My jab doesn’t faze the angel. He’s just like Cassius in that respect. No fun.
“Your wounds really have healed,” he says. “After last night, I really wasn’t sure they would.”
“Thanks for your concern,” I snap.
The angel is still looking at me, but this time he’s looking straight into my eyes. “Did the oracle really do that to you?”
“You’re still going on about that? I never said old Cassius did this to me. And even if he did, what do you care? It doesn’t matter.”
The angel quickly rinses off and then he says, “It matters to me.”
He took a shower in record time. He’s already getting out. Irritated, I turn toward the showerhead to feel the spray of water on my face.
“When you’re done, come to the Command Center,” the angel calls.
I growl my reply.
I’M SITTING AT THE table in the Command Center, listening to everyone talk about Arsen. They want me to interrogate him. He’s been a real pain in the butt.
I turn my head to the sound of the door opening. I feel a little stiff, expecting to see Arsen, but Rynne walks in.
I relax, and I stand up to greet him. I know I already gave him a hug this morning, but I give him another one. I need him close to me right now. Feeling him pressed against me is the most reassuring thing—next to my crystals.
Rynne hugs me back. When I don’t let him go, he asks, “Are you okay?”
I bury my face into his shoulder. “I’m okay. How was showering with Arsen?”
“Not as bad as you think.”
I move away just far enough so I can see his face. He’s smiling softly at me.
“He didn’t do anything to hurt you, did he?” I ask.
“He didn’t do anything,” Rynne assures. “Everything’s fine. Remember what the oracle said? Arsen can’t outright disobey you. I’m safe. Everyone here is safe. We know it and we can feel it. So does Arsen. He would’ve already hurt me by now if he was able to.”
I nod.
“Ready to join us?” Valor asks.
I stop clinging to Rynne, feeling a hint of embarrassment as I go back to the table and take a seat. Rynne takes a seat next to me.
“It seems like Arsen gave that information about Uden with an ulterior motive,” Fiona comments. “I’m not saying that he withheld information from us, but it all worked out too perfectly, that demon getting away. Arsen wanted to get close to Uden without hunters or angels interfering so he could insure this would happen.”
Valor speaks next, “Tasia, we need you to figure out what that is. We need you to figure out why he wanted Uden to escape.”
I nod my head and say confidently, “I’ll do it.”
Valor lets her gaze linger on me. Then the door opens again. This time it’s Arsen. Everyone’s staring at him as he comes in and shuts the door.
“That doesn’t bode well,” he comments as he stays standing by the door and crosses his arms over his chest.
“Have a seat,” Divya says. She even gestures to the empty seat to her left.
I try to catch her eye so I can give her that are-you-crazy look, but she doesn’t take her eyes off of Arsen. He doesn’t take her invitation, though.
“I insist,” Valor says as she rises from her seat.
Arsen’s lips twitch, almost like he’s about to show his fangs, but he stops himself and takes that seat beside Divya. Valor sits down again. Everyone in the room is seated at the table.
Now it’s my turn. I take a deep breath.
“Arsen, the whole thing with Uden. What was the point? You gave us his information, and then you said you would go in and secure him, it seems you only did that to help him escape. Why?” I ask.
He stares at me, unblinking. His green eyes stir something inside of my chest, but then the sensation stops. I see his lips twitching again. He’s fighting answering me, even though part of him wants to. His trying to resist me like Cassius was saying. He’s still got a mind and will of his own. All I’ve done is severely handicap him. I guess it’s something, but it isn’t enough.
I glance at Rynne and he looks back at me reassuringly. I take another deep breath. I stand and rest my hands on the edge of the table; the screen is off right now, so I don’t have to worry about accidentally touching and ruining something. Then with all eyes on me, I take a deep breath and feel calm as I walk around the table to where Arsen is sitting. He watches my every move and looks up at me when I’m standing only a foot away from him.
“I’ll ask you again,” I say matching his gaze with a glare. “Did you know Uden would run?” All the fear and hesitation in me is gone. Nothing is there but a fearlessness and a determination. Arsen will answer me.
Arsen’s gaze wavers, but he holds on. His lips are twitching again.
“Answer the question,” I say.
“No,” he says. “I didn’t know he’d run.”
“But you expected him to,” I say.
He blinks. “Yes.”
“You said you didn’t know what form his beast took, was that a lie? Did you know his beast was a water dragon?”
“No.”
I bend down slightly so our eyes are level and say, “You wanted him to escape.”
This time Arsen flinches. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. That reaction is the answer I wanted. He did want him to escape.
“Why?” I ask.
He bares his teeth. “Because I don’t want to be a tool for the angels, and you shouldn’t want to be either.”
“But what did you have to gain from all of it?” I ask, exasperated. “What good did it do you? I thought you didn’t like other demons? So why do you care what happens to Uden?”
Arsen’s eyes glow brighter for a moment. I think he’s actually angry at me, but then he flinches again.
“Answer me!” I demand. Right now there’s only me and Arsen, and he’s going to talk. “You’re supposed to do whatever I tell you to do! This is the way it’s supposed to be! This is how you’re going to pay for everything you’ve done!”
When a whimper escapes Arsen’s lips, I step back, startled. It seems so wrong, coming from a monster like him. He sounds like a dog that’s just been scolded by its owner. But it’s just another trick. He’s trying to get me to feel sympathy for him. The anger in my stomach bubbles hotter, and I feel like I’m about to explode. I hate him. I hate him so much.
“Answer the question,” I say, lowering my voice to try and sound dangerous.
“Uden is an informant,” Arsen says through gritted teeth. “He has connections. I wanted him to get away so he’d be able to warn all of his contacts about you and your people. You and the angels.”
“I thought you didn’t care about anyone but yourself,” I remind.
He flinches again. He’s not telling me the whole truth. Why is he resisting so much?
“That’s enough,” Valor interjects. “What’s done is done. We just need to continue doing what we’ve been doing. We need to continue gathering information. We need to find demons and eliminate them, and that’s all there really is to it. If Uden tells other demons about us, it’ll make our job a little harder, but it won’t be impossible. You know how to fight demons now, and you know what you’re looking for. It’s only a matter of time. Besides, if Uden reports Arsen is on our side, it’ll only work to our advantage. It’ll only make the demons scared. All is as it should be.”
But that’s not good enough. I feel like I have to do something. I have to do something. Why did Valor stop me?
“Arsen and I are going to try and track Uden down,” I say. “We’ll do it right now. Divya can search for him too by astral projecting. She can call me if she gets any leads—in case we don’t find him first.” I look at Arsen. “Won’t we?”
“Whatever you say,” he replies dejectedly.
“That’s crazy!” Rynne blurts.
“I’m okay with it,” Valor says. “I think it’s a good idea. You and Arsen together. Y
ou will take care of this mess.”
I’m glad Valor at least agrees to this, because everybody else in the room looks like they want to stop me. But I need to get Arsen under control. One way or another.
THAT’S IT. The confidant made a decision nobody but her and Tasia like, but no one else opposed her. When I tried to speak again, she shut me down. I’m barely holding my tongue as I follow Tasia to her room. She’s putting some things in a backpack. I can’t believe she’s doing this.
“At least let me come with you,” I say.
“No, you can’t,” she says as she continues packing some clothes. “I can take care of this with Arsen alone. It’s better if I take care of this with Arsen alone.”
“I won’t get in your way,” I say.
I can’t stand that she isn’t looking at me. I reach out and grab her hand. This time she turns around to look at me. Her eyes are set, and I can see she isn’t going to change her mind.
“I feel like I need to stand on top of Arsen, or he’s going to get away from us,” she says. “Something terrible is going to happen if I don’t do this. I need to have better control over him, and I need to figure out what he’s hiding. I can’t do that here. I can’t have any distractions.”
That stings. She’s calling me a distraction? I wouldn’t do anything to distract her from what she needs to do. I just don’t want her alone with him. She hates Arsen. He killed her parents. Being alone with him is going to kill her.
“Please,” I say.
I place my hands on either side of her face and press my forehead to hers. She closes her eyes for a moment. When she opens them again, she says, “No, Rynne. You can’t come. I’m sorry.”
I’m not ready to give up. I’m about to say something else when a firm hand grasps my shoulder. I know who it is before I even look. It’s hard to miss her vast amount of light. I look behind me anyway to see Confidant Valor staring at me. I look past her and the open door to see Arsen. He’s quiet, and his gaze seems to be locked onto the ground.
“Confidant I—”
She cuts me off by placing a finger to my lips. “It’s time for them to go, Rynne,” she says.
She holds me in place, as if she expects me to cause a scene if she doesn’t physically restrain me.
“At least let me see her off,” I say.
“You can see her off here,” she replies.
Tasia steps close to me and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. “I’ll be back soon,” she says. Then she places her lips to my ear, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say quietly.
She looks past me and shouts, “Let’s go, Arsen.”
I try to move forward with Tasia and Arsen as they disappear into the hall, but the confidant holds me in place. Irritation is crawling on my skin like fire ants, biting and poisoning my skin. I’m feeling anger the likes of which I haven’t felt in some time. I’ve gotten good at hiding this emotion to the most part. I’ve been a good angel to the most part. However, right now I just can’t take it. I want to go after Tasia. I try to move again, but this time the confidant forces me to her, pressing me against the hard silver armor encasing her body.
“Be still, Rynne,” she says.
“Then let me go,” I say with a hint of aggression. I even feel like growling. It’s something that usually only comes out when I’ve shifted, but right now, in my human body, I feel like growling.
I stare helplessly out the open door as the confidant holds me in place. It’s not until a few moments of silence that the confidant finally lets me go. When she loosens her grip slightly, I push away from her.
“How could you do that?!” I scream. “How can you do that to her?”
Confidant Valor places her hands on her hips. “Control yourself. There is no reason to shout.”
I beg to differ. There’s plenty of reason to shout. This is a terrible idea. Everything feels so wrong lately.
The confidant says, “If it makes you feel any better, the others agree with you. However, unlike you, they haven’t voiced their displeasure in such an unnecessary outburst.”
“It’s because they fear you,” I jab.
“No, it’s because they understand what must be done.” She smiles. “And perhaps they fear me. But you don’t seem to.”
I run my hand through my short hair. I’m being extremely disrespectful, a small part of me still cares about that, but most of me is angry.
“Think about it, Rynne,” she says. “Tasia is perfectly safe with Arsen. This is the most logical course of action to take. Arsen won’t let Tasia die. You saw for yourself what happened the night when the natural and made demons attacked this base. He protected her at the risk of his own life. However, he doesn’t feel the same about the rest of us. You would be a liability. While Arsen isn’t able to outright attack you, he wouldn’t be compelled to save you the same way he is to save Tasia. Tasia needs to work out this bond, and she needs to do it without any distractions. You should have more faith in her.”
“This isn’t about faith,” I tell her. “It isn’t about belief in her power. I’m worried about her sanity.”
I’m baring my teeth. I’m acting completely aggressive. And now hunters that were passing by are starting to look in on us, wondering what’s going on. That’s when I finally come to my senses. I halt my aggression, hide my teeth, and bow slightly in submission. I stay like that. I’ll continue to stay like this until the confidant tells me otherwise. I have insulted her. I’ve completely disrespected her. I’m unworthy to be called an angel.
Just because I love Tasia dearly doesn’t mean that God will spare her from suffering. I’ve never heard the voice of God. It’s something that’s always been left to the oracle alone, but when I became an angel, I hoped, at the very least, I would understand all of this more. I hoped I would understand why my family’s death was allowed to happen. I hoped I would understand what God was all about, but now I’m questioning the oracle. By questioning the oracle, I’m questioning God. I’m questioning everything God stands for and what angels stand for. What does any of it mean if it’s obtained through so much suffering?
I have no love for Arsen. He’s just another demon to me, another monster that brings suffering. I’ve killed plenty of monsters since I’ve become an angel. It was something that made sense to me. By killing monsters, and keeping Tasia safe, I was keeping others safe as well. When I first joined the EEA and started killing monsters for them, it made sense. They have no place here. They shouldn’t exist at all. Neither should I. The balance must be restored one way or another, as per the words of God. I was created as a part of this restoration. I have killed. I have demon blood on my hands. I have never once thought twice about it. It didn’t mean anything to me. They are nothing but evil.
But now I’m thinking about it.
I don’t feel any real remorse for what I’ve done. I don’t feel I’ve been in the wrong, but I’ve never inflicted intentional pain. I’ve always killed in the quickest and most efficient way I know how. No, what has me thinking now is how Arsen returned to the base last night. He was a wreck. He was suffering. He was suffering from wounds I can’t even imagine, but he came back here to suffer some more. He wouldn’t talk. He wouldn’t tell me if the oracle did that to him, but I know he must have. The words the confidant exchanged with me last time we were alone keep playing in my head. She believes the oracle did it too. I’m sure of it.
What I wonder is how can inflicting that kind of pain right the world? Does it do anything? Was it necessary? Did the oracle really do it out of spite? And I wonder where the confidant stands on all of this. I can’t read her. It’s fairly obvious she has a rather rocky relationship with the oracle, despite carrying his child. Maybe instead of pushing her away, she is the one I should be keeping close. Maybe I should speak freely as I just did, without reserve and without shame. I would do it at the risk of punishment for my insolence, but there’s also a chance I will be rewarded with her real thoughts. I don’t know wh
ere she stands, but she has an immense amount of power and knowledge. At the very least, she might be able to shed some light on everything that’s going on.
I want to believe in something.
It’s not even just how the oracle treated Arsen yesterday. Demons are vicious monsters. I could probably get past what he did, but then there’s Tasia. She’s been changing in ways I can’t fathom. I’ve known her for her entire life, and these days I hardly recognize her at times. She’s always been nervous around me. Even when she was growing more comfortable, but now she does what she wants without hesitation. She’s more confident. She’s got an intensity now that she never had before. She does things now that she would’ve never done before. I know she has to fight, but I always hoped she would retain her innocence. Is that what all of this is? A loss of innocence?
That sense of goodness, a very specific kind, that I haven’t seen in the angels or myself, just a simple innocence, that’s what Tasia had. But I don’t see it anymore.
“We need to talk,” the confidant says gently.
I lift my head so I can see her face. She’s as serene as ever.
“In your room,” she says. “Alone.”
The confidant slams my bedroom door shut behind her. I backup slightly, until the backs of my legs hit my bed. Is she angry? I can’t tell.
“You can’t say things like that unless you really mean it,” she says as she walks up to me, brushing me with her dominance.
“I do mean it,” I say steadily.
“Really mean it,” she reiterates.
“I thought you were going to tell me not to say those things at all,” I comment.
“You need to say and do what you believe in. Even if the rest of the world’s against you.”
She takes another step forward, almost causing the two of us to touch.
“Why would you say something like that?” I ask. “I bad-talked the oracle.”
It’s not like I outright said anything against him, but I was certainly showing my displeasure, and that’s something that isn’t heard of. We don’t question the oracle. He is the one who talks to God after all.
The Pull of Destiny (Undying Love, Book 2) Page 27