by Kahlen Aymes
A low whistle filled the empty space as I walked on set. Mike was checking the lighting and had stopped. “Can it, Mike. I’m not interested in your pseudo admiration,” I said shortly.
He stood there staring and I stopped ten feet in front of him. “Oh, it’s the real deal, baby. You look ah-ma-zing, Julia. I mean it.” He smirked at me and went back to adjust the camera on the tripod. “The camera is going to love you.”
“Yeah, well, we talked about this. Background, background, background! Got it?”
He laughed as Andrea moved over to chat with Nick, the male model. “Spoilsport,” he pouted. “You ruin all my fun.”
“Can we just get on with it? I have a real job to get back to.”
“Take off your clothes and get on the bed, Julia.” Mike was looking through the camera lens as his throaty laugh followed me when I walked toward it. Andrea was right behind me, holding the sheet that I would wrap around me when I dropped the robe. Mike cleared his throat. “I’ve been dreaming of saying that to you since we first met.”
“Fuck off, Mike. I mean it,” I said sardonically. “I don’t need your bullshit.”
“I love it when you talk dirty.” I turned sharply and shot him a hard look. Nick looked bored, except for a sardonic smile playing around his lips as he listened to my exchange with Mike.
“Mike!”
“Oh, okay. Hell, lighten up, Julia. I’m a professional. Even if you are drop-dead gorgeous.” He winked at me. I sighed and looked at Andrea who held the sheet up to hide me from the men while I dropped the robe.
“Arms up,” she said and I resisted because they were instinctively covering my bare breasts. I looked over my shoulder at her. “Julia, I can’t wrap this around you unless you raise your arms.” I nodded and complied.
With the sheet firmly around me, she moved out of the shot. I started to ask Mike how he wanted to position me but heard the camera click in fast succession and the assistants with the reflectors moved into position around me. I was standing behind the bed that Nick was lounging on.
“Nick, stand in the foreground, and Julia, sit on the edge of the bed with your back to him like we talked about. I need you to drop the sheet low and then look over your shoulder at Nick. Hold the sheet in front of you with one hand but let the other arm straighten and take your weight with your hand on the mattress,” Mike instructed.
I loosened my hold on the sheet, my heart racing. The bed creaked slightly when I lowered to it. Andrea came over, pulled my hair back to smooth it down my back and adjusted the sheet to expose the top curve of my ass. I raised my eyes to her and she laughed. “It’s only your ass dimples, Julia. No butt crack, I promise!”
“Ugh!” I breathed in disgust. Ryan was going to lose it when he saw this.
Mike talked me through several more shots, and after a few minutes, I felt more at ease. All of the important stuff was completely covered, so my apprehension was eased slightly.
He took a whole card full of shots and then swapped it out. “Julia, I want to try one thing we didn’t talk about, okay?”
“Uh…” I hesitated.
“Just roll with me on this, okay? It will be a great shot. Nick, I want you to stay facing the camera but lie on the bed and reach out and grab Julia’s sheet and sort of drag her to you. Look into her face and make it intense. Julia, you look into the camera this time and put one bare leg on the bed to take your weight, but resist Nick slightly. I need you to look sexy. Think of something that gets you hot. I want to see desire on your face, honey.”
My mouth set into a tight line and I huffed. “Mike,” I started to protest.
“Think of Ryan, Julia. Think of all the stuff you haven’t been able to tell me about yet!” Andrea shot off from across the set. My heart raced at the mention of his name. “When you look at the camera, imagine you are looking into his eyes. Are you in love with him, Julia? What about him? Does he want you? All you gotta do is let that show.”
A soft smile twitched at the corners of my mouth as I glanced down. Nick grabbed the sheet and I grasped it more tightly to hold it closed over my chest and placed my knee on the bed as I was told. I closed my eyes and thought of Ryan’s hands and mouth on my body while I tried to tune out everything else. The air rushed from my lungs and my mouth dropped open.
I raised my head and looked into the camera and five minutes later it was over and I blushed at my shamelessness. I felt vulnerable, exposed, like I’d just let these people see a very private part of myself, that I shared only with Ryan.
“Okay, that’s it,” Mike said. “Julia…that was…well, you’re a natural.” He smiled and shook his head.
“Uh…thanks, Mike,” I said as Nick moved off of the bed.
He smiled at me and winked. “Great job. Better than Natalie did, for sure,” he said as he walked away.
“Thanks, you too.”
I glanced at Mike, debating whether to ask him to take a few shots of me alone. “Um…Mike, can we take a few of me alone?”
“Why?” he asked, curiosity crossing his face, but his lips curved in a wide smile.
“Um, I’d like to have a couple for a Christmas gift. Maybe?” I bit my lip and waited for him to start giving me shit. It didn’t come. He just smirked as he processed my request.
Andrea was still watching silently, her eyes full of laughter until she interjected, “Julia, that’s a terrific idea!”
Mike raised his eyebrows. “Ah…” Mike shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
“Thank you. So…can you tell me how to pose? But keep it clean,” I hesitated.
“Yeah. What is your goal with these pictures, Julia? I need to know what I’m after.”
“Uh…I guess…um,” I stumbled around the words, struggling to figure out what I wanted to say. “I want them to look like…well, like they’re being taken for one person and one person alone. Like I’m looking only at him…kinda.” I felt embarrassed and pensive as I bit my lip and waited for Mike’s reply. When he didn’t, I continued, “I want him to know how much I love him.”
Mike rubbed a hand over his jaw as he considered my answer. “And…and want him bad, right?”
I licked my lips and clutched the sheet closer before breaking his gaze. I nodded. “Yeah. Exactly.”
“Okay. So…will you trust me to get the best shots, Julia? Can you let go of the control freak inside of yourself that we all know and love? Let me do my job?”
I laughed nervously. He was right, I did like to be in control of everything but if I wanted the best pictures, then I needed to let him do his thing. “Okay.” I nodded.
“I really have to meet this guy. He’s one lucky son-of- a-bitch.” My eyes shot to his and he shook his head and went to switch out the lenses.
The girls took some instructions from Mike and positioned the reflectors around me and the bed.
I tried to relax and give myself over to Mike’s directions. To be fair, he was respectful and succinct, a consummate professional as he went about taking the pictures and moving me around. I filled my mind with images of Ryan and the memories of our lovemaking, imagining looking into his handsome face instead of the camera. In no time at all, we were finished.
Mike had me in various poses, some sitting up or kneeling and others lying down with the camera above me, but in all of them the sheet was pulled and placed around me so that a lot of skin showed, even one where the curve of my breast was visible under my arm as I looked back over my shoulder.
I examined the digital images afterward and had to admit that they would make Ryan’s heart race. Especially the one where I was lying on the bed and the sheet barely covered me. I was looking straight into the camera, my head to one side and the index finger of my right hand at my open mouth, my eyes half-lidded. It gave the illusion that I was completely naked under the sheet with only those damn heels and some large necklaces that Andrea had brought in at the last minute. I had to admit, her instincts had been right on.
My breath rushed from my lungs as
I looked at it and I knew that was the one.
“Great job, Julia. We’ll have some beautiful shots. I think they’ll have the desired effect on the lucky recipient. I promise.” He winked at me again. Andrea repeated the process with the sheet wall, while I threw the robe back on. Soon we were walking out of the studio and back to wardrobe where I could get back into my own clothes.
My instinct told me that Ryan would adore getting something so personal from me, something so vulnerable that opened me up so fully. The only hesitation came because I was a little worried about Mike’s involvement. Ryan knew he flirted with me outrageously. I’d just tell him how professional Mike had been and hope that the actual photos would completely obliterate any other thoughts from his mind.
I smiled to myself and Andrea saw it. “Feeling devilish, Julia?”
I laughed out loud, surprised at myself and my intentions, knowing the reaction the photos were likely to get out of Ryan.
“I hope you plan on getting very thoroughly fucked, because that, my dear, is what is going to happen when he sees these pictures,” she teased.
“Oh, I can dream, Andrea. I can dream.” We both were giggling when I disappeared into the dressing room.
The words blurred on the page. I’d spent the last four hours in this study carrel, at the library, working on research for my molecular biology class. Struggling to keep my focus, my thoughts were a hot mess over the passionate weekend with Jules and knowing she was in a photo studio half-naked with that cocksucker, Mike Turner. From what she said, the dude was a lecherous bastard who did nothing but chase her skirts. Though I’d never met him, I couldn’t help hating him. I leaned back in my chair and ran both hands through my hair.
“I gotta get out of here,” I muttered under my breath. I glanced at my phone. It was 10:30 and it would be too early in L.A. for Julia to be finished working. She was frustrated and fed up with fixing Mike’s mistakes, but she would do what was needed to get the job done right. I was beginning to wonder if maybe he didn’t mess up on purpose so that he could spend more time with Julia. The fixes seemed to happen in the evenings since they were constantly pushing those damn deadlines.
I longed for the times at Stanford when Julia would be studying right next to me. I would get stuck on something or frustrated and she always had a way of distracting me or calming me down so I could get my focus back. We’d taken many walks in the middle of the night, talking about anything and everything and I missed having her near. I’d been missing her all of these months, but after the past weekend, I was miserable.
I pulled my backpack off the floor and slammed my book shut before stuffing it and the notebooks into the bag. I wasn’t anywhere close to being finished with the assignment, but it was apparent that I wasn’t going to get shit done tonight.
I quickly dialed Aaron. “Hey, bro’. What’s up?” he said a little out of breath.
“Aaron, I need to go do something. Go to a bar, play pool…anything. I can’t focus on studying. Are you up for it?” I asked impatiently as I quickly threw on my black leather jacket, picked up my pack and flung it over my shoulder. Julia had given me the jacket for my birthday two years ago and it was my favorite piece of clothing. My parents had gotten me a new down coat last Christmas, but it hung in my closet untouched. I had many memories of Julia wearing it when I’d draped it around her or she’d forgotten her own and we had made midnight grocery runs. It smelled like her for days afterward.
“Uh, Jen is here, and we’re sort of, um…busy.”
Jealousy surged through me. I was happy for Aaron that he was able to be with Jen on a regular basis, but it only emphasized how empty I felt without Julia. Aaron was planning on asking Jenna to marry him over Christmas or New Year’s while Julia and I were on opposite ends of the continent. Her move to New York would help, but it couldn’t happen soon enough, and, as Aaron had pointed out, there would still be distance to deal with.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Okay. Well, I’m going to Kelly’s if you change your mind. I just need a distraction for a while.”
“There won’t be much going on since it’s Monday night, Ryan, but I’ll see if she wants to. Just give us an hour or so, okay?”
“Yeah, later.”
I walked out of the library and across campus to my car. I unlocked it and threw my book bag in the back before sliding in behind the wheel and digging the window scraper out of the glove compartment. I turned on the defroster before quickly scraping the windows, shivering by the time I got back into the car.
That’s what I get for not remembering to wear gloves.
I pulled my phone out again. It would be too early for Julia to be free to talk, but I couldn’t help myself. It immediately went to voicemail which meant her phone was turned off.
Hi, this is Julia. I’m sorry I’m not able to take your call right now, but please leave your deets and I’ll get right back to you. Um…if this is Ryan, I’m thinking of you this very minute and I love you.
I laughed out loud as a huge grin split my face. She knew I’d be anxious tonight and she was doing her damnedest to make me feel better. She was so friggin’ amazing. After the beep I left a message.
“Hey, baby girl. Knew you wouldn’t be finished yet but needed to hear your voice. Thanks for knowing I’d call and the sweet message. I love you, too…and miss you.” I sighed heavily into the phone. “I…just, I really miss you. So much, I can’t even study. Call me later if you can. I’m going out with Aaron and Jen so I should be up. If not, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye, honey.”
Kelly’s pub was one of those hole-in-the-wall places where everyone liked to hang out. Despite it being Monday, there was a decent amount of people milling around. Some of them were regulars that I recognized, but I pulled up a stool at the bar, not feeling like socializing.
“Hey Becky,” I said as I shrugged out of my jacket and hung it over the back of my chair.
The bartender was a pretty woman in her late thirties, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Aaron, Jen and I came here on occasion to play pool and just hang out, so we knew her pretty well. “How was your Thanksgiving, Ryan?” She smiled.
I smiled back. “Really good. You?”
“David sat on his ass and watched football all day while I slaved in the kitchen,” she laughed. “Pretty much par for the course. Did you and Aaron go to Chicago?”
“Nope. I went to Los Angeles, and Aaron stayed here with Jen,” I said, leaning back and throwing my wallet on the bar.
I ordered a Molson and glanced around. The bar was dark and had a rustic feel with lots of dark wood, leather and brass fixtures. The antique bar was a huge carved monstrosity that had been salvaged from a century ago with a huge gilded mirror. There were a myriad of shelves filled with bottles of liquor and a variety of glasses on either side of the mirror.
Setting the bottle in front of me, she picked up a five from the money I laid out for her. “What’s in L.A.?”
I took a sip of the beer and then poured the rest into a glass. “Um…My best friend from college.”
“Yeah? What part of L.A. does he live in? My brother lives out there now,” Becky said as she laid the change down.
“Keep it.” I motioned for her to pocket the change. “Julia lives just north of Hollywood,” I smirked.
“Oohhhh, Julia, is it? Are you sure she’s just your best friend, Ryan? That’s a hike to visit your best bud,” she said, knowingly.
“She’s more than that…but she is my very best friend in the world,” I said reflectively, staring into my glass, concentrating on the bubbles rising to the top of the beer.
“Is that why I haven’t seen you with any women in the past six months? You had me worried. I was beginning to think you were gay!”
“Pfftt. Hardly. You wound me!! You’re already taken, so what is a guy to do?” I teased. It was harmless since she was a friend and also so much older.
“Yeah. Whatever,” Becky laughed as she went off down the bar to help another customer, and I loo
ked around trying to forget the lonely ache I was feeling. I could be surrounded by a hundred people and I’d still be alone. As long as Julia wasn’t with me…I was alone.
Pathetic. I rolled my eyes as I chastised myself.
“Hey, Becks!” I heard Aaron’s big voice behind me and was glad to have him join me. I turned to see him and Jenna walk up next to me. Jen put her arms around me in a tight hug.
“Hey you,” she said as I hugged her back. “Did you have fun with Julia?” She looked at me and smiled as I released her. Aaron must have told her what I’d said by the look in her eyes.
“Yes. It was wonderful. Thanks for asking.”
Aaron pulled up a chair and grabbed Jenna by the waist.
“I didn’t expect to see you guys here so soon,” I said lightly.
“Oh, you know, we took pity on you. Jen and I can do the humpty dance any old time.”
Jenna brought the flat of her hand up against the back of Aaron’s head.
“Hey!” he complained.
“Nice! You’re such a dickhead,” she admonished. “You’ll be resorting to ma thumb and her four daughters after that stupid-ass remark.”
I burst out laughing. Hilarious.
“Ryan, give this idiot some lessons on how to treat a lady, would ya?” She pushed out of Aaron’s arms and took the stool on the other side of me.
“What?” Aaron said with a confounded expression on his face. “I was kidding! You know I adore you, baby!”
Jen smiled and leaned in toward me, completely ignoring him. “Tell me about your weekend with Julia. How’s she doing?”
“Great. She loves her job and she’s doing very well at it.”
“And?” she prodded her eyes wide as she watched for my reaction. I smiled.
“And…we’re great too, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I’m very happy for you, Ryan. It’s about time that girl got her head out of her ass. Ellie and I have been telling her for years that she should have told you the truth.”
My heart swelled at the thought of Julia talking about me to her friends. “Did she tell you how she felt? Before?”