The world is dark and quiet outside. The rest of the city is sleeping. Just like Tasia. I can hear her breathing, smooth and quiet. She fell asleep quickly once we stopped talking. But I’ll wait a moment longer before making my move.
It’s just me and Tasia here. It’s what I wanted. But it’s not enough. She’s blocking me. She isn’t receptive to me in the slightest. I have to take those crystals. My beast and logician agree on this. My beast agrees because it thinks it will help Tasia. My logician agrees because it thinks it will help me.
I’m surprised Valor let me and Tasia leave alone like this. Does she think Tasia has that much control over me? She must. Even the thing with Uden was honestly a minor setback for them. But even then, I don’t think she or anyone else knows exactly how this bond works. I don’t either, but I know more than they do because I am on the receiving end of it. I have more control than I’m given credit for. I’ll be able to take those crystals because my beast believes it is for Tasia’s own good. Call it an oversight on the part of whoever created this connection, but that’s the truth. If she’s not there telling me not to take her crystals, if she stays asleep, I’ll be able to do it.
I tear my eyes away from the quiet world outside to gaze upon Tasia’s sleeping form. She sleeps with the blankets almost completely covering her head. It’s hard to make out her figure with her curled up and the blankets all bunched up around her, but I see the soft rise and fall of her every breath, and I can hear the sweet sound of her steady heart. She’s fast asleep.
Silently, I step down from the windowsill and pad over to the bed. I gently move the blankets down a little bit so I can see her face. She doesn’t stir when I do it. She just continues breathing deeply. Her hair is wild and loose strands stick to her face. Before I even realize I’m doing it, I stretch my hand out and brush away the loose hairs. She still doesn’t stir. I let my hand linger on her rosy cheek, soft under my skin.
I frown. My logician wonders what about her I find so attractive. She’s only human. There are plenty of good-looking humans, but none hold a candle to an immortal. Based on her looks alone, there’s no reason I should be feeling anything like this. My beast reminds me this goes so much deeper than looks. This bond is more than I can understand, and my beast insists it’s important. She’s important, because she’s somehow everything. It’s this infatuation with her soul that makes her the most beautiful being in my sight. My beast’s damn instincts have gone haywire.
I brush some more stray hairs behind her ear, even though my logician tells me to fucking stop it already. But touching her skin is electrifying and soothing all at the same time. My skin was meant to touch hers. I’m fucking addicted to the sensation.
I shake my head. I have something I need to do. My beast wants to linger, but it agrees because this is important.
I glide my fingers down her neck, hooking them on her silver chain. I find the clasp and I start to feel the sting of the silver, but it’s nothing like what Cassius did to me, so it’s easy to bear. Plus, the silver chain is thin. I’m about to undo the clasp when Tasia’s eyes blink open. She gasps and grabs my wrist. I don’t recoil. I can’t. Her hands on my wrists are too much.
“That’s it,” she says between panicked breaths as she shoves my arm away. “We’re going back to the base right now. No matter how much influence I have over you, it obviously isn’t enough. At least not when I’m sleeping.”
She gets out of bed and picks up her backpack. I stay exactly where I am, only watching. I want her to touch me again. I know she wasn’t touching me because she wanted to. She acted like she wasn’t feeling what I was feeling, but I know she must have felt it somewhere, no matter how small. Our bond is a mutual bond. My beast knows it.
“Come on, Arsen,” she says, her voice groggy.
If she did feel anything, she’s doing a good job of hiding it.
TOSSING AND TURNING all night makes it seem pointless to try and stay in bed, but I stay in bed anyway. It’s around 5:00 A.M. or so when I decide enough is enough. The base will probably start waking up soon anyway—and I don’t want to stay in bed a moment longer.
I leave my room for the kitchen to get a drink of water. Then I figure I’ll make my way to the gym since there’s nothing else for me to do at the moment, but I hear some voices echoing from the lobby. I recognize one immediately as Tasia’s. She’s back already?
I head straight for the lobby instead. They couldn’t have found Uden already. No, it’s something else.
My walk turns into a run until I hit the lobby and force myself to start walking again. I don’t want to look desperate or cause any unnecessary tension. I see Tasia, Arsen, and the confidant gathered. Tasia looks like she’s actively trying to inch farther and farther away from Arsen when she’s already standing feet away from him.
“You need someone to watch him,” Tasia says, pressing her fingers to her temples. “That’s all it amounts to.”
“I’ll take care of it,” the confidant says.
Arsen runs his hand through his black hair as if to signal he’s feeling as much frustration as Tasia obviously is.
I walk forward quietly, since no one has acknowledged my presence. Tasia is the first to look in my direction. I open my mouth to say something, but she fast walks toward me and takes my arm, leading me away from the lobby. I look over my shoulder to see Arsen glaring at my back and the confidant watching him. I take my gaze forward and look Tasia over. She doesn’t seem physically hurt, but the way she’s shaking and holding on tightly to my arm tells me she’s suffering emotionally.
“Did something happen?” I ask quietly.
“Let’s go to my room,” she replies.
We don’t say another word until we get into her room. Tasia paces around as I take a seat on the edge of her bed.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I ask when she shows no sign of stopping.
She grabs at her hair in an anger and frustration I’m not used to from her.
“Arsen is sneaky. He’s horrible. I hate everything about him,” she explains. “I hate being near him. Whenever he gets the chance to, he touches me and he says weird things. The more he says, and the more he does, the more I feel like I’m going to explode. I’ve never hated anyone or anything the way I hate Arsen. I had no idea anyone could be so evil. I know he’s a demon, but I just… I never imagined this.”
She hugs herself, but she does it fiercely. She digs her fingernails into her flesh, and her breathing goes erratic. “I have to remember to say in control. I have my crystals. I can do this. It’s my own weakness that’s holding me back now.” She grabs at her diamonds, and then she calms down, like she wasn’t just panicking at all.
I stand up and wrap my arms around her, guiding her head to rest against my shoulder. Truthfully, I feel like blowing up right now. Hearing about Arsen touching her… God, why does he have to be near her at all? But Tasia doesn’t need me angry right now. She needs me calm.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” I say as I stroke her hair. “I’m here for you. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”
She’s still clutching her crystals. I feel a bit of that explosive energy inside of her come back as she whispers, “Maybe my anger isn’t the problem. I just have to learn how to control it.”
I’ve never felt this kind of energy come from her. It almost feels like a sinister darkness. It scares me. The more she clings to her crystals, the more it seems to spread.
“Tasia,” I say carefully, “May I see your diamonds?”
“So now you want my diamonds too?!” She shouts and shoves away from me. “Everyone needs to leave me alone!”
She storms out of her room without a second thought and slams the door behind her while I stand there in a stunned silence.
What just happened?
If I wasn’t sure before, I am now. I don’t like what’s going on, and I don’t like what Tasia is going through; it’s changing her. Whatever the oracle did to her white diamond
is backfiring. I believe the oracle was doing everything in his power to help. I do, but those intentions have somehow been corrupted. Blame Arsen, blame whatever you want, but something needs to be done. It’s like she’s becoming the very thing she’s trying to fight against, like she’s getting smashed to bits in order to become the perfect merciless soldier in this oncoming war.
If I take her white diamond, the effect should go away—I hope. If I can convince the confidant that it would be best for Tasia if we confiscated her white diamond, I think things will start going back to normal. It’s a drastic measure, but I don’t know what else to do. Tasia started acting strange when the oracle began altering her white diamond. I’ll talk to the confidant about it, since she seems sympathetic toward me, but if it comes down to it, I might be inclined to go against hers and the oracle’s wishes. I might be inclined to go against God. If I can’t get permission to take her white diamond, I may have to go through with it anyway.
STORMING OUT OF MY room probably wasn’t the best idea. My whole body is shaking with rage. Rynne tried to take my diamonds. I feel the same overwhelming anger that I felt toward Arsen when he tried to do the same thing. I know the two aren’t the same, and Rynne didn’t mean any harm, but I feel the same anger for both of them. I still do. Why is that? Rynne is the one who gave me the white diamond in the first place. It shouldn’t have been a big deal and he only asked to see it. I could’ve been way calmer about the whole thing, but I got angry instead. I shouted at him, then I stormed out of my room.
I take a seat in the lobby. It’s pretty empty since it’s still really early in the morning. When I sit down, I remember how tired I am. I rub my temples, trying to get rid of the migraine that I never fought off.
I’ve always felt so safe around Rynne, but in that moment I didn’t. Is something wrong with me? No. There couldn’t be. I’m more focused now than I’ve ever been. All that matters is fulfilling my destiny. Cassius has given me the tools. The rest is up to me. Unless I do this, unless I stay focused and do what I have to do, nothing will ever get better. I have to take control of Arsen, and if that means pushing other people away, then it’s worth it for the outcome. It’s worth it.
I press my fingers against my forehead, feeling an ache there as well. I should’ve told Rynne to get out of my room instead of leaving myself. I need sleep.
I lie down on the bench I’m on and curl up into a ball. I’m so tired. I could fall asleep right here.
A hand on my shoulder startles me away from almost sleep. I don’t get up, but I open my eyes. It’s Fiona.
“If you’re so tired, you should go sleep in your room,” she says.
“Too tired to make it to my room,” I mumble.
Fiona gives me a funny face. “Maybe you wouldn’t mind talking for a moment,” she says softly.
“Why not?” I say. I might as well. By the time we’re done talking, I’ll head back to my room. Rynne will for sure be gone by then.
“How are you holding up?” Fiona asks.
I feel like I get asked that a lot lately.
“I’m better than I’ve ever been,” I say. “I’m more focused. I’m a better Hunter. That’s what my answer should be anyway. But I can’t ever seem to do anything right. So I’m not holding up very well. I don’t feel well at all. And I think Rynne is mad at me or something.”
“I doubt he’s mad. Things have just been rough. This life will do that to a person, put us through shit and make us change.”
“I’m doing everything I have to. I’m doing what I have to do to fulfill this destiny. We have to get the demons out of our world, and if I’m part of what it takes to make that happen, it’s worth whatever happens. That’s what I was born to do. That’s why I have this link to Arsen. It all makes sense. Cassius explained it all to me and he showed me a world I never knew.
“But Arsen is a pain in the ass. I’m sort of in control of him but also not.” I sigh. “I’m afraid he’s eventually going to do something terrible again, and I’m not going to be able to stop him. I’m afraid I’m not able to control him at times. I have to sleep, and he doesn’t. I told Valor she needs to assign him an angel to watch over him when I can’t, but I don’t know if that’s enough. In a way it’s like the more time Arsen spends with me the more immune to me he becomes. He’s finding loopholes to exploit. That’s what it feels like.”
“You are brave, Tasia,” my godmother says. “Your parents would be proud of you for doing everything that you’re doing. You’re doing the best you know how to do and that’s all anyone can ask of you. Whatever destiny has to say about you or not, whatever angels have to say about you or not, you are doing your best.” She slaps her hand on my back. “And I’m always behind you. I will always be your ally. Rynne too. He’s just worried about you. He really does love you. I can tell. The boy’s got it bad.” She grins.
I close my eyes and try to remember the sensations that Rynne always gave me. He always gave me butterflies in my stomach. He always made me nervous. I always wanted so desperately to be close to him, and the first few times I touched him were… magical. The day I kissed him was everything I hoped for and more. And I was relieved when he came back after I thought he had died. A lot changed, and I learned he was an angel, but it didn’t change any of my feelings about him. I wanted to be with him. I had this immense love for him that made me think all the details about him being an angel and me being a human weren’t all that important. I had my resolve and determination to stay with him. I remember all of that.
But I don’t feel it anymore.
All I’m feeling now is twisted up inside. I feel like there’s anger just below the surface, a constant buzzing of energy. It keeps me focused, but it somehow keeps all of my other feelings distant. It stops my anxiety, but it stops my feelings too. I can’t say I prefer one state over the other, but I feel like a walking shell these days, even though I’m stronger for it. I know it’s for the best. How else am I going to do everything I have to do if I’m not in the right state of mind? Being emotional about Rynne or anyone else isn’t going to help me right now. It isn’t going to help anyone. If this is what it takes to stop Arsen from making me feel strange things, then that’s all there is to it. He can’t have that kind of hold on me. He deserves nothing from me but utter rejection. I’m using him just like he would use me if he got the chance. This is the way it should be.
“Thanks for the talk, Fiona,” I say as I stand up from the bench. “I think I will get some rest now.”
“No problem,” she says. “Get the rest you need, kiddo. And if you ever need to talk, I’m always here to listen.”
I STEP OUT OF Tasia’s room, feeling a little hurt. I know I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t take it personally. Whatever has been going on with her, it isn’t her fault. I need to do something to help her. But what?
I glance down the hall and see Arsen and Imae. What are they doing together?
“Imae,” I call.
She smiles at me and offers a quick wave. I meet her halfway, and then I lean down to kiss her.
“You know I’m on the job,” she says with a smile. “But I’ll take the kiss anyway.”
“You’re on duty right now?” I ask.
“I’m babysitting Arsen.”
I look at Arsen and he shrugs. “I was being bad,” he says.
I feel like baring my teeth, but I restrain the urge. “What did you do to Tasia?” I demand.
“I tried to steal her yin and yang diamonds,” he says matter-of-factly.
His words are like a slap in the face. They leave me stunned, and I have to do a double take. Arsen cocks his head at my reaction. I shake my head.
That’s why Tasia said what she said to me. Arsen tried to take her crystals away from her, and when I asked to see them, she felt like she was under attack again.
“Good luck with him, Imae,” I say. “You always seem to find the trouble cases.”
“You are no trouble at all,” she replies. “You never wer
e. It is an honor and a pleasure teaching you, Rynne. You’ve turned into a fine angel. I couldn’t be prouder.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
I smile. I really am grateful for everything Imae has done for me. I’ll always be grateful.
I ask, “Do you know where the confidant is at the moment?”
“She was headed to the kitchen. She might still be in there.”
“Thanks,” I say. “Good luck with your new assignment.”
I head straight for the kitchen after excusing myself. Sure enough, I find the confidant inside. She has a glass of water in her hand. I find the sight peculiar, considering immortals don’t need food or drink. She’s in her silver armor, as always. She glances in my direction. But she doesn’t say anything.
“I need to talk to you,” I assert.
“Now isn’t the best time,” she says, her voice breaking with what sounds like exhaustion.
I insist, “It’s important. The white diamond that Cassius has been tuning to Tasia, I think it’s doing something it shouldn’t. I don’t know if it’s possible for a tuned crystal to reject what’s been done to it, or if it’s somehow become corrupt, but we need to take it away from her.”
The confidant sets down her glass of water on the stainless steel counter. Then she leans against the counter, using her hands to brace herself. “We can’t take away her white diamond,” she states.
“But it’s doing something to her mind. Whatever the oracle did to that diamond is too much for her to take. It’s working against her. Tasia’s energy has changed. Her aura has become darker, malevolent in some ways even.”
The confidant looks at me with an exhausted expression that matches her voice. Her blue eyes aren’t shining so brightly today. They’re bright, but they’re somehow dull at the same time.
“Cassius will not approve of confiscating either of her diamonds. That’s all there is to it,” she says.
The Pull of Destiny (Undying Love, Book 2) Page 30