ve been, baby. And as incredible as this feels to finally be holding you like this,” he pushed his hips into mine and kissed my mouth gently, “nothing is worth losing you. Nothing.”
“Uhhh…” I sighed as his hips gyrated into mine. “So many times when you’d touch me or say things…I felt that maybe you loved me, but I kept telling myself that I was dreaming. I wasn’t willing to lose you either…not even for a dream.”
He let out a deep sigh, his chest pressing into mine. My body came alive as he touched my body, over my hips, then up again, making me tremble and crave him even more.
“I can’t believe you’re in my arms like this after all the wanting. But, if you’d feel more comfortable taking things slow, I’m willing to do whatever you need.” His voice was seducing me even in contradiction to the words themselves.
“Really?” My blood was thundering so loudly in my excitement, that I could barely hear my own voice.
There was no way in hell that we weren’t going to make love tonight, but it was fun to play with him a little. I could see the disappointment flash briefly across his perfect features before he nodded.