Speed Dating

by Natalie Standiford

  —Eli

  It was beyond anything she could have hoped for. He hadn’t written because he liked her too much, and was afraid. She saved the e-mail, then printed it out, just to be safe. She wanted to keep it forever. Her first e-mail from her soul mate.

  8

  Midnight Rendezvous with Squeaky

  * * *

  To: linaonme

  From: your daily horoscope

  HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CANCER: You will violate your usual policy of not fraternizing with the enemy, which will remind you why you had that policy in the first place.

  * * *

  Did you read Mood Swing today?”

  Lina overheard Claire Kessler and Ingrid Bauman talking in the gym locker room. They were in the showers, and Lina was waiting for a stall to become available. Ingrid and Claire were rather moronically shouting over the steam as if nobody could hear them.

  “Yeah, but I’m not going to read it anymore after today,” Ingrid said. “It’s just not as good without Peter and Tess.”

  “I know, it’s boring,” Claire said. “Who cares about that new girl, Quintana Rhea? We can see what she’s doing with our own eyes. We don’t need to read about it on the Internet.”

  “Yeah, you can see what she’s up to whether you want to or not,” Ingrid said. “Slurp slurp.”

  “Lina obviously has no gossip sources. Pete and Tess were totally her and Walker, and she doesn’t know any dirt about anybody but herself. So she has no dirt. End of story.”

  “End of Mood Swing,” Ingrid said. “No dirt, no readers.”

  Ingrid stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her. “All yours,” she said to Lina.

  “You know, I heard everything you said,” Lina said.

  “Good. No point in deluding yourself,” Ingrid said.

  Lina sighed and stepped into the shower. Ingrid was a bitch, but she was right. Lina had no dirt. And that was what the people wanted. But she just wasn’t a dirt-digging type, not when it came to gossip. She didn’t mind digging up muckraker dirt, the kind of digging that was an investigative reporter’s job. She didn’t mind picking up on the odd juicy sound bite. But she had too much respect for people’s privacy to betray their confidences and publish their secrets. Now that she couldn’t publish her own secrets, she had nothing.

  “Are you guys going to do another Speed Dating party?” Autumn asked. She surprised Lina by slipping into the stacks at the library and whispering into her ear. They were in the same history class and were supposed to be doing research for a paper.

  “Yeah, probably,” Lina said. “Why?” Autumn had a boyfriend, Vince Overbeck, whom she was crazy about. Or so she always said. Lina, Mads, and Holly had made the match themselves, through the Dating Game. So why would Autumn be interested in Speed Dating?

  “Eh, I’m having doubts about Vince,” Autumn said. “Do you ever think he’s—I don’t know—boring? I mean, I noticed recently that he doesn’t say much.”

  This was why Autumn, a blabber, had liked him in the first place. Lina was surprised she’d stopped talking long enough to notice.

  “Just because he doesn’t say much doesn’t mean he’s boring,” Lina said. “I wouldn’t rush to break up with him, Autumn. It’s not pretty out there,”

  “Oh, come on,” Autumn said. “You’ve got it good with Walker, right? I heard about the other night… .”

  “The other night?” Something had happened with Walker a few nights earlier, but how would Autumn know about it?

  “He told me. Don’t look so surprised! Who do you think is his main source for inside dope on the girls’ lacrosse team?”

  “It’s just—he never mentioned telling anyone—”

  “Why would he? Anyway, it was so sexy! How did it happen?”

  “The other night?” Lina said. “You mean, when I sneaked him into my house?”

  “On a school night?” Autumn said.

  “My parents won’t let him come over on school nights,” Lina said. “And my mother is extra vigilant since she found his boxers in the bathroom.”

  “Oh, yeah—what happened with that?”

  “I told her they were mine,” Lina said. “But I’m not sure she believed me.”

  “So how did you sneak Walker into your house?”

  “My room’s on the first floor, so he knocked on the patio door. I almost had a heart attack.”

  “I bet! I would have freaked. You probably thought he was a serial killer, right?” Autumn asked.

  “Just for a second. It was almost midnight. My parents were in bed. So I let him in and we watched TV with the sound down.”

  “See, I’ve never done anything like that with Vince,” Autumn said. “Of course, my parents aren’t psychotically overprotective like yours, so if he wanted to come over, he could and it wouldn’t be a problem. Still, it’s more exciting this way, right? So basically, he spent the night at your house. And your parents had no idea?”

  “Well, it was an accident. We fell asleep in front of the TV. Thank god I woke up at five. He sneaked out before my parents got up for work and caught us.”

  “I guess you guys fooled around a lot between midnight and five in the morning, am I right?”

  “Well, a little…”

  “I’m so jealous,” Autumn said. “See, I need a guy like that. All Vince does is tell me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. It’s gets old, it really does.”

  “I don’t know,” Lina said. “I wouldn’t mind. I’m afraid Walker thinks my butt is too fat.”

  “What? You’re crazy,” Autumn said. “It’s not fat at all. Why, did he say that?”

  “No,” Lina said. “But he’s always telling me he likes my face and my hair and my arms and my legs and my chest and my stomach and my feet, but he never mentions my butt.”

  Autumn shook her head. “That does make you wonder.”

  Lina had never had a conversation like this with Autumn before. It felt strange.

  “But no one could ever think your butt was fat, Lina,” Autumn said. “So just put that out of your mind!”

  “Psst! Autumn! Are you back here?” Ingrid’s face appeared through the books on the other side of the stack.

  “Whoops! Gotta go!” Autumn hurried away with Ingrid, leaving Lina to wonder what that was all about. And she didn’t come up with an answer. But the more she turned the incident over in her mind, the more nervous she got.

  Mood Swing

  Current Mood: Wondering…

  The first Speed Dating party at Vineland was a big success. At least two new matches have come out of it, which is good news. There were lots of kids from other schools there—did seeing the competition help light a fire under your butts, boys? Whatever it was, the social scene at RSAGE is finally cooking. New blood. A certain Miss Cue is very busy—my sources have spotted her making out with two RSAGE seniors and a Draper boy. Not all at the same time.

  Let’s see, what else…

  She paused, trying to come up with something juicy to write, but all she could think about was herself and Walker. For inspiration, she checked her mailbox.

  To: moodswingmistress

  From: magicgirl

  Bring back Pete and Tess! Mood swing sucks without them!

  From: gorgon3

  What did Tess’s parents do after her mother found the underpants? Was she grounded? Did they yell at Pete? Did Tess lie? I must know!

  From: x-static

  Where are Tess and Pete???? What have you done with them??? bring them back, you murderer!!!!

  From: rangerred

  I have Pete’s underpants. I’m holding them hostage until you tell us what happened to Pete and Tess! Why must you torture me?

  Okay, so the kids missed the old column. Surely, Lina thought, an adult would appreciate the new, responsible Mood Swing. She couldn’t resist checking in with Erica for a reaction.

  To: ehoward

  From: linaonme

  Re: mood swing

  D
ear Erica,

  I’ve revamped my column a little—just wanted to let you know. What do you think?

  Lina Ozu

  To: linaonme

  From: ehoward

  Re: mood swing

  Lina—Just a quick response off the top of my head. What happened to Peter and Tess? They had such a sweet little love thing going. I was kind of hooked on it. And what you wrote about them was juicier than the stuff in the new column….

  Erica

  Great, Lina thought. Everybody hates my blog now. And on top of that, I could lose the internship!

  Maybe if she explained it to Erica, it would help her case.

  To: ehoward

  From: linaonme

  Re: mood swing

  Erica—I’m glad you liked the characters of Peter and Tess. Unfortunately, they were pseudonyms for real people, and the kids at my school figured out who they were, and they were embarrassed, especially Peter… so I had to stop writing about them. It was too personal and revealing. I think I learned a valuable lesson in journalistic responsibility. So from now on, I’m going to put only well-substantiated news on my blog. No more gossip. I’m sure you’ll find it just as interesting as all that trivia about Peter and Tess.

  Lina

  To: linaonme

  From: ehoward

  Re: mood swing

  Lina—I’m glad to see you grappling with lessons on journalistic responsibility. It’s important. But don’t forget you have a responsibility to your audience, too—and it never hurts to keep them interested and entertained!

  Erica

  She’s right, Lina thought. Everybody is right. Mood Swing just wasn’t as good when it was clean and responsible. But what could she do? It wasn’t worth losing Walker over it. She’d just have to find another way to be entertaining.

  Nuclear Autumn: Keeping You Informed of the

  Latest Developments in the Life of Autumn Nelson

  All right, sweeties! You want the dirt on “Peter” and “Tess”? We got it right here! And it’s another killer. Those two just can’t keep their hands off each other! I guess they can’t go one day without the lovin’ because Pete actually sneaked over to Tess’s house—on a school night—after her parents went to bed. I got this direct from Tess herself, so you know it’s the real deal. Tess is taking big risks here. Her parents are already tetchy after the underpants incident—which, by the way, she cleverly handled by telling her mother they were hers, even though they’re too big for her. She tried to convince Mom that boys’ boxers are the latest spring fashion for girls. Not sure if Mom bought it—how dumb could she be? But it kept her quiet for now.

  Tess likes to live on the edge. She let Pete into her room and they stayed up half the night watching TV with the sound down low and her parents twenty feet away! Must have been hard to keep it down, what with him squeaking all over the place every time you look cross-eyed at him.

  They were so blasé, they actually fell asleep in front of the TV, and Tess had to hustle Pete out of the house when her father got up for work. They came this close to getting caught. Those two lovebirds! What will they come up with next—doing it on the table in the lunchroom? Can’t wait to hear that—scfueak scjueak!

  Maybe not. There may be trouble in paradise, after all, kids. Tess confessed that she’s afraid Pete thinks her butt is fat. I’m not saying it is or it isn’t, but it just goes to show that we all have our insecurities! And even the hottest couple has their little problems. I predict this butt issue will blow up in their faces by the end of the school year. What’s your prediction? Write me! Give me feedback!

  Look to Nuclear Autumn as your only source on all things Pete and Tess! More news later in the week!

  “Oh, my god,” Mads said.

  “Oh, my god,” Holly said.

  “That little bitch,” Lina said.

  They were in the library during study hall. The buzz in the halls about Peter and Tess had driven them to the computer to look up Nuclear Autumn, the source of the rumors.

  “How did she find all this out?” Mads asked.

  “I told her myself,” Lina said. “Right here in the library. She was being friendly and she made it sound as if Walker had already told her everything. But I filled in all the details for her, like an idiot. God, Walker is going to kill me! But, first, I think I’ll play field hockey with her head.”

  Mads looked toward the library door and gulped. “Uh-oh.”

  Lina knew before she even turned her head. Walker.

  “Here comes Squeaky,” Mads said.

  His face was stony. “Lina, can I talk to you for a minute. Alone?”

  “It’s not your fault,” Holly whispered. “Don’t let him take it out on you.”

  “Yeah, the two of you should gang up on Autumn,” Mads said. “Bond in your anti-Autumn-ness. Use it to make your relationship stronger.”

  “Good luck,” Holly said.

  Lina walked out of the library with Walker. He cornered her against a locker.

  “I thought we said no more sharing our secrets with the whole school.”

  “I know,” Lina said. “I never meant for this to happen. I’m furious with Autumn! She tricked me! We were just talking girl-to-girl. I had no idea she was going to post everything I said!”

  “God, I can’t believe you girls,” Walker said. “Why did you have to tell her anything at all? You don’t even like her.”

  “I told you, she tricked me,” Lina said. “She made it sound like you had told her everything. She said she’s your source for lacrosse news.”

  “She did? That little liar! Well, I have talked to her once or twice about their goalie problems… but that’s not the same as telling her I slept over at your house.”

  “I know, Walker. I’m really sorry. I won’t tell her anything else—I promise. Her source on Peter and Tess has dried up. She’ll have to find somebody else to gossip about now.”

  “I hope so,” Walker said. “I’m sorry I got so mad at you, Lina.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “It was kind of fun to wake up next to you that morning. Lying on the cold, hard floor with a blanket tangled around us and the sofa cushions under our heads… .”

  “Yeah, it was fun, wasn’t it?”

  They kissed. It was a definite make-up kiss. He had forgiven her.

  9

  N-n-n-naked

  * * *

  To: mad4u

  From: your daily horoscope

  HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: VIRGO: You are on a search for wisdom. At least, you should be.

  * * *

  Round Two,” Mads said. She and Lina were setting up the second Speed Dating party at Vineland. Holly had begged off, claiming her mother needed help getting ready for a dinner party that night.

  “I don’t believe that for a second,” Lina said. “She hates helping her mother.”

  “I don’t believe it, either,” Mads said. “She’s chicken.”

  “Can’t face her adoring public,” Lina said.

  “She only likes E-li,” Mads said. Mads and Lina had tried to convince Holly that another Speed Dating party might bring another soul mate, but Holly insisted that you can’t have more than one at a time.

  The partyers trickled in and took their seats at the long table in the garden. Mads quivered at the sight of Sean in seat #3. She’d quivered when she had seen his name on the sign-up list. She’d quivered when she had seen him at school. She’d quivered when she’d heard his name. He made her quiver, that’s all there was to it.

  Quintana slinked into a seat near the end of the table. “I can’t believe she’s back for more,” Lina whispered to Mads. “She got at least four dates out of the last party.”

  “I know,” Mads said. “Speed Dating works really well for her.”

  “How many dates does a girl need?” Lina said. “Do you think she does it for the ego rush? Being constantly reminded that so many boys like her?”

  Mads had wondered about this herself, and come to a different conc
lusion. “I think she’s an idealist. She’s looking for her ideal guy, and she doesn’t want to rule anyone out. So she has to meet as many guys as possible.”

  “Did she say that?”

  “No,” Mads said. “It’s my theory. Is everyone here?”

  “We’re missing Girl #15,” Lina said. She checked the sign-up list for the one name not checked in. “Gia Gersh.”

  “Check your cell,” Mads said. “Maybe she called to say she’s running late.”

  Lina checked her phone. “There’s a message.” She listened for a few seconds. “She’s not coming,” Lina said. “She’s home puking her guts out. Stomach flu.”

  “What are we going to do?” Mads asked. “Now we have an extra boy. They’ll have to take turns sitting for six minutes with no one to talk to and nothing to do.”

  “Unless you take Gia’s place,” Lina said.

  “Me? Why me? I have a boyfriend.”

  “You don’t have to date any of the guys,” Lina said. “Just talk to them. So they won’t feel ripped off.”

  “Why don’t you do it?” Mads asked.

  “Because Walker’s meeting me here later and it would be weird if he saw me,” Lina said.

  “I guess,” Mads said. Stephen wouldn’t come near the Speed Dating parties. He’d said he was afraid the hormone surge would give him vicarious acne. “I’ll have to tell the boys up front that I have a boyfriend and I won’t date them.”

  “Just be nice to them,” Lina said. “We don’t want bad word of mouth. Do it for the good of the blog.”

  “All right.” Mads took the last empty seat, at the end of the table next to Quintana. She’d be able to watch Quintana in action. And, of course, she’d get six minutes with Sean.

  “Hey, girl,” Quintana said. “What are you doing here?”

  “Filling in for a sick Speed Dater,” Mads said.

  “Well, don’t steal any cute ones away from me,” Quintana said.