by Ace Gray
“Kate, are you OK?” I could barely make out Jaime’s voice but I managed to nod.
“He needs CPR now!” Colton yelled from behind me.
What?
Ally was still howling in the background. Something about the severity of the voices around me helped snap me out of it. I turned to see Trevor gasping for breath, laying on his back. His eyes were wide, his pupils overtaking his irises. There was sheer terror etched across his features and a sheen covering his skin. His hands fluttered at his chest while blood seeped from under his back.
My knees hit the pavement before I’d made any real decision to help. They splashed slightly in the pool of blood when I bent at his side. I started compressions, and when I moved down to give him rescue breaths, blood spattered up onto me. I could taste rusty tin-tinged droplets in my mouth.
Jaime shifted Trevor’s body so we could put direct pressure on the wound and keep compressions going. Jaime instructed me to press into the bullet hole while he took over hammering at Trevor’s chest. Each thrust squished more blood onto my hands. I tried to put as much pressure as possible in between rescue breaths. Blood just kept seeping up my arms or sprinkling onto my lips.
Sirens wailed. There were thumps of boots, screeches and shouting, and metallic clanking filling the air. Rights were being recited, but I was locked on the look in Trevor’s eyes. When the EMTs arrived, they took over Jaime’s job easily enough but I wouldn’t back away or take my hands from Trevor’s body. I couldn’t. Jaime had to bear hug me to drag me away.
As Jaime wrestled me back, I saw the moment life left Trevor’s eyes. My body shut down and I stumbled from Jaime’s grasp and into the grass. Crumpled there on the ground I saw them hoist his lifeless body on a stretcher; a small brunette EMT still working furiously on his chest. Deep in the pit of my stomach I knew he was gone. Forever.
Trevor would be pronounced dead on arrival, and I had to shove my head between my knees to keep breathing. I couldn’t get my mind off the horror in his face. I puked again.
Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.
I placed my head in my hands. The blood from my palms smeared across my face and droplets rolled down my wrists. Only then did sobs wrack my body.
Sirens still blared as the ambulance peeled out of the park. An entire group of people stood gaping at the mayhem and cops were questioning bystanders. Todd was slumped in the back of a squad car. Ally was nowhere in sight. An officer came up to Colton and started asking questions. Jaime stood up to answer another. I’d be next. What would I say?
She’d come after me today.
That’s why Trevor’s dead.
She’d been after me for weeks, and we should have said or done something.
We were to blame for all of this.
Bryant had wanted to stay out of the papers, but it’d brought down a far worse hell. The blood on my face and hands was eating at me like acid. Trevor would still be alive if it weren’t for me.
I could’ve prevented this.
“Hi there.” I cowered even though the woman’s voice was soft, like it was approaching a cornered animal. “I’m Officer Whiting. I need to ask you some questions if that’s OK?”
“Of course.” My voice was choppy at best.
“Would you like a blanket? You can come sit in the back of the car.”
“Am I being arrested?”
“No, not at all.” She let a sweet smile spread across her face. “You’ve just been through something traumatic and I’d like to make you as comfortable as possible.”
I nodded as I stood. My knees wobbled and I nearly landed back on the ground. Colton made a half step toward me, but the officer he was speaking with wouldn’t let him leave. Officer Whiting reached for my arm to help keep me from hitting the grass. She gingerly helped me to her car and let me perch on the seat. She grabbed a blanket from her trunk and draped it around my shoulders.
“What is your name, Miss? And can you tell me how you know everyone involved in the incident this afternoon?”
Incident? She was calling this an incident?
Someone was dead; that seemed far more significant than an incident to me.
“Jaime Rook, Colton McConnell, and Trevor Farris.” A sob broke through when I said Trevor’s name; I bit my lip to keep from trembling.
After a few moments I continued. “All three work for my boyfriend, Nicholas Bryant.” I felt warm tracks on my cheeks.
“Did you know either of the attackers?” She was still being gentle with me.
“Yes. The man is Todd Marshall, a former employee of mine. The woman’s name is Ally, and she used to work for Bryant.”
“Nicholas Bryant, your boyfriend?”
“Yes. She was fired when he found her hacking into my company’s servers. It was a little over a month ago.”
“Were any charges filed?’
“No. He fired her and as far as I was concerned that was enough.”
“Were you concerned about recourse? Is that why you were traveling with security?”
“At first, no. Nicholas has a tendency to be overprotective and dramatic. He assigned Jaime to follow me around as soon as we started dating again.”
“You said at first no. Has it been necessary lately?”
“Yes.” I let out a deep breath. There was no way to dance around this. “She’d gotten more aggressive lately. She tailed us through the city, or I’m assuming it was her. I was never told the whole story. Then Monday she delivered a package that was unsettling. It was full of pictures that proved how close she’s been. She included a handwritten threat. I believe she evaded security and delivered it herself.”
“Was a police report filed then?”
“No. I suggested that but was told it wouldn’t do any good, and at best I could’ve gotten a restraining order. She’s proven too persistent for that.”
We both sat in silence. Officer Whiting scribbled notes into her small notebook as I reflected on everything that had happened.
“He’s dead because of me.”
I hadn’t meant for it to come out. She stopped writing and crouched down so she could look into my face.
“From what I understand, it would’ve been you if he hadn’t acted.”
I wanted to scream, I know! That’s my point! I couldn’t shake the feeling that I deserved it. At least I stopped short before saying that out loud. I leaned my head against the car frame and exhaled sharply.
She wrinkled her brow. “I have to ask you a few more questions. Would you like me to ask them now? Or would you like to come down to the station? I imagine we can arrange for officers to come to your home as well.”
“No. Now, please.”
I didn’t want to drag it out and I certainly didn’t want to have the memories of the officers standing in my living room.
“Where is Nicholas Bryant?”
“Hong Kong,” I choked out.
“Why were you in the park today?”
I told her as her pen scribbled furiously across her small leather notepad.
“Can you please walk me through what happened? In as much detail as possible?” She winced and bit her lip momentarily before letting it go and steadying her face.
I recounted everything as best I could. I didn’t remember seeing anyone on the bend, and until the gun was pressed against my temple, I could only recall being disoriented and the sting from road rash. I hadn’t been able to see Jaime, Trevor, or Colton; I could only remember where they’d been before I’d been tackled. I choked and sobbed my way through to the gunshots and CPR. My voice got quiet and she simply handed over her card.
“Thank you very much for speaking with me. If you think of anything else, please call me.” She managed a thin smile.
“Will Jaime be in trouble?” I squeaked.
She smiled reassuringly. “I don’t think so. It seems a pretty straightforward self-defense case, and he purposely hit her so as to only incapacitate. I believe he has a permit to carry concealed weapons and all the pr
oper licensure for security and defense work.” I nodded at her. “Feel free to stay in the car for as long as you’d like. They should be done questioning the gentlemen soon.”
I tried to smile and thank her in some small way for her kindness, but I couldn’t manage. Officer Whiting nodded and turned toward the man questioning Jaime. There was a new, tormented ache settling in my bones as I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. It pressed into my scrapes, and I almost yelped. Slowly I pushed it to the side so I could survey my shoulder.
My shirt was torn and gashes peppered my exposed skin. There was a little blood but mostly raised, angry claw marks. I checked my hip and thigh, remembering they’d hurt in the moment as well. The same thing was there; my clothes were torn and red, dirty streaks split across my pale skin. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it back up, this time avoiding the sensitive spots.
Time stood still as I sat in the backseat. I don’t recall what ran through my mind, just that I repeated what have I done over and over. I tried to count blades of grass and find a pattern on the doorframe. Silent tears kept rolling down my cheeks. Finally Officer Whiting, Jaime, and Colton all came back toward the squad car.
“Kate, are you OK?” Jaime searched my face for an answer; I could only shrug my shoulders. “We’re going to get a ride to the apartment if that’s OK.”
“My place, please.”
Jaime nodded and I swung my knees into the car and slumped toward them. He joined me in the back while Colton slid up front. They gave directions to Officer Whiting who let her sirens screech long enough to clear a path through the bystanders.
The car seemed to move in slow motion toward Chelsea. I stumbled out to a throng of press but I barely registered the clicks of the camera. Jaime shielded me protectively even though they were nothing compared to what we’d just weathered. I made my limbs move long enough to get up to my bedroom. Jaime followed me, ensuring that my wobbling legs didn’t give out.
“Are you OK?” He asked when I entered my room.
I was standing there, staring blankly at absolutely nothing. Everything, including sunlight, looked like it had been obliterated then reconstructed wrong.
“I honestly don’t know. It’s all my fault. He’s dead because of me.” I reached out for my headboard to steady myself.
“Kate, no. You can’t think like that.”
I could tell he wanted to move in to comfort me, but I shuddered and he returned to the doorway.
“We’re to blame. We didn’t know where she was, so we should’ve stayed at the office or we should’ve been armed. There are a million should’ves in this situation but none of them are on your shoulders.”
“They all are.” My fingers turned white where they curled.
“I would’ve taken the bullet, you know. Gladly. I wouldn’t have blamed you. If Trevor were here, he wouldn’t either.”
Pain crackled in his voice when he mentioned Trevor’s name, and another tear fell. Jaime’s voice was meek when he finally added, “I have to call him.”
“I know.”
“He’ll want to speak with you.”
I sobbed a violent, body-shaking sob. “I’m not ready. Tell him I’m asleep or in the bath or whatever.”
I desperately wanted to hear his voice, but I knew how angry he’d be. I couldn’t face that yet.
“OK.” I was grateful Jaime didn’t fight me and that the door shut gently behind him.
I stumbled to my bathroom. The woman staring back from the mirror was ghastly. Trevor’s blood was spattered across my face and covered my hands. There were scrapes up and down the left side of my body, my clothes tattered and torn. Tear streaks ran down my cheeks and even washed blood onto my chest. Worst of all was the pain and fear in my eyes; they didn’t even look like mine anymore. They weren’t shimmering green or gold but a flat, muddied brown.
My fingers clawed and tore at the scraps of clothing and threw them, shoes and all, into the trash. I wouldn’t have worn them again even if they were in pristine condition. I had to get the blood off so I staggered into the shower. The water burned against my skin, especially where it washed away Trevor’s blood. I watched it trail down my body and turn a pinkish-red where it pooled at the drain.
Seeing the puddle took me right back to the park. The fear in Trevor’s eyes, the squish and rush of his blood, and the moment he died under the EMT’s hands. I was going to be sick again. I crumbled to the floor of the shower and shoved my head between my knees. My heart constricted and my breathing went ragged.
I stayed put until the water ran cold. Only when the room stopped spinning did I shut off the water. I threw my hair up in a knot and took my towel with me to bed. I crawled into the soft, fluffy comforter and let real, large, loud sobs overtake me.
A soft knock rapt timidly on my door; I bit my lip but didn’t answer. That didn’t stop Laura from coming in.
“You have to talk to him.”
She held out my phone and I stared at it blankly. I wasn’t sure how it had gotten to the apartment in the first place. All my things should be sitting at Vesper. My intention had been to head back. But nothing was right anymore; nothing made sense.
“I can’t,” I choked out.
“You can. He’s the only one that can make you feel better. We both know that.”
“I don’t want him to yell at me. There’s nothing he can say I don’t already know.”
I was trying very hard to enunciate through still-streaming tears. She climbed onto the bed and cradled my head in her lap. She took my hair down and gently started combing it with her fingers. The phone sat, with a call open, in front of me.
“He’s not going to yell at you, I promise. Take the phone, he’s waiting.”
I watched the seconds flip and the screen fade before I did as I was told and held the phone to my ear. Her fingers kept combing through my hair.
“Hello.”
“Sweets.” Nick let out a deep, worried breath. “Are you hurt?”
“So badly I can’t breathe.” I cried into the phone. “He died in front of me. He died because of me. I’m a horrible person to have brought this down on someone.” I continued sobbing.
“Kate, calm down,” he said sweetly. I hadn’t anticipated him being this gentle with me. “You are not to blame. I’m so, so sorry he’s gone, but it was his job to protect you.”
Sweet Nick made me feel even worse.
“Protect me, fine, but not die for me. I’d never ask someone to die for me,” I whimpered.
“You didn’t have to. It’s comes with the territory. He kept the most important thing in my life safe and for that I’m eternally grateful. I will always thank God for him, for keeping you alive today.”
“Don’t say that.” In my state, I equated that to simply saying he was glad it wasn’t me.
“You mean everything to me.”
This time his words were a little more forceful and I could tell how close he was to losing control. He wanted to yell. He wanted to scream. He wanted everyone else to feel as scared and helpless as he did. He wanted to convince me my life was valuable. I just couldn’t feel that way. No one life was better than another. Certainly not mine.
“Please don’t be angry with me,” I squeaked.
“I’m not angry with you at all.” His tone evened out. “I’m frustrated that I can’t be there to hold you, that I can’t see for myself that your perfect heart is still beating. I want to feel your soft skin against mine and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re OK.”
Those words started my tears again, and this time harder than before. He tried to soothe me, but I couldn’t calm down.
“Hand the phone back to Laura, OK, Sweets? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I handed her the phone and heard him tell her to stay with me, no matter what, until he arrived. She mentioned a lunch she couldn’t miss tomorrow and the two bickered slightly until he relented. She hung up shortly afterward.
“Can you call Gemma and have
her cancel my Friday?”
“It’s already done. The press started blowing up Vesper’s line about five minutes after you stepped out of that cop car, bloody as hell. From what I understand, Callista has been at the office fielding calls for the past two hours. Gemma had everything cancelled before I could even get over to pick up your things.”
I simply nodded into her lap. She snuggled blankets around me and gently soothed me until I fell asleep.
32.
Trevor’s eyes haunted me every time I closed mine. I couldn’t get warm, and I barely slept. Laura sat in silence stroking my hair or my skin, rearranging the comforter or pillows. I wished it was Nick. I needed his strong arms to wrap around me and keep my fractured pieces from falling apart completely. When it was dark outside, I fell into a restless, exhausted state that passed for sleep.
My skin was clammy and cold, both at the same time. The memories made my head and heart pound. Close to dawn I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. I didn’t know what changed, but I was able to finally push the demons aside long enough to get a few hours of rest.
When I woke with the early Saturday light, something firm was beside me. I didn’t know how Nick had gotten back hours earlier than expected, but I was thankful. Tears started dripping down my cheeks.
I was tired and weak but I shifted so I could feel his heartbeat. His body responded to mine, and he pulled me closer. I couldn’t help myself when I went to kiss his shirtless chest. Something about his warm skin, so different from my iciness, called to me. For a moment it was all I could think of.
Wanting to feel something besides deep, horrific sadness, I took his nipple into my mouth and flicked it the way he usually did mine. Nick groaned in response and his hand wove into my hair and pulled gently. He rolled me onto my back and pushed his knee between my legs while the other inched toward my hip. He started to pull and twist on my nipple the way I had on his.
Without saying a word, he moved his lips to meet mine then grazed them across my cheek. He noticed the tears and tenderly kissed up each track. Our bodies moved in unison once he pressed into me. I cried out into his mouth; it was the only sound either of us made. The familiar way he filled every inch of me was the closest I’d been to whole since—well—since before…