Struggling, I managed to get to my feet. “You couldn’t let me rest in peace.” My voice sounded strange to my ears. My power wrapped around his throat, squeezing slowly as the Troll had done.
“Ketayl, stand down!” Mother shouted from the port-side doorway.
Her voice jarred me from my thought of killing the captain and I dropped him. Agents were on him and quickly took him into custody. Others started freeing Kitteren and Silver or securing the captain’s men. I could not bear to look in the direction of anyone and see the disgust. Now they knew the monster. The illusion I had carefully crafted over so many years shattered by my own hand.
Father stood before me, asking me something, but I could not hear him over the pounding in my ears - the pain I managed to ignore came back full force. I clutched my right arm to my body, swaying on my feet. It was the last thing I remembered.
Chapter 17
Colors swirled and danced. I was surrounded by iridescent bands and with no defined walls, ceiling, or floor, I floated, knowing peace.
I had been here once before, but then the colors were all shades of purple. Something forced me to retreat to within my own power. I could not remember why I would be here, but it did not matter - I was safe.
For too long I viewed my power from the outside, watching it push against me as I tried to keep it contained. I held my hand up and let the strands of changing colors weave through my fingers. Why did this seem dangerous before?
It nagged at the back of my mind someone else needed to be safe. That I needed to make sure they were safe. Memories started to filter in - Kitteren and Silver. But the others had shown up. They were safe now.
The colors swirled about me. I twirled and danced with the iridescent bands coming to play. The sound of my laughter surprised me.
Then I noticed the outer colors starting to fade. Black took over and all too soon I found myself alone in the dark. Where had the colors gone? Where was my safe haven? I curled up against the dark. I felt cold and alone.
Angry, pulsing red began to show up above, pulling me toward it and I tried to move away. I swam against the strong current. It over took faster than I could retreat and I got ripped backwards.
I felt, more than heard myself scream. Pain at a level I had not previously known originated from my right shoulder. Other areas hurt also, but none felt like pieces being slowly and painfully moved.
“Lin, her eyes,” I heard Father say.
I tried to look around for the source of his voice, but only black greeted me. I clamped down on my jaw, not wanting to repeat the sound. I would only be able to hold it for so long. Why was it dark here? I heard other voices: most of them too far and indistinct.
My breath came far too fast and I could not form words to beg for it to stop. I needed to tell them to let me go back to my safe place.
“I know, but it can’t be helped,” Mother said, her voice strained. A hand stroked my head. Too many other hands held me still and I tried to move away from all of them. Especially whatever caused me pain in my right shoulder. “I’m going to try and put her back under. I don’t know how long I can hold her there.”
The words I could make out made no sense to me and those speaking might as well have been in a language I did not know. I tried to latch onto the familiar voices, but the pain and darkness overrode the attempt.
I heard voices but saw nothing. I looked around frantically, trying to find some source of light. The pain made it hard to focus.
Somehow, despite feeling like someone tore into my shoulder, I started feeling drowsy. I pushed back against it, but found myself literally powerless against the gentle tug. Then the world faded completely from my senses.
~*~
“These were the dead zones you saw when you tried to search before?” Father spoke softly, though his voice still carried through the room.
I could only hear the sound equipment beeping besides him. My mind felt cloudy and struggled to analyze my situation. My power slumbered still far out of my reach. I tried to ignore it for the moment, grateful for one less thing to worry about.
“Aye. The little lass had a good idea, though it will take some time to weed out the legitimate businesses usin’ anti-scryin’ magic. I intend to get started once we’re done with this operation.” The woman’s voice sounded familiar. I could not place it though.
“That’s good work, Fan. I’ll leave it to you and your team. I think I’m going to need some family time once we’re done here,” Father said.
I cracked open my eyes and saw nothing. Perhaps a dream? But I should be able to see something. I rested in a reclined position and it was warm.
“That you will. Ketayl especially will need time to recover. Both physically an’ emotionally,” Fan said. “Speakin’ of, someone is awake.”
I heard people coming closer and tried to move, but could not. I found myself bound up in something and started to panic. I could not feel my right arm either.
“Easy, Ketayl, easy. I’m right here,” Father said. “Fan, can you go get Lin?”
“Aye, an’ I’ll check on the boy too. The numbin’ agent will wear off in about a half hour,” Fan said and left - the door making little sound.
“Let me get you out of those restraints. You kept trying to roll over onto your injured shoulder.” Father’s soothing voice kept me anchored.
My voice barely made it above a whisper when I admitted, “I’m scared.” I could not contain the emotions rushing through my mind. With my power gone, they were free to run. I did not even realize until now I had used my power to keep it all contained.
A strong hand touched my forehead. “I know, honey, I know. Just stay focused on me. Fan went to get Mom and she’s checking on Silver.”
“Kitteren? Silver?” Were they safe? Did I fail my mission?
“They’re fine, Ketayl. I promise. We need to focus on you.” While Father spoke, I felt straps being released, but I could not move much still. The room heated up fast.
“Why is it dark and hot in here?” I could not hide the fear in my voice.
Whatever kept me bound quickly loosened. “We needed to keep you warm to try and keep you from going into healing shock. Silver’s energy was mostly spent by the time he finished getting your shoulder pieced back together. You still need time to heal completely, though I expect he’ll be helping the process along as soon as he has enough energy.”
“Please turn on a light.” I needed to see. I needed to know where I was.
“Ketayl, I need you to remain calm. Do you remember the prototype arcane restraint you and Lockonis have been working on?” Father’s voice continued to be calm yet firm. He rubbed my uninjured shoulder comfortingly.
I nodded uselessly in the dark. “Lockonis said it was too overpowered when she tested it on herself.” What did the prototype have anything to do with it being dark?
Father took a deep breath before saying, “We borrowed it on the off-chance we needed to restrain a mage. Ketayl, trust me we had absolutely no intention of using it on you, but we didn’t want to chance Silver’s safety while he was trying to restore your shoulder.”
My power slumbered out of reach because of the prototype restraint?
“Your vision should come back when we take the arcane restraint off. Do you think you can put up with it for just a little longer? Silver will want to make sure nothing shifted while we were transporting you and help speed along your healing.”
I nodded. Lockonis had not said why she deemed the prototype overpowered and I had been too concerned with the backlog and other tasks to ask. “Where are we?”
The tension in Father’s voice noticeably left. “Remember the warehouse the team gathered in? You’re in the infirmary. This was closer and less public than the hospital.”
“Public?” Why did that matter?
Mother spoke, “Our operation isn’t finished yet. We need to keep you safe and hidden until we can get the last buyer.”
“Lin…” Father’s voice rang
with a warning tone.
Mother sighed, her voice resigned, “I know, Dayko, but after all of this, she deserves to know.”
Father said sharply, “It can wait until she’s recovered more.”
“No it can’t,” I said quickly. I was blind, I was scared, and I was confused. I needed to clear out at least one of those.
Father sighed and patted my left shoulder as he got up. “Where’s Kitteren?”
“I sent her on errands. She’s too feisty to let in here.” Mother sounded drained. What happened? How long had I been out?
I heard the door softly open and close once more.
“My fierce little girl. I should be angry you disobeyed orders, but…” Mother trailed off and ran a hand over my hair. “According to the schedule, this buyer is being accompanied by someone who put a bounty out on you.”
“Bounty?” What bounty? There had been no mention of this before, but the captain kept mentioning I was worth more alive.
Mother continued to stroke my hair. “It’s complicated, Ketayl, and we have little information. So far, it seems limited only to these slave traders and the final buyer we’re after.”
I looked down at my lap, or at least where I thought my lap should be.
The door opened sharply.
“Silver, is everything alright?” Mother asked, concern in her voice.
He sounded out of breath when he spoke, “Yes, ma’am. May I speak with my partner privately?”
I refused to bring my eyes up. Even if I could not see him, I could not face Silver. He had seen the monster. They all had. Why had Mother or Father not brought it up? Perhaps because the part which could do damage had been restrained.
I shifted uncomfortably during the long pause before Mother spoke, “Of course. I’ll be downstairs checking on how the team is progressing if you need me.”
The door once again closed with a quiet click.
Silence filled the room and I resisted the urge to lift my head.
I heard Silver start to pace - boots landing heavily on the floor. After a few turns, he suddenly growled at me, “What in the Hells were you thinking, Ketayl?!”
I kept my mouth shut and my head down letting my hair hide me. I tried to pull my knees up to my chest, but could not quite manage it with my arm bound down across my waist.
“No, don’t you dare run away from me.” Silver pushed my knees back down. A weight landed on the side of the bed. “I want to know what made you think you could take on those slave traders. Look at me, dammit!”
“I can’t,” I said quietly, raising my head toward where I guessed he sat.
“Your eyes - they’re completely black,” Silver breathed. “What caused this?”
“Doesn’t matter,” I muttered and turned away. It embarrassed me to be caught in such a vulnerable stage. As much as I had been in revealing the monster.
Silver’s hand touched the side of my face, firm, but not hurting. He forced me to look back in his direction. “Don’t pull that with me.” His breath hot on my face.
Fear kept me from moving. My panic quickly built and my breath sped up. It felt like I could not get enough air. I gripped the bedding with my one free hand and kicked, trying to push myself away, but getting nowhere. While my movements made no sense, neither did the situation I found myself in.
Silver backed away and I could feel him shift on the side of the bed. “Gods forgive me. Ketayl, please, calm down. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I felt myself pulled against a hard chest. A hand stroked my hair. I gave into the instinct to circle my free arm around the warm body and hold on tightly to the back of his shirt. I buried my face and fought against the surge of emotions.
I became the monster of legend again. They spoke of my safety, but what of their safety from me? I had to remain blind to not hurt anyone.
We stayed like that for a while. At one point after I calmed down, I started to doze and I did not care I remained curled against Silver. I felt tired and likely this would be the last time I would be able to remain close to someone.
“I can’t let you sleep yet,” Silver said as he pushed me away from him. I let go, not looking up at him out of embarrassment. “I need to take a look at your shoulder and maybe we can find you something more comfortable than how we have your arm bound.”
While I had been curled up against him, I began to feel my arm again and the deep ache that came with it. I crossed my legs and looked at my lap. There was a dull throb in my hip as well, but easily ignored at the moment.
I quickly backed away from calloused fingers that tried to tuck my hair behind my ear. Scared, unsure of who the hand belonged to. I thought only Silver was in the room, but I had not been paying attention to the sound of the door.
“This has to be absolutely terrifying for you,” Silver said softly, brushing my hair out of my face. “Will you tell me now what is causing your blindness?” I held still only because Silver’s hand reached under my hair to rub the back of my neck.
I did not trust my voice and searched with my free hand for the device. The leather band had been designed to wrap around a wrist or ankle. I tapped it when I found it on my left ankle.
“I’m sorry. I was so focused on restoring your shoulder I paid little attention to anything else going on. I only know what it’s supposed to do. Ketayl, I am so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn’t leave your shoulder in that condition.”
I sat quietly, still unsure of exactly what happened.
“I don’t know how you’re going to forgive any of us,” he said, and I wondered if he meant to say it aloud.
That was my breaking point. “Forgive?! I’m the monster here. I…” I killed the Troll when I panicked. I did not know the status of the others I hurt either.
Silver’s hand at the back of my neck paused. “Ketayl, do you really believe that? You risked everything to protect us and you think yourself a monster?”
“I killed…”
“I wanted to,” Silver cut me off. “Badly enough I almost pulled the damnable barstool out of the floor. If our positions had been reversed, the body count would have been far higher. I will not stand for the crimes these people committed, but it’s not up to me. They will now be held accountable for their actions.”
“Ketayl,” Mother’s voice joined in the conversation. When had she returned?
I remained silent. Her presence only reminded me of worse things I had done.
“Silver, if you wouldn’t mind tending to her shoulder before the numbing agent wears off too much,” Mother said. “I think she’s already starting to feel the pain return.”
Silence fell in the room and I sat there, staring blindly. I could sense Silver’s hands hovering around my shoulder.
It felt like a long time before Silver spoke again. “Everything stayed in place, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to push the healing along too far. It’s too soon to do much more than lock the pieces in.”
“Understood,” Mother said, all business. “Kitteren should be here shortly with something more secure for her arm and a change of clothes.”
Silver’s voice sounded tense, “I’d like a chance to actually look at her shoulder. My spell can only tell me so much.”
I did not like being ignored, but held my tongue. I clenched my teeth tightly when Silver began using his magic to push along the healing. It hurt and for some reason I had not expected it to.
“It’ll be over soon, Ketayl,” Silver soothed as he worked. “Just bear with me.”
“This is you getting even for me taking off, isn’t it?” I quipped. I had to do something to stop my mind from its downward spiral.
The pain from healing stopped for a moment. “I…” Silver said and paused. “I’m sorry, I guess my sense of humor is out right now.” He resumed his tending.
Silence fell again.
The pain started to get to me - both the physical and emotional. I could not get past the fact I so easily fell back into being that person again.
“I didn’t want to…”
A more delicate hand touched my hair. “Didn’t want to what?” Mother asked, her voice gentle.
“I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just…” Why was I so stuck on this?
She continued to stroke my hair. “I know and again I wasn’t fast enough.”
Her statement confused me, but the pain had a good chunk of my attention. I grit my teeth.
Kitteren burst into the room. “I’ve got what you requested, though I had Hells of a time explaining why we needed the sling.”
The worst of the pain from healing eased up, but it still ached deep in my shoulder.
“That’s as much as I can do for now. It still needs to stay as immobilized as possible,” Silver said. “Can we get the arcane restraint off now? I didn’t know it blinded her and it wasn’t right to have put it on her before.”
“We’ll have this discussion later, Silver,” Mother said quietly. “But for now, I don’t see why not. Are you ready, Ketayl?”
I nodded. Being able to see was not as important as being able to feel my power - find comfort in it as much as I feared it.
Hands pushed me back against the bed. Mother spoke gently, “Are you sure? I don’t know what will happen. Lockonis didn’t give us much information.”
I thought of one problem I needed to voice. “Yes, but you won’t be safe from me.”
“Safe from you?” Kitteren’s voice sounded confused.
Silver said sharply, “Ketayl, knock it off. You could have easily taken out the whole room and us with it, but you didn’t. Even in a blind panic, you only attacked the enemy. And trust me, I was there.”
“Enough,” Mother said sharply. Her voice softened when she continued, “Kitteren, can you take the arcane restraint off? I can’t stand seeing one of my girls like this.”
I turned my head toward Mother, letting her stroke my hair. I should fight the touch, but I needed to stay grounded.
I could feel Kitteren’s hands on my ankle, undoing the buckle. As soon as she pulled away, I curled up against the rush of my power coming back, breathing hard. I felt nauseous. It felt like all of my nerve endings were on fire and the sounds in the room were cranked far beyond their highest levels. The soft beeping of the machines might as well have been sirens going off directly in my ears.
Shattered Illusions (Terra Chronicles Book 2) Page 20