I also generate a lot of ideas in that dreamy state just before getting out of bed in the morning, or when I'm practicing yoga. I'll clear many mental cobwebs when I'm sweeping, or meditating. Some of my best book ideas and chapter titles have actually come to me while I've been soaking in a hot bath.
No matter what the question is, or what form it takes to arrive at a clear answer, it helps a lot if the question being asked is super clear.
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A burning question I have is . . .
One thing I can try to do to resolve it is . . .
DAY 291
WONDER QUESTIONS
So far we've mentioned the idea of wonder questions a few times. Today, this is going to be our sole focus.
In her poem “Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches,” Mary Oliver writes, “Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” This is what I would call a wonder question. A wonder question is not meant to be answered in a traditional way. It is meant to be imbibed, cultivated, lived. With full awareness and heart.
Because answers to wonder questions have a way of coming through in the smallest whispery details, it helps to pay attention to all signs: from the universe, Nature, synchronicities, impulses, aha moments.
What is a wonder question that you could pose? What are some answers that have begun to pop up to your bigger questions since you began this journey?
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A wonder question I could pose . . .
Some answers that have begun to pop up since I began this journey . . .
DAY 292
MUSCLE TESTING FOR GUIDANCE—PART 1
If something doesn't feel right deep in your bones, it is probably wise to listen. The problem comes when our systems are so flooded with noise and overwhelmed by static that nothing we do yields any clarity. One of my favorite ways to bypass the monkey mind is a form of dowsing called muscle testing.
Based on the fundamental principle that the body knows what it needs and what's best for it, practitioners of applied kinesiology use muscle testing to gain precise information about a client's food allergies, best healing treatments, or dosages.
Though I use it for healing purposes, muscle testing is a very practical tool for daily decision making as well. It comes in handy, for example, when determining how many jalapeños to put in my soup, or when I'm picking a wine out of hundreds at the store. I'll muscle test titles of blog posts, or word phrasing, when I'm feeling stuck in my writing.
Is there a dilemma you are facing today that could be addressed with a simple yes or no question? What happens when we wait for the answer to be revealed and let go of attachment to the outcome?
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A dilemma that I'm facing . . .
Some simple yes or no questions I could pose to help see me through this dilemma might be . . .
When I put out the question, wait for the answer, and let go of attachment to the outcome, I notice . . .
DAY 293
MUSCLE TESTING FOR GUIDANCE—PART 2
It is easy to muscle test yourself when you are in need of an answer that might directly benefit or affect you and others. All you need to do is ask a specific yes-or-no question and allow your own body's wisdom to guide you. Try the steps that follow.
There is one caveat: The tool will not work if you are attached to a particular outcome. It's easy for our desires and preferences to cloud the signals that our body receives and gives.
Press your left thumb and forefinger together to create a closed loop. Repeat with your right thumb and forefinger and interlock it with your left. When looped together they should look like two links of a chain.
Keep a firm but gentle lock with both thumbs and forefingers when stating a yes/no question. There should be resistance when you try to pull the interlocking loops apart.
To learn your own body's code, say quietly to your self, “Show me a yes,” as you gently tug the two circles apart. If the seal holds its tension, this will be the indicator of your true yes. If it can easily be broken, then the latter will indicate your body's yes response.
Repeat the exercise with the phrase “Show me a no.” This should yield an opposite (or different) response to your yes. (Note: There is no right or wrong answer here. My true “yes” loop-hold, for example, remains strong and tight, while my “no” feels weak, slippery, and tends to break apart.)
You can further test your body's yes/no response with other true/false statements that are clear and unequivocal: E.g., “I have ten fingers,” “I live in Oakland,” “I was born in 1963.” With a few practice rounds you'll get a better sense on how your body delivers its feedback.
Keep in mind that you can ask any yes/no question provided that you are not attached to the outcome and you state your questions clearly. For example, “Should I take the workshop?” might give you a very different answer than if you asked, “Should I take the Business Strategies workshop?”
You can fine-tune your query by asking additional questions, such as: “Would it serve my highest good to take the Business Strategies workshop?” “Is this the best time for me to take the business workshop?” “Is there another workshop that would serve me even better in building my career?” The key is to be as precise as you can with your questions.
Note: Do not use this tool to make a major decision that could be potentially life-threatening. It is very difficult—almost impossible—not to be attached to an outcome when the health and safety of a person you know and love is at stake.
This is a powerful tool. Be as quiet and detached when you pose a question and trust your body to deliver guidance. It will take some practice to get the hang of this process if you've never done it before.
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My “true yes” loop-hold feels . . .
My “true no” loop-hold feels . . .
Some yes/no questions that I can play with to strengthen my muscle-testing skills are . . .
Some yes/no questions that I can apply to what I have been noodling on over the past couple of days . . .
DAY 294
CHECK IN—IN-QUIRING
The focus this week was to use inquiry and wonder to bypass the monkey mind and tap the clear place within ourselves that knows the answer. It's easy for our desires and preferences to cloud the signals that our body receives and gives. What we learn when we practice self-inquiry is that the body and the heart never lie.
Did you notice if certain places or circumstances were more likely to reveal guidance, or some kind of clear signal about your next steps, than others? What are your clues that you are on the right track? How do you know that you know?
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A form of self-inquiry that has helped me gain greater clarity this week is . . .
A dilemma that I would like more clarity around is . . .
Receiving clear guidance feels . . .
WEEK 43
EMBRACING NOT-KNOWING
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.
—Zen koan
DAY 295
NOT KNOWING
Some of you may remember what life was like in your early twenties. You've left home (or hope to), and you're preparing to take those first awkward steps of forging your own path as a young adult, full of hope and expectation.
This email my husband and I received from our newly minted college graduate daughter after a job interview is as good a summary as any of what these spells of unknowing can feel like:
Feeling unexpectedly exhausted after that interview. I have been mentally preparing for so long. The two hours passed in the blink of an eye and before I knew it, we were shaking hands and the waiting game began once more.
I just can't believe I still don't know what my next step will be.
Finding our way in the world is no easy task, no matter how old we are. The roller coaster ride can hit at any age. There's no manual for how to make a living or a life that feeds the so
ul.
Here's how I replied to our daughter that day:
Hi honey, my two cents: All good.
The waiting game is something we have become very accustomed to living here in Mexico: waiting for the plumber, waiting for an estimate, waiting in line at the bank, and then waiting for internet to come back on, or electricity . . . waiting and waiting . . . where nothing is going as planned . . .
And then suddenly something unexpected and magical happens, or someone shows up a day early, and you are pleasantly surprised.
This fuzzy-time of not knowing is excellent preparation for life. By the time you land somewhere you will have developed a really solid go-with-the-flow muscle that will stand you in really good stead.
Keep living your life with joy and passion, sweetheart. That's all you can do. Be present to what is happening right now, knowing that something will eventually shake your way.
With the life experience that you have cultivated so far, what would you tell your younger self about how things will work out?
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One thing I would tell my younger self . . .
One thing I know for sure . . .
DAY 296
WHEN NOTHING HAPPENS
So what happens after you've set your intentions and indicated strongly to the universe that you are all in, yet nothing happens?
The waiting game is fraying your resolve, frying your circuits, and making you go crazy with not knowing. With that much time and wondering, the mind can play some crazy games.
Hang in there. Not knowing can be a very fertile place to hang out if you can bear the discomfort of it.
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Something I have been waiting for for a long time . . .
Why I know that it is worth waiting for . . .
What I can do to cultivate the trust that things will work out . . .
DAY 297
SURRENDER TO MYSTERY
Dark and messy, not knowing has a spectacular way of rattling our cage. Humans don't like how it feels to steep in gray area. It feels like a big mistake, a freak of nature. We mistrust it.
Here's the thing: Not knowing is a legitimate state of being. It's as valid a place to be in as certainty, clarity of purpose, and deep knowing.
Not knowing does not mean not caring. Staying present in this space for as long as it takes is a form of deep caring and requires patience. It is saying that you trust in divine intelligence—something larger than yourself—to sort things out.
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It is safe for me to hang out in a state of not knowing because . . . (Name and feel the part of you that doesn't feel so safe.)
I know that things always work out for me—no matter what they look like on the outside—because . . .
DAY 298
EMBRACE YOUR NOT KNOWING
Is something happening in your life that doesn't add up, make sense, feels incomplete, is unresolved, or is downright mystifying? Are you noodling on something that you just can't figure out?
Today's invitation is to embrace the messy discomfort—all of it.
Take a few moments today to reflect on what it means and feels like to not know. See if by simply allowing yourself to not know moves enough energy to reveal even the tiniest peephole of clarity. Use the following prompts to help you.
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One thing I'm sitting with that mystifies me . . .
One thing I can do to ease my discomfort around not knowing . . .
When I hang out in that space, I notice. . .
DAY 299
LEAD WITH LOVE
Lead with love.
If you are wondering how that goes, here's a suggestion: Anytime you find yourself at a choice point (which is just about all of the time for most of us), simply ask yourself: Which way, Love?
And follow your “knows.”
The heart knows.
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How I know that my heart knows . . .
Where my heart is nudging me to go . . .
DAY 300
BE PATIENT
In 1903, when he was all of twenty-seven, the famous German poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote a letter to an aspiring young poet. This particular passage from his book Letters to a Young Poet contains a universal truth that speaks to all of us. It is a terrific reminder on how to relax our need to know:
Dear sir,
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now see the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy way of living; train yourself to it—but take whatever comes with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need in your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing.
What big question are you living now?
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The question I am living now is . . .
What would help me to cultivate more patience . . .
DAY 301
CHECK IN—EMBRACING NOT-KNOWING
The focus this week was to consciously step into that messy netherworld that we all find ourselves in from time to time: not knowing. We explored how to wait things out and cultivate patience.
Have you become more comfortable hanging out in not knowing? In what ways do you feel more grounded in knowing that things always work out for you no matter what? What ways have worked to calm the part of the mind that needs to be in control?
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I am (or I'm not) comfortable not knowing because . . .
Ways that I feel more grounded knowing that things always work out for me . . . (Notice the parts that don't feel so sure.)
What it feels like to trust in something larger than myself . . .
WEEK 44
SUPPORTING REAL EASE
Oh, the comfort—
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person.
—Dinah Craik, “Friendship”
DAY 302
LOVE IS IN THE DETAILS
The other night when I crawled into our heavenly bed I noticed that my side had been turned down. Yes, like in those fancy hotels.
That would be my husband, who was already sound asleep on the other side. After thirty years of marriage I thought I had seen it all. This was a first. His unprompted gesture took my breath away.
Nothing had prepared me for how welcomed and supported I felt in that moment, awash in the love that was folded inside a simple diagonal of blanket and sheet.
It made me cry.
When have you felt most supported in your life? How did it make you feel?
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Times I have felt most supported . . . (and how it made me feel . . .)
Why I am worthy of love and support . . .
DAY 303
REAL EASE
I was teaching a class once when I inadvertently misspelled the word “release” on the whiteboard. Unthinking, I wrote “realease.”
After a student pointed it out, I looked up and saw it: Real Ease.
Real plus ease equals release.
No mistake.
How does this formula apply in your life?
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How I know that real ease and release are connected . . .
When I repeat the words real ease out loud, I feel . . .
DAY 304
WE NEED EACH OTHER
The famous singer Ella Fitzgerald once said,
I owe Marilyn Monroe a real debt . . . She personally called the owner of the Mocambo, and told him she wanted me booked immediately, and if he would do it, she would take a front table every night. She told him—and it was true, due to Marilyn's superstar status—that the press would go wild. The owner said yes, and Marilyn was
there, front table, every night. The press went overboard. After that, I never had to play a small jazz club again.
Yes, we long to connect. And we need each other. Now more than ever. Like the saying goes, “A rising tide lifts all boats.”
Who can you ask for support?
Who needs “loving up”?
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Who I can ask for support . . .
Who could use some loving up from me . . .
DAY 305
NATURE'S GRACE
Years ago while on sabbatical in Mexico, my family and I befriended an expatriate Swedish author. Though she was getting on in years and bedridden, Toni de Gerez was a spirited soul. She would regale us with stories of her amazing life as we sat enthralled by her bedside.
One of her lasting gifts to me was this one pearl of wisdom:
Teach me old woods to wither glad.
Her message is a beautiful reminder of nature's grace in the face of impermanence. If we're all going to grow old, why not have it be a class act? And why not let Nature, our best teacher, show us how?
A Year to Clear Page 21