“I don’t understand why your mother would make you do something you didn’t want to do if you were so strongly against it.”
“Remember, we’re talking about my mother, not yours.”
“She can’t be that bad, Sebastian.”
“I hope you never have to find out,” he said, a warning in his voice.
Chapter 10 - Confusion
Sebastian and Tess were sitting on the couch in his bedroom studying when the phone rang. “Aren’t you going to get that?” Tess asked.
“I want to finish this thought,” he responded, scribbling away in this notebook. “The machine will pick it up.”
A few rings later the answering machine kicked on. The prerecorded message played over the built-in speaker. “You’ve reached Sebastian. Please leave a message.” A long, mechanical beeping was followed by laughter coming from the other end of the line. “Irons, where the bloody hell are you?” a young man with a British accent demanded. “We’re coming to New York this weekend. I expect you to be present and ready to party. The Libertines together again!”
“We miss you, Sebastian. Please say you’ll come?” a girl chimed in after her obnoxious friend. The machine clicked off.
“Nice,” Tess remarked sarcastically. “So who was that, anyway?”
“My friends—obviously, they’re completely pissed.” He glanced at his watch. With the time difference it was just 1:00 a.m. in London.
“What are their names?”
“Alistair Windsor and Penelope Stanton.”
“Your friend is a member of the Royal Family?” she inquired. A befuddled look crossed her face.
“Yes.”
“And the girl?”
“Penny’s parents own a department store in London. She’s dating Alistair,” Sebastian explained.
“So are you going to New York this weekend?”
“No.” He didn’t want to get into this with Tess right now, wishing he had simply picked up the phone instead of letting the machine take the call.
“I’d like to meet your friends. I want to go to the clubs,” she told him with great determination.
“No,” he tersely reiterated, closing his notebook with a thud.
“Are you ashamed of me because I’m poor? Are you too embarrassed to introduce me to your wealthy and powerful friends?”
“No, it’s nothing like that, Tess.”
“Then why won’t you take me?” Her voice was getting louder.
“You don’t know what you’re asking. You do not belong in a New York City club.”
“Because I’m not sophisticated enough to fit in?” she fired back, her anger unabated.
He didn’t want to fight with her. Reaching for her clenched hand, he was surprised when she pulled away. He calmly explained. “You’re too good for a place like that. Glamour is not all it’s cracked up to be. You step foot in that club and you will be surrounded by fake people partaking in alcohol, drugs, and sex. It’s all out in the open, all for the taking. The club will make The Jug Handle Inn look like nursery school.”
“So you’ve been to clubs like this before? Something you do a lot? And how did you get in? You’re only eighteen.” Her voice trailed off, halfway between anger and confusion.
“I know the right people. My best friend happens to come from royal lineage. I had access to anything I wanted.”
“So you did all those things: alcohol, drugs, sex?” Her voice had returned to a normal volume.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“But you’re only eighteen,” she muttered again, trying to make sense of what he was telling her.
“And I already explained to you that in England you are a legal adult at the age of sixteen. Those things which aren’t legal are easily taken care of with a bit of money.” The truth was ugly and sounded even worse when spoken aloud. “Tess, I’m not that person anymore. I’ve painfully learned from my mistakes. It’s one of the reasons I had to leave England and finish my schooling here, away from all those bad influences.”
“Tell me about the mistakes.”
“If you knew all the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t ever want to see me again, and I couldn’t bear that. I value our friendship too much,” he admitted.
“I want to know everything,” she said, looking him straight in the eye. She wasn’t going to run away in fear. “Tell me about the mistakes.”
Sebastian looked at her with a pained expression. His mind went back and forth. Tell her the truth, lie, or try to play it down? How do you play down death? If he really meant what he said about learning from his mistakes and taking responsibility, he had to tell her. The realization of knowing this didn’t make it any easier to open up about it. He felt helpless when she cast her gaze upon him. He lit a cigarette, even though she objected to the habit.
After a long drag, he began. “I did not take my school studies very seriously. I didn’t show up for class. I paid people to write my term papers. My family name and my mother’s money kept me in school. That’s the reason I need you to tutor me. I have one year to turn my grades around to get accepted into a university.”
“But if all you need is money to get into a good school, why does it matter?”
He took another drag from his cigarette, blew the smoke behind him, away from Tess. “Before I was chucked out of Eton, I was warned that the combination of poor grades, bad behavior, and aversion to hard work was not getting me into Oxford no matter how much money my mother threw at them. I didn’t care—I never wanted to go to Oxford anyway.” Sebastian flicked the excess ash from his cigarette into the ashtray and continued: “Nanny convinced me the only way to go to the university of my choice was to turn my life around. She was the only one who had faith that I could do it. I wasn’t even sure I could,” he confessed, scratching his head.
Tess was sitting on the sofa, listening intently, seeming to believe his story thus far. I’m doing fine, he thought. He needed to keep going. “Alistair and I entered Eton at the same time and roomed together. Just my luck he was a Windsor. That meant he was powerful enough to have connections and get doors open, but it also meant that with no conceivable chance of actually ascending the throne, he could get into all sorts of trouble. His life was not scrutinized as much as the other more prominent royals.”
“It started out simply enough: First, private parties and alcohol. Then we started going out to clubs, which led to more alcohol and the introduction of drugs—and of course the girls.” Sebastian stopped, waiting for a reaction. The way he had told the story so far didn’t seem that bad.
“What type of drugs?”
“Mostly cannabis, and then there was cocaine.” He looked at Tess, trying to read her expression, but it was no use. She sat stone still, no emotion in her face.
“And the girls, how many were there?”
“Girls like to be bought champagne and driven in fancy cars.” He tried to skirt around her question with a feeble reply.
“How many did you have sex with?” she asked directly.
“I don’t know, I didn’t keep track,” he honestly replied, and then quickly regretted it.
“Are you serious? How the hell can you be so blasé about this!” She raised her voice again.
“You’re naive to think people don’t randomly hook up and fuck!” he yelled back, lashing out at her ability to hurt him.
“I don’t have to take this,” she spat back. Tess sprang from the couch and took a few steps toward the door.
Sebastian jumped to his feet, lunged forward, grabbed her hand, and pulled her back to him. She resisted and tried to break free, but he wasn’t going to let it end this way. “I apologize for not meeting your high expectations,” he seethed.
“We’re not a couple. It doesn’t matter.”
Silence filled the room as they stared each other down, taking a moment to collect their thoughts and regain their composure. She had the most intense, furious look in her eyes, as if they were little daggers piecing his heart. He did
n’t know what he could do or say to make things right between them. It was his life and she would never allow him to sugarcoat it. He started to question himself as he reflected on what he had said. Perhaps this wasn’t the way normal people acted. Thoughts whizzed through his mind at a blinding speed. Was Tess overreacting or was her reaction justified? The thoughts hurt his head, and looking at her face hurt his heart. “I’m sorry I lost my temper. Please don’t go,” he pleaded. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Do you have a girlfriend back in England?”
“No, I’ve never had a proper girlfriend.”
“A proper girlfriend?” she repeated. “But you made love with those girls!” Tess exclaimed.
“I had sex with those girls. It didn’t mean anything other than a good time had by all. They were willing participants and they certainly weren’t in love with me—my social standing, yes, but not with me.” He desperately wanted her to understand. How could he possibly do that without sounding like a complete cad?
“I just don’t understand how you can take something so serious and make light of it.” She sounded like a broken record.
He sighed, feeling out of his depth. “I’m not making light of it. I’m trying to explain.You said you wanted the truth. I never promised it would be pretty and wouldn’t offend.” He shook in frustration.
“What was the final mistake that landed you here?”
They arrived at the question quicker than he was prepared to answer. Now he would have to relive that day all over. Sebastian paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, taking deep controlled breaths, willing himself to get through this. “It was my birthday weekend. I had some friends over to the house. It started out like any other party…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say next.
“But it didn’t end like the other parties, did it?”
“No,” he replied, sitting back down on the sofa. His left leg was bouncing uncontrollably. “There was this scream, a blood curdling scream.” His mind flashed back to that Sunday afternoon. He could remember every minuscule detail: the smell of the girls’ perfume; the color of the necktie Alistair had loosened around Colin’s neck as they tried to revive him; the sight of Colin’s lifeless body as the attendant wheeled Colin out on a gurney. “Colin overdosed on cocaine. He dropped dead of cardiac arrest. Colin was alive one minute and gone the next. He was only eighteen.” Sebastian hung his head in despair. “I’ve told you everything. Now I need to know: what are you thinking?”
“I don’t know,” she confessed in shock. “I need time. I need to get out of here.”
“Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I guess,” she mumbled.
“Thank you, Tess.” He didn’t want to let her go, but he had no choice. “Can I walk you out?”
“No, I need to be alone. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” She didn’t wait for an answer and bolted out the door.
Sebastian stood on the balcony watching Tess drive away, praying he hadn’t messed things up for good. He hoped she could see how eagerly he wanted to change and be a better person. The waiting game had begun. Sebastian walked back inside and over to his stereo. Opening the lid to the turntable, he placed the needle on the record. It was New Order’s, Confusion twelve-inch remix.
The hours passed as he lay on the bed listening to the music and chain smoking, flicking the ashes into the ashtray with a flair of nervous boredom. There were too many thoughts running through his mind and he wished he could just shut them out, make them go away.
The telephone rang and jolted Sebastian back to the present. He grabbed for the receiver, quickly answering it, hoping it was Tess. “Hello?”
“Sebastian, it’s Courtney.” He heard loud music and voices in the background. Someone beside her was giggling into the receiver.
“What do you want, Courtney?” he asked brusquely, eager to get off the phone.
“I think you better come get Tess. She’s been drinking like a fish and she’s the designated driver,” she slurred in response.
“Where are you?” he asked as panic kicked in.
“The Jug. Can you come pick us up?”
“Stay put and please stop drinking. I’ll be there in an hour,” he told her, hanging up the phone before Courtney could reply.
Sebastian ran into the kitchen and grabbed his coat and car keys.
“Whoa, where’s the fire?” Henry asked, looking up from his newspaper.
“New Jersey—seems Tess and the girls decided it would be fun to go and get drunk without a designated driver.”
“I’ll get my coat.”
“No, it’s getting late. I can manage,” Sebastian responded.
“You’re really going take on three drunk girls? You can’t drive your car and Tess’ car at the same time.”
Sebastian looked and Henry while contemplating his words, wondering if Henry was right. “Maybe I could use your help,” he conceded.
Henry nodded. “We’ll take the Town Car.”
“Henry, can you drive a little faster?”
“No, the speed limit is posted for a reason.”
“But what if Tess is in trouble? What is someone tried to slip something into her drink? What if some lowlife tries to take advantage of her?” Sebastian knew how men behaved, and suddenly it made him very embarrassed. Not so long ago he had been one of those men. At least he’d never tricked any girl into having sex with him; the attraction was always mutual.
“You’re doing a good thing for those girls.” Henry looked at Sebastian. “You know, before you came to America, your mother told us some things about you and your life back in England. I have to say, I’ve seen none of those behaviors she warned us about. I think you are becoming a remarkable young man.”
“Thank you. Lily would never say that to me,” he whispered. “What do you tell her when she checks in?”
“I tell her the truth: I think you’ve adapted well to your new home, you’ve been caring and considerate of others, and you have a good friendship with Tess. You’ve taken her help seriously and improved your grades.”
“You and Alice have been very good to me.” He fidgeted in the passenger seat, avoiding Henry’s occasional glance. “Why didn’t you and Alice ever have any children? You would make wonderful parents.”
Henry paused slightly. “We weren’t able to have children.”
“I’m sorry. It was inappropriate of me to ask.” He didn’t want to intrude on a private matter.
“Sebastian, I’m a firm believer of things happening for a reason. I don’t believe in luck.”
“So you think it was fate that brought us together?”
“Yes. You’ll find that people come into your life for a reason. You may not understand the reason right away. Sometimes it takes years to understand the roles they play in your life, but there’s always a reason.”
Sebastian didn’t know how to respond, so he just stared out the window, watching the headlights pass by. They turned into the parking lot of The Jug and found an empty space in the back lot.
Henry opened the car door and Sebastian put his hand on Henry’s forearm. “Henry, please wait outside. Tess will be embarrassed as it is. If I need you, I promise I’m come get you.”
Henry hesitated for a moment, then slowly shook his head in agreement.
Inside he found the three of them, still drinking and attempting to dance, but too wasted to do anything but bump into each other. Tess was the first to recognize him. “Sebastian, what are you doing here?” she slurred.
“You’re definitely pissed,” he muttered to himself, finding it hard to believe she could do so much damage in such a short amount of time.
Tess started getting very pale. “I don’t feel so good,” she announced to no one in particular.
“Where’s the toilet?” Sebastian quickly asked.
Jordan pointed to the back corner of the bar. Sebastian pushed Tess forward, hoping they’d make it in time. The girls in the restroom gave him an
odd look as he pushed through the door past them and pulled Tess into the first available stall. She fell to her knees and gripped the porcelain bowl. Sebastian held back her hair with one hand as she leaned in and threw up into the toilet. He used his free hand to gently rub her back.
“You’re such a lightweight, Tess.” Sebastian muttered.
They stayed there for several minutes, her kneeling on the dirty tile floor and him crouching behind her, protecting and comforting her at the same time. When it appeared that she was finished and her breathing had returned to normal, Sebastian handed her a length of toilet paper.
“Thank you,” she gratefully replied, wiping her mouth. She made no attempt to rise, still looking a bit shaky.
“What were you drinking?” he gently asked, trying not to upset her any more than she already was.
“Miller and shots of Jaegermeister.”
“Did you eat anything tonight?”
“No.” Her voice was soft but becoming stronger. She reached for more toilet paper, wiped her mouth again, and dropped the tissue into the bowl and flushed. The paper swirled around and disappeared with the water. She placed her hands on the toilet seat and braced herself to stand.
Sebastian guided her up and helped her navigate her way to the sink. The other girls had left the room and they were alone. He watched as Tess looked up at her reflection in the mirror and bowed her head in shame. She turned on the taps, dispensed some pink liquid soap, and washed her hands. Then she swished a little water around in her mouth and spat it out. Sebastian handed her another paper towel.
“We have our work cut out for us,” he grimaced. “Are you feeling well enough to go home?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, let’s get you out to the car.”
Sebastian took Tess outside for some fresh air. He walked her over to Henry, who was standing next to the Town Car. “I’m going back to get the others.”
Tess leaned against the car to steady herself, gulping in cold, fresh, night air.
“How are you feeling?” Henry asked with a concerned voice.
Life's What You Make It: Love's Great Adventure Book 1 Page 12