by Cat Schield
She started at Mulford Farm. Built around 1680, the house was remarkable in that it remained unchanged since 1750. In addition to being architecturally interesting, the fact that the Mulford family had owned the house for most of its existence offered insight into how they used the land and the buildings.
While Bella explored the rooms furnished with period pieces, Drew fell asleep in his stroller. He was exhausted after a difficult night of teething. Bella sympathized. She too was worn out, but her scholarly interest was stimulated by the house and the barn. She took a lot of pictures, knowing her father would find the layout of the barn intriguing.
Her phone rang as she was buckling Drew into his car seat. Thinking it was Blake, she answered.
“Hiya, sis.” It was her sister Laney. At thirteen, she was the most social of all Bella’s siblings.
Laney had two close friends who lived in town and when the three girls weren’t together, they were texting or chatting through social media. To save her parents the cost of an additional line, Bella had put Laney on her cell plan. Plus, it offered her an opportunity to see how much time her sister spent “connecting.”
“What’s up?”
“I don’t know if I told you that our choir got invited to Chicago to perform in August.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“Mom and Dad aren’t going to be able to chaperone and I was wondering if you could.”
Bella sighed at her sister’s request. It was something she’d done in the past. Laney had been in the choir since she turned nine. They’d often traveled to sing, but never to a city as big or as far away as Chicago.
“When is it?”
“August first through the sixth. We’ve raised almost all the money we need, but we’re short two chaperones.”
The timing of the trip wasn’t great. Bella didn’t know when Talia would be back and she didn’t want to leave Blake in the lurch for that long. “I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do that.”
“Come on, Bella, you’ve done it for me before.” Which was why Laney expected her sister to drop everything and do it again. “We might not be able to go if we don’t have enough chaperones.”
The despair in Laney’s voice was real and Bella winced. She hated disappointing her sister, but she had an obligation to Blake, as well.
“I’m not saying no because I don’t want to,” she explained, ignoring the way Laney’s request had caused a dip in her mood. “It’s just that I have a job this summer and I’m not sure I can get away.”
“Can’t you ask them? Tell them how important it is. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“This is important, too.” Bella cursed her rising temper.
She didn’t want to be cross with her sister. Laney was thirteen and excited about going to Chicago. Bella didn’t blame her. If she’d had an opportunity to spend a few days there when she was her sister’s age, she would have been over the moon.
“Please. Please. Please.”
With each pleading syllable, Bella felt herself weakening. “I’ll have to check and see if I can have the time off. I’ll let you know later in the week.”
“I need to know tomorrow. That’s when they’re deciding if they need to cancel the trip or not.”
Behind Laney, Bella heard her mother’s voice. A second later, Laney was replaced by her mother.
“Bella, we have everything in hand here. You don’t need to ask your boss for time off.”
As much as it would relieve Bella to believe that, she’d grown up hearing her mother utter the exact same phrase when things weren’t the slightest bit under control.
“That’s not the way it sounded.”
“Your sister cannot expect you to fly to home so you can chaperone.”
The weariness beneath her mother’s exasperation tugged at Bella. She should be home helping out instead of living the good life in New York. It had been selfish of her to move so far away.
“I’m sure it will be okay with Blake,” she assured her mother.
“Blake Ford? That nice man who called us a few weeks ago?”
Bella rolled her eyes at her mother’s description of Blake. Many words could be used to describe the attractive CEO. Nice was probably not top on the list. Forceful. Determined. Persuasive. Sexy as hell. Nice was too tame.
“I’m working as his son’s nanny for a couple months while his regular nanny recovers from a broken leg.”
“It’s wonderful that you can help him out. Don’t you worry about Laney. Someone will step forward and be their chaperone.”
Even though Bella had been relieved of responsibility, her sense of obligation lingered. “If no one does, give me a call back. I’m sure I can figure something out.”
“Of course.”
But Bella knew her mother wouldn’t call. She never asked for help. She just tried to get it all done on her own. Only she never did. There was always something left undone. Pieces to be picked up by Bella. And now her other siblings. But were they helping out?
“How are things going there, Mom?”
“Terrific.”
Bella wasn’t sure why she asked. Her mother never showed any signs of stress. But it was always there, just below the unruffled surface. When Bella had lived on the farm, it had been easy to pitch in. These days, Bella worried all the time about what was going on, but she was too far away to help.
Except with money.
It was how she assuaged her guilt over living so far away. Sending money let her feel as if she was still able to make things easier on her parents.
“I’m glad to hear things are good.”
“Oh dear, Laney has another call coming in. We’ll talk soon. Elephant shoes.”
And as Bella was echoing her mother’s I love you, the phone went dead.
She slid behind the wheel, her enthusiasm for the outing fading fast. The familiar burden of responsibility had descended on her shoulders. Her mind told her to shake it off, but a lifetime of habit kept the weight right where it was.
Nine
The empty stretch of road before them taxed Blake’s driving skills very little and gave him lots of time to brood. Beside him, Bella watched the landscape race past, as lost in her thoughts as he was. The only sound in the car was the musical toy attached to Drew’s car seat. The tinny nursery rhymes kept the atmosphere from becoming completely awkward.
Three days had passed since he’d learned that Drew was Bella’s biological child. Three days for him to run a gamut of emotions from shock to anger to deep sadness. When he’d thought she was only Drew’s surrogate, he’d been dismayed that she’d decided that she didn’t want any contact after Drew was born. The realization that she’d given up her own flesh and blood troubled him to the point where he had difficulty speaking to her.
How could Bella give up her child?
The question pounded him over and over.
So why hadn’t he asked her?
Because he was afraid her explanation would answer an even older question. How could Blake’s mother have abandoned him? Deep down he’d never truly accepted that his mother was too miserable with his father to stay married to him. If she had to move back to France, couldn’t Blake have spent some time with her? Summers? Holidays?
As a child it had been too painful to accept that she’d never really loved him. He’d made excuses that continued to be plausible today. His father was a controlling bastard who’d probably paid her well to disappear out of his son’s life. But could a woman who loved her child be bought off?
Blake’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as he thought about the thirty thousand dollars he’d paid Bella to be Drew’s surrogate. She’d had no problems taking the money in exchange for her son.
“Tell me more about the vineyard we’re going to,” Bella prompted, breaking the heavy silence. Blake had arrived back at the beach house just that morning and announced they would be visiting some friends. “How do you know the owner?”
“He and I went to coll
ege together. We were both business majors, but even back then he had a passion for wine. His father expected him to take over the family business. They haven’t spoken in five years.”
“Because he bought the winery?” Bella shook her head in dismay. “What sort of parent cuts ties with their child because they don’t do exactly what the parent expects?”
Incredulous, Blake glanced her way. “There are all kinds of reasons why parents turn their backs on their children.” He hadn’t meant to start this particular conversation with Bella when they were on their way to visit his friends, but he couldn’t let the topic go without commenting.
“Is that a shot at Victoria or at me?”
Thanks to this week’s revelations, Blake now understood that Vicky didn’t care if she was in Drew’s life. He was far more interested in why Bella had turned her back on him.
“Why did you walk away last fall?”
“Because he didn’t need me. He had you and Victoria.”
Her practical answer didn’t make him feel any better. “And now that Victoria and I are divorced?” Blake knew it was too early to push his agenda, but he was too irritated to be patient. “Have you changed your mind about being a part of his life?”
“Don’t you think that will confuse him when he’s old enough to understand how he was conceived?”
More excuses. Blake unclenched his teeth and relaxed his jaw. “I think he’ll be more confused when he finds out there’s a woman who carried him for nine months who isn’t in his life.”
“And what happens when you remarry?” Her tone took on an aggressive note. “Do you really think your new wife will appreciate me hanging around when she’s trying to develop a relationship with him?”
“That’s a poor excuse.”
“It’s not. It’s what happened.” Bella must have heard the slip because she rushed on. “What will happen. If it was me, I wouldn’t want another woman hanging around. Interfering.”
The explanation Bella gave didn’t sound like her rationale.
“Vicky asked you to stay away.” Suddenly it all made sense. “That’s why you took yourself out of the picture after Drew was born.”
“She was terribly insecure about becoming a mother. If she’d been able to carry Drew, she wouldn’t have felt so disengaged from the process.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Vicky that would keep her from getting pregnant,” Blake said, curious how much his ex-wife had told Bella. “She was afraid of the damage a pregnancy would do to her body.”
“But—” Bella sputtered to a stop. When Blake looked over, she was staring at him in horror. “How do you know that?”
“A year ago, I found out she lied to me about her infertility.”
Blake remembered finding his wife’s birth control pills. He’d been too focused on starting a family to see that his wife wasn’t ready—wasn’t interested—in having children. And instead of being honest with him, she’d lied and gone along with his desire for a family. In the end, she’d chosen her career over him.
But now that she’d discovered that becoming an actress was tougher than she’d thought, she wanted him back. Did she really think him such a fool? Nothing about her had changed. When the next opportunity presented itself, she would leave them once more.
Bella stared at him in shock. “Is that why you are so resistant to reconciling?”
“It’s part of the reason. A marriage based on lies doesn’t have much hope of lasting, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Absolutely.” She knitted her fingers together in her lap. “I don’t understand why she would do something like that.”
“Maybe at first she hoped I’d eventually give up my desire to become a father and then we could continue our active social schedule. She’d gotten her first taste of acting and wanted to do more. That would be impossible if she was pregnant.”
Blake had thought he’d gotten past his bitterness, but it rose in his gut like acid. “Perhaps you can understand now why I’m going to put Drew’s needs first the next time I marry.”
“I do. But Victoria is pretty determined to win you back.”
“I agree. And it’s even more complicated because my stepsister is encouraging her.” Blake took his gaze off the road long enough to gauge Bella’s readiness for his next words. She had no idea what was coming. “But I know when they see you and me together, both Jeanne and Vicky will realize I’ve determined to go forward with my life.”
“Me?” Her voice cracked with skepticism. “I’m sure there are dozens of women that would be a better choice.”
“Not better for Drew.” Blake decided it was time for the gloves to come off. “I’ve thought about you a lot these last nine months.”
“You thought about me?”
“I had a hard time with your refusal to be in Drew’s life.”
Bella’s lips parted. She appeared to be grappling with what to say. Blake waited her out, wondering if she was ready to give him a different explanation than she had nine months ago.
At last she said, “I did it because Victoria asked me to.”
That was a relief. It meant she wasn’t the coldhearted woman she’d led him to believe.
“I understand and appreciate what you tried to do, however misguided.” Blake took one of her hands in his and played with her fingers. “And that means there’s nothing standing in the way of you being in Drew’s life.” Or in mine.
Bella pulled her hand free and stared out the side window. “In his life as what, exactly?” Her low voice was almost impossible to hear over the music coming from the backseat.
It was too early for Blake to reveal his true intentions. “As his mother.”
Her huge sigh told him she’d been expecting his words. “But I’m not his mother.”
“You gave him life.”
“As part of a business arrangement.”
Her answer kicked him hard in the gut. He ignored the ache and kept all pain from his voice. “Don’t tell me that’s all it was.”
“What do you want me to say?” Heartache thrummed in her tone.
“All I want from you is the truth.”
“Then here it is. If I’d had any hint how hard it would be to give him up, I would never have agreed to be your surrogate.” She gathered a shaky breath. “Never in a million years would I have guessed how attached I would get to the child I was carrying.”
Accepting her explanation gave him some peace. “You gave no indication that you felt that way while you were pregnant.”
Her lips drooped at the corners. “I was supposed to be carrying a child that could never be mine. How would you have felt if I’d told you I never wanted to let Drew go?”
“Devastated.”
She gave a tight nod. “Every day that went by I fell more deeply in love,” Bella continued. “By the time I was in my final trimester, I was seriously considering breaking our contract and going back to Iowa with Drew.”
Blake’s pulse hitched at how close he’d come to losing his son. “What stopped you?”
“I thought I was ready to do anything to keep him until I came here and spent those two weeks with you…and Victoria. I couldn’t put my happiness above yours.”
He sensed she hadn’t included Vicky in her deliberations. “Thank you. The gift you’ve given me is something I can never repay.”
“You’re welcome.” A ghost of a smile flitted across her lips. “But you’re wrong. The money you paid me saved my parents’ farm.”
“You never told me what you did with the money.”
Her eyes glittered. “And from your tone, I gather you thought I blew it on stupid things like clothes and partying?”
“New York can be an expensive place to live and you did give me the impression you’d been sucked in by the glamour.”
“I’ve always valued my privacy. When you live with nine other people, it’s a rare commodity.”
“So your parents kept their farm and I have a wonderful son.” His anger at her dec
eption about being Drew’s biological mother was tempered by yet another example of her generous nature. “How exactly did you benefit from our arrangement?”
Her eyes widened at his question, as if she’d never thought to include herself in the equation. “I guess what I got out of it was a wonderful new life in New York City. I never would have stayed here if we hadn’t met. The couple I originally came out here to meet chose a different surrogate and I was on the verge of returning to Iowa when I got a call from the clinic about you and Victoria needing a surrogate.”
She appeared perfectly happy with how things had turned out, but Blake couldn’t help but believe she deserved more.
“I think you are the most unselfish person I’ve ever met.”
“I’m not as altruistic as you believe.”
“Really?” He recalled the bits he’d overheard from her phone conversations over the last several weeks. “What did you do with the salary advance I gave you?”
“I gave it to my sister Kate for her semester studying abroad in Kenya.”
“And the money you gave to Sean?”
“Repairs to the truck he just bought.”
“A truck you helped him buy?”
“He got a job in town this summer. If he doesn’t have a car, he won’t be able to get to work. He’s planning on going to college after high school. He’ll need to save as much as possible. If I can help in this small way, it will make things a little easier on him.”
“Does everyone in your family turn to you for financial help?”
“My parents do the best they can. Mom promised Sean six hundred dollars toward a truck, but then the tractor needed repairs.” Bella looked resigned. “There’s always something that needs fixing on the farm.”
“I was wrong earlier,” Blake said, amazed how she downplayed the number of sacrifices she made on behalf of her siblings. “You’re a saint.”
She laughed. “Hardly.”
It seemed as if her family didn’t hesitate to ask for all sorts of help. He considered how easy it would be for people to take advantage of her generous nature. Obviously Vicky had. He was beginning to understand why she’d be so reluctant to take on more responsibility with a family of her own.