by Beth Maria
“Is this becoming a regular thing? I thought Emilia was never late?” she mocks, raising her eyebrows.
“Bug off, will you? I overslept.”
A gasp makes me look up.
“Are you telling me that you, the woman who usually wakes up at the crack of dawn to run for miles on end, slept in past eleven?” Again with the mockery.
“Oh rubbish! I knew I forgot to do something. I never forget to run, ever.” Frustration washes over me. Frustration seems to be my new best friend this past week.
Every day for the last few years, I’ve run in the morning. Only rarely do I not run, and that’s only usually because I’ve drained myself the day before, never because I’ve forgotten. I’m going to have to push myself double hard tonight to make up for it.
“I’m sure one day will be okay, Emilia,” Maxine says, the mockery gone from her face and voice, being replaced with pity. Damn pity. Nobody understands why I run. Nobody except me.
“You wouldn’t understand,” I reply, my voice a little harsher than I intended. I cringe. It’s not her fault that I forgot.
“No, you’re right, I wouldn’t understand because you won’t tell me why. I know mostly everything about you, Emilia, but you’ve never told me why you run until you nearly pass out from exhaustion. I’ve always figured that you would tell me when you were ready, though it looks like that isn’t going to happen. Does anybody else know that you do this?”
I release a sigh. I don’t want to talk about him today.
“Yes, Phoenix has seen me a few times,” I reply honestly.
She nods her head, thinking. “Right, and he doesn’t say anything?”
“He may have mentioned it once, but I let him know that it was none of his business why I do what I do. He lost the right, remember? I’m not going to start telling him my secrets.”
Now it’s Maxine’s turn to sigh. “Look, I know that you two have differences, trust me, I know. I’ve had to put up with it for the last few years, but Em, believe it or not, Phoenix probably understands more than anybody why you run like you do. Remember, he does cage fighting.” She gives me a pointed look to which I give her a confused one. “Do I really have to spell it out?” she asks, agitated.
“Yes,” I reply bluntly.
Her hands are raised, ready to start moving for emphasis while she speaks. She’s always done this when she gets pissed off.
“Phoenix started cage fighting right after you two stopped talking. I know what you have to deal with because of your father, but have you ever just sat down with Phoenix and asked him about why he did what he did? Why he stopped talking to you and distanced himself from nearly everybody that he knows?” I shake my head no. “I didn’t think so. I think it would be wise for you to.”
“Why have you never mentioned this before?” I ask, taking another sip of my cappuccino, my throat suddenly dry with worry.
“You weren’t ready to hear about anything to do with Phoenix, Em. It’s only been these last few days since you’ve been forced to work with him that you’ve actually allowed people to speak about him.”
I don’t deny that, because it’s true.
“I don’t know if I’m ready yet, Max,” I tell her, my voice trembling.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I don’t think I can comprehend that he left me for a reason. He left me because he decided to join my father, forgetting all about the promises that he made me.
Forgetting about me.
“I’m not asking you to be ready yet, Em. I’m just telling you to think about giving him a chance to open up to you. I think you might be surprised.”
I nod my head, speechless.
“So, what are you doing tonight then?” she asks, changing the subject, for which I’m grateful.
“It’s Friday, so I guess I’m at the club again. You?”
“Yeah, about that…” Here comes more bad news. I just know it.
I sit back in my seat, getting comfy and waiting for Max to spit whatever she has to say out.
She looks nervous, like she isn’t sure whether she should tell me, which has me worried.
“Remember last week I told you that Phoenix had this huge fight coming up?”
I nod my head in answer.
“Well, that fight is tonight.”
I sit, waiting for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t. Then it hits me.
“Ohhh,” I reply quietly.
“Yeah, ohhh.”
“Are you going along then?”
“Well, somebody has to make sure that he’s okay. I mean, Dylan is going, but he will be too into the fight to be the levelheaded one. Plus, you know what he’s like when somebody close to him is hurt. He turns into a wimp.” She rolls her eyes.
My heart drops, fear spiking its way through my body. Usually, I wouldn’t mind if Phoenix was doing this because, well, quite frankly, I didn’t have a clue. But now that I do? I’m not going to lie; I’m scared for him. I never did get around to asking him what the hell he’s thinking about, putting his life in danger like this. I was too angry with how affected I was by him to think about anything else.
“I’d completely forgotten that he was fighting tonight. I meant to speak to him about it…” I trail off, not wanting to tell her what stopped me from doing exactly that.
“Maybe if you come along with us, you can knock some sense into him before the fight? We’re getting there about an hour before to be with him while he prepares, and I’m going to try to talk him out of it again, like I have been doing nearly every day that I’ve seen him this week, but we both know that he won’t listen to me. You’re our best shot, Em. He may just listen to you.” Her eyes are pleading, begging me to help any way that I can.
I stare at her, not saying a word. I have far too many thoughts flying around my brain right now to think straight.
What do you need to think about? Stop thinking of yourself for once and go and talk Phoenix out of this. Would you be able to live with yourself if something bad happened to him like Maxine is saying?
I know without a doubt that I would never forgive myself if something bad were to happen to him. I say that I wish he would just disappear from my life, but that’s not the case. I couldn’t imagine not ever seeing his beautifully chiseled face again, or staring into his icy blues which have rendered me speechless on many an occasion. He’s it for me. He always has been. I just don’t know if I can ever trust him again…
“I’ll come with you tonight. I’ll try to talk to him, but I can’t guarantee that he will listen. You said it yourself- he’s stubborn.”
Maxine breathes out a loud sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God. I thought I was going to have to drag you down there.”
“Oh, please, like you could drag me there.” I laugh while rolling my eyes.
“You’d be surprised at what you can do when you’re determined.”
“What time do I have to meet you, and where?” Deep down, I’m still not sure about this, though I know it has to be done.
“Dylan and I are meeting at the club where he’s fighting at nine o’clock. Fight’s due to start at ten, depending on if they’re running on time, which they usually are. It’s going to be sold out tonight because it’s a huge fight.”
“Will I be able to get in?”
Maxine thinks about it for a second, biting on her lip, then nods her head yes. “Dylan and I are usually on the guest list because most of the time Dylan goes. I’m sure it won’t be too hard to get you in, especially when you mention your last name.”
I had a feeling that would be the catch point. Of course I would be allowed in when they heard my last name. Nobody turns down a De Carlo, ever. Except, I don’t like to be associated with them. I’ve always wanted to go my own way, do my own thing, and I had a plan. Had being the main word.
“If that’s what I have to do.” I swallow. This is just getting worse by the second.
Maxine gives me a sympathetic smile. She knows better than anybody, except Phoenix, t
hat I don’t like to be associated with them.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. It will all be worth it in the end.”
Let’s hope that she’s right.
Chapter Seven
I texted Maxine about thirty minutes ago, asking where I was meeting her, and to let her know that I would be leaving shortly. I should have been here over ten minutes ago. I’ve been psyching myself up, still not sure whether I should or shouldn’t do this.
In the end, ‘should do’ this won out, and here I am, standing outside this run down club like an outcast. Everybody else looks like they belong here, like they know exactly what is going to happen because they’re regulars. Me, on the other hand, I’m standing on the sidewalk, staring up at the sign saying Ringer where the N has gone out, wondering what the hell I’m doing here. I should be in the confines of my room, cuddled up in bed and reading a good book or watching a movie, not on the streets outside of a rough looking building.
You’re here for Phoenix, nothing else, I remind myself.
Yes, that’s right. As soon as I’ve tried to talk some sense into Phoenix, I’m leaving. I’m not staying here a moment longer than I have to.
God, this place gives me the creeps.
Squaring my shoulders and holding my head high, I make my way to the entrance, where I give the security guy my name. He searches for it and ticks it off without me having to give him any further details. For that I’m grateful.
Apparently, according to Maxine, I have to look for the restrooms, and there’s a door next to them that I’m supposed to go through.
Toilets… where are the toilets?
Scanning the dark, dingy area, I spot the restrooms in the far left corner. I push my way through the crowd, elbowing people who don’t move out of my way. Maxine was right; it’s absolutely packed in here and, the fight isn’t due to start for another forty-five minutes.
I finally make it to the restrooms after being elbowed in the stomach a few times and cussing like a sailor. I’m sure I could make a nun blush with my choice of vocabulary in the last few minutes.
“Oh, thank God, there you are. I was about to send a search party!” my ever dramatic best friend says before turning on her heel back through the door she just came through. I think I’m supposed to follow, so that’s what I do.
Just before I round the corner and enter the room where I know without a doubt that Phoenix is warming up, I stop and compose myself one last time. I need to do this perfectly. I’ve only got one shot.
A few seconds later, I’m walking through the door, my nerves going to shit as soon as I lay eyes on him. He’s sitting on the bench, getting his hands taped up by a bulky guy in front of him, but my eyes can’t stray from his impeccable body. It’s all hard muscles. Hard muscles that I dream to run my tongue along.
Jesus, when did I turn into such a pervert?
“What is she doing here?” Phoenix’s raised voice penetrates my thoughts.
Back to the land of the living, I shake my thoughts, my eyes landing on a furious looking Phoenix.
“I think we will leave her to tell you,” Dylan replies with not a care in the world, like he doesn’t care that he’s about to feel the wrath of Phoenix’s temper later on.
Then he leaves the room, Maxine following suit.
“Give it your best shot, lady,” she whispers before leaving the room.
I stand staring at Phoenix, who is staring right back at me, except where my eyes are a little bit unsure, his are ferocious – evil looking.
Hey, where did that man taping his hands go? I must have been so enthralled with his semi-naked state, and Dylan reminding me out loud why I’m here in the first place, that I didn’t notice his big bulky frame leaving the room. I usually notice everything, except for recently because Phoenix is turning my world on its axis, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it, not one little bit.
I need to do something. I can’t just stand here completely still like a statue. It’s unnerving even to me, so I start shuffling awkwardly from side to side.
What the heck am I doing? Since when did I turn into a nervous wreck? The past couple of weeks it seems…
“Why are you here?” Phoenix asks. I stop shuffling.
“Erm…” And just like that, my shuffling starts up again.
His face softens, his icy blues losing the evil glint to them, being replaced with something much softer. It makes me relax – a little anyway.
“Come here.” He taps next to where he’s sitting on the bench, and I slowly walk toward him, still unsure if I should stay standing up. At least right now I have a good distance between us. If I’m next to him, there’s no telling what kind of spell he will weave over me. That being said, I still sit next to him, though my body is rigid. “Now, where has my confident Emilia gone? All I’m seeing at the moment is this scared, nervous woman in her place. Where is the woman who shouts at me and tries to put me in my place? Who breaks my heart with just a simple stare?” He moves his hands off of his lap toward my own. I quickly move them before he has a chance to gain contact with me. I need to do this without being influenced by his touch. He does things to my body that should be illegal.
Hang on. Rewind. Did he just say that I break his heart with a simple stare? Why would I break his heart? I thought he was like me, that he didn’t have a heart? Well, I didn’t up until a few weeks ago, not where Phoenix James was concerned anyway.
Don’t even open that can of worms, Emilia. We are here to stop him from having that fight, not declaring your love for each other. You know that you two will never work.
I really hate my conscience; the one who is always correct even when I don’t want it to be. Damn it!
“Oh, she’s still here. She’s just been hiding recently, that’s all,” I lie through my teeth, a bitter tone to my voice.
He doesn’t reply, just nods his head and looks down at his taped up hands.
Now that he’s mentioned how weak I’ve become recently, my inner strength is making itself known again. Thank God. I thought I’d lost it, though it seems that I haven’t.
I just stare at Phoenix, and I mean properly stare at him, for the first time in years. His hair is a little longer than it usually is, but still in his messy do like he’s just gotten out of bed. Sexy bed hair. His shoulders are hunched up tight, full of stress though sexy as all sin. And when I look into his face, it is full of regret and worry. For what, I’m not sure.
But playful Phoenix is not out to play today, and this makes it so much easier for me to talk to him.
“I guess you still want to know why I’m here?” I ask, my voice much stronger than a few minutes ago. Inside, I’m doing a little clap and a dance.
“I know why you’re here.” He still doesn’t look at me.
“Then why did you ask?” I’m confused, and you can hear it in my voice. Didn’t he ask Dylan why I was here? Why, if he already knew?
“Because I wanted that fucker to say it to me. He and Max have been trying to get me to not do this fight for months, ever since I found out about it. I wouldn’t listen to them though, so I’m guessing they thought they’d get you, the only person I’ve ever decided to listen to in my life, to have a word with me. Am I correct?” He finally looks at me, his eyebrow cocked, challenging me to lie to him.
I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
I would never lie to him like all of the times he’s lied to me in the past.
“You’re correct, and they have a good reason to be worried, don’t you think? I mean, I just found out last week that you do this…” I wave my hand around in the air in front of me, “activity. What are you thinking, taking part in such a dangerous sport, Phoenix? What happens if something goes wrong and you end up injured, or worse, dead? Because we both know that it happens sometimes. You come across an opponent that’s better than you, that has had more experience in this field, and bam, you lose. Some just have a few black eyes, as where some become paralyzed, or worse case scenario, they die. Do you want th
at?” I press, looking straight into his eyes. They show no emotion.
“Nobody would miss me if that were to happen, which by the way is a very slim chance. I’m the best of the best, Em.” There’s smugness in his voice that makes my tummy turn, and not in a good way.
“People would miss you if you were gone. I’d miss you, for one thing! And what about Dylan and Maxine? They would miss you, too.” Phoenix’s eyes have turned into saucers. I carry on, not paying attention to his reaction. “Also, what happened to the boy who didn’t like violence? Where has he gone, to be replaced with this man who likes to knock ten shades into another man? And for what? A reputation? Money? You know, if that’s the case, that I’ll give you money. God knows I have enough of it.”
His mouth snaps shut at my last statement. His face closes off and his face hardens.
“Do you think this is about money, Emilia?” Just the fact that he’s used my full name lets me know he’s not impressed with me or my words. “It’s not got anything to do with money. I have enough money of my own too. And the boy who didn’t like violence grew up, toughened up, and saw the cruel world for what it really is. This is me. This is who I’m destined to be. You know as well as I do that getting out of this life is impossible. I don’t ask questions. I just do what I’m told, and I’m good at what I do,” he replies nonchalantly, like he doesn’t have a care in the world anymore. Like he’s on autopilot.
I’m shocked. This is the first time that we’ve actually spoken without me biting his head off, and I’m shocked. Phoenix really isn’t the young boy that I fell in love with so long ago. In his place is a cold hearted, emotionless man. It’s like the body is still the same, just a lot manlier, more defined, but the inside, the best parts of him, they are completely different from what I knew. I’m not sure I like it.
“We were going to get out together, remember?”
“Yes, but I let you down. I broke my promise. I remember,” his deep voice rumbles quietly, his shoulders sagging the smallest bit, so slight that had I not been paying attention, I wouldn’t have noticed. It breaks my tough exterior for a few seconds, but only until I remember what I’ve had to endure.