“I knew you’d come to your senses,” she says, grinning, as she reaches out for me.
I clasp her wrist gently before she can touch me, dropping her arm back to her side. “I’m only going to say this once, so listen carefully. You either act in a professional capacity, like you’re being paid to do, or this is the last time you’ll work on any flight for me or Torment. Pull any more stunts like that and you’re done.”
“But, Ryder, we were so good together.” She reaches for me again, and I step back.
“You were a mistake. A drunken fuck I don’t even remember. That woman you just threw a drink over is the love of my life, and there isn’t anything I won’t do for her. Getting a whore masquerading as a flight attendant sacked wouldn’t even register on the list of things I’d do for my girl, so get the fuck out of my face unless we need food or drink. You understand me?” I’m being unfairly harsh, but screw this shit. I’m fucking worried about Luc, and Zeta and I finally seem to be getting somewhere, so I’m fucked if some clinger is going to step in and ruin stuff between us.
“You’re a total prick.”
“I am. And you’d do well to remember it.”
I return to my seat, take out my cell, and ping a text to Rod. I have zero faith that Sarah’s going to toe the line, and I’m not putting up with her shit for the duration of the flight.
Zeta returns a few minutes later, wearing a jean skirt and a figure-hugging black top that accentuates her stunning cleavage. It drapes on one side, showcasing her gorgeous shoulder and olive-toned skin. She looks sexy as fuck, and I’m instantly hard again. It takes colossal effort not to drag her into the bedroom and beg her to let me have my wicked way with her.
“I had a word with Sarah, and she knows she’s fired if she steps out of line again,” I tell Zeta as she brushes past me into her seat. Unable to resist, I run my hand up her bare leg, and she shrieks.
“Ryder, behave. As much as I’d like to stick it to the bitch, I am not getting down and dirty with you on this plane.”
“Can’t help a guy for trying,” I joke, waggling my brows.
She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. Reaching out, she runs her fingers through the scruff on my jawline. “I keep imagining what this will feel like rubbing against my thighs,” she purrs, lowering her voice so only I can hear.
My dick throbs, and I groan. “Not helping, babe.”
“I know. I want to stop thinking about it because it’s turning me the fuck on, but it appears I have a one-track mind when it comes to you.”
I hope I’m reading this right, because it seems like we might finally be on the same page. Before she has a chance to overthink things, I grab her face and crush my lips to hers, licking the inside of her mouth, pretending it’s her pretty pussy I’m licking instead. She doesn’t let me down, kissing me back with the same urgency, and I’m mentally fist pumping the air. We’re clutching one another, kissing frantically as if our lives depend on it, and I want nothing more than to take her back to the bedroom and bury myself so far inside her we forget anything and everything but the two of us and how right we are for each other.
That thought forces me to pull back, because I know she doesn’t want to have sex on this plane, and I don’t want to go there until there’s nothing between us.
No secrets.
No lies.
No past mistakes.
Just honesty and love.
CHAPTER 27
Zeta
When we stop at Denver to refuel, another flight attendant replaces Sarah, much to her fury and disgust. Ryder explained he had texted Rod when we were in the air to have her replaced, and I’m touched that he went to so much trouble to put me at ease. I’m not going to lie. I wanted to cut the bitch a new one, but I would’ve survived. It’s not like this is the last time I’m going to run into one of Ryder’s conquests, and I’ll just have to grow thicker skin and learn to deal with it. I hate the thought of him being with other girls, especially those nasty groupies, but I can’t criticize him for having a life when we were apart. He’s made it clear none of them were anything more than meaningless sex, so I’m trying not to get all worked up over it. Not when I know what we have is something special.
When he told the bitch I was his girlfriend, it made me silently jump for joy. I know I told him I wanted to take things slow, but I can’t hold back anymore.
I want him.
I want him so fucking badly, and the things that were upsetting me a couple weeks ago aren’t bothering me as much anymore.
While my hormones would happily approve of any plan which involved jumping Ryder’s bones, I still want to hold back on that front. I know when we make love nothing will ever be the same again, and I want to ensure there is no obstacle between us when we do.
Right now, I’ve got to focus on the important stuff, like finding out the rest of the story with Luc. I managed to fall asleep for a few hours on the plane, so we never got to finish our conversation. Mike is currently driving us to the hospital where Luc is, so Ryder is filling me in on the rest.
“It was two years ago, and we were playing a gig at the Staples Center,” he says. “It got really messy at the after-party, and Luc was trashed, but I still left him alone to go back to my hotel room. I hate being back in California. It reminds me of so many troubled memories, and it always brings everything to the surface. My past, leaving you, my fucked-up childhood. All of it.”
Unbuckling my belt, I scoot over beside him. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, unbuckling his belt and refastening it over both of us. I snuggle into his side, loving how protective he is of me. Ryder’s the only one who’s ever made me feel so safe, so protected, so loved.
“What happened to Luc?”
He closes his eyes, and his entire body tenses up beside me. I run my hand up and down his arm, pressing my face into his chest, soaking up his warmth and his delicious smell and wanting to absorb the pain I feel oozing from his every pore. Whatever the truth is, I can tell this is something else Ryder feels guilty about. Something else he blames himself for.
“He nearly died, Zeta. I nearly killed one of my best friends.” He whispers it so quietly I’m not sure I heard him correctly.
“What?” I gulp over the painful lump in my throat.
He opens his eyes, and the pain reflected in his gaze guts me. Ryder’s pain cuts even deeper than mine, I realize in this moment, as he sits beside me, naked and vulnerable, not shielding anything from me.
“He took a concoction of drugs, and he was completely trashed. He launched himself off the roof of the hotel because he thought he was Superman and he was convinced he could fly.” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat and tears pool in his eyes. “He flatlined three times on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, and I thought I’d lost him. The doctors managed to save him, but he’s paralyzed from the waist down, and he’s in a wheelchair now.”
I clamp a hand over my mouth as my own tears make a reappearance. Horror and shame engulf me. I’ve thought of Luc a lot over the years. Picked up the phone countless times to call him. But I never followed through because of the Ryder connection.
“I called you,” Ryder whispers, effectively pulling me out of my mind. “I was pacing the hallways in the hospital while I waited for his sister to arrive, and the only person I was thinking of was you. I wanted you there. Needed you. And I knew you’d want to know, even if you hadn’t had any contact with him for years.”
“That was you!” I exclaim, clearly remembering the night I got a strange call, and a weird sensation had crept over me. “I heard all this noise in the background. Sirens blaring. People shouting. The sound of footsteps,” I say, recalling it vividly. “I kept saying hello, and no one answered.”
“I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t make myself speak,” he says, holding me tighter. “I was standing in the middle of the hallway in the hospital as c
haos reigned around me, with tears streaming down my face, listening to your voice and missing you so fucking much I wished I was the one in the operating room, not Luc, because the pain crashing through me was more than I could bear.”
“Oh, Ryder.”
“You stayed on the line for ages,” he whispers, peering down at me.
I stare deep into his eyes. “I couldn’t explain it then, and I can’t explain it now, but I knew it wasn’t a crank call. I think, subconsciously, I knew it was you. All I can tell you is that I was incapable of hanging up, and I stayed on the line until you hung up on me.”
“I wanted to speak to you so badly, but then I was ashamed. Ashamed of telling you how I’d let Luc down. How I’d hurt someone else. And that reminded me why I needed to stay away from you.”
“Jesus, Ryder. It’s not your fault.” I grip his face firmly. “You didn’t put those drugs in Luc’s mouth. You didn’t force him up to the roof and push him off. He’s a grown man, and he made those choices himself.”
“He never would’ve been there if it wasn’t for me!” He looks away but not before I see the sheer agony and torment on his face.
I force his face back to mine. “You gave him an opportunity. If he’d stayed at home in Orange County, who knows what would’ve happened? He might have ended up in a worse way. You gave him a job and the chance at a different life. The fact he made those choices were his alone. You did the best you could by him.”
“But did I?” he yells, and Mike locks concerned eyes with me through the mirror. “I was supposed to be his friend, and I didn’t look after him properly.”
I grab hold of his cheeks firmly. “You listen to me, and you listen to me good. The only reason Luc Young survived juvie was because of you. You couldn’t have done any more than you did for that boy. And when he was released and he needed you, you were there for him. You gave him a job and a purpose, and the fact you weren’t watching him twenty-four seven is not a failing on your part. You were crazy busy with your music career, and it wasn’t your job to babysit him. This isn’t your fault.”
Mike clears his throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but we’re here.”
I nod, keeping my gaze trained on Ryder. “Please don’t do this to yourself. You shoulder enough guilt and blame, and I may not know Luc as well as I once did, but I know he wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for something he did.”
He kisses me softly, keeping his arms wrapped firmly around me. Then he rests his chin on top of my head, just hugging me, and it’s a profound moment.
I don’t know what awaits me inside the walls of this hospital, only that it won’t be pleasant. However, I’m determined to be strong for Ryder, because I can’t bear to see him torturing himself like this, and if I can help ease some of the burden, even if just a little bit of it, then I want to be that for him.
Mike and I stand off to one side as Ryder chats with the doctor outside Luc’s hospital room. Ryder asked Rod to arrange to transfer Luc to a private room, and it was taken care of while we were in the air.
“You were really good with him back there,” Mike says, crossing his arms and never taking his eyes off Ryder. “We’ve told him that, time and time again, but it never sinks in. I’m glad you’re back in his life, and maybe he’ll listen to you, because you’ve no idea the lengths that man goes to in order to torture himself. It’s painful to watch.”
“You care about him.”
“I do. This job is more than just a job to me.” He glances briefly at me as Ryder wraps up his conversation with the doctor. “He’s a good man, and he does a lot of good things. I know if I ever needed anything he’d be there for me, and there aren’t a lot of people who can say that about their employer. I would lay down my life for that guy, and it kills me to see him beat himself up for stuff he couldn’t control.”
“Me too, and I only wish I’d understood. I could’ve reached out to him years ago if I’d known he was suffering too.”
He squeezes my hand. “You’re here now.” He glances up at Ryder striding toward us and lowers his voice. “Be patient with him, and if he fucks up, forgive him. I’ve never seen Ryder look at any woman the way he looks at you, and I’ve never known him to be affectionate the way he is with you.”
“I know he has a good heart, and I know he feels things deeply. I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this for the long haul.” And as the words leave my mouth, I know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than by this man’s side.
CHAPTER 28
Ryder
I clasp her hand in mine, shooting Mike an inquisitive look. They looked cozy, and I’m wondering what he’s said to her. If he’s told her anything about the security detail over the years, I’ll knock him the fuck out.
“Relax.” Mike mouths at me, instantly knowing where my head’s gone, his look confirming that he didn’t tell her anything. I need to be the one to explain all that. She’s probably going to freak when she finds out, but I’ll deal with that when the time comes. Right now, I need to prepare her for this.
“Zeta.” I turn her around outside Luc’s door so she’s facing me. “The doctor says Luc is in a very depressive state and he’s largely nonresponsive. You need to prepare yourself. He’s nothing like the guy you remember.”
She nods. “We’ll do this. Together.”
Together has got to be the sweetest word known to man, and hearing it come out of her gorgeous lips is the icing on the cake.
“Fuck, I love you.” I pull her into my arms. I can’t seem to stop doing it. Can’t seem to stop touching her. Afraid she’ll disappear if I can’t feel her.
Mike smiles, and I know he’s happy I’ve got her in my life. I know everyone is because I’ve been calmer and more at peace these last few weeks than I’ve been in years.
“C’mon.” She breaks the embrace first. “Let’s see him.”
The large room is flooded with light as we step inside. It’s painted in cool shades of blue, and there’s a seating area with a couch, two chairs, and a wall-mounted TV and an en suite bath with shower and tub. Luc is lying down on the bed at the top of the room, on his side, staring blankly out the window. A couple tubes are attached to one hand, and a machine beeps quietly in the corner. He doesn’t look up as we approach his bed, but I was expecting that.
The last time he tried to kill himself, he was like this. Closed off. Trapped in his own head. The world shut out. It kills me to see him like this. To know he despises his life so much he keeps trying to take it. And I know what that feels like. I’ve been there more times than I care to count, which only makes this worse, because I understand exactly what he’s going through.
Everyone thinks the car accident was just that, but I know the truth. I wanted to end it that night, and I just wanted the misery to stop. She saved me that night, and she doesn’t even know it.
I shake myself out of those thoughts because I won’t be selfish. We’re here for Luc, and I’m going to try and be a friend to him.
He looks like shit, and I can tell by Zeta’s horrified expression that she’s shocked at his bloated appearance. He’s at least double the size he was the last time she saw him. He hasn’t cut his hair in so long, and it’s hanging in matted strands down his back. His gnarly beard is no better. But it’s the vacant, dull look in his eyes and the grayish tone of his skin that’s the worst. He looks like the living dead. Like he’s got one foot in this world and one in the next.
I’m hit by the usual cocktail of emotions. Despite what Zeta believes, I have failed my friend. I did this to him, and I don’t deserve an ounce of the happiness I’ve been experiencing these last few weeks. I’m a despicable human being, and I deserved to die that night on the I-605.
“Luc.” Zeta pulls up a chair beside his bed, lowering her face until she’s eye level with him. “Luc, it’s me, Zeta. I’m here with Ryder.” She takes his hand in hers, squeezing it. He continue
s to stare vapidly ahead, and it hurts my heart so bad. Zeta looks up at me, agony etched across her face, as she extends her free hand to me.
I walk in slow motion toward her, pulling up another chair and taking her hand in mine. “Hey, buddy. I hate to see you in here again. I wish you’d called me.”
Zeta pulls our conjoined hands to her lips, pressing a soft kiss on my knuckles. She keeps a tight grip on Luc with her other hand. We talk to him, but there’s no response. No indication that he knows we’re here at all. Every so often, Zeta looks over at me with an expression of abject sorrow on her face, and I wish I knew what to do to comfort her.
The door opens, and Luc’s sister, Kat, comes inside. I introduce her to Zeta, and she wraps her into a hug. “Luc often talks about you,” she tells her. “I know he’d be happy you’ve come to visit.”
“I’m sorry I left it so long. I had no idea.”
I pull her into my side, kissing her temple.
“He hasn’t been in a good place for a long time,” Kat explains. “We try to keep his spirits up, but it’s hard when someone’s lost the will to survive.” Tears roll down her face, and huge wracking sobs heave her chest. I circle my arms around her, running my hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her.
“I should’ve done more,” I say, more to myself than her, but she hears me, and she stops crying.
She shoves at my chest. “You stop that, Ryder Stone. You hear me?! No one could’ve done more for my brother than you. You’ve kept him alive all these years. Without you, I honestly don’t think he’d still be with us. He had nothing to live for until you gave him that job, and then you bought him a house and a car, and you’ve made sure none of us want for nothing.”
She waves her hands around. “And look at this. You make sure he has the best of care. You couldn’t do any more for him.” She grabs my chin, and for a small, curvy little woman, she sure has a strong grip. “Stop it. Just stop blaming yourself. That’s not how Luc feels, and it’s not how I feel, so please just stop.”
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