I jump up and throw my arms around him. “I’ve been reading your fan mail. You should too. You need to see how loved you are. How much your fans support you.”
Ryder extricates himself from our embrace. “I’m all sweaty and gross, babe.”
I circle my arms around his neck again, pulling him back into me. “I happen to love you all sweaty.” I wiggle my brows suggestively.
Mike coughs loudly. “I do not need to hear that shit. It’s bad enough listening to the moans and screams coming out of your bedroom at night.”
“You need to get laid,” Ryder quips.
“Don’t I fucking know it,” Mike laments with a pitiful sigh, as he touches his fingers to his earpiece, tuning us out.
Ryder looks over at the bags on the floor. “That’s a lot of fan mail.”
“I can go through it for you if you like, but I really think you should read it. I think it’ll help. They’re all on your side.”
“Honestly, babe,” he says, going to the refrigerator and removing a bottle of water. “The only two things that’ll help is knowing that shithead is behind bars and finding out if they’re going to prosecute me for anything.” I know he’s on edge waiting to discover if they plan to charge him with anything. Mr. Jenkins is in daily contact with the authorities in Orange County trying to smooth things over.
“Eh, boss.” Mike rubs the back of his neck, standing. “We have a bit of a situation out at the front gate.”
“What kind of situation?” I ask before Ryder can.
“There’s an unknown man asking to be let in.”
“Just tell him to fuck off,” Ryder says. “He’s probably just paparazzi.” We’ve had reporters and TV crews camped outside the front gate since the story broke. A well-known network even sent drones overhead trying to capture footage. They have no sense of decency. No moral compass whatsoever.
Mike steps up to Ryder, eyeballing him with evident concern. “He’s claiming he’s your father.”
CHAPTER 39
Ryder
I stumble back, staring at Mike in shock. “He’s lying,” I blurt. “I’ve never known my father. I’m not sure my mother even knew who he was.”
“He says he has photos and paperwork that prove he’s your dad.”
I shake my head. “I … no. It’s got to be a ruse. Some creative paparazzo trying to worm his way into the house.”
“Den was at the gate when he arrived, and he’s already verified his identity with his police buddy. He’s not a journalist or paparazzi. He’s actually a doctor. An ex-US-Army doctor. His credentials are stellar. I don’t think he’s lying.”
My mouth hangs open, and a thousand thoughts are racing through my mind.
“Babe.” Zeta cups my face. “Look at me, Ryder.” I stare into her eyes and some of my stress evaporates. Her touch and her belief in me give me strength every day. “Why don’t I go down to the gate with Mike and talk to the man. We’ll determine his agenda and call you then.”
I find myself nodding. “Yeah, okay.” I look over at Mike. “Den’s sure he’s not Ren.” I wouldn’t put it past that asshole to show up here. It’s one of the reasons I’ve increased the security detail again. I doubt even the president is as well protected as we are. But I’m taking no chances. Ren is out for my blood. I’ve no doubt about that.
Mike nods. “He used the image software checker on him. He’s not Ren. He’s too old anyway.”
I blow air out of my mouth. “Okay.” Pulling my wife into my arms, I say, “Be careful. I’ll wait for your call.”
Zeta leaves with Mike, and after a quick shower and a change of clothes, I spend an anxious fifteen minutes pacing the length of my living room waiting for her call. I jump on my cell when it rings, answering it immediately.
“Babe, I think you need to sit down,” Zeta says.
I slump to the ground on the spot. “It’s true?”
“The minute we set eyes on him we knew. You’re the spitting image of him, Ryder. It’s like looking at an older version of you. In the photos he had of him with your mom, it’s like looking at your doppelganger. He has some letters they exchanged, and it seems to be legit.” She pauses for a bit. “What do you want to do? Shall I bring him up to the house, or do you need time to process this?”
“What does he want from me?”
“He just wants to talk. He didn’t know where you were, Ryder. He’s spent years trying to find you. He has a thick file from a P.I. confirming his efforts. I think he just wanted to find his son.”
“How can he want to know me after discovering what I’ve done?”
“From what he’s said, he feels bad that you were exposed to such a horrific childhood, and he doesn’t blame you.”
I drag a hand through my hair, my heart thumping wildly against my ribcage. “I don’t know, Zeta. I don’t know what to do. What do you think?”
“It’s your call, Ryder. But I think you should speak to him. He’s been at the gate for over an hour, and those asshole reporters have been sniffing around, like bloodhounds. It’s safe to assume they’re going to discover who he is and break the story. It might be best to have spoken to the man first, and … he seems lovely, genuine. I don’t think there is any malicious intent.”
“Okay. Bring him up to the house.” I hang up abruptly, race to the bathroom, and puke my guts up. After rinsing my mouth out with water, I return to the main room, pacing the floor as I wait. My hands are shaking as footsteps approach, and I’m rooted to the floor, my eyes fixated on the entry point to the open-plan living area. Blood thrums in my ears; my heart is beating crazy fast, and my palms are sweaty. I hear Zeta’s voice and another deeper one, and I feel like puking again. They come around the corner, stepping into my line of sight, and everything locks up inside me.
Holy shit.
Zeta was right.
It’s like looking in a futuristic mirror and seeing an image of myself twenty years down the line.
He’s tall like me with dark blond hair worn much shorter than mine and the same hazel eyes. Even the shape of his jawline and high cheekbones is identical to mine. He’s wearing khaki pants, a white button-down shirt, and a navy blazer. He’s rooted to the spot too, and we’re just staring at one another across the room. Zeta has her hand to her mouth, and there are tears in her eyes. Mike has discreetly removed the men standing guard in the room, giving us privacy.
My heart is thudding painfully, my breathing ragged, as I’m grappling to deal with this. So many different emotions are racing through me, and I’m overwhelmed, unsure how to handle this. My eyes must display my panic because Zeta is across the room in a flash, hands on my face, forcing my gaze to hers. “Breathe, honey. Nice and deep. In and out.” She draws breaths with me, keeping her eyes on mine, until my anxiety dampens down.
“Ryder. Are you okay?” The man—my father—asks.
“I don’t know,” I croak, my throat dry.
“I didn’t come here to cause you any pain, and I can come back another time if this is too much now.”
I’m struck dumb as I stare at him. When I was little, I used to imagine what my dad looked like. I used to wish he’d show up and whisk me away. But he never did. “Why didn’t you care about me?” I blurt. “You never came.”
“I didn’t know you were mine until it was too late.” His eyes turn glassy. “If I had known, I would never have left you with Brenda.”
“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll make us some coffee,” Zeta suggests, pulling me over to the couch and gesturing for him to follow. She pushes me down onto the couch, kissing me on the lips. “Ryder, you need to hear what Noel has to say. Trust me. You want to hear this.”
She leaves us to get drinks, and I scrub a hand across my jaw. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”
“I grew up around the corner from your mom. Had a massive crush on her when I got older
and started noticing girls.”
“I guess there’s no accounting for taste.” My scathing tone reveals my bitterness.
He shifts a little on the end of the couch, looking forlorn. “She wasn’t always like that. Brenda was actually really sweet when I first knew her. We dated for a few years, and things were good between us until she changed. She became secretive and started blowing me off a lot. I discovered she’d been using drugs the same time I found out she was cheating on me. It broke my heart to break up with her, but she wasn’t the girl I’d fallen in love with. Turns out, the guy she left me for was a pimp, and soon, she was … well, I think you know.”
“Opening her legs for any asshole. Yeah, I know that part.” A sour taste floods my mouth.
“I found out she was pregnant a few months after we split up,” he continues. “I went to her. Asked her outright if the baby was mine, and she laughed in my face and told me no. She’d been having sex with this older, rich man. Someone her pimp had lined up, and she told me he was the baby’s father. I had no reason to doubt her, and I was heartbroken at learning the extent of her betrayal.”
He clasps his hands in his lap, staring at me with honest eyes. It’s hard to look at his face and see my own features reflected back at me. “I joined the army straight after that, and I was overseas for a few years. I did a couple missions abroad before I was promoted and stationed at the military base in Boston.”
Zeta comes back into the room, handing coffees out before sinking into the seat beside me. She places her free hand on my thigh, rubbing my leg in a soothing gesture, and I pull her in closer to my side. “Congratulations on your wedding, by the way. I saw the reports online. I’m happy for you.” His smile is sincere, but I’m not about to get all buddy-buddy with him until I have all the facts.
“Thank you,” Zeta says. “We’ve waited a long time to be together.”
“When did you find out I was your son?” I ask, jumping in before the conversation gets derailed.
“Your mother called me when you were on trial.” A muscle ticks in my jaw. “I was shocked at her complete lack of remorse when she admitted she’d lied. She confirmed you were my son. She had used you to blackmail that other man she’d been sleeping with. He’d been handing over child support for a few years before he asked for a paternity test. He cut her off when he discovered you weren’t his child. She told me she tried to find me, no doubt to extort money from me too, but she was unsuccessful, until Monica gave her my details.”
“Cory’s mom?” I frown.
A pained look stretches across his face. “Yeah.”
I’m about to ask why the hell she’d have his details, when he speaks up again, continuing his explanation. “I told Brenda if the paternity test confirmed you were my son that I’d take responsibility for you. She took great pleasure in telling me what’d happened and that you’d most likely be sent to juvie. I hung up on her when she told me that. I was in complete shock. I …” He draws a shuddering breath, his eyes filling up.
“You hated me,” I supply. “You were glad you’d had nothing to do with me.” Zeta wraps her arm around me, and I put my cold coffee down.
“No, I … well, I was very confused, and it was a hugely upsetting time for me. I was devastated that you were involved. It took me a few months to deal with the … implications, but Clare—she was my fiancée then—she helped me deal with it. You were only a kid, and I knew you’d had no positive guidance in your life. I spoke to Monica, and she told me how you used to babysit Cory, how you looked after him, and that helped me come to terms with it.”
“Yet, you still did nothing,” I say through gritted teeth. “So, you hadn’t really come to terms with it. And, you know what, I get it. Your son was a monster. No one would blame you for wanting to keep your distance.” Zeta rubs her hand up and down my arm.
He shakes his head. “That’s not how things happened.” He places his empty coffee cup down on the table. “Your mom had been sending me threatening messages and calls for months. She told me unless I gave her ten thousand dollars she’d go to the press and reveal I was your father. At that time, I had just set up my medical practice, and Clare and I were due to get married soon. I didn’t want the press attention, for me or you, but I also didn’t want to abandon you. So, I struck a deal with her. I told her I’d give her the money provided she got me your DNA for a paternity test.”
“That’s why she visited me.” I shake my head. “She only came that one time, and I never understand why she swabbed my mouth.” My eyes burn with renewed anger. “She was only doing it because there was something in it for her.”
“I’m sorry, Ryder. I’m sorry you had to grow up like that. If I’d known, I would’ve fought her for custody. That’s what my plan was when she eventually told me the truth, but I wanted proof you were mine first because I didn’t trust a word out of her mouth by then.”
“So, what happened?” Zeta asks.
“Brenda overdosed the day after I got the results confirming you were my son. You were already in the system, and your identity had been changed, and I didn’t know how to find you. She hadn’t completed any of the paperwork before she died, so I hired a lawyer to help me, but we kept hitting red tape and a brick wall. Your identity was sealed, and I was told that information could not be disclosed. The only thing the authorities would agree to was that you would be notified and given my contact details upon your release.”
“No one told me anything.”
“Zeta just mentioned that, and I’m furious. I received confirmation that you had been notified, and I’ll be sending a strongly worded communication via my attorney demanding the truth. All these years, I’ve believed you knew who I was but didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I thought perhaps you were afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love you after what happened to him, but that’s not the case. I’ve spent thousands of dollars hiring various private investigators to try and find you, because I wanted to speak to you face to face, to tell you I love you and I forgive you. That it doesn’t mean we can’t have a relationship because of what happened with your brother. My sons were watching your press conference, and they called me in to the room. I couldn’t believe it was you although there was no denying the resemblance. Wilder and Wes were so excited, because they’ve known how long I’ve tried to find you. I came here as soon as I located your whereabouts because I would really like an opportunity to get to know you. Clare and the boys would too. In fact, they can’t believe Ryder Stone from Torment is their big brother.”
I’m stunned at the news I have half-brothers, but I’m more concerned with something else he said. “What did you mean by what happened with my brother?” He’s not making much sense.
He draws a long breath, dragging his hand through his hair in a gesture that is freakily similar to mine. “It’s okay, Ryder. I don’t blame you. Not anymore. After talking with Monica, I drew some comfort from the fact you loved him while he was alive, and I know you did your best to stop it from happening that day. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, and it was those mistakes that led to your brother dying that day. I accept the part I played in the whole horrible mess.”
A shiver works its way through me, and I’m chilled to the bone, my brain refusing to go there. “I don’t understand.” Zeta bolts upright, her eyes wide with alarm. Bile travels up my throat, and ice has replaced the blood flowing through my veins.
“You’re not saying …” Zeta’s voice is laced with shock and concern, and she holds onto me tight.
Noel’s brows climb to his hairline and his eyes pop wide. “Oh my God. You don’t know?” He stands and starts pacing the living room. Horror washes over his face.
I’m immobile. I can’t move. All my muscles have tensed up.
This can’t be happening.
It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real.
I wipe my sweaty palms down th
e front of my jeans, and my heart is beating so fast it feels like I’m on the verge of a coronary.
Noel bends down in front of me. “Ryder, I thought you knew, but they never told you, did they?”
“No! No! Get out!!” Zeta takes hold of Noel’s arm, yelling for Mike. “You can’t come in here and drop a bomb like that! You can’t do that to him!”
Somehow, I find the strength to look him in the eye. I’m shaking all over, screaming inside my head, but I can’t deny the truth anymore. His words all slot into place. “Cory was your son too, wasn’t he?”
He nods with tears streaming down his face.
Oh, fuck no.
My heart is pounding, and blood rushes to my brain, leaving me light-headed. The room spins, blurring out. Cory’s sweet little face flashes before my eyes, and I squeeze them shut, willing him to go away. When I reopen them, he’s gone, but so is everyone else. I exist in a void, and nothing or no one else is here for me. I’m alone with this. Drowning. Suffocating. Grasping for air.
Wrapping my arms around my waist, I start rocking back and forth as the magnitude of Noel’s revelation sinks in. “I killed him. I killed him. I killed my own brother.”
CHAPTER 40
Zeta
Ryder has completely checked out. He’s staring blankly into space, rocking back and forth, with his arms clutched around himself, murmuring “I killed him” over and over. Every few seconds, he shivers profusely, but he doesn’t stop the rocking motion, and it’s destroying me seeing him like this. Noel is sobbing, and I’m still in complete shock as Mike bounds into the room, quickly surveying the scene. “Fuck. What’s happened?”
“I need you to escort Noel out.” I’m amazed at how polite I sound when I’m screaming and crying on the inside.
“Zeta, I’m so sorry. All these years, I assumed he knew,” Noel’s voice is laced with anguish. “Monica never said he didn’t, and I presumed that’s why Ryder kept his distance from me all these years. That he thought I hated him because he was involved in my other son’s murder. When he spoke out at the press conference, I thought he’d come to terms with it all. That I’d finally get a chance to connect with my son. I would never have come here like this if I’d known.”
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