by Ken Scholes
He turns and looks into my eyes, a bemused smile on his perfect lips. “You did.”
“No, I mean did I make you love me. Like, you didn’t really want to but my. influence-this Sway thing or whatever it is that Gabe thinks I can do-like, made you.”
“That’s irrelevant.”
“Not to me.”
“Frannie, what matters is that what I feel is real and genuine. I wouldn’t want to go back to what I was. How I got here doesn’t matter, just that I’m here.”
“That’s just stupid. That’s like saying I beat you in poker ’cause I stacked the deck, but you’re glad I have all your money.”
“If you took my money and bought me paradise with it, I would be glad you had it. And that’s what you’ve done.” He reaches for me and draws me to his shoulder. I shove him away and look out the window as he pulls back out into the road. I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t look at him, knowing what I’ve done. I’ve given a whole new meaning to the term “mind games.” But more, in some selfish little corner of my mind, I hate that he didn’t fall in love with me. He was pushed. He doesn’t love me for me. He loves me ’cause he had no choice.
Luc
Frannie’s sitting on the arm of a chair, staring out the window, and Gabriel is sitting on his couch looking at me like I’m nuts. “The Shield only works for angels and some mortals. Last I looked, dude, you’re no angel.”
“What do you mean, ‘some mortals’?”
“Well, Adam and Lilith were the first we tried it on, and you know how well that went. But there have been others where it’s worked.” He shrugs. “Go figure.”
“You mean Eve-Adam and Eve,” Frannie says to the window.
Gabriel cocks half a smile. “You’re right, it didn’t work on Eve either, but Lilith was Adam’s first wife.”
She turns and looks at him, then at me, as if hoping I’ll confirm that Gabriel has lost his mind. I shake my head. “Long story.” Then I turn back to Gabriel. “Why didn’t the Shield work on Frannie?”
Gabriel glares at me. “It did. Until you showed up.”
“Oh.”
“What didn’t work on me? What’s this Shield?”
Gabriel answers. “It’s essentially a shield against detection by evil. It hides you from all things infernal.”
Hope sparks in her eyes. “Could it hide me from angels too?”
A sad smile flits across Gabriel’s lips. “No.”
She looks dejected again as she asks, “Why didn’t it work on me?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes it partially works. It only takes one demon who’s particularly sensitive to you, for any reason. ” He shoots a glance at me.
She looks at me, uncertainty in her eyes. “So you’re saying, even with this Shield, Luc found me anyway.”
“Looks that way,” Gabriel says, but her eyes stay locked on mine.
I nod reassuringly at her and smile. She’s so afraid she manipulated me into loving her. It hurts that she can’t see how much more it is now. How big it is. It may have been her Sway that started the ball rolling, but the way she makes me feel. that’s not her Sway. It’s just her.
Her gaze shifts to Gabriel. “Try it on me again.”
“You’re still under the protection of the Shield. I think that’s why Lucifer is the only one who’s found you so far.”
I frown. “And Belias and Avaira.”
Gabriel’s eyes shoot to me. “What are you talking about?”
“Your radar sucks. They’ve been here for a few weeks.”
His surprise turns to antipathy. “You should have told me, but I’m sure Belias found you, loser. You’re like an infernal lightning rod. You’re still bound to them, and that psychic thread will be hard to sever.”
I can think of one way to sever it right now. “Which brings me back to my original request.”
Gabriel eyes me warily. “I’ve never heard of anyone trying it on a demon. I’m thinking this isn’t such a great idea.”
“But I’m not a demon anymore, remember?”
“In body, you may be becoming mortal, but in essence you’re still theirs-a creature of the Underworld.”
I know he’s right, because I couldn’t have done what I did with Frannie earlier otherwise. “If no one’s tried it on a demon, how can you be sure it won’t work on me? What’s the risk?”
“The risk. well, let’s see. There’s the risk of death. Forces of light-especially forces this powerful-tend to kill forces of evil. Even if it didn’t kill you, it could alter you in ways I can’t even guess at.”
Frannie stands and steps toward me, her eyes full of concern. “Is somebody gonna tell me what’s going on?”
Gabriel looks at her with a sardonic smile. “Lucifer is asking for a miracle.”
She rolls her eyes. “Aren’t we all? But, really. ”
I can’t help the smile. “He’s serious. That’s exactly what I’m asking for.”
“A miracle,” she says, as if waiting for the punch line.
“Yep.”
That obviously wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. “Great.”
Gabriel laces his fingers in hers and stares into her palm. “The Shield of Light makes angels invisible to detection by forces of evil. Angels can protect a mortal under their Shield when it doesn’t work directly on the mortal. That’s part of the reason I’m here-to shield you.” He looks up at her and she holds his eyes with hers.
Chocolate.
Jealousy bubbles up and I choke it back-for her sake. “Your radar sucks and your Shield must be defective too. I smelled you coming a mile away,” I smirk.
Gabriel’s eyes stay locked on Frannie’s. “I let you detect me. Hoping to scare you off.”
A bark of a laugh escapes my chest. “As if!”
“So, what is this Shield? What would Luc have to do?” Frannie asks.
Gabriel pulls his eyes away from Frannie and shoots a cynical look at me. “Grow a halo.”
She rolls her eyes again. “Be serious.”
We both look at her, dead serious.
“Great,” she says again.
Gabriel eyes me skeptically. “It will only work on a pure heart with the purest intentions.”
Frannie cracks a smile. “I could have told you that wouldn’t work on me.”
Gabriel is still staring at me. “It would be dangerous to try on a mortal tagged for Hell, and I think you’re a few steps beyond that.”
“So. it could kill him?” she says, her smile gone.
“Yes.”
“Then he’s not doing it.”
I look at Frannie, who now is looking at me with wide eyes, a little shell-shocked. My intentions are pure, I know that. My only intention is to save her from a fate she doesn’t deserve. But my heart? I’m not so sure. If it’s pure, Frannie made it that way. “What do I have to do? How does it work?” I ask, knowing I have to try. If I can’t protect Frannie, I’m useless. Worse than useless. I’m a liability-a beacon for the Underworld.
Gabriel eyes Frannie, probably weighing how she would react if something happened to me at his hands. Fury, vengeance. all sins.
“Gabriel, this is my decision. Not hers,” I say, drawing his attention back to me.
His eyes pull away from her and focus on me as he nods.
“Hold up,” Frannie says, fiery incredulity all across her face, but fear in her eyes. “You’re serious that he could die?”
Concern passes briefly over Gabriel’s features. He can’t lie.
“That’s a risk, because he’s still tethered to Hell.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s a creature of the Underworld, no matter what he’s becoming. His life force is spawned from Hell, and he’ll always be connected.”
I feel my insides boil as my disgust for what I am starts to feed on me. I can’t look at her. I can’t handle seeing that same disgust for me mirrored in her eyes.
But when she doesn’t respond, I glance in her direction. She look
s me in the eye and her expression turns cold. “I don’t think you should do this, Luc. Not for me. Because I don’t love you. I don’t want you anymore.”
And even though I know she’s lying, the crushing pain in my chest is almost incapacitating. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. I don’t want someone who loves me ’cause he has to. I want someone who loves me for me.” I feel my heart go dead in my chest as she turns to Gabriel. “What needs to happen for you to tag me?”
“You need to forgive yourself.”
For the briefest of instants, pain twists her face, but, just as quickly, she smoothes it away. “Forgive myself. for Matt, you mean.”
“Yes,” Gabriel replies with a sad smile.
Everything in me wants her to be safe-wants Gabriel to protect her. But what I’d never tell her is that, once she’s tagged for Heaven, I’m certain things between us will change. Gabriel said it: no matter what I’m becoming, I’m a creature of Hell. Frannie’s life, and her priorities, will change once she’s tagged for Heaven. She won’t want me or need me for long. But she’ll be safe.
“Do it, Frannie,” I say and turn away. Because, despite my best intention, the pain in my words rang clear.
It’s silent for a long moment, and when I turn back, Frannie looks unsure. Lost.
Finally, Gabriel speaks. “As much as I hate to say it, this is the wrong reason. You will forgive yourself eventually, and when that happens, you’ll be tagged for Heaven. It’s not something you can force, even for him.” He spits the last word, and his face twists into something less than angelic.
She looks at me and a tear slips down her cheek. She flings herself into my arms and nearly squeezes the life out of me. “Luc, don’t do this. We’ll figure something else out.” I can feel her heart thrumming against my chest.
I pull back, kiss her, and look at Gabriel. “Let’s do it.”
“Stop! No!” she yells, squeezing tighter and burying her face in my chest.
“Frannie,” Gabriel says in a sweet, soft melody, “Lucifer is right. If you insist on being together we have to try this.”
Frannie pulls her face out of my chest and looks up at him. He’s glowing again-what a show-off. But it seems to work, because her grip on me loosens. But then I feel her hands on my face, and I can’t resist as she pulls me into a kiss.
Gabriel steps in front of me. “Take off your shirt.”
I pull it over my head and Frannie takes it from me, hugging it to her face. He lifts his hand to my forehead, and I notice it’s wet. Then I’m burning hotter than the Lake of Fire.
Holy water.
Of course this damned Shield of Light would involve holy water. These holier-than-thou types can’t seem to accomplish anything without it. I hold my breath-more difficult now than it used to be-and screw my eyes shut against the pain. I feel the skin on my forehead blister and peel where Gabriel marks the circle there. When his hand moves to my chest and leaves a bubbling red handprint over my heart, I hear the groan escape my throat, and it’s all I can do to keep from pulling away from his touch and doubling over. I grimace, because I know Gabriel’s enjoying this.
Stop being such a goddamn baby and suck it up. This is what you wanted.
I grit my teeth and am acutely aware of Frannie sobbing, piercing my heart, as she holds my hand in a death grip. Gabriel says some words in an ancient language, but I don’t hear them. I don’t hear anything but Frannie. She’s all that matters.
And then she’s in my arms, kissing the raw skin on my chest. I open my eyes and she looks up, tears streaming down her face.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers through her tears.
My pain is lost in her face. I wrap my arms around her and smile. “Why would you say something stupid like that?”
I feel her exhale sharply, the last of her sobs, as she reaches up to touch my blistered forehead. “You’re okay?”
“Never better.”
I take my shirt from her hand and shudder as her finger trails over the welts on my chest. I slide it on and take her hand, pulling her to the door. “We’ve got one more stop.”
Frannie
Grandpa sits across his coffee table from us, in the loveseat, his elbows on his knees, his pipe forgotten in his hand. He looks a little pale, and, for a second, I’m afraid we gave him a heart attack. He glares at Luc, sitting next to me on the couch. “A demon,” he repeats for the sixth time. At first he laughed and told us to stop pulling his leg. He’s not laughing now.
Luc holds Grandpa’s gaze without wavering. “I was. I’m not totally sure what I am now.”
“Human,” I say. “You’re turning human.”
Luc shoots me a wary smile.
“How does that work?” Grandpa’s voice doesn’t boom. He sounds uncharacteristically weak.
“Frannie’s. special,” Luc says.
Now Grandpa’s voice does boom. “I know that! That doesn’t explain anything. Why are ya here?”
“I beg your pardon, sir, but it explains everything. Frannie has special talents. Power that is invaluable to the Underworld. I came to claim her soul for Hell, but her power is changing me.”
Grandpa jumps off of the couch. “Get away from her! Frannie, get over here.” He lunges toward us and grabs my arm, pulling me off the couch and around the coffee table. He tucks me under his arm protectively.
“Grandpa, please. Just listen to us.”
“I’m hearin’ ya loud and clear,” he says, glaring at Luc. “Get the hell back to where ya came from. Ya can’t have Frannie.”
“He doesn’t want me!” I blurt and then blush and smile at Luc. “Well, not like that, anyway.”
Luc smiles back, but then his expression becomes grave. “Sir, I really need your help.”
There’s venom I’ve never heard in Grandpa’s voice. “You want me to help you drag my granddaughter to Hell?”
“No, I want you to help me tag her soul for Heaven.”
I hear my breath catch, and I squirm out from under Grandpa’s arm. “You shit! You said you wanted Grandpa to help hide us.”
“You need to figure out how to forgive yourself Frannie. I think your grandfather’s the best person to help you do that. This Shield might work, but if it doesn’t, Gabriel’s the only one who can keep you safe. He loves you, Frannie, and he’s got some pull with the Big Guy. He may be able to keep things reasonable for you.”
“I want my life, goddamit!”
“What are ya all talking about?” Grandpa looks a mix of frightened confusion.
“Frannie’s soul can’t be tagged for Hell if it’s already tagged for Heaven. But Frannie can’t be tagged for Heaven unless she forgives herself for M-”
“Stop!” I scream. “Just stop! This isn’t what I want!”
“But it’s what you need,” Luc says, gazing deep into my eyes.
“Go to Hell!”
“I will, but I’m not taking you with me.”
I’m a huge ball of frustrated anger. I want to kill him for stabbing me in the back. “Get out!”
“Frannie?” In my rage, I’d forgotten Grandpa was here. “Talk to me.”
I look at him, and everything is lost in a flood of tears. I hug him and hold on for dear life. He sits on the loveseat, bringing me with him, and I lay my head on his shoulder and cry for what feels like forever. When I lift my head and look around, Luc is gone.
“What did he mean, Frannie? About forgiving yourself?”
The tears well up again, and my throat chokes off. I can’t say it, can I? Not to Grandpa. ’Cause if he hates me, it would kill me. But when I look in his eyes and see all his wisdom. “I killed Matt, Grandpa.”
He doesn’t say anything, but as the tears start to fall again, he pulls me to his chest in a bear hug and I feel safer than I have in ten years. I sink into him, exhausted. When I wake up, he’s still holding me. And then we talk. and I tell him everything.
He doesn’t say anything for a really long time, and I’m sure I’v
e ruined everything. Now that he knows what a terrible person I am, things will never be the same. But then he looks me hard in the eye. “Sounds like you’ve been luggin’ this load of horse manure around for a long time.”
He hates me. I knew it. I feel my chest cave in, like my heart just collapsed.
“Listen, Frannie. I wasn’t there and I don’t know what happened, but I do know this heart,” he pats my back, “and it’s a good one. If what ya say is true, it was just a terrible accident.”
I shake my head hard, like maybe I can throw off the guilt. “But I was so mad. I. hated him.”
“I’m pretty sure ya couldn’t hate anything if ya tried, Frannie. Ya don’t have it in ya. Sounds to me like what happened just happened. Nobody’s fault.”
But he’s wrong. It was my fault.
“Everybody’s got their own crap they carry around with them. I know that firsthand. After your grandma died. ” He trails off, shaking his head. He squeezes my shoulders a little tighter. “It’s human nature to blame ourselves when bad stuff happens-to think about what we coulda done so things woulda turned out different.”
I see the guilt on his face and it kills me. “What happened to Grandma wasn’t your fault, Grandpa.” It was mine. I should have tried harder to make Mom come over.
“But that doesn’t mean it ain’t gonna feel that way.” He pulls his arm from around my shoulders and grasps my hand. “You and Matt were closer than most. I don’t know what happened in that tree, but no matter what it was, you weren’t gonna come out of it okay. But there comes a time when ya gotta see it for what it was: an accident.”
I feel the hard ball of cold terror I’ve carried in my chest for the last ten years soften a little around the edges. Part of what he’s saying is true. I didn’t mean to kill Matt. So maybe I’m not a monster.
But that doesn’t make it any less my fault.
I tuck into his side and sit there for hours more.
Chapter 20
Speak of the Devil
Luc
For three days I sat on a tree branch outside Frannie’s window before she would speak to me again. She had a rough time with finals, but it helps to have friends in high places. With some divine intervention she finished okay.