by Alisa Mullen
I cleared my throat to the point I made myself start to cough. They both froze and turned to look at me. Nick sneered at me while Lizzie’s face morphed into a stunned disgusted look. It was a brilliant look. I wondered if she ever sat in front of a mirror and worked on that look. I certainly had it down. My father basically forced me to learn that expression by age three.
“I’m sorry for interrupting you but Nick? I have been waiting for you to pick me up. Two o’clock? Fifteen Beacon?” I held up my hands in surrender and took a step back as Lizzie started to come after me. Nick pulled her back and hugged her to him.
“Sam. Lizzie came home just now and we haven’t seen each other in quite a few weeks. We have other plans, so today is not going to work out.” He was dismissing me. He wanted me to leave.
I saw the moment Lizzie tensed up and Nick obviously noticed at her response, too. He watched her carefully to see what she would do next. With her mouth dropped wide open, Lizzie flew around to start pushing at his chest. She pushed him three feet back before she unleashed her rage.
“What, Samantha was your back up girl while I was gone? What the shitty creeps, Nick? You couldn’t go a couple of weeks without getting it on with someone?” she shrieked. Her hair was coming out of whatever hair style that particular style was and she looked like she was ready for a knock down fight.
He shushed her, then smiled down at her, and patted her ass. They had a silent conversation with their eyes for a few moments. I watched them in confusion as I tried to understand what they were saying. It was hopeless.
“Yes, baby, I screwed her brains out every second I could. She didn’t care that I called out your name and balled my eyes out the whole time we did it either.”
I snorted a laugh. He did call out her name but did he remember that? Shit, I wasn’t going to participate in this conversation. The weirdest thing happened. I saw Lizzie relax and she smiled back. She shrugged and started to pull her hair back into a pony tail.
“Did she do that thing you like with the two fingers on your…” I cut her off.
“Okay, I get it. Fabulous fucking joke. Seriously Nick, I have been up all night waiting. I have notes. I have everything prepared. This was your idea. Please take me to see them.”
Lizzie turned a quizzical look my way and crossed her arms over her chest. “Go see who?” she asked. I forgot that Lizzie may have a problem with me going so I was cautious as I looked back at her.
“I need to talk to Conner’s… um… your parents. I want to tell them why we got into the car accident.” I muttered the sentence and braced myself. I waited for her to blow up at me. I waited for her to say “hell no!” I waited for a Lizzie fit. She stayed quiet until she turned to look at Nick and whispered, “Why?”
Nick kissed her forehead and whispered something in her ear that I couldn’t hear. She nodded a few times and then I heard a slight whimper come from her mouth. She was upset. Great. I couldn’t deal with this shit today. I already had enough drama going through my own head.
With her blotchy red tear stricken face, she came to stand in front of me. Her arms were loose at her sides and she didn’t look like she intended to punch me so I let go of my stance.
She blew out a breath and a thoughtful expression came over her. “I think I know why you came to see me that day, Sam. You know, the day you said I didn’t deserve Nick.” She turned to look back at Nick and scowled.
“I don’t know all of the details as to why but you were faking it. You were pretending to be someone or something to get back at me. I don’t know why and I don’t know if I even want to know. Believe me, I can be the biggest fake when I want to be. No one can pull off make-believe like I do. But if you do this…if you finally tell our family what happened and why Conner died, I will erase that conversation from my mind forever.”
Her sad smile startled me. Lizzie O’Malley was genuinely smiling at me for telling her to leave Nick and by day’s end, telling her and her parents that I essentially killed her brother. I finally understood why everyone loved Lizzie. She wanted peace. She wanted love. She wanted people in her life to be happy. She didn’t hold grudges. She said what was on her mind and then lived her life the way she wanted to. There was no way my parents would ever like her. She was a different species all together. She was her own person.
I nodded my head and smiled back. I looked at Nick expectantly. I was ready to go. I needed to get this over with so I could move on with my own future.
He shook his head. “Still can’t do it today, ladies. We have a plane to catch.”
He raised an eyebrow at me and I knew exactly where that plane was going. Fucking Texas. I groaned and buried my head in my hands. For fuck’s sake, this day might turn out to be a drinking fest.
“I insist you join us, Samantha.” Nick didn’t even wait for my reply as he took Lizzie’s hand and headed back into their bedroom and shut the door…hard. I heard giggling and his carefree laugh from behind their door.
I rolled my eyes and contemplated my escape. It was then I heard a baby making noises. I walked around the foyer and headed for Niall’s room. He was in his play pen, talking to an electronic keyboard. I took the keyboard out and then picked him up. We sat down together on his floor and he smacked his little fingers on the keys. He pulled at my hair and I squeezed his big cheeks.
He looked so much like Conner and Lizzie. He said something in gibberish and I spoke back to him in regular English. I read once you have to talk to children in the language you want them to learn. Or maybe someone else read it and told me because I can’t remember the last book I ever read. Slowly, Niall climbed up into my lap. He tried to wrap all of his hands into my hair while giving me open mouthed kisses on my cheeks. I laughed and put him back down in front of the keyboard. We played for a long time while his parents got it on in the next room. No place had ever felt more like home than right this moment.
An hour passed and Niall was getting tired, so I lay him down in his crib and softly sang a rendition of Mary Had a Little Lamb. I would have made a dreadful mother.
“You would have made a wonderful mother.” Lizzie’s voice startled me from the song and I stopped rubbing Niall’s back.
I turned around and saw her sad face. “Nick told me everything. He told me so I could be prepared when you tell my mom and dad. I have to be the strong one, he says.” She puffed out her chest and lowered her voice in mock male fashion. I start out the door and a small smile crept over my face. When Niall’s door was closed, I turned to her so we were inches apart.
“You look so much like Conner. It’s unbelievable,” I said in bewilderment as I took in her whole face. She beamed at me and it felt like Conner was the one gracing me with his full wattage smile. I started to tear up. Heavy wet tears fell down my face as I continued to look in her eyes.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she whispered. She wiped away a few tears and a determined took over her face. “He was such an ass for pulling on that steering wheel. He always did crazy shit like that before. He thought he was invincible, Sam. Sometimes, I would get really frightened after he told me about some of his crazy nights out. He wasn’t invincible.”
“But I… I told him I couldn’t marry him,” I objected to her compassion. I was almost in her arms, my whole body begging to be touched in a loving way. She scoffed at my confession and then rolled her eyes.
“You guys would have worked it out. You could have told him you were a freaking nun and couldn’t marry him because of that! He still would have done something stupid that night. My brother expected to get his way about everything.” She rolled her eyes again. I could see she still had a little anger towards him.
“Can I hug you?” I whispered.
She came at me full force and she held me while I sobbed into her crazy red hair. She started to cry, too. Then she said, “He loved you.”
I pulled away and my questioning look prompted her to pull something from her back pocket. She handed me a photo of Conner and me. I had
seen it before because it was the picture I gave to Conner only a couple days before he dies. I remember the day. We were lying on the grass near Boston College. He wanted to show me his alma mater and some of his band mates tagged along. He was looking at me with the biggest grin on his face.
“I have never seen my brother look at a girl like that,” she stated seriously. “You got to him and that’s hard for any girl to do. Conner was a ladies’ man. But that photo,” she continued as she pointed down at the picture, “He is in love with that girl.” I stared at the picture for a long time and nodded at it.
Nick came up behind Lizzie and gave her a small peck on the cheek. He put his arm around me and looked down at the picture.
He smiled at me. “He wanted you the minute his eyes landed on you, Sam. Poor bastard. He was in deep before he even knew your name.”
Lizzie giggled loudly and covered her mouth as she looked at Niall’s door. She motioned for us to go the living room. She sat down and I noticed she was holding her belly as she sat. Was she? Oh my god. She’s pregnant. She saw my jaw drop open and she smiled wickedly at me and then winked.
“You can keep the picture as long as you tell me the truth about one thing,” Lizzie said as she looked at me with the most serious, determined face.
I swallowed and nodded at her, expecting the worst. What was she going to ask me? Did I sleep with Nick? Did I fuck up her job? Shit, shit, shit.
“Your favorite song was never Butterfly Girl, was it?” she asked as she crossed her arms.
I smirked. I laughed out loud and looked down at the picture of me smiling back at Conner. I shook my head. “No, he told me he wrote that song for you. He said one day your wings would open up and you would fly.”
She beamed with satisfaction and Nick grinned at her. You could see it. You could see his heart pushing right out into the room. The man was so in love with her.
“It is a beautiful song, though,” I added.
“Yes, it is,” she said.
A few moments later, I watched in awe as Nick and Lizzie played their guitars and sang Butterfly Girl. Their voices were fucking miraculous together. As Lizzie started to sing the chorus, she nudged me to join in. I shook my head and she gave me a “don’t fuck with me” look so I immediately started to sing. I looked at the picture again. I sang to the beautiful man that was in the picture. I sang to the beautiful man that remained in my heart. I sang for the Butterfly Girl who finally found her wings. I hoped that one day I could find my wings, too.
TWENTY TWO - NICK
My girl was home and I could not stop grinning. Our love making had been unbelievable. Every time I thought about a place I wanted her to kiss, she did it. Every time she moaned my name, my stomach burned with fire. Every time I told her I loved her, she kissed me with more force. We were on fire.
As I sat here now strumming the guitar with Lizzie again, the world fell away and it was just her and I. Occasionally, her foot would rub up against my calf and I would lose my mind from her electric touch. Lizzie was mine and I was hers.
A few moments passed and I realized Lizzie and I weren’t alone. I looked over at Sam and smiled as I watch her mouth the words to one of the songs Conner wrote. She knew them word for word. She was off in her own world, occasionally looking down at the picture Lizzie had given her.
Lizzie took the whole situation with the car accident, Sam’s father’s attempts to push her away and paying Teagan off to finally leave us alone. I thought she would become grumpy about the sum of money I offered Teagan, but she just thanked me with a kiss. I wasn’t ready to tell her I quit my job and I was working with Jeremy to open a recording studio. I wanted it to wait until after we returned from Texas. I looked over at the kitchen clock and saw that it was almost two in the afternoon. Shit, we needed to go.
I put down the guitar and put my hands on my legs. Lizzie stopped strumming and waited for my words.
“Ladies, I hate to break up this jam session but we do have to take a quick trip down to Texas so I can deal with Mr. Hughes for good,” I stated. Both of the girls’ eyes go wide and I braced myself for their resistance.
Lizzie shook her head. “You let that man be. If you go down there and fuck with him, he will come after Sam. Nick, he will come after me. I don’t want anything to do with people like that. No offense, Sam.” She looked at Sam and gave her a sheepish look.
“I agree,” Sam said. “He doesn’t know about my new apartment. I transferred all of my money to a different account that he doesn’t have access to. I had to prepare for when shit hit the fan.”
“Ladies, I understand you are both fearful but I can take care of this once and for all. Nothing, I mean nothing will happen to either of you.” I was firm and resolute.
They gave me that look. The look women do when they feel sorry that their man is wrong. It’s a pitiful look. It makes me feel like a bug and I am about to get squashed.
“You aren’t going with me, are you?” I looked from Lizzie to Sam and back. Both girls shook their heads. Lizzie put her guitar down and came to sit in my lap. I put my arms around her beautiful waist and looked up to my bride to be. I was mesmerized by her presence. She felt so fucking amazing in my lap.
“Baby. There are more important things to be done than having a conversation with someone that won’t even hear you. He might listen to us but he will never grasp the fact that he can’t control us.” She kissed my cheek and rubbed her nose against mine.
“I don’t want to go because I just got home. I want to spend time with you. I want us to eat dinner tonight as a family. I want Sam to talk to my parents this weekend. I want to feel love after everything that happened with Teagan. I don’t care about all that other bull shit. No one is getting in the way of me loving you ever again. Please don’t go. Stay here with us,” she pleaded.
I watched her eyes search mine and wondered how lucky I was to fall in love with a woman that loved me right back. I kissed her chest above her v neck tee shirt. She sighed and relaxed in my arms. I rubbed her back and held her for several minutes.
“Okay. I won’t go to Texas this weekend but I will take care of him. He tried to ruin all of us and I can’t sit by and let it happen anymore.” I relaxed back into the chair and all of a sudden, I felt so tired. Content but exhausted.
I continued to rub my hand over her back and looked over to Sam. She was beaming at me and mouthed “Thank you”.
Sam stayed through dinner. I watched Lizzie ask Sam a lot of questions. By the time she left, I saw similarities in them. They were both head strong and open to change. At one point in the goodbyes, Sam said that Lizzie should join her at the spa and go shopping.
Lizzie let out a chuckle.
“You should go for me and then tell me how I liked it,” Lizzie answered. Sam looked confused and hugged her goodbye.
As we prepared Niall’s bottle and took him to bed, she hummed a new song I hadn’t ever heard. “What are you humming?” I asked.
“I wrote some songs while I was in Maine. Television is sketchy up there and well, there wasn’t anything else that could keep me from picking up the phone to call you. So I wrote songs for you.” She shrugged. She laid Niall in his crib with his bottle and smiled down at him. “It’s good to be home, huh buddy?” She asked.
“It is very good for him to be home,” I said as I watched her hair fall over her face. Slowly, I felt the sensation to feel her against me again took over. A simple task of putting our child to bed put me in the mood to lick her all over. I must be a love sick idiot.
We held hands as we made our way back to our bedroom. We both took off all of our clothes. She sighed as she took me in. My heart beat picked up as I took her in. We crawled under the messed up covers and inched towards the center of the bed to hold each other.
“I quit my job, Lizzie,” I quietly said.
“You did?” she asked nonplused.
“Yep. I am opening a recording studio near Berklee College of Music. I want you to go back to sc
hool. I want you to go study music there.”
“Hmm… that sounds amazing, but Nick, I am about to have two children. I won’t have time to study. Plus, I want to plan our wedding.”
I was slightly taken aback at her lack of interest. I thought she would be excited about going back to school. As I thought about it for a minute, I am adding more to her life and she needs to relax, not stress out more. I need to start thinking about what I want for her and listen to what she wants for herself.
“Well,” I kiss the top of her ear lobe and brush my lips down to outline the rest of her ear. “What do you think of the recording studio?” I asked seductively.
“I think it sounds hot,” She said breathily.
She pulled back from me and I saw the enthusiasm in her face.
“I am sure the boys would love to record,” she practically yelled it in my ear. Why is she so excited about the band recording? I lay back and pulled her down to me.
Then I got it. Conner wanted to be signed. He wanted to own a recording studio one day.
“I want you to name the place. Oh and I want you to pick out a really, really colorful house in Cambridge.”
She jerked her head up and her mouth dropped wide open. “Are you fucking with me, Nick Sawyer because I will sleep on the couch for days.” I have yet to surprise her like this since I brought her back to my apartment to find that I was…what did she call it? A filthy rich guy?
“Nope, I want you to live the life that you and Conner dreamt of when you were younger.” I said, grabbing a piece of her hair and pulling it away from her face. Her eyes were shiny and she was beaming. She looked so magnificent. The small side table lamp drew out her redder highlights and her green eyes.
“Okay,” she whispered. She leaned in and kissed me. Her mouth was soft and gentle. I groaned and brought her on top of me. Our bodies were warm and we relished into each other’s mouths and hands for hours. I would never get enough of my Butterfly Girl.