I opened the fridge and it was basically empty. There was beer on the door and a six pack on the shelf. That was it. As a kid, I knew we were poor but I also knew the fridge was never this empty.
I grabbed a beer and walked to my bedroom. I stood at the window and looked across the yard. There was no light on. Figures. Shit, it was well after midnight so I was sure Ana had to be sleeping. She was doing all she could to save up and move out of the apartment herself. Things between her and her mother were reduced to nothing. They relied on each other to survive and that was it. Part of me wanted to be pissed at my old man for sleeping with Ana’s mother. But that’s what the old man did. Plus, it wasn’t my business to get involved in someone else’s bedroom business.
I drank the beer and put the empty bottle on the nightstand. I had a nice collection going there. Shit, if the old man or anyone in the MC saw me like that, they’d beat my ass senseless. It was pathetic to live that way. The clubhouse had everything I needed, including women. But I knew what I wanted and I stared across the yard at the dark window, thinking about life. At that point in my life, I thought I was old enough to know everything. Hell, I was old enough to legally smoke, drink, and I had enough crime committed under my belt that one slip-up would have me sitting in a cell for the rest of my life.
I was so wrong about all of that though. There was never an age considered old enough to know everything. The calm seas of hell were only a break before the next storm.
And the next storm?
Well, she was standing behind me.
“Knox?”
The voice was almost a whisper, angelic, like a perfect musical note to sooth my bubbling, hate filled soul.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Ana standing in the doorway to my bedroom. Her hands were on each end of the doorway like she was fighting her own battle whether to come in or not.
I spun and a smile instantly climbed across my face. There were only two things that made that happen. My motorcycle and Ana.
Shit, they were also my two favorite things to ride.
“Darlin’,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Like I didn't hear your motorcycle?” she asked. “I should be asking you what you’re doing here.”
“You know what I’m doing here,” I said. “I’m looking for you.”
I stepped toward her.
She was in a long, white shirt, from just above her knees down to her feet exposed. She always wore shirts like that when it was hot out. I knew there was nothing under that shirt except a pair of panties. Her tits pressed against the shirt. They were so fucking full and firm, even without a bra.
My cock began to swell.
Her hands slid up the doorway, her shirt pulling against her body. Even in the pale light of the bedroom I could see the way her nipples began to show through the shirt.
More of those beautiful legs of hers began to show, too.
“Why are you looking for me?” she asked.
“You know why, darlin’,” I said. “I’m never going to stop looking for you. Checking on you. Protecting you when you need me most.”
I saw the way she half smiled and then quickly bit her lip. She was battling the urges… she wanted a normal life but she also wanted the outlaw.
I inched even closer to her.
I loved the cat and mouse game we played. Flirty shit back and forth and then we’d end up fooling around. I had yet to really have Ana the way I wanted though. There was always something in our way. That didn’t mean we didn’t get each other off, I just hadn’t had the chance to take her, strip her slowly, claim every inch of her body with my tongue, and then fuck her all night long. That’s all she needed. Then her sense of normal would never be the same again.
Tonight’s the night, Knox…
No, tonight was not the night.
I leaned forward towards her, watching her come right at me. Our lips touched and then our tongues started to do battle. She exhaled through her nose like it was a sigh of relief. She melted into me, pressing those amazing tits against my chest. Her hands touched my face, digging at my scruff. She broke the kiss and put her head back, softly moaning as I kissed down her neck.
My hands moved forward and I grabbed her waist. I don’t give a shit what anyone says, a woman with curves is amazing. A woman who took care of herself but didn’t obsess about what bullshit was poured through TV was true beauty. Being able to squeeze my fingers and feel Ana drove me wild. Feeling the way her hips moved out and around made me groan and bite at her neck. The move made Ana jump and yelp. She then grabbed at my arms and threw her head back even more, laughing playfully.
That sound…
I slid my hands down to her ass. I made sure she could feel what she did to my dick.
But then the scene suddenly came to a halt.
“What is this?” she asked.
She tore her hands away from me. She backed away and looked at her hands. I flipped the switch in the hallway, turning on the light right above Ana. She was in all white and there on her left hand was blood. There was something so symbolic about seeing it. Something that would stick in my mind forever.
I looked down at myself and saw the blood on my right arm.
“Ah, shit,” I said.
“Knox… tell me that’s your blood.”
I looked right at Ana and knew if I started lying to her right then I’d end up on the same path as my parents. Anytime my old man tried to tell Ma the truth, she went nuts about it. I think that was part of the reason he jumped into bed with Ana’s mother.
Shit.
“Ana,” I said.
“Tell me…”
“I’m not going to lie to you,” I said. “This is not my blood.”
Ana gasped and ran away.
I chased her into the bathroom where she hurried to wash the blood off her hand.
It had been a long and rough night. What happened really didn’t matter. It was something for the MC.
When Ana turned and looked at me again, she looked devastated.
“Hey,” I said. “This is my life, darlin’. You know that.”
“I know,” she said. “I just… I just didn’t know, okay? I could hear things. I could imagine things. But it’s easier to sleep at night figuring you just fix up cars and bikes and stuff.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry about this. I need a shower anyway. I stink. It’s been a long day and a long night. Let me grab a shower and we can talk. I swear to you, Ana, I will never lie to you. But there are some things I can’t talk about. I need you to understand that.”
“I get it,” she said. “I do, Knox.”
“Your eyes are lying to me.”
“No,” she said. “I swear, I’m not lying. Just… where does it all end?”
“What do you mean?”
“All this in life. Look at it. Look at us. It’s like from the second I stepped out of that moving truck I haven’t been settled. And even before then. I went from coming home from school to rush back out with friends, trying to find a ride to the mall… to my parents splitting up. To everything falling apart.”
The tears filled her eyes. It bothered me so much that years later it still got to her like it did about her father. I tried to reach for her and she pushed me away. She told me to just take a fucking shower.
I made sure she stayed in the apartment before I went back to the bathroom.
A few minutes later I stood in the shower, thinking. About what I had done that night for the MC. About how Ana felt and what she wanted in life.
That shower was the worst of my life.
Washing blood off my hands, arms, and face would become the norm for me. What made it so bad was that I knew things with Ana would never be the same. I would never stop loving her or checking up on her, but anything after that…
I punched the tile wall so hard that I broke a piece. Then I got out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel, and walked to the bedroom. Ana was crying. I sat on the bed next to her and
held her. Her hands touched my bare muscles and I fought with all my might to not get hard.
That night I held her… and we slowly fell back to the bed together. She curled up on me and we kissed only a few times. She fell asleep first and I stared at her for hours. Each time she stirred, I’d whisper I loved her into her ear and play with her hair.
Shit, that should have been nothing but romantic for us, you know? Two lost souls finding each other. We both knew we loved each other. We both knew we were meant for each other. I was holding my girl all night long. I touched her hair, her skin. I tasted her breath when she woke up. I saw her eyes open for the first time the next morning. It was everything I wanted to fight for. It was…
… it was the first and last time I got to do that with Ana…
chapter twelve
(knox)
*NOW*
I broke off on a side road. The car did the same, the tires squealing. I throttled my ride, gaining some speed. I wasn’t going to get away. I just wanted to get to a well-lit parking lot so I could put up a fucking fight. All I knew right then was that there better have been more than one guy after me. I was in the mood to fight and a little spark of the urge to kill was going through me.
There was a lot of heat coming my way from my decision to have the guys put their cuts back on. Hell, maybe that’s why this car was after me. The Reap had been a little bit underground and quiet. To those in town, they believed we were disbanded by authorities. That was only because the news could run footage of my old man getting thrown into prison.
Fuck that.
I darted to the left and entered a factory parking lot. The steel stacks were like arthritic fingers sticking up into the night. The one side of the building had a few big ‘ol spotlights and that’s where I stopped riding.
I lit up a smoke and watched the car as it came to a skidding halt.
The backdoors opened and two men in suits came out. They drew weapons and rushed right at me. I just stood there like I didn’t have a care in the world. Normally in a situation like that, they’d stand there with their guns and someone else would come out of the car and we’d have a discussion.
Not tonight.
The guy on my left got close and swung his gun at me. He hit me so hard in the jaw, I spit my cigarette across the lot. The second guy then hit me in the back. I felt like every rib of mine shattered. I was then on my hands and knees.
Well then… no hello?
I turned and swung a fist at the guy’s knee. I heard something pop and he tried to stand back, stumbling. I grabbed for my ride and pulled myself up. If these guys were real about shooting me, they would have by then. But they weren’t going to shoot me. This was more than me being dead.
The first guy went after me again, slamming fist and gun against my back.
I threw an elbow, hitting him in the cheek.
The second guy came at me again, driving his gun into my gut, stealing my breath. They then quickly each grabbed an arm and I was being held.
That’s when the passenger door opened and out came Porter.
Of course it was Porter.
He walked toward me with attitude.
He had the clean cut, good boy look about him complete with perfectly slicked back black hair, an expensive suit, an even more expensive watch, and shoes that clicked against the pavement like a counter counting down the steps until I was dead.
The thing was… I could die but a guy like Porter wasn’t going to kill me. Not a fucking chance in hell. I’d fight until one of the goons holding my arms would kill me.
“Look what we have here,” Porter said.
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.
“I guess we have business, Knoxville. I mean, you did go after one of my guys. Took him outside. Put him against a building that I’m involved with.”
“Danny? This is about that fat prick?” I smiled. “He owed my band money. I don’t tolerate that shit.”
“Good choice of words,” Porter said. “I don’t tolerate that shit. That’s good. It shows we have something in common. Well, besides Ana, right?”
He started to laugh.
I felt the hot lava of jealousy kick up inside me.
Ana was supposed to escape this fucking town, not jump into the arms of some dickhead like Porter.
“Let’s go back to toleration,” Porter said. “I don’t tolerate what you did.”
With that said, Porter threw a punch to my gut. He grabbed my jaw and put my face forward. I then took another punch, this one to the jaw. I pulled at my arms, but the goons had a hell of a grip.
“That’s a good start,” Porter said. “I see you’re wearing that leather jacket, huh? Does that mean something? Or are you revisiting old memories?”
I coughed and spit a hunk of blood right to Porter’s shoe.
He nodded and swung again, hitting me on the other side of the jaw.
“I’ll tell you this, Knoxville… if the Reaper’s Bastards think they’re going to just push through this town into my city, you’re going to regret it.”
“Fuck yourself,” I said. “You don’t know what you’re up against.”
“Neither do you. But I am in a good mood. I took care of a family problem and it was nice to do. So I’m going to pass on my goodhearted feelings. I’m going to let you walk away tonight. And I’m even going to let you have Ana… eventually. When I’m done with her. Right now, she still has use to me.”
The rage boiled over. I couldn’t image some man putting his hands on Ana. She was my girl. She was my love. I was the one who was supposed to take care of her and protect her. Keeping her at a distance was supposed to help her, not cause all this.
I jumped forward and managed to break away from the two goons. My right hand went forward and I was two inches from hitting Porter. And, damn, if I had hit him, he would have gone up in the air.
Before I could get to him, the two goons were back at me. This time they both worked me, pummeling me to the ground.
Porter eventually called them off.
He left me with a stern warning - stay away from Ana.
I watched the car drive away and I climbed to my feet. I had taken worse beatings, but not by much though. Figures the first night I’d put my leather cut back on I’d get into a brawl.
I lit up a fresh smoke and smiled.
Stay away from Ana…
I took a deep drag and climbed on my motorcycle.
My life changed right then. Everything I believed in was left there on the ground with my blood.
“Stay away from Ana,” I whispered to myself.
I started my motorcycle and took off.
Nothing then would ever keep me from Ana.
Well, except one thing - death.
chapter thirteen
(ana)
*NOW*
My only real friend in life was Megan. She understood what I went through growing up because her mother ended up in the same boat. Her father actually had an affair that spanned the country, along with a second family. When her father chose that second family it sent her mother into a spiral. Her mother then craved married men, trying to find a way to get to married women. It was a vicious cycle that left Megan leaving her mother and never talking to her again.
She was also connected into the family like I was. One of the guys who ran the finances - Mickey - was her boyfriend. He was tall, skinny, looked weak, but I heard rumors he loved to kill people. That alone made him terrifying.
I sat on the corner of my bed, worried that the light was going to hit my face the wrong way and make my makeup look like shit. Not that Megan would judge me for what Porter did, I just didn’t want to have that conversation.
I was mad at myself for it happening. I was mad at myself even more that I was still there, in my apartment, knowing Porter could show up whenever he wanted to.
She cradled a glass of wine but barely drank any of it. Which was good because if she drank too much then she’d have to stay over. Call me mean
but I wanted to be left alone. My mind wouldn’t stop racing, no matter what I did.
“You ever wish you could get away from it?” Megan asked out of nowhere.
“What do you mean?”
“Just leave. Start over.”
“What would that get?”
“Hope,” Megan said. “I mean, it sounds silly… but imagine just finding a little town. And there’s a little diner. Right? You get a job there. You find a cramped apartment. But you make it work. And then it’s all… simple.”
It was like she was reading my heart.
I smiled. “Too many movies, Megan. I don’t think it works that way.”
“What keeps you here then?” she asked me.
My answer was easy - Knox. But I wouldn’t admit that to her.
“I don’t know,” I lied. “So much happened to me at once. And then my mother getting sick, getting worse, and dying… I feel like I haven’t caught my breath yet.”
“Yes!” Megan cried out. “That’s it. Catching your breath. Every time I turn around, Mickey has something else going on. I find stacks of money in my closet. I find guns in the drawers. It’s just so…”
Megan shook her head.
Chances were even if I was with Knox, that would be my reality. The town and city were run with crooks and outlaws.
“Maybe things will change,” I said. “I mean, look what happened with Danny and the club, right? They caught that guy stealing and stopped it.”
“They killed him,” Megan said.
“I know. But once all that stuff is straightened out… maybe it’ll be easier.”
“Maybe it won’t,” Megan said.
She stood and sipped more wine. We then walked out to the kitchen where she put her wineglass down.
There were a few awkward minutes of silence. So much so that I wondered if Megan was sent to kill me or something. Or sent to get information about me. Or to see if I’d tell her what Porter had done so she could tell him and he could hurt me again.
“Shit,” Megan said. She gripped the edge of the counter. “I came here for a reason.”
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