by Cat Schield
“I’m so sorry.”
Impulsively she touched his arm. The contact zinged from her fingers to her heart in a nanosecond, leaving her wobbly with reaction. She pulled back, but too late to save her composure from harm.
If he noticed her awkwardness, he gave no sign. “Now you understand why I need someone I trust to take care of Drew this summer,” he said. “I could use your help.”
Demands or bribes she could’ve easily refused. But turning down this request for help was like asking Superman to lift a truck-sized boulder of kryptonite. The superhero couldn’t do it. She was no stronger.
And she was handicapped by her memories of her previous visit to the Hamptons. Early-morning walks on the beach. Sipping tea on the wraparound porch. Blake had invited her to spend two weeks at his vacation property toward the end of her pregnancy. The downside had been loneliness and too much time to think, but on the weekends when Blake and Vicky came with friends and family, the enormous house had been filled with laughter and conversation.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t be better off keeping him in the city with you?”
“I’m planning on working most of the week from the beach house. I need someone to keep an eye on Drew during the day while I’m occupied. You can have your evenings free.”
“How can you be away from the office that much?” Remembering the long hours he’d put in the year before, she couldn’t imagine that Drew would get to spend much time with his father.
A ghost of a smile appeared at her shock. “I told you I’ve changed.”
A warm glow filled her as she gazed at him, acknowledging the truth in his eyes. This was the Blake who fascinated her. A man with strong convictions and simmering passions. Intelligent. Wry. Sexy.
Tormented by temptation, she shook her head. A whole summer at the beach? With the son she had no claim to? With the man she had no right to desire?
She was already too susceptible to Blake. What if Drew took up residence in her heart, as well? Forming a lasting attachment to the child she’d carried wasn’t part of her plan. After raising her seven brothers and sisters, she’d had enough of being a parent. Freedom was her watchword these days, but being unable to shake her anxiety about Drew’s welfare worried her.
“Thank you for the offer. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity, but I have to pass.”
A protest gathered on Blake’s lips, but before he could voice it, the limo’s door opened and an unhappy wail rode the fragrant spring wind blowing straight at them. Blake’s tension switched off as his focus shifted to his son.
“Sounds like Drew wants a chance to convince you.”
And before Bella could offer an objection, Blake crossed to his driver. The man had fetched the infant out of his car seat and now handed him to Blake. Drew’s discontented cries turned to crows of delight as his father lifted him above his head. Bella’s mouth went dry at the endearing picture of a powerful businessman in a tailored suit stealing a moment out of his busy schedule to hang out with his adorable nine-month-old baby. The tender connection between father and son made her throat ache.
At last Blake settled the baby against his chest and returned to where Bella stood. “Drew, this is Bella. She’s the one I told you about.”
As if the child could understand.
But when Drew’s blue-gray eyes, so like his father’s, settled on her in unblinking steadiness, Bella wondered if she’d misjudged the child’s comprehension. She stretched out her hand, hoping that Blake wouldn’t notice the slight tremor. Drew latched on with a surprisingly fierce grip. A lump of unhappiness swelled in Bella’s chest, making it hard for her to breathe.
“Nice to meet you, Drew,” she murmured. And when the infant gave her a broad grin, she tumbled head over heels in love.
*
While Bella stared at the baby she’d never held, Blake fought to keep his anger from showing. Drew was at his most adorable, plying her with happy smiles, which offered Blake a chance to scrutinize the twenty-eight-year-old woman who’d been his son’s surrogate.
Lovely. Like a tranquil lake deep in the forest, her beauty was of the peaceful sort. With her dark brown hair and smooth, pale skin, Bella possessed a Midwestern-girl-next-door look. When he and Vicky had first hired her to act as their surrogate, Blake had worried that a big, impersonal city like New York would chew up an Iowa farm girl like Bella and spit her out. But, raised on love and clear values, she had a steel backbone and a practical view of the world.
Her expression was unreadable as she shook Drew’s hand. Didn’t she feel anything at all? She’d carried Drew for nine months. Surely that would forge an unbreakable bond. So what had happened? Why, after assuring him that she would be delighted to be a part of their extended family after Drew was born, had she done an abrupt about-face and walked away without a backward glance? Had it all been lies? Had he been so blinded by joy at his impending fatherhood that he’d let her deceive him into believing she was a loving, nurturing person? It wouldn’t be the first time a woman had fooled him into seeing her as something she wasn’t.
In the days following Drew’s birth, he’d fought to keep his disappointment in Bella’s startling decision from overshadowing his delight at being a father. The whole time she was pregnant she’d talked as if she would like to stay in touch with Drew. Obviously she’d been lying. Bella had seen acting as a surrogate as a means to fast cash. She’d performed a service. Blake didn’t begrudge the money he’d paid her. He and Vicky had been desperate to start a family, and Bella had been instrumental in making that happen. He’d just been so damn stunned that the woman he’d thought he knew had made such a swift and unexpected about-face.
His anger with her for turning her back on Drew was irrational, but it was rooted in childhood hurt. Bella’s abrupt departure reminded him how he felt when he was eight and his own mother had abandoned him and his father to return to her old life in Paris. But at least with his mother, and even with Vicky, there had been warning signs that they lacked a maternal instinct. With Bella, he’d been convinced that she was a caring, nurturing woman.
“He’s very handsome.” She might have been commenting on the weather as she released Drew’s hand and stepped back. “He has your eyes.”
“And Victoria’s iron will.” Blake kept his attention fixed on Drew as he reflected on his ex-wife’s determination to pursue her career instead of being a mother. No amount of reasoning had convinced Vicky that her place was with her son.
Drew leaned away from Blake’s chest, reaching for the ground and babbling insistently. More than anything Drew wanted to be put down so he could explore the unfamiliar place and shove into his mouth whatever he crawled across. He was at that age where it was dangerous to take your eyes off him for a second. Hoping to distract him, Blake pulled out the plastic key ring he’d shoved into his pocket earlier.
Ever since Vicky had walked out on him and Drew, Blake had wondered if Bella would be upset that the child she’d agreed to carry hadn’t ended up in a perfect two-parent home. Then again, it wasn’t as if they’d sold her a bill of goods. He certainly hadn’t suspected that his wife would decide that motherhood didn’t suit her less than a month after her son was born.
“You think so?” Bella watched as Drew threw the keys to the ground and renewed his appeals to be put down. “I think determination is a trait he got from his father.”
“You make it sound like a bad thing,” Blake said. His surly mood wasn’t dissipating. Usually the second he hoisted Drew into his arms, all his cares fell away. But seeing Bella had churned up resentment and mistrust. “It’s how I keep profits climbing in double digit percentages for Wilcox Investments.”
“Of course.”
Her dry smile needled Blake. Damn. He’d missed her sunny nature and optimism. Her bright mind and Midwestern take on things. While his wife found his business dealings deadly dull, Bella had been happy to listen and quick with questions when she didn’t understand something.
He’d t
hought of her as a younger sister. A friend.
Her abrupt departure from his son’s life had been unexpected and unsettling. They’d often discussed what would happen after Drew was born. She’d been excited to stay in touch with Drew, to return to New York City to visit him.
He’d appreciated that she intended to be part of his son’s extended family because the closer Bella got to delivering Drew, the more worried Blake had become about Victoria’s desire to be a mother. About the time Bella was starting her third trimester, Vicky had gotten a part in an off-Broadway show and started spending less and less time at home, reawakening the anxiety Blake recalled from the months preceding his mother’s move to Paris.
He and Vicky had begun to argue over her priorities. After Drew was born it got worse. She wasn’t acting like Drew’s mother; rather, she was a stranger who rarely ventured into his nursery. She complained that Blake put too much pressure on her. That his expectations were too much for her to bear. Brief, heated discussions soon led to long, heavy silences. Their marriage was unraveling.
Was it any surprise that she’d ended up having an affair with the show’s producer, Gregory Marshall?
Blake’s cell phone rang. “Here.” He handed Drew to Bella and fished it out of his pocket. While he spoke with his assistant, he watched for some hint of emotion in Bella’s face.
She tensed as Drew leaned forward and put his palms on her mouth. They stared deep into each other’s eyes while Blake looked on. He wasn’t sure if Bella was even breathing. Was she finally feeling something? Getting her to connect with Drew was why he’d approached her about being Drew’s nanny. Now that Vicky had walked away from their family, he was damned if he was going to let his son grow up not knowing the woman who’d given him life, too.
“I need to get back to the office,” he told Bella, gesturing with the phone toward the limo. “If you wouldn’t mind putting him in his car seat.”
“Sure.”
She headed for the car, moving with a graceful stride that snagged his attention. The pregnancy weight was gone. She was back to the slim, delicate creature she’d been when he’d first met her at the fertility clinic.
She smiled at the driver when he opened the door for her. The car seat was on the opposite side of the vehicle and she had to maneuver to buckle Drew in. She chose to keep one foot on the sidewalk while the top half of her was swallowed up by the limo.
Blake raked his fingers through his hair. She had no idea what a charming picture she presented, her rear end wiggling as she fastened Drew into his safety seat. Abruptly, amusement became something much more compelling. He sucked in a hard breath, besieged by the desire to wrap his fingers around her hips and press up against her delicious curves.
Where the hell had that come from?
“Blake? What do you want me to tell Don?” His assistant’s question made Blake realize he had no idea what she was talking about.
“I have to call you back.” He hung up on her as the heat surging through his veins showed no signs of abating.
The feeling was as unwelcome as it was unexpected. Not once had he felt the slightest hint of lust toward the young woman while she’d acted as Drew’s surrogate. He’d been married, committed to his wife, and it wasn’t in his nature to cheat either physically or mentally. Bella had been for all intents and purposes an employee. They’d been friends. Nothing more.
But his marriage vows no longer stood between them and the attraction was an unexpected complication. He strode toward the car, his nerve endings tingling as he drew within touching distance of Bella.
“He’s all secure.” She backed away from the car, her hands clasped before her. Did she sense the riotous impulses that had surged to life in him, or was she just eager to get away from him and his request?
“Thank you.” He gripped the car door, anchoring himself against the compulsion to brush a strand of hair off her cheek. “Having you take care of him this summer will be good for both of us.”
“I really don’t think it’s a good idea, Blake.”
Although she had refused his offer, Blake heard less conviction in her voice this time and sensed that Drew had already charmed her into agreeing to join them in the Hamptons.
“It’s a wonderful idea. Take the night and think it over.” He blasted her with his most engaging smile. “Do you still have my number?”
Lightning flashed in her eyes. The color of much-washed denim. They’d transfixed him from the start.
“Yes,” she retorted, her voice gruff.
“Good. If you don’t call me by nine tomorrow morning, I’ll be forced to track you down again.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it.” It wasn’t enthusiastic agreement, but it wasn’t a firm refusal either.
“Wonderful.”
Despite his need to get going or risk running late for a meeting, Blake’s gaze lingered on Bella until she entered St. Vincent’s. For the first time since Vicky had abandoned their marriage, he was ready to move his personal life forward. Seeing Bella again reminded him how satisfying his situation had been a year ago. He’d been happily married and anticipating the birth of his son. And then Vicky had left and he was back to feeling incomplete. These past few months he’d known what would make his world whole again. All he needed was the right mother for Drew.
Today, he’d found her.
Two
Still shaken by her encounter with Blake and Drew, Bella let herself into the apartment she shared with Deidre and set a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter. The small two-bedroom was on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, not far from Central Park. Although the unit rented for a little over two thousand a month, because Bella’s room was barely big enough for her double bed, her share was only eight hundred. It was a nice deal for her.
The location was a quick walk across Central Park to the school where she and Deidre worked and the low cost enabled her to send money home to her parents and still retain enough for herself. To have some fun. To build a small nest egg. Whatever she wanted.
Financial security was a luxury she’d never known growing up, and the cash cushion she now enjoyed filled her with a sense of power and confidence.
“There you are.” Deidre appeared in the doorway to her room, her bright blond curls a wild tangle. She wore workout clothes and her skin had a light sheen of perspiration. “I wondered what happened to you. I’m almost done with my weights routine if you want to head to the park for some cardio.”
“A run sounds good.” Before stopping at the market to pick up the ingredients for dinner, Bella had taken the long way through the park, hoping the walk would clear her head. The exercise hadn’t been strenuous enough. She was no more decisive now than when Blake’s limo had pulled away from the curb.
Growing up with a houseful of siblings, the only way she got any peace was to disappear into the cornfields and make her way to the dirt path that led from their farm to the county road. In the winter the snow drifted in the fields, making it harder to escape her seven brothers and sisters, so she usually just sneaked into the barn and hid in the haymow.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Deidre said, reaching into the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water. “Did one of your students go into hysterics because it was the last day of school today and they couldn’t bear to be parted from you for a whole summer?”
“What?” Bella shook her head at Deidre’s question. “No. Nothing like that.”
“I’m surprised. You are everyone’s favorite teacher, you know.”
“That’s sweet, but we had no repeat of last year’s drama.” Warmed by her roommate’s praise, Bella smiled. “I made sure I prepared them better this year.”
“So what’s up?”
“Blake came by the school today.” Although she hadn’t told her roommate everything that had transpired regarding the surrogacy, Bella had appreciated Deidre’s sensible take on her mixed feelings about giving up Drew.
“Blake?” Deidre’s concern reflected in her
expression and her voice. “How did that go?”
“A lot better than you would expect, given how angry he was with me last fall.”
“What did he want?”
“He wants me to be Drew’s nanny for the summer.”
Deidre looked appalled. “His nanny? He has a lot of nerve.”
Some of Bella’s anxiety eased in the face of her friend’s fierceness. It was nice to have someone to support her for a change instead of always being the one people leaned on. “He doesn’t have any idea how hard it was for me to give up Drew.”
The cozy apartment fell away as Bella got lost in the memory of holding Drew. Beneath his soft skin, he was strong like his father. As she’d buckled him into his car seat, she’d inhaled his wonderful baby scent, so like her siblings’ when they were little, and yet all his own. It had whipped her emotions into a muddled stew.
As much as she loved helping to raise her brothers and sisters, she’d lost her childhood to changing diapers, calming temper tantrums, making lunches and helping with homework. Her mother couldn’t have kept up on her own. Plus there was always something around the farm that demanded Stella McAndrews’s attention.
Bella knew she was a lot like her mother. A nurturer. Taking care of people was almost a compulsion. But it had left her little time or energy for herself and in the middle of her sophomore year in high school, she recognized the burning in her gut as resentment. She felt trapped by her siblings’ neediness and began questioning her parents’ decision to have eight children.
Soon, the farm, the small nearby town where they attended school, even her friends—their dreams no bigger than the rural community they lived in—began to feel like a prison she had to escape.
But to do so, she needed to make plans and promises. She would focus on doing well in high school so she could get into college. Majoring in education was a logical choice. She’d grown up teaching her siblings and felt a sense of accomplishment when they did well in school.