by Raven Scott
Turning around with my briefcase in hand, I look up and meet Rogen’s gaze. He’s standing in the back of the courtroom, leaning against the wall next to the door. There is a tightness in his eyes. My steps quicken the closer I get to him and I don’t stop myself from throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his neck. He holds me tight, planting a soft kiss on the side of my neck.
“I got you, baby,” he whispers.
“What are you doing here?”
“You said you wanted me here. I got here right before you got up to give your opening statement. I just sat in the back so I wouldn’t disturb the trial.” He lets go enough for me to look him in the face, letting my hands trail down his sides and rest on his hips.
It’s only then I realize he’s wearing dress slacks, a long sleeve button down, and a tie. A smile finds its way to my face as I look him up and down. “You look . . . hot.”
He snickers and pulls me into a hug. “Come on. I’m taking you to lunch before you go back to the office, and Collins is coming over to cook us dinner. I’ll just eat when I get home.”
Three hours later, I’m walking into the flat to music playing from my kitchen. Rogen and I sat at the diner until he had to go to work, and I only ended up swinging by the office to grab everything I need for tomorrow. I’m just going to look over things and prepare at home.
“Hey, Parker,” Collins says cheerfully as I walk into the kitchen. She has an apron covering her baby bump, standing in front of the island with a cutting board, knife, packet of fresh chicken breast, and a ton of raw veggies and spices laid out in front of her.
Setting my briefcase on one of the tall chairs so I can undo my suit jacket, I smile at her. “Hey there, Momma-to-be. You know you don’t have to do this, right?”
She winks at me. “Rogen said you might have to work from home tonight. Figured I’d save you the trouble of cooking. Plus, it’s been forever since just you and I got to hang out.”
I sigh with contentment. “Let me go throw something else on and I’ll come work out here while you cook. You don’t want my help?”
She laughs. “I’m a better cook than you anyway.”
I strip as I walk down the hallway, bunching my clothes up and tossing them in the hamper. I get out a baggy pair of sweats and Rogen’s t-shirt that he gave me. It still smells like him and I take a minute to bunch the front of it up and bury my nose in it.
A wave of calm instantly washes over me.
Heading back into the kitchen, Collins’s back is to me while she roots through the fridge. I take a seat at the island and pull out my laptop and stack of files I need to read over. Within minutes, Collins is chopping veggies, singing to the music coming from Rogen’s iPod, and I’m moving on to the second thick file folder.
“So, you and Rogen are getting pretty serious, huh?”
Her question only kind of registers as I flip to the next page. “Uh, kinda, I guess. We haven’t really put a label on it.”
“You’re not using my brother, are you?”
My eyes shoot up to hers, and the look on her face makes it clear she isn’t kidding. “Collins, why would you ask me that?”
Collins takes a deep breath and sets the knife on the counter. “Parker, you’re my best friend and my sister-in-law, but Rogen is my brother. He’s got a huge heart and sometimes he gives that heart to people even if he knows they’re going to break it. You’ve been through so much, but I just want to make sure my brother isn’t your rebound. Because he loves you. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you, when someone mentions your name. And if he’s just a stepping stone for you . . .”
My mouth drops open. “Collins, I would never do that to him. We may not have a label, but Rogen is not a rebound, I promise.”
She sighs, closing her eyes a second. “Good. Because I love you, and you have come back to life since whatever this is started. I want you both happy.”
I bite my bottom lip and nod, slowly turning my eyes back to my files.
Maybe it’s time I talk to Rogen about making this thing between us official. The last thing I want is our friends and family thinking I’m using him.
23
By nine o’clock, Collins and I are plopped down next to each other in the middle of the couch watching a romantic comedy. She’s laughing like a crazy person and my eyes keep darting to the clock every few minutes.
When the front door opens, I have to stop myself from jumping up off the couch. Instead, I tilt my head back and push up so it’s hanging off the back of the couch and I’m watching Rogen throw his keys on the table.
“Hey, bro,” Collins says, turning herself around on the couch so she’s sitting on her knees. “Rough day? You look exhausted.”
Rogen nods and rolls his eyes as he walks over to us with purpose. As soon as he reaches me, he leans down and kisses me hard. I can’t help the way I moan into his mouth or the way I reach up and wrap my hands around the back of his head.
“Well, damn,” Collins says with a chuckle.
When Rogen pulls away and then leans down again to kiss me gently, the blush creeps up my neck and cheeks. Yeah, that just happened in front of his sister. “What was that for?”
Rogen comes around to the front of the couch and Collins and I readjust so we’re sitting normally again. Rogen sits down on the edge of the coffee table in front of me, leaning forward to rest his hands on my thighs. “I had a girl come in that jumped out of the chair, screamed, and ran across the room every time I turned the gun on.”
“Oh, please tell me you’re kidding,” Collins says with wide, amused eyes.
“I wish,” he says with a sigh. “It was a fucking nightmare.”
“Let me heat up your food so you can relax,” I say, getting up off the couch and running my fingers through his hair as I move around him to head to the kitchen. Rogen’s plate is already in the microwave, so I hit the ‘start’ button, and then Collins’s voice from the living catches my attention.
“You don’t think this is too fast, Ro?”
“Please don’t say that to Parker. Seriously, Collins,” he says with a pleading tone.
“Why? Shouldn’t she be asking herself the same thing?”
“No. Listen, she doesn’t say it, but I know that part of her feels like being with me is betraying Dalton. Like it’s spit in the face of their relationship because she’s moving on. But it’s not. Collins, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to love her and I didn’t ask for her to love me, but fuck, I want it. I want her. All of her, every day, every minute, for the rest of my life.”
“Oh, Rogen,” Collins says with a sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You both deserve to be happy. More than anyone else I know. Have you told her how you feel?”
This time he sighs. “Not in those exact words. I’m terrified of scaring her, of it being too much. And I don’t want to lose her, Collins.”
Tears well in my eyes as the microwave beeps loudly. I wipe my face and go over to grab his plate. As I turn and set it on the island counter, he comes walking into the kitchen. Quickly, I turn my back to get him a fork. I don’t want him to know I heard his conversation because I’m not ready to hear him say those words to me.
My chest tightens because as I glance at him when I slide his fork to him, it hits me like a ton of bricks . . . I am absolutely in love with him and, yes, part of me feels like it’s wrong because I was with Dalton for years and he hasn’t even been dead a full eighteen months yet.
“Parker, you okay?” Rogen asks.
“Yeah, just thinking about trial tomorrow,” I lie.
“You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?”
My eyes snap up to his and he has that knowing look on his face.
Taking a deep breath, I walk around and kiss him softly. “I’m fine.”
Someone knocks on the front door, but I’m lost in Rogen’s eyes as I reach up to touch his cheek. He doesn’t take his eyes off mine as he sets his fork down and stands. Slamming his lips in
to mine, he grabs me by the ass and lifts me up so I’m sitting on the counter, right on the edge so he can step into me, pressing his hard-on right into the crotch of my pants.
His hands fist in my hair as his lips move across my jawline. “Fuck, you’re so perfect. I’m so lucky, baby.”
I moan and grab his hair to force his lips back to mine, wrapping my legs around his waist.
“And that’s my fucking sister, dude.”
We both jump and I cuss under my breath. Looking over, Cannon is staring at us with a pissed look on his face while Collins’s mouth is hanging open.
“Now you know how I feel, fucker,” Rogen growls before turning back to me and sliding his lips over mine again.
“Ugh, that is our cue to leave before I punch your brother, babe,” Cannon says.
Collins laughs and I want to say goodbye to them, but I don’t want to take my lips off Rogen. The moment the front door clicks closed, Rogen is lifting me off the counter and carrying me to my bedroom, his lips trying to taste as much of my skin as possible. I think he’s going to put me on the bed, but he doesn’t.
Instead, he walks into the bathroom and continues to kiss me as he kicks his shoes off. He holds me tight against his chest as he turns the water on and then steps into the shower, right into the water . . . both of us fully clothed.
Pushing me against the wall, we’re all hands and tongues like we’ve never fucked before. Rogen finally sets me on my feet and pulls his shirt over his head, dropping it at the back of the tub, followed by pulling mine off. With one hand, he gently grabs my throat and kisses me while his other hand undoes my bra, tossing it to the back of the tub too.
Rogen doesn’t take his hand off my throat as he stands over me looking into my eyes. “You have no idea how much I need you, Parker Helding.”
I run my hand up his chest, lightly digging my nails into his skin. “Show me.”
Rogen growls as he kisses me again . . . and then he does exactly what I told him to.
24
By Wednesday, Theodora’s trial has emotionally wrecked me. Rogen is working late tonight, so Rain came over. She just showed up, but I have a feeling Rogen called her. Since the trial started Monday and he had Collins here, he hasn’t wanted me to be alone much. Last night he made sure he beat me home, and tonight it’s Rain. She knocked on the door literally five minutes after I’d walked through it.
We cooked together and I made Rogen a plate and put it in the microwave. Then I made coffee and we’ve been sitting at the island drinking and chatting. Ever since she took us to the club, she seems more relaxed, more open.
“Can I ask you something?” I say, staring at my coffee cup, running my fingertip around the edge of it.
“Bitch, when have you ever asked me if you can ask me something? Spill it,” she snaps with a huff.
“Is what I’m doing with Rogen wrong?”
She coughs as if she’s choked on something. “Where the fuck did that come from, Parker? What the hell?”
I blow out a breath. “I was with Dalton forever, Rain. He’s only been gone eighteen months this Saturday and now I’m with his friend, in our home. Sometimes it all feels wrong, but then Rogen comes home and when I’m with him nothing else matters.”
“Look at me, Parker.” I do, and her features become very serious as she reaches out and takes my hand, tears building in her eyes. “My brother loved you. More than anything. And you loved him so fiercely, so fully, that his death took a piece of you with it.”
The first few tears fall down my face and I squeeze her hand as I nod.
“But loving Rogen just as fiercely, letting it consume you, doesn’t erase what you and Dalton had. Nothing in this world can erase what the two of you had. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to have a love like that again.”
A sob breaks free from my chest and I bow my head. “Then why does this hurt so bad ?”
She sits her hand on the back of my head gently. “Because losing someone isn’t supposed to feel good. Let the guilt go, Parker. Don’t waste what little time we each have on this earth feeling guilty. My brother wouldn’t want you to. Every love is different. What you had with Dalton was inspiring and full of blinding light. What you have with Rogen is fierce and consuming, like walking into Heaven in the middle of a hurricane. You’re both souls that have shattered and rebuilt, and when you’re together . . . it’s epic. Don’t lose that. Embrace it. Own it. Let it consume you.”
I sit up and Rain pulls me into a hug as I break, sobs coming so hard it's difficult to breathe.
We end up on the couch, my head on her leg as she lets me cry on and off for most of the evening. I don’t remember dozing off, but at some point someone moves me to my bed.
I only know that because that’s where I wake up screaming and crying, and not even from a nightmare. It was just a dream. But one I didn’t realize would hit me so hard. I was in the cemetery, sitting and talking to Dalton, and someone came up behind me, knelt and wrapped their arms around me. It was him. He kissed my neck and my cheek and told me he was so happy for me and that it was okay to love again. When I turned to look at him, he was gone, and that’s when I started to cry.
My lights flip on and Rogen steps into the room as I’m trying to catch my breath and shut off the tears. “Baby,” he says softly, coming to the side of the bed. “Jesus, you're covered in sweat.”
I focus on breathing as Rogen gets up and goes to my bathroom. A second later, the water kicks on. When he comes back out, he scoops me up and takes me in. The bath is half-full with water hot enough that I can see the steam rising off it.
Rogen helps me out of my clothes and holds my hand as I get into the tub. When he goes to leave, I panic. “Please don’t leave.”
His eyes soften when he turns to look at me, but he comes over and slides his shorts off before getting in the tub behind me and pulling me back against him. I close my eyes and just feel the rise and fall of his chest, letting his warmth and calm wash over me.
Rogen gently runs his fingertips shoulder to shoulder, right below my collarbone. For a long time, we don’t move. Neither of us talks. We just lay in that water until I start dozing off again.
“Let me get you back to bed, baby,” he whispers, kissing my head. “Water's getting cold.”
I sit up slowly so he can stand. He puts a towel around his waist as I pull the plug to let the tub drain. As I step out, he wraps another towel around me and then grabs a third and starts drying my hair. I’m so exhausted again that I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Rogen doesn’t bother grabbing clothes but helps me into bed and then slides in behind me. I turn to face him and snuggle into his chest, shivering at the contrast of his warmth and the cold air of my room. His arms go around me, trailing lightly up and down my back.
“Baby,” he whispers. “Are you okay? You haven’t had a nightmare in a while.”
I hum into him. “That’s because you’re usually next to me. Tonight, you weren’t.” Sleep pulls at me, and before I know it, I’m dozing off again.
In the morning, I wake up alone and Rogen’s side of the bed is cold. As I rub my eyes, there’s music coming through the closed door. Getting up, I open the door and the music gets louder. I hurry into Rogen’s bedroom and grab one of his t-shirts out of his dresser, pulling it over my head before I venture into the kitchen.
Turning the corner, my mouth starts to water. He's cooking breakfast . . . in boxers. No pants, no shirt . . . nothing else.
“You realize it’s five in the morning,” I say over the music, making him jump and spin around.
“Damn it, babe. I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed.”
I give him a smirk as I walk over and kiss him. As he pushes his tongue into my mouth, I run my hand along the counter behind him, kissing him while trying to feel for the plate of bacon.
“Hands off the food, Parker,” he says against my lips.
I burst out laughing and pout at him. “Please?”
&nbs
p; “Nope. We can eat here since you’re up, but you can wait for me to finish.”
I snicker some more as I slide onto a chair and Rogen makes me a cup of coffee. Last night was exhausting, and today Ronnie is taking the stand, which means tonight is probably going to be equally exhausting. I’m as ready as I can be, though, and last night’s dream with Dalton has given me a little more strength than I realized.
25
“Ms. Helding, your witness,” the judge says as the defense attorney walks back and sits at his table.
I glance over my shoulder to Rogen sitting right behind me. He winks and nods his head to me as I stand and straighten my jacket. Stepping around the table, I take a deep breath.
“Good afternoon, Ronnie. Do you remember me?”
She looks up at me with fresh tears in her eyes. ‘Yes, ma’am. We showed you and Theodora’s parents around the school and told you about her.”
“You did. And you understand everything that’s been going on this last week and why you’re here?”
She nods. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Can you tell the court what happened the night of the accident?”
Ronnie sits and stares at her hands in her lap for a few minutes. “We were invited to a party. Theodora didn’t really want to go, but I begged her to come with me. I just wanted to go hang out for a little while and I promised her nothing would get out of hand.”
She wipes the tears from her cheeks and bites at her bottom lip. “We got separated when we got there and I figured I could sneak a few drinks and she wouldn’t know. She never drank when we went out, always said it was stupid and irresponsible.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “But you didn’t just have a few, did you?”
More tears fall from Ronnie’s eyes as she shakes her head. “I remember having three, and then one of the boys I was dancing with kept bringing me new drinks when I’d finish one. I really only meant to have a couple. By the time Theodora was ready to go, I’d had a bunch. I wanted to stay, but she begged me to leave. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”