“He is.” Zeta turns around to face me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Did you ever think we’d have all this?” She gestures behind me, and I turn us around to survey the madness that is Etta’s third birthday party.
My little princess is currently squealing as Gar chases her around the bounce house. Scott and Linda’s two join Jill and Liam’s two plus Gage and Kayla’s son and Micah’s daughter on the bounce house, and they’re all enjoying themselves, taking turns jumping on Uncle Gar’s back when they think he’s not watching.
“I dreamed of all this,” I say, holding my wife closer. “But the reality is so much more.”
My stepmom, Clare, approaches with a big smile, offering a bottle of water to Zeta and a cold beer to me. “Thought you might be thirsty.”
Noel stepping up to help Zeta the night she got shot ended up being a turning point in our relationship. His quick thinking helped save my wife. But it was Zander who really put everything in perspective. The love I felt for my son was instantaneous and all-consuming, and in the days that followed, I understood a parent’s capacity for love. No matter what happens, I will always be there for my children, and there isn’t anything I can’t forgive or overcome in the name of love.
It was a defining moment for me, and it enabled me to open my heart, and my life, to my father, his wife, and my two half-brothers. My life is infinitely richer for having them in it.
“Thank you.” Zeta leaves my arms to hug my father’s wife. “And for agreeing to babysit tonight so we can go out with the others.”
“No problem.” Clare pats Zeta’s bump. “That’s what family is for.” She smiles at me. “You doing okay, Ryder?”
“I’m perfect.” I kiss her cheek. “I’m just taking a moment to appreciate all this. I never thought I’d have this, and I don’t ever want to take it for granted.”
“If I wasn’t already happily married, I’d run away with this one,” she jokes with Zeta. “He’s a keeper.”
“Back off, woman. He’s mine.” My wife grins, sliding her arm around my back and down lower, giving my ass a cheeky squeeze.
“What’d I miss?” Noel asks, slinging his arm around his wife’s shoulders as he comes up behind her.
“Same ole. Same ole.” I waggle my brows. “Control your woman, Dad.”
He rolls his eyes. “She hitting on you again, son?”
“Damn straight. It’s just embarrassing at this stage.”
We all laugh at the familiar banter. “Thanks for coming out. We’re glad you could make it,” I say in all seriousness.
“I wouldn’t miss my granddaughter’s birthday for the world,” he says. “And we don’t get to see enough of you.”
It’s true. Life is pretty hectic these days. Between two kids and another one on the way, overseeing the great work Luc is doing with the charity, running the label, and a new Torment album to promote, there is little downtime. Zeta is as busy as me too. While we share the child-rearing duties, she’s the one who is with the kids most days. She still oversees the magazine although her input is minimal now Kayla is CEO. Mostly, her time is taken up writing and producing songs.
There are lots of reasons why I am proud of my wife, but one of my proudest moments was when she won a Grammy for Song of the Year for a song she wrote for Savage Mania. The song spent twenty weeks on the Billboard Top Ten and it was a multi-platinum selling single in more than forty countries around the world. The guys have scaled heights even Torment hasn’t achieved and are the label’s biggest success story.
“It’s a pity Wilder couldn’t be here today,” I say, missing the little punk ass.
Clare clutches her chest as Noel says, “Don’t mention the war, Ryder. Clare’s missing him terribly.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Clare interjects. “I’m so proud of him and the band, but I miss him dreadfully, and I worry about him with all those drugs and groupies hanging around.”
“It’s part of the business, Clare,” I say, refusing to lie to her. “But I’ve made sure he’s surrounded by good people who have his best interests at heart. They’ll look out for him.”
My brother Wilder plays guitar for Ruminate, another one of our signings. Although they’re a relatively new acquisition to the label, they’re already making waves as one of the support acts on Savage Mania’s current world tour. I predict big things for his future.
“And Ryder talks to him at least a couple times a week,” Zeta reassures her. “He’ll help keep him on the straight and narrow.”
I’m not so sure I can or that I should. He’s twenty-one and living the rock and roll dream. Even if I could stop him from overindulging, I don’t think it’s my place to tell him what to do. When he asks for my advice, which he regularly does, I tell it to him straight, but it’s up to him to make his own decisions. And making mistakes is part of growing up. Everyone knows I’ve made my fair share, and things haven’t worked out too badly for me.
After I nearly lost Zeta, I did a lot of extra soul-searching, and something shifted inside me. Maybe it was the fact Ren was no longer a threat and the authorities had confirmed I would face no further prosecution, but whatever it was, something altered for me that day and I haven’t looked back since.
“He’s a good kid,” I say, circling my arms around my wife. “And he’ll find his own way.”
As I look around at my family and friends, I know that I’ve finally found mine. I’ve learned to leave the past in the past and focus on the present and plan for the future. My dad, my wife, and my kids have taught me a huge lesson about love. They’ve shown me how much capacity the heart has to love and that nothing is insurmountable—even obstacles that seemed impossible to climb.
I’ll never forget Cory, and I’ll carry a part of him with me every day that I live.
I’ve come to accept that the best honor I can bestow on my brother is to live the best life that I can. To embrace all my blessings and live my life to the fullest.
And this woman in my arms has made it all possible. Without Zeta’s love, I don’t know that I’d be where I am today. She saved me in every way possible. She’s given me a life I didn’t dare to hope for. And, as I look back to that first day we met, to that fire that sparked the instant we locked eyes on one another, I know I caught a glimpse into my future that day.
And as surely as I knew that truth back then, as I look into her eyes right now, I know I’m looking into the eyes of the only woman I’ll ever love. The woman who will be by my side until my dying breath.
It’s only ever been her.
The end
If you enjoyed this book, please support the author by leaving a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads.
If you would like to read more Rockstar romance check out Incognito. Currently free to read in Kindle Unlimited.
If you would like to read more emotional, angsty, standalone new adult romance I can recommend When Forever Changes, Inseparable, or Surviving Amber Springs.
If you need to talk to someone regarding suicide, please call the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in the US at 1-888-333-AFSP (2377) or via email: [email protected]
If you need to talk to someone regarding sexual assault, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline in the US at 800-656-4673
If you need to talk to someone regarding any mental health related illness, please call the National Alliance on Mental Illness in the US at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or [email protected]
If you require support dealing with PTSD, please contact PTSD United: http://www.ptsdunited.org/contact/
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline in the US is available 24/7 at 1-800-4224453
https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/
If you’ve lost a child due to violence, you can seek support from pomc at (513) 721-5683 or via email to: [email protected]
The Compassionate Friends provides support to f
amilies after the death of a child. You can contact them at: (877) 969-0010
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/
If you live outside the United States of America, please call your local support services.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you so much for reading Only Ever You, and I hope you enjoyed it. If you have read some of my other books, you will know I tend to gravitate toward controversial or sensitive topics. I don’t always know why that is. Sometimes, it’s because I feel strongly about a topic and I want to explore a different side to it. Other times, an idea just pops into my head out of nowhere. With this book, it was the latter, but as I was writing it, I couldn’t help but remember James Bulger. I was twenty when he was murdered, and I shed plenty of tears for that poor little boy and his parents. My intention with this book was not to draw parallels, to cause any offense or upset, or to in any way excuse or condone what happened to James, or to cast any aspersion or make any judgments about his killers.
In my fictional story, I wanted to explore child abuse/neglect in different forms and to examine how far-reaching and devastating the consequences can be. But I also wanted to focus on a topic that I believe is often overlooked in our society, and that is mental health illness specifically as it impacts males. Why is there still such a stigma attached to it? Why is it not acceptable for our fathers, husbands, brothers, sons, and boyfriends to say they are depressed or suffering from anxiety? And when men do speak up, why is there a perception that it’s weak or they are somehow less manly because they have a mental illness? Yes, I understand there is still stigma attached to mental illness in general, but it’s more pronounced with males, and I believe it’s wrong. Men should be able to openly discuss any mental health issues and seek out support without judgment. Failure to do that leads to men bottling up these issues which can have detrimental consequences.
In this story, both main characters have experienced trauma in childhood. Both have been significantly impacted by it. They helped each other heal, but Zeta was in a better place than Ryder, and she was able to support him in his recovery. That was important for me to showcase, because in a lot of novels, it’s often the opposite. Ryder is, undoubtedly, my most tortured hero to date, and it was difficult to write some of those scenes, but I didn’t want to hold back. I wanted to show how broken he was. How vulnerable he was. How he hid behind his addictions. How fragile he was when he reached his breaking point. And how Zeta’s love gave him the strength to survive. To take control of his life. To fight for the future he dreamed of. His weakness was also the source of his strength, and for that reason, in my opinion, he is one of the most swoon-worthy leading men I’ve written. I hope I’ve shown that men can be traumatized and damaged but still strong, supportive, sexy, and desirable.
Lots of people have helped me on this project, and I’d like to thank Kelly Hartigan, Robin Harper, Sara Eirew, Tamara Cribley, Lola Verroen, Jennifer Gibson, Deirdre Reidy, Sinead Davis, Donna Weiss, Carolyne Belso, Amber Hodges, Karla Carroll, Danielle Smoot, Book Candy Studios, Bobby Kim, Sarah Ferguson of Social Butterfly PR, and all the bloggers who helped spread the word about this book. Thanks to Siobhan’s Squad on Facebook and my ARC team.
Massive thanks to you, dear lovely reader, for picking up this book. Your support is everything to me. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews, comments, posts, and emails which warm my heart and keeping me going on tough days.
To my many author friends— thank you for your support, encouragement, and friendship. A special shout-out to Rachel Harris, Susan Alexander, Lianne Cotton, Jennifer Owenby, Olivia Wildenstein, and the YA Author Vets. And an extra special shout out to the super-talented and very lovely Dee Kelly. Thanks so much for allowing me to feature Sawyer Weston—one of my favorite book boyfriends—in this book. It was so much fun writing that scene! Readers - if you haven’t yet read Dee’s Illusion Series you are missing out and I strongly advise you to check it out now! It’s one of my all-time favorite series and I can’t recommend it more highly.
Thank you to my husband, Trevor, and my sons, Cian and Callum. They are my biggest supporters, and they sacrifice a lot so I can pursue my dream. Love you to infinity and beyond.
I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone, but if I have, please forgive my oversight and know it doesn’t diminish my gratitude (It’s only testament to my shitty memory.)
I love to hear from my readers, so feel free to email me anytime—[email protected]; however, please bear with me if it takes me a few days (or more) to reply.
NO FEELINGS INVOLVED - COMING APRIL 2019
Can this skeptical player let down his guard long enough to let love into his life, or is this forbidden romance a train wreck in the making?
Ryan James doesn’t believe in love.
It’s a truth he learned early in life. A truth he carried with him into adulthood. He broke his golden rule one time, but Myndi trampled all over his heart, cementing his belief that love is a lie and not worth the effort.
Now he’s returned to his cynical views and promiscuous lifestyle, racking up more notches on his bedpost than he can count.
Until Summer Petersen comes crashing into his world, threatening to knock down his walls with her tempting body and sunny, sweet personality.
Summer is determined to lose her V-card before she starts freshman year of college, and the hot, older guy with the cute dimples, dazzling smile, and rippling biceps is just the man for the job. Ryan doesn’t take much persuading, and he rocks her world, giving her a night to remember.
When they walk away, there’s an unspoken agreement it was a one-time thing. Ryan doesn’t do feelings, and Summer doesn’t want to be tied down at eighteen.
But when she moves into her brother Austin’s apartment, she’s shocked to discover her new roomie is the guy who recently popped her cherry.
Ryan can’t believe he slept with Austin’s baby sister, and if he finds out, he’ll literally kill him. Keeping their hook up a secret is nonnegotiable. Keeping his thoughts, and his hands, off Summer, less so. Because the longer he’s around her, the more he finds himself catching feelings for the gorgeous brunette.
Summer doesn’t want to care for her older brother’s best friend, but Ryan makes her feel things she’s never felt before, and she’s slowly falling under his spell.
Embarking on an illicit affair behind Austin’s back has train wreck written all over it, but provided they keep their feelings in check, they can end this before he ever finds out.
It’s not like either of them is in love.
Right?
PREORDER AVAILABLE MID-APRIL
RELEASING APRIL 30 2019
ADD TO YOUR GOODREADS SHELF HERE.
JUST AN ILLUSION, SIDE A BY D.KELLY
One night changed her life…
Bestselling author Amelia Greyson has grown up in the music industry and isn’t the slightest bit fazed by fame or celebrities. However, when she attends a Bastards and Dangerous concert with her best friend Belle, her world shifts on its axis.
Double trouble…
Sawyer and Noah Weston are the front men of BAD. They’re fraternal twins and sexy as sin. When they hear the author of The O Factor is in their green room, they’re intrigued. She’s just the person they need to write their farewell story. The brothers offer Amelia the opportunity of a lifetime, which she reluctantly accepts.
Three hearts…
Noah is sweet and considerate, working hard to make Amelia feel at home on the road. Unfortunately, the closer they get, the more obnoxious Sawyer becomes. Sawyer is arrogant and distant and he wants Amelia, even though she’s not his for the taking. Only during stolen moments does Sawyer show her who he really is.
Can Amelia maintain a safe distance from Sawyer and keep her heart intact? Or will she shatter Noah’s heart by giving hers to his brother instead?
CURRENTLY FREE TO READ IN KINDLE UNLIMI
TED. CHECK YOUR LOCAL AMAZON STORE.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
USA Today bestselling author Siobhan Davis writes emotionally intense young adult and new adult fiction with swoon-worthy romance, complex characters, and tons of unexpected plot twists and turns that will have you flipping the pages beyond bedtime! She is the author of the international bestselling True Calling, Saven, and Kennedy Boys series.
Siobhan’s family will tell you she’s a little bit obsessive when it comes to reading and writing, and they aren’t wrong. She can rarely be found without her trusty Kindle, a paperback book, or her laptop somewhere close at hand.
Prior to becoming a full-time writer, Siobhan forged a successful corporate career in human resource management.
She resides in the Garden County of Ireland with her husband and two sons.
You can connect with Siobhan in the following ways:
Author Website: www.siobhandavis.com
Author Blog: My YA NA Book Obsession
Facebook: AuthorSiobhanDavis
Twitter: @siobhandavis
Google+: SiobhanDavisAuthor
Email: [email protected]
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BOOKS BY SIOBHAN DAVIS
TRUE CALLING SERIES
Young Adult Science Fiction/Dystopian Romance
True Calling
Lovestruck
Beyond Reach
Light of a Thousand Stars
Destiny Rising
Short Story Collection
True Calling Series Collection
SAVEN SERIES
Young Adult Science Fiction/Paranormal Romance
Saven Deception
Logan
Saven Disclosure
OnlyEverYou_SDavis-eBooks Page 39