by Kelly Oram
Though I could no longer see, I still recognized Ryan’s desperate voice as whispered from somewhere nearby. “Teddy, please. She’s stubborn enough to sacrifice herself. You know she is. Betty is, too. Don’t let them die. Please, Teddy. Do the right thing. It’s Jamie. If you love her at all, you won’t let her die. You say you love her, Teddy! Act like it!” Ryan’s voice was getting stronger as his frustration rose. I wasn’t even harming him anymore; I was simply holding him.
Another scream tore from my chest. The pain was too much. I was trying to listen, still trying to fight Teddy’s orders, but it hurt too badly. I couldn’t stay focused. Couldn’t concentrate. Couldn’t make my body obey me at all. Now I understood why Betty had referred to it as scrambling my brain. That’s exactly what was happening. I was turning to mush from the inside out.
“Let her go, damn it! You’re killing her! That’s not love, Teddy. How can you hurt the ones you love? Let her go before she’s gone! Jamie!”
The last thing I remember was an agonized cry from Natalia as she called out to Betty, and then darkness clouded over all my conscious thoughts.
My mind came back slowly but surely. Thinking was a slow process, like wading chest deep through a bog, but I could do it. Unfortunately, it hurt. My head was so sore. It throbbed with every pump of blood my heart pushed its way. And if I tried to concentrate too hard on anything, it cause sharp pains to stab at my brain. I know, because as soon as I regained consciousness, the first thing I did is try to figure out what happened and my brain was like I don’t think so.
I rolled over with a groan.
“Jamie? Sweetheart?”
The soft, weepy voice was music to my ears. I forced my eyes open, and my heart somersaulted at the sight of my mother standing over my bed. Memory after memory flooded my brain as she smiled down at me, full of worry. “Mom.”
She knew. Just from the way I’d choked on the word, she knew that my recognition of her was deeper than the past week. Her eyes spilled over with tears, which set off a chain reaction in me. And then we were hugging each other and sobbing on each other’s shoulders. And that’s how the ACEs found us when they all piled into the infirmary along with my father.
All of the big, tough manly men stumbled to a stop and cringed or fidgeted, uncomfortable with the emotion they were witnessing. Ryan, on the other hand, grinned at my father, who in turn smiled back and said, “Looks like things are back to normal for the Baker family.”
My mother and I both burst into laughter, all the while still sobbing. We looked completely crazy. Maybe we were completely crazy. But my father was right; bawling together was something my mother and I were known for. At our outburst, my dad threw his head back, roaring with laughter. He quickly joined us on my bed, scooping us both into his giant arms.
The hug set me off all over again. It was so comforting. And so familiar. Bursting with love and relief and just overwhelming joy, I threw my arms around my father’s neck and squeezed him as tightly as his huge body could stand. I felt like I was five years old, wrapped in the safety of my father’s arms where nothing could ever hurt me. “Daddy,” I sobbed. It was the only word I could get out.
“I know, baby girl. I know,” he whispered. His voice hiccuped and his chest jerked several times as he fought to keep control of his own sobs.
It took us a few more minutes to calm down enough to acknowledge anyone else in the room. Once I caught my breath, I wiped away the moisture from my cheeks and scooted over, giving my parents room to sit down on either side of me. They both kept their arms around me as if they would never be able to let me go again.
I was okay with that until I saw my best friend shyly standing at the back of the room, partially hiding behind all of the ACEs. Gasping, I jumped off the bed and pushed my way through the wall of soldiers and yanked Becky into a tight hug. “Beck! I am so sorry!”
She squeezed me back, sniffling. I envied her ability to keep the crying to a minimum. “Is it really you?” she asked.
“It’s really me. I’m so sorry I treated you so terribly.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I can’t imagine what it was like for you.”
“It was horrible, but you were here for me anyway. You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you for being my best friend. And I’m so sorry about Mike. Beck, I can’t even believe that the last time I saw you we—”
“Hey. It’s forgotten. Water under the bridge. I even spoke to Mike and I’m working on trying to forgive him. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you. I didn’t know everything you were going through.”
I gave her a half smile. “I should have trusted you with my secrets. I wanted to, but—”
“I understand why you didn’t.” Becky shook her head, as if my apology were ridiculous. Then her face lit up with a mischievous grin. “But now that I know, girl, we have a lot of catching up to do. And also, you realize that you’re in a hospital gown right now, with your backside exposed to your whole team, right?”
Gasping, I scrambled back to my bed, blushing at the roaring laughter that erupted in the room. FREAKING HOSPITAL GOWNS! Thankfully the stupid thing had been tied and the damage was minimal, but still—embarrassing. I’d have given all the smirking men a piece of my mind, but the ACEs were the sort to tease back, and I was so not going there with my father in the room.
“So.” I cleared my throat past the humiliation clogging it. “Will someone please explain to me what happened?”
The guys all chuckled at the obvious subject change, but they let it slide and Major Wilks stepped forward to explain. “Despite the small hiccup with Teodoro, the mission was a complete success. Harper has officially joined the ACEs and led the team that took down the Alaska compound while we came for you guys.” I cringed at the mention of Teddy and resisted the urge to ask what happened to him. I knew Major Wilks would get there soon.
“Thanks to Harper’s knowledge, we were able to sneak up on the five remaining superthugs on Donovan’s retrieval team and sedate them before any damage was done.” His face grew solemn. “Only two of them survived the withdrawals, but we were able to identify all of them. The three who didn’t make it were all military. Their families have been informed of their passing.”
My throat closed again. At least they were free of Donovan’s leash now, but my heart still ached for their families. “Wait, they’ve already been through the withdrawals? How long was I out?”
“It’s been four days,” my dad said. “Almost five.”
“Five days?”
Major Wilks nodded. “Whatever Betty did to your mind wasn’t permanent, but it certainly did a number on your head.”
No kidding. I was still feeling it like a nasty hangover. I looked up at the military leader, whom I’d somehow grown to respect and trust, and felt the weight of guilt settle on my chest. “I’m sorry, Major.” His brows lifted in surprise. “What happened with Teddy, my safety, Betty’s, Ryan’s…I jeopardized everyone. It was selfish of me. And stupid.”
“Jamie, you couldn’t have known,” Ryan argued.
“No, but if I’d stayed back like you both wanted me to, none of it would have happened. I made a bad choice. I’m strong enough to admit that I screwed up.” It took all of my courage to meet the major’s gaze again, but I did it. “I’m sorry I let you down, sir.”
Major Wilks watched me for a long moment, and then his face softened. “We all make mistakes, Angel. But not all of us can recognize or admit when we were wrong. That takes guts, soldier, and I’m proud of you.”
I rolled my eyes, but my smile still gave me away. My chest burned with pride at the compliment, even though I felt I didn’t deserve it. Major Wilks must have read my apprehension, because he sighed and said, “You didn’t let me down. You haven’t let any of us down. Overall, we recovered thirty-six of our missing soldiers and freed them of the nanobots. Chen is behind bars, and his lab has been shut down permanently. That is mostly thanks to you. We could never have done this without you. Yo
u are truly a hero.”
“A superhero,” Tyson corrected. “The most kickass superhero that ever existed.”
I cracked a small smile at his enthusiasm, but couldn’t hold it. “What about Betty?” My heart sped up as my thoughts turned to the woman I’d last seen collapsed in Tex’s arms. “Is she okay? She risked so much for me.”
The atmosphere fell even more somber. “We nearly lost Betty,” Major Wilks admitted. “But she’s better. Almost back to full health now. She’s resting it off in her private room. Natalia is watching over her. The girl seems to be the best medicine for the old woman.” He paused and looked away for a moment before meeting my eyes again. “We had to give her the last of the healing serum in order to save her.”
Silence fell on the room as everyone waited for my reaction to that. Admittedly, it took me a moment to process what he was getting at. The serum was gone. Which meant my memories of Ryan were gone with it. Knowing how they’d made the serum, there was no way I’d let them make any more. Ever.
I shook off all the looks of pity. “No, that’s good. Of course you should have used it to save her. I’d have killed you guys if you’d done it any differently.”
“Still,” Shortstop said softly. “We’re sorry there wasn’t enough for you. We heard what they did. That they’d…”
He couldn’t spit it out. I couldn’t blame him. It was a cruel fate they’d handed me, to deny me the one person I loved more than anything. My heart was broken over it, but the ACEs made the right choice. I could live without my memories of Ryan, knowing that Betty had been saved.
I met Ryan’s eyes. He was watching me closely, a hesitant smile on his face. I held my hand out to him, and he shuffled forward to tangle our fingers together. “It’s okay,” I promised. “Almost losing you changed my perspective. I really don’t need the memories. I wish I had them, but having the real thing is better. I get that now.”
Surprise washed over his face, and my heart melted at his hopeful expression. “We’ll be okay, Ryan. I’ll be okay. I have most of my past back, and that can be enough. I can let it go now. We can make new memories now, and that will be enough.”
My eyes glossed over and my voice gave out, so I stopped talking. Ryan pulled me off the bed and into his arms. As I snuggled against him, soaking up his support, he wrapped his arms around me. He even made sure that the back of my gown was securely closed—which was super considerate, I thought, since I was too distracted by the heat in his eyes to care whether or not my backside was on display.
He leaned his forehead down on mine and gave me a smile that set me on fire. “I am going to spend the rest of my life giving you so many memories you won’t have room for them all.” His mouth moved to my ear, and I shivered as his breath blanketed the sensitive skin there. He was so right about that whole heightened sense of touch thing. “Memories you wouldn’t be able to forget if you tried,” he whispered.
Judging from the heat in his voice, I knew exactly what kinds of memories he wanted to make with me. That terrified me slightly, but I trusted him. He would take care of me.
A clearing of a throat made me snap away from Ryan. Seeing my father’s frown, my face flamed unbearably hot. I tried to retreat back to the safety of my bed, but Ryan refused to let me leave his arms. He, more so than my parents, was never going to let me out of his hold ever again. The idea thrilled me.
Giving up the fight—with pathetic ease—I leaned against Ryan’s chest and let out a sigh, ignoring his amused chuckle. I mean, if he was determined to hold me, I may as well take advantage, right?
“So what happened with Teddy?” I asked.
Ryan’s grip tightened a fraction. I hated to bring up the sore subject, but I really needed to know.
“He’s here in the stockade,” Major Wilks said.
I stiffened. “He’s here? On base?” Not sure that was the best idea. However they managed to subdue him, having him in such close proximity to me couldn’t be good. I wasn’t sure what the range on his control over me was. “What if he—”
“You’re safe, babe,” Ryan promised with a reassuring hug. “Dr. Haggerty worked with Dr. Rajeet, and together they were able to extract Teddy’s nanobots from your brain.”
I don’t even want to know how they did that. But the major headache suddenly made sense.
“Anyway, you’re in the clear. He can’t control you ever again.”
Relief of the century. “So, how did you finally stop him, anyway?”
The question made Ryan tense again.
“He let you go, Jamie,” Tyson said, when Ryan couldn’t seem to force the words out. “When you collapsed, he gave up. He let you go and let the ACEs take him in. He couldn’t let you and Betty die.”
I turned my head so that I could see the young PAC. There was something different about him now. He was plagued with a sorrow I understood all too well. It was the pain of betrayal. Teddy had been one of their family, the subjects. He was the first one to be captured and had been there with all of them through their entire Visticorp experience. Tyson looked up to him like a brother.
I felt bad for Tyson, but he was strong and would be all right. “I know what he did was wrong,” Tyson said, “but in his own way, he really does love you, Jamie.”
Ryan scoffed, but I agreed with Tyson. “I know.” I sighed heavily. “It’s not entirely his fault. He was brought to Visticorp when he was five. The only example of right and wrong he ever had was Donovan’s.”
Ryan pulled back to look at me, aghast. “Jamie, he mind controlled you. He forced you to kill Donovan. He was going to kidnap you and force you to be his…his…” He choked on anger, unable to finish his sentence. Not that either of us needed to hear the end of it.
I placed my hand on his cheek and softly kissed his lips. “I know, Ryan. I’m not saying he’s innocent, but I can’t truly condemn him, either. I pity him. He definitely needs to be locked up—he’s dangerous—but he also needs forgiveness and compassion. He needs help.”
I glanced at Major Wilks. “You mentioned having a great therapist here. You should let Teddy see her. Please tell me that whatever happens to him, you’ll try to help him, too.”
Major Wilks gave me a stiff nod. “You have my word, Angel. And you aren’t the only one who feels that way. The other PACs share your opinion and Blake adores him. He’s spent most of his time sitting outside Teodoro’s cell since he arrived.”
I flinched. Now that I had my memories back, I remembered what Blake—Mr. E.—had done to me. It was hard to reconcile the English teacher I’d sent to prison with the man Teddy always spoke so fondly of. Startling, even. “Talk about someone who needs a good dose of therapy,” I muttered. It was easier to understand Teddy’s actions than Blake’s because Teddy’s past had been so messed up. What was Blake’s excuse?
I shuddered. Forgiveness for either of them would be a long time coming, if it was even possible.
Major Wilks startled me out of my thoughts. “Would you like to see him?”
“Who, Mr. E.? No thanks. I’ve killed enough people this week.”
Major Wilks frowned, and so did Ryan. “Donovan wasn’t your fault.”
“Wasn’t he?” I challenged. “I went there of my own free will. I let him inject me with his serum.”
“He tried to control you, and it bit him in the ass,” Tyson muttered. “The man was a sociopath, Jamie. He got what he deserved.”
“And I’m still a murderer.”
Everyone in the room immediately tried to argue. I lifted my hands in surrender, to show them all that I understood what they meant. I appreciated their efforts to console me, but there was still a weight on my chest. I’d acquired wounds that were going to take a long time to heal. I would recover from everything that happened, eventually, but I would never be the same.
“Sorry about the self-pity party, Major. No, I have no desire to see Mr. E.”
“Actually, I meant Teodoro. He’s been asking to speak to you. I told him that would b
e solely up to you.”
Ryan’s jaw clenched, but that’s not what swayed my decision. “No,” I answered. Ryan let out a small breath of relief. “I can’t completely condemn him, but I hate him still. I don’t want to hear his apologies, or justifications, or declarations of feelings. Maybe someday I’ll be able to forgive him and start talking to him again, but it’s probably better for us both if I just make a clean break for now. Just make sure you get him help.”
Major Wilks stood there watching me for a long moment. Something about my answer had really made the wheels in his head start spinning. When I cocked an eyebrow at him, he pursed his lips. “Am I to assume, then,” he asked slowly, “that you don’t plan to stay?”
Ah. So that was his problem. I slumped a little in Ryan’s grasp. I knew this conversation would come up again, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. “You assume correctly, Major.”
He stiffened, grinding his teeth—probably in an attempt to hold his tongue. “I’ve got a lot of healing to do, Major. I’ve been through a lot. I need some time to recover, to spend time with my family and friends whom I’ve been missing from for six months. I’d like to go back to college, live a little, and grow up some before I commit my life in any one direction. Plus, I think I need to get to know the fiancé I can’t remember, yet still agreed to marry, a little better before he makes me officially tie the knot.”
Ryan flashed me a wolfish grin. “What do you want to know? I’ll give you a week.”
I snorted. “Nice try, Goldilocks. I may have agreed to it, but I’m seeing a very long engagement in our future.”
Ever the optimist—or egotist, depending on how you look at it—Ryan smirked. “Challenge accepted, Sunshine.”
I rolled my eyes and shrugged at Major Wilks. “Sorry. But like I said before, I’ll leave you with my number. You’ve earned my respect, Major Wilks, and even more than that, my trust. I may not be an official ACE, but maybe I could be more of an on-call backup? If you ever find yourself in a jam, let me know.”