by Raven Scott
“Mmm?”
“Move into this room with me?”
His body tenses for a second and it makes me nervous. “Are you sure, baby?”
I kiss his chest softly. “Yes. I want you in here every night and I don’t want to keep switching rooms back and forth. Please?”
“Of course, baby. We can work on it this week, okay? Now go to sleep.”
I close my eyes, perfectly sated and content, letting the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lull me to sleep.
28
The front row behind me in the courtroom is a giant line of support. The Crowes are at the end, closest to the isle. Next to them is Rogen, then Rain and Rowan, and Collins and Cannon. The judge was supposed to call court into session forty minutes ago, but the jury isn’t in place, so it’s just a waiting game.
Many people are chatting quietly and as I stare at the door where the judge will enter, my mind all over the place, someone taps me on the shoulder, making me jump.
Turning around, I find Rain leaning on the small wooden counter separating us. “You okay? You’ve been out of it since we got here this morning.”
I nod and take a deep breath. “This is a lose-lose no matter what. It’s just one of those cases that hits hard and is even harder to shake.”
Mr. Crowe leans forward and reaches out to lay his hand on my shoulder. “No matter what happens today, Parker, we are okay with it. Part of us wants Ronnie to pay for what’s happened, but we also know that her losing her life to jail is just as bad as our daughter losing her life to this. But you let the world know what a beautiful soul our Theodora was, and for that alone we’re thankful.”
I nod again and have to bite back the tears threatening to come forth. As an attorney, sometimes it’s hard as hell to keep my emotions in check, but I have to. No matter how hard it is, I have to come across as the strongest one in the room.
A door behind the witness stand opens and a hush falls over the courtroom as the jury walks in. I stare at the piece of paper in the hand of the foreman. She’s clutching it like her life depends on it.
Just as Rogen reaches out and touches the side of my face, the door on the other side of the courtroom opens and the bailiff steps up. “All rise.”
I stand and wait for the judge to take his seat. Sitting back down, I hold my breath.
“Madame Foreman of the jury, have you reached a verdict?”
The foreman stands. “We have, your Honor.” She holds the paper out for the bailiff.
He takes it to the judge, who reads it over and hands it back. “Will the defendant please rise?”
Ronnie and her attorney stand, and she keeps her eyes on the floor.
“Please read the verdict.” The judge sits back with a somber look on his face.”
“In the case against Ronnie Conrad, on the charge of driving while intoxicated, we the jury find the defendant guilty.” A sob comes from Ronnie’s mother and I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly. “On the charge of culpable homicide, we the jury find the defendant guilty.”
I blow out a breath and my heart aches and pounds as if it’s about to explode.
Noise erupts in the courtroom and the judge bangs his gavel. “Ronnie Conrad, at the beginning of this trial it was agreed that should you be found guilty you would be sentenced at the time of verdict.” The entire courtroom falls quiet again. “On the charge of driving while intoxicated, I will impose a fine of 5,000 pounds and the revocation of your driving privileges for twelve months.”
As the judge sighs, a hand slides onto my shoulder and squeezes. I don’t have to turn around to know it’s Rogen. Slowly, I lift one of my hands and lay it over his as the judge adjusts forward and sits up.
“Ms. Conrad, through this trial it has been made clear that you cared very much for Theodora Crowe and that your intention was not to harm her. However, you also willingly drank to the point of intoxication and then got behind the wheel of a vehicle. The result of that negligent and reckless choice was that Theodora lost her life. You not only put countless others in danger, but you killed someone who very much deserved to live. It is because of that negligence and reckless behavior that, for the charge of culpable homicide, I am sentencing you to eight years in prison with a mandatory five years before the eligibility of parole. Bailiff?”
Screams and cries erupt from the other side of the courtroom and I open my eyes as Ronnie turns and clutches her mother, both of them sobbing as the bailiff walks over to them. Ronnie can barely stay standing as the bailiff places her in cuffs, and as he walks her from the room, her father has to hold her mother back.
My heart breaks. Ronnie Conrad, at seventeen years old, was just sentenced to jail until the minimum age of twenty-two . . . and it’s my doing.
All the air in the room seems to disappear and my lungs heave for air. It’s like I’m suffocating. I scramble to throw my files into my briefcase and when I turn around, my eyes meet Rogen’s. His face is pulled down in a frown and when he reaches for me, I recoil.
“I have to go,” I snap. Swiping my bag off the table, I speed-walk as quickly as I can out of the courtroom. Someone behind me calls my name, but I don’t stop walking until I’m at my car, fumbling to get the door unlocked.
As soon as I’m inside, I start the car and peel out of the parking lot without bothering to put my seat belt on. A mile down the road, I’m crying so hard I have to pull over as everything hits me at once.
This time it isn’t just Ronnie’s sentence. It’s Dalton’s trial and I remember what it was like to be in the Crowes' shoes. It’s every memory I had with him. All the pain and guilt I thought was gone comes crashing into me like a tsunami.
Fuck.
Everything hurts again, and I don’t know how to make it stop.
29
From Rogen: Parker, it’s been two days. Where the fuck are you?
From Collins: Honey, please answer one of us. We’re worried sick.
From Rain: If you don’t text me, when I find you, I am going to kick your ass.
From Rain: Dammit, Parker, this isn’t okay anymore.
From Cannon: Parker, call me.
From Rowan: Sweetheart, please don’t do this.
From Rogen: Baby, please just tell me you’re okay.
From Rogen: Parker, baby, I love you. Please don’t do this. Please call me.
It’s been three days.
I’ve been shut in a hotel across town, barely able to get out of bed. All I have done is cry. I haven’t eaten, I’ve hardly slept, and the only person I texted was my assistant to tell her that I would be out of the office for the rest of the week.
When I took Theodora’s case, I did it because it reminded me of Dalton. I’d wanted the driver in Dalton’s case to be punished to the fullest extent possible. And that is what I wanted for Theodora, too. Now, I feel like I'm the monster. Because of me, because of the things I said in that trial, a seventeen-year-old girl has lost eight years of her life. She’s lost high school graduation and a college scholarship.
Killing her best friend changed Ronnie in ways I cannot even imagine. Every time I looked at her during that trial, especially during her testimony, I knew she’d already learned her lesson. She was already suffering enough. At any point in time, I could have sat down and spoken to the Crowes and amended the charges or offered her a plea deal.
But I didn’t.
I prosecuted her to the fullest extent of the law.
And I’ve never felt so bad for doing my job.
How could Rogen ever want to be with someone like me? Someone who would do that to a kid who made a mistake. Yes, a terrible mistake that had the worst possible outcome. But what does it say about me that I pushed until there was no forgiveness?
Sitting up on the side of the bed, I sigh and run my hands through my hair. I need to go home and face this. Face Rogen. But I don’t know how to do that. I have no clue how to look him in the face when I’m afraid he’s just going to see me for the monster I’ve become.
/> Pulling out my phone, I open the conversation to text him and tears spring to my eyes.
Me: How could you ever love someone who did what I did?
From Rogen: Fuck, baby. Where are you? Come home. Please.
Me: Answer the question, Rogen. How? Why would you still want this after what I did to Ronnie?
From Rogen: Parker. You did your job. The judge passed the sentence. You had no control over that. Please come home.
I stare at the phone and let the tears fall. He says that now, but what happens when he finally looks in my eyes? What happens when he wakes up one day and realizes he's sleeping next to a monster that would put a kid in jail? No one in their right mind would stay once they know what they’re dealing with.
From Cannon: There is a GPS app on your phone. So, either meet us at the Movie in the Park tonight or come home. Either way, if you’re still at that hotel across town by the time the movie is over, I am coming to get you and drag you home. Kicking and screaming if I have to, Parker. I’m done fucking around.
I blow out a breath and cuss.
Me: Fine.
After a few more texts with Cannon, he tells me that he is dragging everyone to the movie and that they're leaving at six to get there. That means my flat will be empty because they’re making Rogen go with them.
For the next few hours, I meander around the hotel room until I know it’s safe to head home. Walking into the flat, a small wave of calm hits me. Even in the depths of my misery, I’ve missed Rogen. The last three nights have been plagued with nightmares, only now they’re of him leaving.
I drop my briefcase by the door and go to shower and brush my teeth since I haven’t done that in three days, either. By the time I get out and dressed, it’s eight o’clock and I know there’s only an hour left of the movie.
The park is a short distance from the flat, so I walk instead of driving. The movie is a romantic comedy and there are blankets everywhere. Cannon and I used to come to these a lot back when we were younger and we always picked a spot by thee same tree.
Walking along the back edge of the park, I spot the tree and almost smile. Right underneath is a huge blanket. Cannon is leaning against the tree with Collins sitting between his legs, both their hands resting on her belly. Rain and Rowan are laying on their stomachs in the middle of the blanket, resting their chins on their hands like twins. And Rogen is on the outer edge of the blanket, but he's not staring at the movie. For the few minutes I watch him, he glances at the screen and then checks his phone.
Taking out mine, I pull up a text.
Me: Turn around.
He jumps when his phone vibrates and scrambles to open the message. A second later, he’s on his feet, spinning around as Collins yells up at him. His eyes scan the crowd and finally land on me. Tossing his phone down on the blanket, he breaks into a jog until he's right on me.
Tears pour down my face and he slams into me, his hands fisting in my hair as his lips crash into mine. The next few seconds is nothing but the tears from my eyes mixing with the moisture from his heated kisses. When he finally pulls away, there’s tears in his eyes, too, and he tightens his grip in my hair, holding my head so I can’t look away.
“Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again. Do you understand me?” he growls out, leaning down to kiss me roughly again.
I nod, gripping his forearms tightly.
“Parker, I love you. I am so fucking in love with you that I thought I was dying having to be in that house without you, not knowing where you were. Baby, fuck. Don’t you ever do that shit again.”
I move my hands to his neck and pull his lips back to mine. “I love you, too. I’m so sorry.”
He groans and kisses me again and again until finally he drags me over to the blanket. Rain reaches out and squeezes my hand hard as I sit down between Rogen’s legs. He pulls me back against him so tight I can hardly move.
Even with the pain and the guilt that came flooding back, I know sitting here in his arms that with Rogen is absolutely where I belong. No matter how hard it gets, I’m so in love with him and he is equally in love with me, that we can’t be without each other anymore.
Tonight, I am going to have to start making up for everything I put him through for the last three days, and after that I can make it up to everyone else.
But from now on, Rogen will always come first.
30
Saturday morning, I wake up to a quiet house and an empty bed. Rogen must have something to do today, though he didn’t mention anything to me. Getting out of bed, I stretch and as I stand, a wave of nausea hits me like a truck.
I lean over and close my eyes hoping it will pass, but as soon as I stand again, my stomach heaves and I dart to the bathroom, making it to the toilet a second before everything from the night before comes up.
It takes a few minutes to get my stomach under control and I try to take some deep breaths as I head to the kitchen. Ugh, if I’m coming down with the stomach flu, I’m going to be super pissed.
I don’t have any cases right now since I always try to take time off after a big case, so allnext week I’ll be working from home. Last night Rogen had a very long discussion with me about grief counseling. He thinks it’s best if I get some help given everything that’s happened over the last two years , and I have to agree with him.
On Monday, I plan to start calling around to see if I can find a therapist with an opening, or at the very least, a support group.
In the center of the island is a fresh vase of wildflowers and a note with my name on the front. I smile as I pick it up and read it.
Morning beautiful. I had somewhere to run this morning but I’ll be back soon. Try to rest. I love you. -Ro
Taking a deep breath, the need to talk to Dalton fills me. Setting the card on the counter, I head back to my room and get dressed in leggings and a hoodie. I don’t need to dress up to go see Dalton. Grabbing my phone, I head out and decide to walk the few blocks to the cemetery.
It’s chilly outside, but sunny and beautiful with a nice breeze. The air is crisp and it feels new and fresh in my lungs. It’s almost like I’ve been in a stuffy basement for too long and now I’m stepping outside for the first time in years.
As I walk down the path, I notice a figure sitting in front of Dalton’s headstone. As I get closer, my heart beats faster, realizing it’s Rogen. He’s sitting with his knees bent and his lips are moving. I slow my pace because I don’t want to eavesdrop.
“Rogen?” I say softly as I take a few steps into what I consider personal space at a cemetery.
His head snaps up, his eyes meeting mine. A smile slowly spreads across his lips and he opens his arms and pats the ground between his legs. I go over and sit down, letting him hold me against his body as he laces his fingers with mine.
“You okay, baby?” he whispers and plants a soft kiss right behind my ear.
“Yeah. What are you doing here?”
He shrugs. “Just wanted to talk to him. Tell him about you and us, and let him know how much I love you.” The tears well in my eyes and I squeeze his hands. “He knows. I really think he's been watching the whole time, and he’d be happy for us.”
Rogen nuzzles into the side of my neck and we just sit there for a while until the wind picks up. “Come on, baby. Everyone is coming over for dinner again and I want to have you to myself for a few hours.”
“Mmm,” I hum, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against his shoulder. “Can we go home and take a bubble bath?”
Rogen chuckles and kisses my neck. “You like those baths, huh?”
“Aye. It’s relaxing. You make me feel loved.” I sit up and turn, resting on my knees to face him.
Rogen leans forward and softly kisses me. “You are loved, Parker.”
I nod and stand, holding my hands out to help him up. “I know. Not many women can say they've ever had an epic love. And I’ve been lucky enough to have two.”
Rogen and I walk hand-in-hand back to the flat, onl
y to find Collins and Cannon waiting on the front steps. I haven’t talked to them much since the night of the movie. Rogen has kinda been keeping me all to himself, which I’ve been more than okay with.
As we approach, Collins struggles to get up. She’s got less than three months left before that baby is born, and while things get harder for her physically, I swear she gets more beautiful every time I see her.
“Hey,” I say in more of a mumble than anything else, my eyes on the ground. They both stare at me with stern, hard looks.
“Look at me, Parker,” Cannon snaps and instantly my eyes go to his. “Come here.” Rogen lets go of my hand and I step toward my brother. His hand darts out and he pulls me to his chest, his arms going around my shoulders, his face into my hair. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze. “I love you, sis. You know that, right?”
I nod against him. “I know you do. And I love you, too.”
“Good. Don’t ever act like that again. You do and I will kick your ass. I mean it.” I chuckle as he lets me go, and then Collins grabs me and pulls me into as tight a hug as she can with her belly between us.
“Alright, well, you all are early,” Rogen says, sliding his arm around my waist. “Parker requested a bath, so that’s what we're doing. You’re welcome to watch TV and be lazy until it’s time to start dinner.”
Collins laughs and Cannon starts to help her up the stairs. “Just keep all your bath time whatever to a medium volume.”
“Shut up,” I squeal, the heat rising in my cheeks.
“Let's not have this fucking joke, that’s my sister,” Cannon says with a silent gag.
As I unlock the front door, Rogen leans down next to me ear. “You can moan my name just as sexy at medium volume, don’t worry.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I head straight for our bedroom. Usually, I would care that we have company, but tonight I don’t give a fuck. I plan to moan Rogen’s name at any and every volume he wants me to before we have to play dinner party hosts.