by Cat Schield
He would not grow up with a hole in his heart and a head full of questions about why his mother had abandoned him.
“I think it’s working,” Bella said, her gaze shifting to Blake. “Will you hold him for me while I fix a bottle?” She dipped the cloth in the vinegar once more and handed it to Blake before she shifted Drew to him. Her fingers slipped over Blake’s hand as he sat down, the tender contact a warm reminder of their earlier kiss. “He’s going to be all right,” she told him softly, her voice encouraging.
Blake tracked her progress across the kitchen, his skin tingling in the aftermath of her light touch. She’d managed his worries over Drew’s wasp sting with the same calm reassurance she’d used with his son. As much as she denied that she was cut out for motherhood, she was a natural. More than a natural. She was innately driven to make those around her happy.
The large kitchen became more homey as the smell of cooking onions filled the air, the sound of them sizzling in the pan blending harmoniously with the hum of female voices as Mrs. Farnes began dinner preparations.
Lifting the damp cloth off Drew’s wasp sting, Blake noticed the red mark on his son’s hand had been reduced to a dot the diameter of a pencil. The progress pleased him.
“It looks a lot better,” Bella commented, peering over Blake’s shoulder.
Her dark brown hair fell forward, brushing his cheek. He had a quick second to fill his lungs with the scent of vanilla before she swept the wayward strands behind her ear. While she peered at Drew, Blake studied her profile. Her nose had a slight bump from being broken when she was ten while rescuing her three-year-old brother from a charging billy goat owned by her grandmother.
It was the only imperfection in an otherwise lovely face. Softly rounded cheekbones, a well-shaped mouth and pale blue eyes that tilted up at the corners gave her a fresh, girl-next-door look so unlike his ex-wife’s sleek sophistication. Combine that with a smile that went from uncertain to delighted in the blink of an eye, and Blake had a hard time keeping his mind focused on his plans and off the delectable kiss they’d just shared.
Already he’d done something he’d intended to avoid. But what Jeanne had said to him about Bella finding him attractive had been gnawing at him. He’d gone over every memory he had of Bella and found no sign that she’d been anything but friendly toward him. Today he’d thrown Jeanne’s words in Bella’s face, expecting her to hotly deny it. Instead, her protest had lacked conviction. He’d expected her to slap his hand away. To get angry.
His groin stirred at the memory of her impassioned moan. She’d sounded both confounded and thrilled. Beneath his kiss she’d come alive. Her ardent surrender had carried both of them into a place where they alone existed. Blake frowned. How far would things have gone if Drew hadn’t brought them back?
“Here’s his bottle.”
While he’d been lost in thought, Bella had finished preparing Drew’s bottle. She held it out to Blake, but he shook his head.
“Why don’t you feed him,” he said. “I have to call Jeanne and tell her I’m not going to make dinner.”
“You shouldn’t cancel on your sister,” Bella said, carrying baby and bottle out of the kitchen. “Drew is fine. After he finishes this, we’re going to read a little and if he isn’t sleepy, I’ll give him some dinner, a bath and then straight to bed.”
Her words had set the scene for the sort of evening he’d been hoping to enjoy, just the three of them.
“You were pretty determined that your nights would be free, remember?” Blake had followed her into the living room. “Besides, I don’t feel right about leaving Drew after what happened.”
She settled onto the pale blue couch and started feeding Drew before she answered. “Really, Blake, it’s only a wasp sting. He’s perfectly fine and there’s no need for you to stay.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” He sat beside her, immediately realizing he was too close when his thigh bumped against hers. The contact delighted him. So did the way she bit down on her lower lip.
“Of course not.”
“I don’t believe you.”
She shifted on the soft cushion, but there was nowhere for her to go. He’d boxed her in.
“It has nothing to do with you. I don’t want your sister thinking you don’t trust me to take care of Drew.”
“She’ll understand that I’m staying home because otherwise I’ll be wondering how he is the whole time and be terrible company.”
“She’s going to blame me for not keeping a close enough eye on him.”
“I will tell her it was my fault.” Blake’s lips thinned. “I’ll explain I had you thoroughly distracted.”
“You really shouldn’t do that.” Concern thrummed in her voice. “She will think we’re…”
A rosy flush spilled over her cheeks. The sight of it confounded him. Why was she acting embarrassed? The kiss they’d shared had given him a clear picture of the attraction between them. She’d responded boldly to every sweep of his tongue. He hadn’t anticipated that she’d throw herself into the kiss with sweet abandon, or that he’d be equally swept away by the softness of her skin and the heat of her mouth.
“That we’re…?” He prompted.
She kept her attention fixed on Drew. “Why did you kiss me?”
Her voice was so low he almost didn’t catch the question.
“Because I wanted to.”
“It complicates things between us.”
More than she knew.
“Things are already complicated between us.”
She eyed Blake as she handed him the empty bottle. “Why did you really want me here this summer? There are hundreds of terrific nannies in New York. You could have had your pick.”
“I like your company. I thought you’d enjoy spending a couple months at the beach.”
Her scrutiny intensified. “No ulterior motives?”
“Such as?” he prompted, voice silky smooth, wondering if she was brave enough to voice the challenge in her eyes.
“We haven’t even been here two hours and already you’ve kissed me.” The exaggerated rise and fall of her chest betrayed her agitation. She was practically vibrating with tension. “Do you expect me to sleep with you?”
“I’m considering the possibility,” he admitted. At some point during that explosive kiss, he’d lost control. Her effect on him was both intriguing and disturbing.
“You don’t mean that.”
Blake forced his tone neutral. “I do.”
“But you’ve never given any indication that you’re interested in me.” Her soft blue eyes grew incredibly large in her pale face.
“As you pointed out earlier, I was married. These days I’m free to be attracted to any woman I want.”
“Sure, but there are hundreds for you to pick from who are much more suitable.”
“Maybe I’m not looking for suitable.” He took her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. “Maybe all I’m interested in is a woman who moans when I kiss her.”
Her lips parted on a sharp inhale. “You caught me by surprise.”
“And if I gave you fair warning? Would that make a difference?”
“You can’t be serious.”
He stared at her soft mouth, remembering how it felt beneath his. The passionate tangle of her tongue with his. If Drew wasn’t snuggled in her arms, his eyes focused on Bella’s face, Blake would lean over and show her just how powerful the chemistry between them could be.
“Would you like me to demonstrate just how serious I am?”
“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “Don’t toy with me, Blake.”
“I assure you, that’s the last thing I intend to do.” Deciding he’d pushed her to the very edge of her comfort zone, Blake got to his feet. “We’ll talk more about this later. Right now I need to change if I’m going to make it to Jeanne’s on time.”
Brain reeling from her exchange with Blake, Bella stared after him. What had she gotten herself into? Had coming to the
Hamptons with Blake and Drew been a huge mistake? The last thing she’d ever expected was that Deidre would have been right about Blake. What had his kiss meant? Was she a naive fool to read anything into it at all?
Blake was single. She was a warm body. Was it as simple as that? But why would he choose her when the Hamptons were filled with far more suitable women? Maybe she shouldn’t ask questions. Maybe she should just pack and get the hell out.
Unfortunately, now that she’d given her sister the three-thousand-dollar advance on her salary, she would have to stay and be Drew’s nanny for at least two weeks.
Besides, she couldn’t just leave father and son in the lurch. No matter how often she tried to put her needs first, it was inevitable that she would put acting responsibly before self-preservation. She was trapped here. Incarcerated by her belief system.
When Blake came home from his stepsister’s dinner party, she would simply tell him that nothing like that kiss could ever happen between them ever again. Blake would understand and agree. Surely he didn’t want to complicate their working relationship. It had been a one-time misstep, incongruous and regrettable, and never to be repeated.
The baby in her arms was stirring back to full wakefulness. She carried him upstairs and found a large bedroom with pale blue walls, decorated with sailboats and furnished with a dark cherry crib, dresser and changing table. The last time she’d been here, the room had just been finished. The stuffed animals that now filled the window seat that overlooked the ocean hadn’t been here. There’d been no baskets on the floor filled with stacking cups and electronic games. No well-worn books had filled the shelves.
Now the space looked lived-in. Loved.
Bella set Drew on the floor near the basket of toys and began unpacking his clothes. A fire truck with a siren held his attention for as long as it took Bella to fill one drawer. After that he crawled to the low bookcase and began pulling out one story after another. Seeing the mess he was making, Bella left the rest of the unpacking for later and joined him on the floor.
“What should we read first?” She scanned the books.
“He’s particularly fond of Belly Button Book,” Blake said from the doorway.
Bella located the story and turned to thank him for the suggestion, but the words faltered on her lips at the sight of him in khakis, a white polo shirt and navy blazer. The casual clothes reminded her of those days last summer when they’d sat on the back porch and he’d told her about his favorite places in the Virgin Islands and about how he’d first tried cinghiale—wild boar—in a small village in Tuscany. She’d been surprised to learn that they hunted wild boar in Italy and that it was a favorite dish in the region.
He’d opened her eyes to adventures she’d never imagined when she’d been growing up on a small farm in Iowa and her dreams had expanded to include traveling beyond the borders of the U.S.
“I should be back in time to put him to bed,” Blake told her.
“Don’t feel the need to rush back. We’ll be just fine.” She lifted the baby onto her lap and opened the book. “Enjoy your dinner.”
“Thank you,” Blake said.
It wasn’t until he was gone that Bella realized she’d been holding her breath. She released the air in a gusty sigh and kissed Drew on top of his head. “That daddy of yours sure ties me in knots,” she confided to the baby. “Did you see the way he kissed me this afternoon?”
Drew smacked the book with his hands and made impatient noises.
“Typical guy,” Bella teased. “When it comes to talking about feelings, you aren’t interested in hearing what a woman has to say.”
And without further delay, she began to read.
Five
Blake cursed as he turned into the driveway of the house Jeanne and Peter had rented and spied three cars parked in front. His stepsister had lied to him. This wasn’t a quiet family dinner. It was a setup.
One of her numerous socialite friends from New York? An oil baron’s daughter from Texas? Hopefully she hadn’t fixed him up with the actress from Los Angeles she’d met the previous week. The possibilities were endless, considering Jeanne’s vast social connections and vivacious personality.
“Blake.” Jeanne flung open the door before he had a chance to ring the bell. “I’m so glad you could join us.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the living room.
Her over-the-top gaiety deepened Blake’s suspicions. She was trying too hard.
Peter met him in the living room doorway and handed him a cut-crystal tumbler with a three-finger shot of whiskey. “I told her this was a bad idea.”
Blake’s chest vibrated with a suppressed growl. “Jeanne, what’s going on?”
He loved his stepsister, but sometimes she didn’t know when to stop her well-meaning machinations. She liked the world organized to her specific standards. And most of the time she got her way.
“Look who was able to get away from New York to join us for the weekend.” Jeanne maneuvered him around Peter and into the contemporary monstrosity of a living room where Blake’s ex-wife stood, her expression a mask of delight, her eyes flaring defiance.
“Damn it, Jeanne,” he began, biting off the rest of the sentence when his stepsister gripped his hand hard.
“Don’t be mad. You two are my favorite people in the world.” Her husband made a disgusted sound behind her that she ignored. “I can’t have you refusing to be in the same room. There’s going to be harmony in this house when the baby comes.” Her lovely features wore the determined expression they all knew too well. “I mean it.”
Blake took a healthy swallow of his drink and relished the burn in his throat and chest. He concentrated on getting a handle on his annoyance before he spoke. “So, this isn’t a setup?” He thought he sounded cool and relaxed, but Peter winced, Jeanne’s eyes went wide and Vicky grew pale.
“Must you suspect everyone’s motives?”
“Not everyone’s,” he retorted smoothly, saluting his stepsister with the glass. “Just yours.”
Jeanne rolled her shoulders in an elegant shrug and nudged him toward Vicky. “Go be nice while I have Peter refresh your drink.”
Tension marred his ex-wife’s lovely features as he approached her. Stunning in a figure-hugging black dress that showed off a significant amount of cleavage, she’d obviously spent a great deal of time on her hair and makeup. If she was hoping he’d be moved that she’d gone to so much trouble for him, she was destined for disappointment.
“I don’t need to ask how you’ve been,” she murmured. “You look wonderful.”
“Fatherhood agrees with me.”
“I knew it would.”
The flow of conversation was interrupted when Peter handed him a tumbler of scotch. When they began again, Vicky changed the topic to recent gossip about their friends. She didn’t ask after Drew. Eight months ago this would have annoyed Blake. In the months since she’d left, he’d grudgingly accepted that he’d been too blinded by his desire to be a parent to realize his wife didn’t share his enthusiasm. In the week after they’d brought their son home from the hospital, Vicky hadn’t held the baby more than a half dozen times, each for less than ten minutes. Pity he hadn’t recognized her lack of maternal instinct earlier. It would have saved them both a great deal of heartache.
“I heard that your play closed,” he said. “I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out.”
She shrugged. “There will be others.”
Blake spied telltale signs of anxiety in the lines bracketing her mouth. “I thought you were very good.”
“You saw it?”
“Of course. Don’t sound so surprised. You know I’ve always been your biggest fan.”
News of her affair had left him angry and raw for twenty-four hours. It had taken him that long to process the abrupt end of his five-year marriage and to remember that his energy was better spent caring for his son.
“But I thought…” She looked baffled.
“That I hated you?” He sho
ok his head. “We wanted different things. You, a career. Me, a family. I didn’t appreciate the way you ended things, but I’ve been told that I can be a bit difficult to say no to.” He snagged her gaze and let his lips drift into a conciliatory curve.
“That’s so reasonable of you.” Her tone reflected doubt.
“I told you fatherhood agrees with me.”
“I guess it does.”
“Drew’s terrific. Stop by the house anytime if you’d like to see him.” He made the offer knowing she’d never do that.
“I will.” She nodded. “I’m heading to Los Angeles next week. Maybe we could have lunch at the Saw Grass Grill before I leave?”
The restaurant where they’d agreed to start a family. Had she been honest in her agreement, or had it merely been a way to preserve their marriage? He’d never be sure whether what she’d told him was the truth or merely what she’d believed he wanted to hear. One thing he did know, he’d missed all the warning signs that Vicky wasn’t interested in being a mother.
He was saved from having to answer by the arrival of the housekeeper announcing dinner was ready. Blake lingered in the living room while the other three made their way into the dining room. Blake wasn’t surprised to see that Jeanne had placed him next to Victoria to suit her matchmaking scheme.
His sister wasn’t behaving as if she’d listened when he told her he intended to put his son’s needs first. Of course, he wasn’t exactly walking the walk either. Kissing Bella this afternoon had been a mistake. There was no denying he wanted her, but she was far too determined to remain childless. Getting involved with her was contrary to everything he wanted for Drew. Better to heed her warning. Pursuing her would complicate things between them and he needed their relationship to be trouble free, for Drew’s sake.
That decided, he returned his attention to the dinner conversation, ignoring the burn of disappointment in his gut.
*
Bella stared down at a sleeping Drew, unable to obey the logical side of her brain that told her to grab the baby monitor and go. She needed to remember that Drew was nothing more than a job. She was his nanny. This tightness in her chest would go away the instant she accepted that Drew belonged to Blake and only Blake. She had no claim on him. No reason to ache for all the firsts she’d already missed and all the ones still to come that she wouldn’t get to experience.