by Holly Rayner
Sophia stared at him, bemused. His answer was vague and indirect, and told her almost nothing about who he was as a person. Was he hiding information about his family on purpose, or did he really just have no ability to feel beyond the hedonistic realm?
“So you plan on staying in advertising forever? It never gets boring?”
“Does architecture?” he challenged.
Sophia shook her head.
“Of course not. My field is an art that is always changing and growing and developing. Your field is in the business of convincing people to consume things whether they want them or not, and that hasn’t really changed over time.”
“Belittling a man’s career, eh? Is that a lesson you’ll be passing down to our progeny?”
“Well, am I wrong?”
They stared each other down. After a moment, Jed relented.
“No. You are not. It’s a big reason why I’ve been working towards a career change over the past year.”
“Oh really? What is it you’ll be going into next?”
“Politics,” he answered, taking another bite of steak while Sophia glanced to the side until he finished chewing.
“I never saw you as a political force. Why would you enter that circus?”
Jed’s gaze was unreadable as he stared at her, his eyes drifting slightly as he gave his answer.
“I’ve been living in a circus my whole life. At least if I get into politics, I might be able to change the world for the better, rather than just providing a product. Instead, I can be the product, and I can bring about a better situation for New York.”
“So you won’t run nationally?”
“Not yet. You have to prove you can lead on the small scale before you go big.”
“And you really want to make the world a better place?”
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes, it is. You’re an ambitious man. I could more likely assume that you simply want power and a title to lord over others while you do as you please, like pretty much every other politician.”
“Well, aren’t you the jaded one?”
“I haven’t heard a real reason why you would run for office here other than a vague political statement that sounds like a soundbite. So why don’t you try a little honesty with me here? It would be refreshing.”
Jed frowned at her, considering his answer. When he couldn’t come up with a reply, Sophia shrugged her shoulders, taking another bite of her food.
“I imagine having an illegitimate child will hurt your chances of getting elected, anyway.”
“On the contrary. According to my advisors being a family man with a baby on the way is one of the best angles I could take for a mayoral campaign.”
His tone was venomous, like he was trying to one-up her after her comment clearly hit home. Sophia’s heart turned cold at his words.
So there it was. The real motivation for his “change of heart.” He was schmoozing her as a way to get in her good graces so that she and their child could be political chess pieces meant to serve his ambition. She kept her gaze on the table until she could control her anger enough to look him in the face. When she did, she saw his cautious expression.
“Might I remind you,” she said, her tone perfectly cool, “That a family is not a short-term convenience created to delude the public into thinking you’re something better than what you are. Your campaign will end, and this child will still be yours, and they will still need a father. Using us as a stepping stone for your own means…I can’t even look at you.”
She tossed her napkin onto the table and stood, grasping her clutch as she glared down at him.
“You clearly have no understanding of what it means to have a family or a child. We are not pawns in your game—we are human beings!”
Jed said nothing. She couldn’t tell if there was a lick of remorse in his features, and that was enough to send her completely off the deep end. Still, Sophia had always prided herself on her ability to control her emotions, and she did so in that moment. She wasn’t strong enough to repress a sneer as she gave her final statement.
“You are scum.”
Turning on her heel, she stormed out of the restaurant, making a quick exit. When Jed’s driver saw her, he bolted towards the door, but she held out a hand to stop him.
“Don’t bother. I’ll find my own way home.”
She reached out her hand for a cab. A car pulled up, and she slid into the backseat, which was decidedly much less comfortable than Jed’s town car. In that moment, Sophia would have rather sat on a bed of nails than take any favors from that man. She replayed their conversation in her mind over and over as the car sped along busy streets back to her apartment.
The nerve of that man! Acting like he cared about being a presence in his child’s life; acting like he had any intention of being an involved father, or even parenting beside her as partners? When the cab reached her house, she grabbed a wad of cash and pressed it into the driver’s hand before making a quick exit, storming into her building and up the stairs.
She needed to blow off steam, and climbing stairs appeared the only way to do that. As she reached her floor, she was winded, stopping at the top to catch her breath. She faced her door, staring at the portal, thinking about the night she had stood with her back pressed against that wall, Jed’s arms on either side of her, enveloping her with his warmth.
A wave of panic washed over her as the image dissolved from her mind’s eye. How could she have a baby with someone so cold-hearted? So calculating? Her traitorous body reacted to him every time she laid eyes on him, and the thought of his presence lingering in her apartment sent shivers of awareness down her spine. It was true that for some reason, they had an undeniable chemistry, but that meant nothing when faced with the man’s ambitions.
She thought about the prospect of making things work with him for the sake of their child. What would happen to them when the election ended, for good or ill? If he won, would they be forced to play a part, be some kind of façade and live a shadow life while he played happy family to garner more votes? And if he lost? Without needing them anymore, would he be in their baby’s life, simply to disappear when they no longer held value for him?
Sophia’s mind raced faster than her heart as she considered the myriad of possibilities, and she couldn’t find a single positive outcome. Her stomach clenched, and her hand shot to her abdomen. Her emotions were affecting the baby. She needed to calm herself down.
Taking measured steps to her front door, she glanced away from the spot she had been looking at—the one where she had spent one of the few good moments she could remember with Jed. Sticking her key in the door, she pressed it open, relishing the scent of home.
Taking deep breaths, Sophia counted her steps as she made her way to her living room sofa, kicking off her shoes as she went. She collapsed onto the couch, staring out the window at the rows of windows across from her, blurry behind her own reflection. Her reflected eyes were wide and scared, and she stared down her own fear as she watched her expression change from panicked to neutral, still focusing on her breath.
Her stomach relaxed, signaling the effect of her efforts on the baby.
“Sorry, little one,” she whispered.
Sophia sighed, her rational mind fully returned. As much as she wanted to eliminate Jed Shields from their lives, she would never truly be able to do that. Her child needed a father, and while Sophia would have picked nearly anyone else had she known what she was getting into, there was no changing that fact.
Jed Shields was simply another challenge that she would have to overcome. Sophia thought about every obstacle she had faced, growing up. Most of her life challenges had been academic or intellectual in nature. There were tests that she had to take, mental hurdles to overcome to propel herself forward and to a better place. A place she knew she always wanted to be.
Her challenge now was one she hadn’t really had to face before. She would have to find a way to break through human
stubbornness, including her own, to do what was best for her child. She was going to have to take a hard look in the mirror, and face her own fears and anxiety, while at the same time convincing the man she had been linked to that he could be better than he allowed himself to be.
She would have to accomplish all of this while growing a tiny human in her body.
Sophia took her time. She made a pot of tea. She changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas. She wanted him to have time to leave the restaurant and get home, so that when she called him, he wouldn’t be leaving the table she had abandoned him at.
She sifted through her phone, remembering that he had called her work earlier that day in the afternoon. Connecting her cell to her work phone might not have been very beneficial for work-life balance, but she found it fabulously useful in that moment. Skimming through the phone numbers, she narrowed it down to two that could belong to Jed. She tried the first one, and got the voicemail of a supply chain she had been in contact with over the course of the past several months.
That meant the second number had to be Jed’s. Meeting her own gaze in the reflection of the window once again, she braced herself to make the call. Somehow, she would get through this. They both would.
Chapter Eight
The phone rang several times before Jed’s voice sounded on the other end of the line.
“Jed Shields,” he said, his voice professional.
She wondered if he knew it was her before he answered.
“Jed,” she said, allowing the silence to stretch for a moment.
“Sophia,” he replied, using her given name.
So, no more nicknames. At least that part of his fake behavior was done.
“I’m surprised to be hearing from you so soon after our wonderful evening together. I believe the rule is to wait three days after a date to call.”
“That rule has been outdated since the twentieth century, I believe,” she quipped.
“Ah, well. To what do I owe the pleasure of this follow up? Perhaps you would like to berate me on the failings of my character again? That was fun for both of us.”
Sophia sighed. He wasn’t going to make this easy, was he?
“Look, I know I got heated, and I had every right to be upset. You intend to use me and the baby for your own benefit, rather than being a father and a partner. I think I’m pretty justified in my dislike for that part of your plan.”
When Jed said nothing, she continued on.
“I’d like to make a bet with you, Jed. I’d like to see if I can change your mind about this whole parenting thing.”
Jed laughed, and it wasn’t really a pleasant sound.
“Okay, let’s hear what you’ve got to wager.”
“All right. I’m willing to play along with your career goals, be the loving mother of your child that you need to appear well-rounded to the voters, if you will agree to put in a sincere effort to be an involved father to this baby. I believe, deep down, that this is something you want, and I think I can show you that being a father is a gift worth sticking around for, long after the election is over.”
“You think you can convince me that fatherhood is some kind of gift?”
The bitterness in his voice wasn’t lost on Sophia. She wracked her brain to remember if he had ever said anything about his family when she tried to get him to open up at dinner. He had left that information out of anything he had said. What were his parents like, that he believed so little in the power of family?
“I think I can. What do you say? Are we in agreement?”
Jed paused, thinking over her offer.
“I think you’re setting yourself up for your first failure here, but why not? You’re welcome to try. I won’t stop you. Especially if it means you’re willing to see things my way about the campaign.”
“I never said I saw things your way about that. My goal is to change your perspective, and perhaps, dare I say, your mind.”
“Now you’re really getting ambitious.”
“Always have been, always will be.”
“So I see. You have yourself a deal, Sophia. I’ll tacitly look forward to whatever torture you have in mind to try and convince me that being a parent isn’t a total waste of one’s time and efforts.”
“I appreciate your candor. I will think about my strategy, and I’ll be in touch.”
“I won’t look forward to it.”
“Not at first. Even the toughest eggs crack eventually.”
“Ah, that’s where your flaw lies. I am hardly an egg.”
“We’ll see about that. Goodnight, Jed.”
“So long, Sophia,” he said, ending the call.
Sophia set her phone down on the table, staring out at nothing in particular. While the call went better than she anticipated, there was still no doubt that she had her work cut out for her. In order to work on changing Jed for the better, she knew that there were a few things she would have to face about herself as well.
She yawned. Even though she had left Jed early in the evening, and it was hardly time for bed, she took one last sip of tea before she left her mug on the coffee table, then she slid into bed, snuggling beneath her downy comforter.
Her hand snaked onto her belly, as it so often did when she found herself alone, and she took a deep breath.
“Don’t worry, kiddo. We’re going to make this right for you. Somehow you are going to have an amazing home life. I just haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to make that happen yet, but I will.”
Rolling over, she turned off the light, feeling physically and emotionally drained. In the morning, she would begin building a new foundation with Jed. Knowing that existing buildings required demolition first, she braced herself for what would be a daunting task ahead.
Before she knew it, she was fast asleep.
When Sophia woke the next morning, she felt refreshed and invigorated. There was nothing like an impossible challenge to get one’s drive going. Stretching, she prepared for the day leisurely, taking her time to have a full cup of tea and a healthy breakfast before stepping out onto the street and walking to work.
She had read that walking was one of the healthiest exercises one could do while pregnant, and it felt good to breathe in the city air as she glanced around her neighborhood, thinking about what it would be like to have a baby there. Would it be prudent to move into another neighborhood, perhaps one with a playground? Then again, Central Park wasn’t far at all. Perhaps she really was in the best location. For a kid in New York City, having the biggest park in town within walking distance was certainly a luxury.
When Sophia stepped into the office, she was met by the suspicious stare of Luis, who stood watching her carefully.
“Something’s up with you,” he declared.
Sophia smirked, breezing past him as she made her way to her office. He followed close behind.
“Good morning to you, too, Luis,” she said.
As she stepped into her office, Luis closed the door behind them. She set down her work bag and sat at her desk, facing him.
“Girl, you need to spill whatever it is you’re hiding. What’s going on with you?”
“Why does anything have to be going on with me?”
Luis began ticking off her behavior on each of his fingers.
“You call out of work. You meander in here later than anyone else. You don’t answer emails in the middle of the night anymore. Need I go on? You’ve been doing those things since I’ve known you, and I can bet well before that, too. So I’ll ask again.”
He leaned in, watching her expression carefully.
“Are you pregnant?”
Sophia’s eyes widened at the question, and she sat back in her chair, speechless.
“That’s not a very polite question,” she dodged.
Luis rolled his eyes.
“You know you’re not fat, and you know I’d never make that guess even if you just ate a burrito. Did you know I’m the oldest of eight siblings?”
“
Seriously?” Sophia asked, surprised.
While she and Luis had spent ample time together, they had never really gotten personal enough to talk about their lives outside of New York. For many people, that was a sore subject. People came to the city to forget where they came from, and everyone respected that, especially since most of its inhabitants were in the same boat.
“Seriously. I am the oldest of eight, and my youngest sibling is still in middle school. That means that I saw my mom pregnant seven times, and every single time I knew when it was coming. She had the glow, and so do you. Now, are you going to lie to me and tell me I’m wrong, or can we have a real discussion about this?”
Sophia considered his question. No one knew about her baby outside of her sister and Jed. She hadn’t even found the courage to tell her parents yet. Could she really tell her greatest professional rival? What would he do with that information?
“What if I told you that you were right? Would you try and use that information against me?”
“Is this the nineteenth century? No, of course not! Besides, it’s not like I have half your talent, so even with a baby taking up your time, you’re still probably always going to surpass me in some way.”
His tone was hard, but there was still a softness behind it. Luis had always been a tough nut to crack, but in that moment, needing an ally in one of her happiest places, Sophia decided to concede the truth.
“Your instincts are correct,” she said.
Luis whooped, plopping down on a sofa across from her desk and crossing his leg over his knee, leaning in.
“You have got some explaining to do, right now!”
“And you have got a mouth to keep shut. I’m early enough not to even have had my first check up yet, and my parents don’t even know, so you are keeping this to yourself, clear?”
“As crystal. Also, I was entirely unaware that you were in a relationship. Where is this guy, and why haven’t we met him?”