The flames are back and burning a fucking hole in me. James grumbles, “Fine. I’m out.”
“Bye!”
James grabs his keys to his motorcycle off the coffee table and storms out of my house. I know that is not what he wants. He has to understand that I don’t know him. I am not just going to hand my son over without us getting to know him. I definitely do not feel comfortable with Charlie going over to his home with his biker gang friends. I know how much bikers can party. There is a certain image the bikers exude. I am not saying James and his friends are like that, but I just can’t take that risk. Not yet.
Chapter 8
James
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Damn it. I get why she will not let my son stay at my house but it’s the way she said it. It was as if she is better than me and that I am just some reckless biker. She has no idea who I am. I served this country. I protect and honor those who have fought for this very country she lives in. I own my home. Yeah, I like to party but what thirty-year-old with no family doesn’t? I have no family but the men I ride with. I need a fucking whiskey and coke. I ride my bike to Dirty Jay’s.
When I walk into the bar, I see Ajax sitting at his normal spot at the bar. Dallas is slinging drinks and smiling at customers. Our eyes connect, she waves at me. This might be a good night to talk, among other things, with Dallas. Ajax isn’t going to be happy with me, but he will get over it. I sit next to Ajax. He nods at me. Dallas comes by and she can read my mind. She sets a double Jack and Coke in front of me. I grin and wink at her.
Ajax notices the long stare and speaks, “Bro, really? I’m right here.”
Dallas shakes her head and walks away.
I respond, “You have nothing to worry about.”
“Bull shit. Not at the house tonight. I’m going straight home.”
“Wow. You’re okay with your sis and me?”
“I’m never okay with it. But there is nothing I can do about it.” He pauses, “Can we not talk about this?”
“Sure, man.”
“How did it go with Charlie?”
“It was perfect. Hays has done a great job raising him. We connected.”
“And with Hayden?”
“Now, that is a different story.”
“Explains the tension,” as he shakes his head at me.
“Tension.”
“Bro, you look like you’re going to explode.”
“This whole situation is frustrating. I just have to keep telling myself, in time.”
“She doesn’t trust you.”
“That obvious?”
“What do you expect? She doesn’t know you.”
“I’m realizing this.”
“Don’t sweat it. She will come around.”
“Yeah!” I take a swig of my drink. Ajax is my levelheaded friend. It is just this whole situation is fucking with me. I have a son and I can’t spend unlimited time with him because his mother does not know me. I need to change that. I will do whatever to change that.
***
Dallas was just what I needed. She knew I needed to let out some steam. All it was, was a look and she followed me to the compound. I hate fucking her at the compound. But I must honor my friend’s request. One day, Dallas is going to make some man happy. I love the girl, but I am not in love with her. The sex is a fucking ride through a thunderstorm, loud and electric. Her naked body is wrapped in the sheets. I get up and put on my boxers. I look at my phone and see I have a text from Hayden.
Hayden: Breakfast this morning? Charlie asked.
I scratch my messy dark brown hair. I am not sure how to react. I mean, I am grateful that Charlie wants to see me so soon. But looking at Dallas, sleeping soundly, has me conflicted. I cannot leave her here. But my son comes first. I text Hayden back.
James: When and where?
Hayden: My house at 9am.
James: See you soon.
I nudge Dallas to wake her up. She stirs a bit but isn’t waking. This is what I get for keeping her up at all hours of the night. Maybe, I should bring some coffee to wake her up. She loves black coffee. I put on my jeans and head to the kitchen.
While brewing some coffee, a frazzled curvy brunette carrying her shiny red heels in hand comes walking down the hallway into the bar/kitchen area. I cannot believe this girl is walking around barefoot in this place. I shiver just thinking about it. She smiles, “Hey!”
I greet her with a nod.
Ajax is trailing behind her with a smirk for days. Fucker hooked up with some chic last night. I could have taken Dallas to our house and would have been fine leaving her there.
Ajax speaks to the brunette, “Hold up.”
She rolls her eyes and sighs, “Avery, I need to get going.”
“Give me a minute.”
“Fine. I’ll be waiting outside.” The brunette puts on her heels and clicks her shaking ass out the front door.
I look at Ajax and say, “Avery.”
He laughs, “Yeah, she refuses to call me Ajax. That one right there was a lot of fun.”
“What happened to just going home last night?”
“When the opportunity arises, you take it! I better go. See ya.”
I laugh, “I thought you wanted to say something to me. I guess when pussy calls.”
“You know it. Especially, freaky pussy.”
I shake my head at my friend. This girl has no idea. Poor girl. Not really, though. She fucked a biker at the compound.
I watch Ajax as he walks out the front door. The brunette is on the phone. That was beyond interesting. Ajax is in a good mood, smiling and everything. I haven’t seen that side of him in forever. He is always straight-faced and to the point. His ass is also grumpy when he knows I hooked up with his sister. But not today, he seemed to care less. The sound of the bike revved up. I look out the window above the door to see the brunette rolling her eyes again at him before she saddled up on his bike. Did I just see that right? He let a woman on his bike. If anybody is particular who rides on his bike with him, it is Ajax. He is practically beaming at this woman. Interesting.
A faint female voice speaks, “Spying on my brother.”
It is Dallas.
I laugh, “Just wondering what is wrong with him.”
“Well, good to know I’m not the only one to notice it. That asshole knocked on your room door and told me to get my ass home. He was smiling when he said it. My brother is weird.”
“Must’ve gotten some good pussy last night.”
“Ugh. Did you really just say that? That is my brother. Eww.”
I laugh, “I take it you’re leaving.”
“Yeah, I’m heading out. Thanks for the ride last night.”
I shake my head at her. “See you later, Dallas.”
Out she goes. I just made coffee for no reason. Oh well, the brothers who are here will appreciate it. I head back to my room to get ready to have breakfast with my son. I am really looking forward to this.
Hayden
Charlie is helping me set the table. It is important to teach them young. Plus, it is simple for him. I set out the plates and he carries them to the table and puts them in their place. He enjoys helping his mother. Fuck, I am nervous again. When Charlie asked if his father could come over for breakfast, I could not say no. This is new to him. He has a father and he wants to get to know him. I have a feeling Charlie will be asking for James to come over frequently. I need to accept that. I need to encourage this. It is good for Charlie. He has a male figure in his life. There is nothing wrong with growing up with just a mother and grandmother, but something about having a father by your side just makes life so much more complete.
I hated that I grew up without a father. It was hard. My mother always said she lost the love of her life. She dated numerous assholes that she said could never compare to my father. Losing him at the young age of sixteen was traumatizing. My mother fell apart and was a hermit for a few years. It was just her and me for a while. Then, one day, she decided to go out with he
r friends. Before I knew it, she was going out more and more. I was an awkward teenager that had no idea what my mother was doing. She would not come home until the morning. So many mornings, I would cook breakfast to have it by myself. She would never bring a man home unless it was someone she felt she could get serious with. It is actually how I treat the situation with Charlie.
Biker after biker would come walking through that door. My mother could not resist the temptation of a man with a Harley. I told myself I would never date a biker. There is nothing wrong with a biker, my father who I adored was one. But I really did not want to follow in my mother’s footsteps. But the truth is, I am. The one night I decided to hook up with a biker, I got pregnant. My son was growing up without his father. Big pattern, here. Well, until now. He finally gets a male figure in his life.
A single tear drops from my eyes and slides down my cheeks. My son has a dad. He can grow up with two parents.
Knock. Knock.
I wipe the tear from my cheek and head to the door. I look through the window on top of the door to see James standing there. I look out to the driveway, there is no bike but a classic Ford super cab pickup. It was a shiny sapphire color and detailed perfectly. I do not know much about trucks or cars, but that truck looks well taken care of and nice.
I open the door. James grins and says hello before he walks in. Charlie comes running out of the living room hollering, “Dadddddddddyyyyy.” He is beyond excited. I smile to myself. James kneels down and comes face to face with Charlie. He opens his arms and Charlie runs into them for a big hug. James looks up at me. Then back at Charlie. He says, “Hey buddy, thanks for the invite for breakfast. What did you make?”
Charlie answers, “My mommy made breakfast.”
“What did your mom make good for us to eat?”
“Ummm. Bacon. Eggs. Potatoes. Hmmm. Oh, and toast.”
“Sounds delicious.”
Charlie looks at me. “Are we ready, mommy?”
“Yes, honey. How about you go wash your hands before we eat?”
Charlie turns his attention to James. “Will you come with me?”
“Sure, little man.” James stands up. Charlie reaches for his hand and practically drags James to the bathroom. I head to the kitchen to start dishing up the food. Charlie helped with cracking the eggs. He loves to help in the kitchen. I am lucky to have such an eager child.
Charlie and James come walking into the kitchen. Charlie points to one of the chairs and says, “Daddy, sit there.”
He smirks, “Okay, little man.”
Charlie excitedly sits next to James, both of them watching each other’s every move. I have never seen Charlie light up like this. Even after dating Richard for over a year, Charlie still is standoffish. This is what I should be looking for when Charlie meets a boyfriend. Excitement, eager to know everything about them. The only thing is, I am not dating James. He is still gorgeous in every aspect. Those deep, dark brown eyes that light up when he is talking to our son. His muscular frame is slightly larger but leaner. Why did God choose him to father my first and probably only child?
Richard and I have discussed having children but both of us are unsure. I just feel it is not in the cards for us.
James looks up from Charlie and at me. He says, “Are you going to join us?”
I smile and sit down.
***
Breakfast is a success. Charlie ate the majority of his food. That is a victory in itself. He kept saying he wanted to be big and strong like his daddy. James is helpful in the kitchen. He cleans up without me asking. He is trying his hardest to impress us. As I am putting away the last of the dishes, my cell phone begins to ring. I look to see a picture of my mother and Charlie pop up on the screen. I answer, “Hey, mom.”
She responds, “Hey, sweetie. I have a dilemma about tomorrow night.”
“Okay. What’s up?”
“Well, Ralphie and I decided to take a small trip to South Dakota. I won’t be back in time to watch Charlie while you are at work.”
“What?” my voice hitting a higher note.
“I’m sorry. Maybe since James is in the picture, you can ask him to help.”
“Mom! We are just getting to know James. This is so not cool.”
“Listen here, honey! I’ve been there for you these last four years helping you raise Charlie. He now has James to help you. Yes, this is selfish, but this is my time to embrace life without responsibilities. I can finally set off into the sunset with my man.”
My mother is right. She has not really had much of a life. She stays and helps me with Charlie. I just wish she would have talked about this with me before just doing it. But this is my mother, living in the moment. I respond, “Okay, mom. Have fun and be safe. I will see what I can do.”
“Ask his dad. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
We hang up with each other. I head to the living room and sit on the couch. Charlie and James are sitting on the floor playing with some toy cars. I run my hands through my hair and take in a deep breath. James looks up at me. His big brown eyes show worry. Can he sense something is bothering me?
He asks, “You okay?”
I answer, “I could be better.”
He looks at Charlie and says, “Hey, little man. Can I talk to your mom for a minute?”
My son being the little cutie he can be, answers, “Sure. I will get some more toys.”
Charlie gets up off the rug covered floor and heads to his bedroom.
James looks at me with even more concern in his eyes. Oh, those eyes. I can get lost in them. Shit, I am lost in them. He asks, “What’s up?”
Still mesmerized by his chocolate tasty eyes, I am left speechless.
He smirks, “Hays, what’s up?”
Shaking the daze that is clearly clouding my thought process, I answer, “My mother just cancelled on watching Charlie tomorrow night. I work.”
His bushy brown eyebrows burrow in, he asks, “You need someone to watch him?”
Shamelessly, I nod, “Yes. I can’t call in. The hospital is already short RTs.”
He puts his strong, bulky arm around my shoulders, causing me to get heated. “I would like to help you, if you would let me.”
I sigh, “I wasn’t ready for this to happen so soon. But I have no choice. But will you watch him?”
“I’m his dad. I would love to watch him. If it makes you feel better, I will watch him here. It would be best for him to sleep in his own bed.”
Inhaling then exhaling, I say, “That would be wonderful.”
“I know this is happening all so quick, but I’m here to help you. We are partners in the life of Charlie. All I want to do is be the best dad he has always wanted. This will give him and me bonding time.”
I sigh once more. My nerves are twisting and turning. I am having no choice but to trust this man I know nothing about. I ask, “Will you spend the day with us?”
Like a dog would with those eyes blankly staring at me, he tilts his head in confusion. “Um. Yeah.”
I smile, “Good. Let’s get to know each other.”
Then it happens. He smiles at me like he did that very night at the bar. Intrigued, excited, in a man’s way, and ready for the challenge that is me. Now, the challenge is me plus one.
Chapter 9
James
My stomach is a heavy metal concert, jumping and banging around. This is big. I know it was hard for Hays to give up control and let me watch our son. I am just thankful she did. I knock on the door. Hays opens the door in her burgundy scrubs with her hair pulled back. I can’t move. She looks too good to be true. No makeup, natural beauty. The mother of my son is beautiful. I inhale and exhale.
She greets me, “Hey. Come in.”
I walk into her house and follow her to the living room. Charlie is sitting on the couch watching Paw Patrol. He is in his dinosaur pajamas. Hays comes up from behind me and says, “He has had his bath. Bedtime is around 7:30. I usually read two books of his choi
ce. He loves bedtime story time.”
I nod, “Cool.”
Her attention gears toward Charlie. “Hey, sweetie. Mommy is heading to work. Be good for James.”
He gets up off the couch and runs to hug his mother. I smirk. This is what a loving mother and son relationship should look like. What I lacked from my own. Hayden says goodbye to both of us and out the door she goes.
Charlie is back on the couch watching his show. I sit next to him to watch this mind numbing show. Is this what fatherhood is all about? Just sitting back and relaxing while watching a television show. It is just us, being together. Growing up without a father was hard. A boy needs his father to teach him about what it is like to be a man, a father. Unfortunately, both my parents sucked at being parents. I have no clue how to act. I do know how not to act.
Everything about my life has centered around my job, my brothers, my motorcycle, and the club. The men at the club are my family. I know Hayden is hesitant about exposing our son to that lifestyle. But what she does not know is that our lifestyle is different from other motorcycle clubs. The stereotype that we are outlaws is outrageous. Our main focus is veterans and what they have done for this country. Shit, all of us are veterans. We enjoy riding our bikes to nowhere. Wherever God takes us. I have traveled and discovered so many small towns who have embraced this vet. I am proud of who I am. Who I have become. Hays will see the good in me. I will show her. Our son is my purpose. My meaning of life. There is a reason why Hayden and I hooked up that night. The physical attraction was there. To be honest, it is still there.
I cannot get over how beautiful she looked tonight. She stopped me dead in my tracks. Now, I cannot get her out of my head. It should be all about proving to Charlie that I am here for him and I will protect him. But now, I want to prove to Hayden that I am here for the both of them. Charlie is my purpose. Hayden is my solution.
I feel a nudge to my side. Charlie is trying to get my attention. I ask, “What’s up, little man?”
He answers, “I’m hungree.”
“Okay. What do you want, little man?”
“Cookies.”
All I Wanna Do (Hell's Phoenix MC Series Book 1) Page 5