by Kelly Oram
My eyebrows shot up. “You can’t be serious.”
I’d been nothing but untrusting, cold, and standoffish to any of the ACEs since meeting them—especially toward Ryan because of our history. With my memories gone, never to return, I’d been an emotional wreck. What part of all my crying and ranting suggested I was happier? What kind of depressed, crazy freak had I been before?
Ryan laughed once. “It’s hard to believe, I know, but I swear it’s true. You deserved your Ice Queen title, but it wasn’t because you were naturally mean. You used to be so afraid of your power. You were terrified of hurting people. You’d hurt someone once before, accidentally, and you carried the guilt all the time.”
A somber mood fell over us, and his voice quieted. He squeezed the hand he was still holding and started caressing it with his thumb again. “You’ve had some really hard years. Your memories used to control you. You lived in constant fear and guilt. Now, it’s as if you’ve been freed of the past. As much as I wish you remembered me, I’m relieved that your nightmares don’t haunt you anymore.”
I gulped. What could have been so awful? I’d never considered the possibility that my memories might be so horrible that I’m better off without them. My heart raced as I debated asking for details. Eventually my need to know won out. “Will you tell me about it?”
“Your accident?”
“The accident. Getting my powers. What I was like. Why I deserved being called an ice queen. All of it.”
With a slow, subdued nod, he finally brought my hand to his lips. His touch was light as a feather and gave me the chills, tearing down any resolve I had, as if he himself were some kind of drug to me. It was only a peck on the back of my hand, but he practically had me melting in my seat from it. How in the world did he do that?
Startled, I glanced up, hoping Ryan had missed my reaction to him, but he was waiting for me to look with a self-satisfied smile on his face. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was doing it on purpose, and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. When my jaw dropped open, he winked at me and laughed as I ripped my hand away from him.
I’m not sure who I was more annoyed with—him or myself. He was cocky for sure, but his arrogance was completely justified. I played right into his hands every time he made a move. “Would you just tell me about my accident?” I snapped, reaching for the pizza on my plate.
With a sigh, Ryan launched into the story, filling me in on everything. And I mean everything. He talked for nearly forty-five minutes. First he told me about my parents, and that I’d been raised a small-town girl right here in Illinois. He seemed to love the fact that I was once a blonde-haired blue-eyed beauty queen and cheerleader. Honestly, even though I’d seen a picture before blowing up Teddy’s computer, I still couldn’t believe it.
After giving me a bright, happy foundation, he finally got to the darker memories he’d hinted of earlier. He was right that my past was pretty horrific. After learning how I’d killed my boyfriend with my powers, and had a few close calls with my parents once or twice, I understood the Ice Queen thing.
The atmosphere was a lot heavier as we finished our dinner, thanks to the downer story that was the life of Jamie Baker. I had a lot of info to digest, but I didn’t want to kill the mood for the rest of the evening. I scrambled for something to say that might cheer us both up. The only topic I could think of was a dangerous one. Bringing it up could start something with Ryan that I wasn’t sure I was ready to jump into. But at the same time, I couldn’t ignore the excitement and hope growing in me. “So how did we get from Homecoming King and Ice Queen to future Mr. and Mrs.?”
Just as I suspected would happen, Ryan grinned from ear to ear as he held the door to the pizzeria open for me. “That is a much more entertaining story, and one I would love to tell you. But it’s all about remembering for me. Are you sure you want to hear it?”
As much as I loved that he was trying to respect my lack of memory, he’d been the one to suggest ignoring my past, not me. Personally, I was so desperate for my memories that borrowing his was better than having none at all. I stepped out onto the sidewalk, not sure which direction to go. When he caught up with me, I said, “I’m sure. Please tell me. I really need to know.”
He paused, considering my plea. “It’s really that important to you?”
“To know who I was? To know where I came from and why I am how I am?” I nodded. “You don’t realize it because you have yours, but a head full of memories is everything. My life was essentially stolen from me. You’ve had twenty years to live and experience stuff. I’ve had six months. My entire existence is one big, gaping hole. I’m confused all the time about the most basic things. I have so many questions. I feel like I’ve been cheated out of so much. I may not remember the things you tell me, but at least when you explain I can understand. It’s something to fill the void.”
“Hey, Jamie…”
I didn’t realize I was so upset until his voice turned soft. He took my hand and gently pulled me against him. I didn’t even hesitate this time when he put his arms around me. I melted against him and soaked in his comfort. It really wasn’t a mystery how I’d ended up with Ryan Miller in my pre-amnesia life. All he probably had to do was hold me once when I needed it. Letting out a long sigh, I leaned against him and enjoyed the moment.
Ryan held me tightly, rocking me gently, caressing my hair with one of his hands. “I’m sure it’s scary,” he said, his voice soft and understanding. “But you aren’t alone in this anymore, okay? Teddy couldn’t help you because he didn’t have any of the answers you were looking for. He barely knew you.”
Ryan pulled me out of his chest and placed his hands on my cheeks, forcing me to look up at him. His eyes had lost their playful sparkle, but they were filled with emotion. “The thing about truly loving someone,” he said, thumbing away a rogue tear from my cheek, “is you pay attention. From the moment we met, I’ve never been able to get enough of you. I know just about everything there is to know about you. If it’s answers you need, I have them. I’ll tell you anything.”
“Tell me how we fell in love.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I even knew what I was asking. It’s just that with the look in his eyes, and the way he held me, I could feel his love and it was so much more than Teddy had ever felt. Teddy had made his share of passionate declarations, but they had always been spoken out of desperation and need. Ryan was only concerned for me.
I realized something right then. Love—real, honest, true love—is selfless. Teddy only ever thought about his own wants and needs. He helped me so much, but everything he’d done was in an attempt to get what he wanted. Ryan wanted me. He was desperate to earn my feelings again, but I knew that if I sincerely told him I couldn’t be in a relationship with him, he would find a way to deal with it and still help me.
The storm of emotion in Ryan’s eyes cleared, and he smiled—a genuine, happy smile that, for once, had not a single drop of arrogance. “That’s my favorite story.”
When Ryan told me he had somewhere special that he wanted to take me before he told me the story of us, I expected to end up at the Grand Canyon. Instead, I found myself deep in the woods in the mountains of California. The grand log-cabin style home I stood in front of was absolutely picturesque. It was two stories, with a large picture window in the front and a wraparound porch that turned into a deck out back.
The forest was peaceful, and the overwhelming scent of fresh pine was magic on my nerves. When we arrived, Ryan quietly let me take in the sight for a moment. I eventually closed my eyes and took a deep breath, allowing the serenity to wash over me. My heart was with the desert, but this was a very close second. “This place is a dream,” I whispered.
Ryan slipped his hand into mine and led me up the steps. Matching my reverent tone, he chuckled softly and said, “You haven’t seen the best part yet.”
He brought me around to the back of the house out onto the deck that overlooked a gorgeous lake. The view was magnificent. “
Lake Tahoe,” he informed me as we leaned against the porch railing. He pointed across the water to a specific spot that he probably couldn’t see, but with my eyes I knew it was a small beach. “That used to be your number-one study spot until I brought you here. You used to struggle a lot with your senses and liked to escape to quiet places. The Grand Canyon is your favorite, but you’ve always had a soft spot for this lake, too.”
“I can see why.”
I took another moment to enjoy the view, but then a cool breeze kicked up, prickling my skin, reminding me that it was only late April and I was in the mountains wearing a short skirt and a tank top. Rubbing my arms, I looked at the beautiful home behind me. “I don’t suppose your name is on the deed to this place, is it?”
Ryan laughed. “Unfortunately, no, but I do have the entry code.” He led me back around the house and punched a number into the security panel next to the garage door. “This is my stepdad’s cabin. He lets me come here whenever I want, but it’s been a while.” He swallowed. “About six months, actually.”
It wasn’t difficult to put the pieces together. Meeting his gaze, I was the one to reach out and take his hand, offering a supportive squeeze. “This was our place?”
Ryan nodded, smiling down at our hands. He laced our fingers together and led me inside. “We never brought anyone else here with us. When we needed to get away from everything, we would come here and sit on the back deck, drinking Magic Tea in front of the fire.”
That sounded like heaven on Earth. Ryan knew I’d want to do that without having to ask. “There’s a kettle on the stove, and tea leaves in one of the containers on the counter. If you start the tea, I’ll get the fire going.”
I answered him with a smile and went to work filling the kettle with water. Waiting for it to boil, I watched Ryan through the large windows as he threw logs into a built-in fire pit on the back deck and set it ablaze. He hummed to himself as he worked as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
He came back inside as I was pouring the tea and pulled a blanket from a large chest in the family room. “You’ll want this,” he said, letting his gaze sweep the length of my body. “It gets pretty cold up here once the sun goes down.”
“I’d have dressed appropriately, if you’d warned me.” I followed his eyes to my bare legs, and laughed. “Or if I’d known how distracting a short skirt could really be.”
Ryan wasn’t ashamed to be caught ogling. He stood there and let his eyes act like an elevator, slowly moving up and down the length of my body. I was suddenly very glad my supernose didn’t have the power to smell hormones. Also, that I couldn’t read minds, because whatever he was thinking would have made me blush. I had no doubt.
Ryan draped the blanket over a chair and, without warning, eliminated the distance between us. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply as he rested his forehead against mine. I’m pretty sure the action was an attempt to restrain himself from throwing me down onto the living room sofa, but it was still sexy enough that I shivered in his embrace. At my shudder, he slipped his arms around my waist, pressing our bodies together dangerously. “I’ve missed you, Sunshine.”
His voice was so thick with desire it made me tremble all over again. “U-um. I think the tea is ready.”
Swallowing hard, I pulled back, expecting Ryan to release me. He didn’t let go; he dragged his lips down the side of my neck, brushing my skin the entire way. Was he trying to kill me? With a soft kiss to the crook of my neck, he said, “Kiss me, Jamie.”
“I-I r-really d-don’t think that’s a good idea.” I could barely speak, or think, or breathe. It was taking everything in me to resist him.
Another soft kiss. “That’s because you don’t remember what it’s like.” His lips moved to my ear, making me shiver from the tickling sensation of his warm breath on my skin. “Kiss me. Superkiss me. Remember this.”
He brought his mouth to mine and let his lips hover just out of reach, waiting for me to make the decision. I cracked. Utterly and completely. I lifted myself onto my toes to close the distance between our lips. Then, I’m not even sure how it happened, but my hands were on his stomach, making their way up his finely toned chest and over his broad shoulders. Even through the material of his shirt, I felt this strange energy pass between us, as if we were sharing some sort of magnetic energy.
When I gasped, Ryan smiled against my mouth. He wrapped me in his arms and finally captured me in a deep kiss that words could never do justice. It was electric. Mind-blowing.
My arms curled around the back of his neck, and I exploded. Overwhelmed with something more than heat, I lost all self-restraint. Clawing my fingers into his thick, silky hair, I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and took control of the kiss. I couldn’t get enough of him.
My loss of control only encouraged Ryan. He whirled us around and pressed my back against the refrigerator, pinning me against the door and leaning into me in a way that set my body on fire. It was the hottest kiss I’d ever experienced. It was probably the hottest kiss anybody had ever experienced. I never wanted it to end, but Ryan broke his mouth away from mine and rasped, “Rein it in, babe, or we’re going to have to stop.”
I had no idea what he was talking about.
Ryan immediately went back to kissing me, and I would have let him keep doing it forever, except that he started to shake. I pulled my face back and noticed all of his hair was sticking straight up on his head. That’s when I came down from my hormone high and realized what I’d just done.
With a startled curse, I dropped my feet to the floor and tried to push Ryan away. Ryan clamped his arms tightly around me, holding me to him. I could have broken his grip, but I’d have had to use superstrength and, to be honest, I wasn’t really all that excited to move.
We stood there, staring into each other’s eyes, as we worked to catch our breaths. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe what just happened, but Ryan didn’t seem surprised. He beamed at me as if he were made of sunlight. “You are still my Jamie,” he whispered as he pushed my hair behind my ears. “Your head may not remember, but your heart does.”
“I—” I shut my mouth because I had no idea what to say to that.
While I was still trying to make sense of what just happened, Ryan laughed and said, “Déjà vu.”
I refused to ask, but my eyes betrayed my curiosity. “You wanted the story of how we fell in love.” Ryan gestured to our intimate position and said, “We basically just reenacted the first time we met.”
Uh… Considering I’d just attacked the guy, I doubted that. “You’re not serious.”
He slipped his hands beneath my T-shirt and started rubbing them across my lower back as he nodded. I sucked in a breath and shivered again. His touch undid me. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t focus. I was barely able to comprehend his words as he fell into the story.
“We were in the high school cafeteria in front of all our classmates. I asked you to kiss me in order to win a bet. We’d never spoken before, but you agreed to play along, and then you pretty much jumped me.” His smile turned crooked. “I suppose I should have warned you that you’ve never been able to resist me.”
He tried to bring his mouth back to mine again, but this time my head cleared and I was able to scramble away from him. “Wow, ego much?”
I was annoyed and embarrassed by my completely inappropriate lack of self-control, and horrified that I’d just proved all of his cocky claims to be true. But more than that, I was overwhelmed. Could what he said be possible? Could my heart remember something my brain didn’t? It was the only thing that made sense.
It certainly felt like we had a connection. It gave me hope, but it was also terrifying. I kept thinking of Teddy and how miserable I’d been trying to live up to his expectations. I couldn’t forget that, and I couldn’t forget how he’d hurt me. But as much as I was afraid of repeating that with Ryan, I’d never once felt that way with him.
“Don’t worry, babe,” Ryan said, trying to r
eel me in for round two, “I can’t resist you, either.”
Panicking, I yanked myself away from him and put a good four feet of space between us. “Stop, or I will roast you. I swear to you I will. I don’t know what that was, but I have no intention of getting into a relationship with you. I told you that.”
Though, admittedly, I was rethinking the idea after that kiss.
Ryan folded his arms, giving me a defiant look. “Then it’s a good thing I have other intentions, isn’t it? Because I have waited six months for that moment, and you didn’t let me down. A kiss doesn’t lie, Jamie. Even if you don’t remember me, you want me. Why fight it?”
I could not believe the nerve of this guy sometimes. I couldn’t win. But I couldn’t back down, either. Not when he was being so full of himself. Giving him a flat look, I grabbed our teacups and headed past him out to the deck. He grabbed the blanket and followed me out.
“You’re so sure I’m going to fall for you this time?” I asked as I sat down on a patio sofa in front of the fire. “I have to tell you, the whole egotistical thing you have going on isn’t exactly working for you.”
Ryan snorted. “Sure, it’s not.”
“It’s not!” I sounded like a child throwing a tantrum. I couldn’t help it. He was driving me crazy.
Ryan smiled again, as if enjoying another inside joke, and then said, “So is too.”
Rolling my eyes, I begrudgingly thanked him when he draped the blanket over my shoulders. As I gripped it, I handed him his tea and he sat next to me.
For a moment we sipped our drinks in peaceful silence, staring into the flames of the fire. Ryan set his cup aside and lifted his arm around my shoulders. He smirked at the warning look I shot him, and tucked me securely into his side. “You’ll have to zap me to keep me away.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
My threat fell on deaf ears. “I made you fall for me once; I can do it again. Only this time it won’t take me nearly as long.”