by Alisa Mullen
“Okay, Nick. I will do it.” She replied swiftly.
As I hung up the phone, I looked around at all of the beer bottles and bottles of alcohol. Someone puked on the kitchen floor and it didn’t look fresh. I opened the refrigerator and she had nothing but booze. The rest of the apartment was scarce with furniture. Make shift chairs were made out of boxes and plastic milk cartons. Clothes were strewn all over the apartment and the place reeked of booze and sex. Lizzie and I had guessed it right. It was apparent that Sam did leave town. She left reality all together.
A little while later, I slipped back in bed with Lizzie. I snuggled up to her soft body and kissed her hair. She squeezed my arms that are around her belly.
“I missed you,” she whispered.
“I love you, Elizabeth,” I spoke softly. I felt so vulnerable, so out of control. Helpless. I couldn’t make anyone change their behavior. I could be grateful for those I had in my life that looked forward to the future as much as I did. The woman I held in my arms held our future and I tightened my arms around her, around the idea of security. Minutes later, I felt myself drift back to sleep.
TWENTY SIX - SAM
I woke up with two naked guys wrapped around me and each other. What the hell happened last night? I remember I was meeting a guy I met at a bar for an official date. What was his name? Joey. Joey from Southie. He wouldn’t let me forget it. Was he one of these guys in the bed? I examined each face closely. Nope. No Joey.
I had been using my shoes a lot more lately since my new time passer was clubbing, partying and sex. I don’t know how many guys I had slept with in the past few weeks but every day, whether I got home in the early morning or I kicked guys like these out, I opened my medicine cabinet and pulled out the picture of Conner and me. I almost hated Lizzie for giving it to me. It was a constant reminder that I would never be fully happy again. Now I knew exactly what Nick was going through the day he kissed me and called me Lizzie. I swear I purposely called out Conner’s name whenever I had sex.
Back in the day, partying with friends in Austin, I always felt like I did something wrong the night before and the whole day is spent putting myself down, telling myself I would never drink again. I made out with a stranger, I drunk dialed an ex-boyfriend, and I called my friend a whore. The list went on and on.
But living here in Boston, where only two people know me, it is easier to feel just fine about what happened the night before. These two muscular tanned models at one time may have not interested me before but last night was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I wanted a repeat. I climbed out of bed and kept the blanket wrapped around myself. When I saw the small orgy on the living room floor, I chuckled to myself. It must have been epic. I opened the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of vodka. I was amazed we didn’t kill the whole bottle with the amount of people here.
I drank two, three gulps of the vodka and opened my mouth wide to exhale the after bite of the alcohol. God, that is disgusting without orange juice. I went to the bathroom to pee and when I saw the medicine cabinet, I stared at it. I plopped myself on the toilet, vodka in hand and watched the cabinet like it was just going to open for me.
“Conner,” I said out loud. “If you can hear me baby, open the cabinet door and tell me you love me and there is hope for me yet.”
I glared daggers into the medicine cabinet and begged it to open. It didn’t move an inch. I took another couple of slugs off the bottle and flushed the toilet.
I was startled when I heard a phone ring. I walked out of the bathroom, already feeling the awesome effects of the vodka. Where the fuck was that ringing coming from? I looked over to the cordless and it was blinking red concurrently with the ring. That’s weird. That phone never rang. Not once.
I grabbed it. “Wrong number,” I deadpanned into the phone and clicked it off. I heard groans and moans coming from the living room floor.
“Hey guys, orgy time is up. Get your shit and go home. You can come back tonight for a repeat, if you want,” I said, taking another swill off the vodka. A yummy blond guy with a six pack and a sturdy butt walked into the kitchen and nuzzled my neck.
“Hey, baby. I couldn’t join your little party last night and I wanted you. Tell me I get you tonight,” he said. I offered him the bottle and he took a small shot and coughed. I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, sure, but right now, I have some errands to do,” I said as fake chipper as I could.
The phone rang again. I stared at it like it was a bomb ready to blow up. The blond went to it and answered. He turned to me after a few seconds. “Are you Samantha?” he asked.
I nodded and took the phone from him. “Hello?” I asked softly.
“Sam, Jesus. It’s Nick. What are you doing over there?” he asked. He sounded pissed, almost offended.
“Nothing. Just hanging out with a friend.” I took another swill of the vodka, only to notice that it was all gone. Yes, I had errands.
“Do you mean you had four guys in your bed, hanging out? Or did you decide to hang out with your friends on the living room floor?” My jaw dropped and I looked around the apartment. Was Nick in the house?
“Nick? Are you here?” I scoffed.
“No, I am not there now. I was there with your apartment manager, Paul and a couple of pigs at four thirty this morning. We all had a nice chat about the noise level of your stereo. Sam, you were sandwiched between four guys. What have you been doing? You don’t call. We haven’t heard even a word from you in weeks. I have been so worried,” he remarked.
I pulled my hands through my knotted up hair and winced when I pulled out a chunk. “Everything is just peachy. Wait, why were you called over here?”
“You put me down as your emergency contact,” he stated blandly.
“Oh shit, sorry about that,” I groaned. “I will have it changed or something.”
“Why don’t you just stop having orgies to techno music?” he shot back. “It was disgusting. I have never seen you like that before. You were totally naked.” He whispered that part. Obviously, Lizzie was listening in.
“Listen. I. am. fine.” I enunciated every word so he would understand that I didn’t need a talking to or any help. I didn’t say anymore. I hung up the phone and looked over to the blond guy waking the others up. I walked back into the bathroom and shut the door. I listened as everyone piled out of my apartment. I must have been in there for thirty minutes at least. I stood up, turned on the shower to warm up, and looked in the mirror. Dark circles and raised blemishes were starting to form on my face. I had hickeys…again. I hated hickeys. As I thought about who it could have been, I opened the medicine cabinet to pop a few Xanax. That’s when I saw the picture. Just like that day, I was transported back to that happy place with Conner. I smiled at the photo and forgot everything else in my life.
This picture has saved me from myself every morning after.
TWENTY SEVEN - NICK
“She fucking hung up on me. I went over there and saved her ass in the middle of the night. She blew me off and told me I was being a jerk! I didn’t even get a thank you for keeping her from getting arrested,” I barked at Lizzie as I paced the kitchen.
Lizzie looked unruffled as she rubbed a hand over her belly. I looked down at the movement and was slightly turned on. Then I decided it probably wasn’t an ideal moment to rip her pants off and make love to her good and frantic. My eyes melted into hers as we stared at each other about my dilemma with Sam. Lizzie’s face, her expressions, the sound of her voice tranquilized me. I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair.
“She wants you to leave her alone. Let her do her thing. She will come around or… she won’t.” She frowned when she concluded that sentence. “You and I know better than anyone that it takes people time to go through self baggage. She wants to drink and be a slut? Let her. What are you going to do? Take time out of our lives to save hers? She doesn’t want to be saved yet. We have to let her figure out when we can. Believe me; I will be right there
when she asks for my help.”
Lizzie was right. She did know how it felt to be lost and not want anyone to help her. I walked around to her back and started to massage her neck. She groaned into my hands. She muttered something about how much she appreciated my hands and went back to moaning.
I was still too distracted by Samantha. I pulled my hands off of Lizzie’s neck. “Fine,” I grunted. “But, Elizabeth O’Malley, I swear, I am not going there next time. She can deal with the police all she wants. That is not who I am. I am a family man and I am trying to build a life for us to be proud of.”
Lizzie smiled and nodded. She took my hands and kissed the insides of my palms. I leaned down and took her lips. She was fresh and cleaned up from her shower. I wanted to mess her up and make her sweat.
I pulled her into my arms and we explored each other’s mouths. I found her beautiful voluptuous breasts and paid special attention to them as she rubbed my mussed up hair. She whispered my name over and over again, urging me on.
“Nick!” she yelled. I popped my head up. What the fuck? Did I hurt her?
“Babe, I have to pee,” she whined. “I have been trying to get you to stop for five minutes. I think I actually already peed a little.” Her face flushed and I quickly helped her up on her feet. She scurried away, wobbling and holding her vagina in her hand. Like that was going to keep the pee in, I thought to myself. I chuckled as I followed her to the bathroom.
“So let’s call the guys today and arrange a time to meet them to discuss their recording times, too.” I said to her. She was moaning now for totally different reasons and I kind of became jealous of the toilet. “We have so much going on with Conner’s band, who decided to call themselves Desired Pitch. I thought it was an ideal name.” I was trying to get my head off Lizzie’s breasts and back into the business world. It was a really tough obstacle. I took a deep breath.
“That sounds good, honey. I want to see the guys today. I feel like it has been forever since we were all together socially.” She smiled up at me as she finished up. “I really like the new co-lead singer, too.” Her grin turned into a mischievous smirk.
I pointed at her and smile. It was true. Their newest co-lead singer was hot as all get up. She sang the angels down from heaven. It didn’t take too much convincing for Lizzie to agree to sing with them on a semi-regular basis. She liked the other new lead singer, Gage. They seemed to get along with him, although it was awkward at first because I think she was thinking about Conner.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed watching them play off of each other. He was married, thank God. His wife was really cute and they had a new baby so I was trying for us to do a double some night. However, my plan hadn’t seen its fruitions because I saw Lizzie checking him out a time or two. She would catch me watching her and stick her tongue out at me or blow me a kiss. She knew who she belonged to, the little brat. I would laugh at her and roll my eyes.
We were made to be with one another. Our bond was stronger than it had ever been. I just wasn’t ready to share her with anyone yet. The tour with Desired Pitch was going to be a test for us as a couple and as business partners. Would working together in a professional setting and loving on each other any chance we could actually work? Add two kids and a wedding? Yeah, we were in over our heads.
Lizzie got on the phone with Jeremy. After she hung up, she looked at me with a plan formulating in her head.
“Can you call Lily to watch Niall for the day? We might jam here and I want him to get a good nap in.” She asked.
“No problem,” I grinned at her as I popped a piece of toast in my mouth. It was music time. It is my second favorite pastime with my babe.
A few hours later, I had a caterer set up food and Lily came to retrieve Niall to go to the Children’s Museum. The guys started to show up and they all made up plates and I passed out beers. Jeremy was talking about a chick that he had hooked up with the night before.
“And then she asked me if I had to wear a condom because she really wants a baby and she just wanted my sperm,” he yelled. “Oh my god, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Psycho. That one was absolutely off her rocker.” We all laughed at him and told him that he would definitely have better luck next time.
Lizzie walked into the living room wearing a glowing smile. “Hello, boys,” she said mischievously. “So Jer, someone wanted your baby? How very sad for her. She must have been shit faced.”
Jeremy looked over to her in horror. Yeah, a girl’s point of view does come in handy sometimes. “Listen, Lizzie, just because you got pregnant with a dog, that doesn’t mean we all are dogs.” He volleyed back at her.
“Yeah, Nick had to pay him off a few weeks ago just to get his stupid Irish ass back to Ireland,” she laughed. No one said a word. They all turned to look at me. I shrugged.
“Pennies,” I said, trying to be casual. “Believe me, it was worth it. That guy didn’t give two shits about his son.”
“So!” Lizzie wanted to change the subject, obviously catching on to my discomfort. “What are we working on today? Desired Pitch has a few shows coming up, right?”
“We have another show at The Crimson Club and then one up in Manchester,” I said, looking at the calendar.
“Yeah, we actually wanted to talk to you about that,” Jeremy started. “We were offered to open up for Love Sick Ponies in three months. What do you think about going on tour for like six weeks, Liz?”
“No,” Lizzie and I said in unison. Lizzie continued. “I don’t know if you guys noticed, but I am going to have another baby. It’s yours, Jeremy.” She laughed out loud. I gave her the stink eye and shot my middle finger up. She air bit it and smiled cheekily.
Congratulations went all around the room and Lizzie hugged the guys. “So, you won’t be able to do any of the shows?” Jeremy asked.
“I can go to some of them, but I will have to wear a muumuu and take it easy. Maybe we could keep me down to three songs. Get us the dates and we will do it. Nick will be there; too, so make sure he gets the necessary passes.” Lizzie got up to make herself a plate and gapped at the spread.
“Nick Sawyer, do you think you ordered enough food?” she asked.
I watched her start to fill her plate with large heaps of potato salad and macaroni and cheese. “I don’t know, it looks like Desired Pitch might want to change their name to Desired Food,” I replied. “They are hungry men, Lizzie O’Malley.”
After we ate and talked a bit more, everyone broke out the equipment they brought and I sat back with a note pad and listened to what songs Lizzie would be best at on stage. If she was only limiting her appearance to three songs, it was going to be hard to pick which because she sounded so damn good on every one.
She closed her eyes and I watched her set off to the place in her mind whenever she becomes part of the song. The chorus started and she harmonized before her solo started.
Can you feel the sparks / when I am around you?
The magic ball always spins your way
I try to fight the unexplained
But you can’t force magic. You can’t escape fate.
My eyes remained focused on the floor while I listened to the words. When my head turned back up, she startled me. She was staring right into my eyes, a look of contentment spread over her face. She didn’t go to that pain or that ache while she sang. Today, she sang while she gazed at me. I mouthed “I love you” and she winked back to me as she started the chorus again. She never closed her eyes again as she sang to me about magic and fate. We weren’t fighting our sparks anymore. We were following the signs. All signs pointed to Lizzie and Nick Sawyer, happily ever after, just like I had promised Conner.
After the guys left, Lizzie told me to get ready to leave. “You and I are going to see my parents. I haven’t seen them in nearly two months. It’s ridiculous. So we are going to give them a surprise visit and fill them in on all of our news.” She started to throw her sneakers on.
“But Sam was supposed to come with us,” I
replied.
“Yeah, well, Sam isn’t really available to the world these days, is she? If I have to wait on her to tell my parents that I am pregnant, we may be waiting until I go into labor. Plus, I just want to see my mom. I miss her,” she cried.
I put on a sweater and shoes and I grabbed the keys to the Benz. She smirked at me. She could never guess which car I would take on any given day. I loved them equally. That’s why I own both of them. I thought about buying her a car, but she insisted that she liked taking the train and whenever she headed out of the city, I was there to drive her.
I think she was afraid of driving since Conner died, but that was a whole different therapy session. Until we moved to Cambridge, we were content with two cars, public transportation and walking the city. Actually, for the first time we have been together, we were just plain content. I intertwined my fingers with hers and kissed her on the back of her hand. She looked at me with heated passion.
“Do you want to just stay here and play music with our bodies?” I wrapped my arms around her waist.
“Oh yes. I want to stay right here and make love to you for hours. But, we have to go,” Lizzie sighed.
She waved her hands around her head and grimaced. “I have to get this unfinished business sorted out. It’s annoying me now. We can make it a short trip.”
We get into the elevator and I pull her close to me, placing my hand over her baby bump. Dear God, please let this visit go well.
TWENTY EIGHT - SAM
I pulled my head up from the mirror and sucked the coke in so hard; the drip of it was almost immediate. I handed the straw over to Clay. He was a magazine model and I could watch him shirtless all year long. We had been hanging out a lot since we had that five some the night that Nick showed up. I guess the other guys wouldn’t let him participate as much as he wanted to so he came back later that day for more.