Hard To Love

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Hard To Love Page 20

by Ross, Sabrina


  “It is the same,” Nick scoffed.

  I shook my head. “What Mason did hurt my ego more than my heart,” I stated. My hand cupped his cheek, and I brushed my thumb across his damp cheek. It broke my heart to see him so sad. “But when we fell in love, Nick, you failed to tell me that you were struggling with whether or not you loved another woman, a woman you were still engaged to.” Tears pooled in my eyes. “That hurt me—more—than anything else,” I choked. “I gave myself to you, my heart and my soul. I was all in and you were only half in.” For a long time we stood there staring at each other, and I knew I should walk away, but something inside forced me to stay. He looked away, but I could still see the tears fall down his cheeks. What I hadn’t expected was the feel of his hands on my cheeks, then the taste of his tears on my lips.

  “I love you,” he said through our lips. My hands cupped over his, and I slowly pulled his hands from my face. He twisted his hands around mine, lacing his fingers with mine. “I miss you.” His forehead pressed against mine, our rapid breaths seen in the cold air. My body shook as I cried. It was a mistake coming here, but it was too late to change that.

  “You need to let me go,” I said, my lips trembling. “You have to let me go.” His eyes continued to search mine. I caressed his cheek with the palm of my hand, waiting for him to acknowledge my words. “I love you, but you have to let me go,” I sobbed.

  Nick’s eyes watered as he stared me down. Then slowly he backed away, nodding his head, one hand still holding mine, the other wiping his face. Together we walked side by side back to the house, but when we reached the patio, he stopped. I glanced up and saw Mason standing on the stairs watching, Nick turned to walk around the house. I watched as he disappeared. I shook my head, and then made my way up the stairs, standing next to Mason. He stood ridged, both his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking less than impressed, and I didn’t blame him.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Why were you out here with him?” Mason asked, staring out at the yard and not at me.

  “He wanted to talk to me,” I replied.

  “Why are you wearing his jacket, and why did he go around the side of the house just to avoid me?” He looked down at me.

  “I’m wearing his jacket because it’s cold, and I don’t know why he went around the house. You’ll have to ask him,” I said, taking off the jacket and placing it on a chair as I entered the house.

  “Is there something I need to know?” Mason asked eyeing me.

  “No.” I shrugged.

  The anguish I felt inside was killing me. No sense in upsetting him over what happened between Nick and me. What would be the point in telling Mason that Nick told me that he was still in love with me and then he kissed me? It would just start a fight—then again, if I didn’t tell him, Nick might bring it up and I would end up looking like the bad guy. I huffed, staring down at the ground.

  “I knew it.” Anger filled his face.

  “Stop.” I grabbed his hand as he walked past me. “Mason, just let it go.” I followed him.

  “No, I won’t let it go, Lauren.” He pulled away from me. “He had his chance—”

  “Mason.” Mason turned slowly to face me. The silence was deafening. “I didn’t come here tonight to start the New Year angry.” His shoulders relaxed, but he didn’t move from where he stood. I took a few steps towards him, closing the gap between us. “I told you that I care about you, Mason. That is not going to change. I want to bring in the New Year with you, to begin something special.” His jaw loosened, and he finally looked at me. I stretched my hand out, grabbed his, and he reeled me in. “It won’t be easy for Nick. We just broke up and now I’m with you. Think about how you felt when you heard about him and me.” It sounded as awful out loud as it did in my head.

  Was I crazy?

  “I love you,” he whispered. Our lips grazed lightly. Mason shuddered, breathing me in. His arms embraced me and I held him tight. I pulled back to look at him. He grinned, lifted me off the ground and kissed me again. I felt bad for not saying it back, but I was not ready.

  It was five minutes to midnight by the time we got back in the great room. The crowd had all gathered in front of the flat screen for the countdown. Mason grabbed us a drink. Then we joined the crowd. The countdown began and the crowd roared. I could feel Mason’s hand squeeze mine as the seconds passed. Through the crowd I saw Nick watching us, his fiancée oblivious to his feelings for me.

  “Five . . . four . . .” Mason turned to face me. As the countdown ended, he leaned in and kissed me.

  “Happy new year,” he said through our lips.

  “Happy new year,” I replied, wrapping my arms around him.

  Then the crowd dispersed.

  Mason held my hand as we walked out of the ballroom. As I turned, I caught Nick’s stare. My hand slipped from Mason’s and I slowly walked towards Nick.

  “Lauren?” I heard Mason call out as I walked away.

  Nick put his glass down and walked towards me. His lips parted slightly, unsure of my intentions. I glanced at his fiancée, Stacey, who then turned just as we met up in the center of the room. Then it felt as though everyone’s eyes were on us. I grabbed Nick’s hand in one hand, wrapping my arm around his neck with the other.

  “Happy new year,” I whispered in his ear, giving him a peck on his cheek. His arms came around me, and I felt the love in his embrace, envelop me. I held back the tears as best I could.

  “Happy new year,” he choked. He didn’t want to let me go. I broke free, my hand finding his and giving it a squeeze before walking away. His cheek lingered next to mind his lips close to my ears but he stepped back smiled and nodded before turning and walking back to where he was standing.

  “What was that about?” Mason asked a hint of anger in his tone.

  “I wished him a happy new year, Mason. Relax.” I sighed. “Is this how it is going to be between the two of you from now on?”

  “What are you talking about?” he replied.

  “Every time we are in the same room with Nick, is this how it’s going to be, uncomfortable and angry stares?”

  “No,” he scoffed.

  “Good.”

  “Are you still in love with him?” he asked.

  “Mason—”

  He interjected, his eyes darting in Nick’s direction, “Do you still love him? It’s a simple question, Lauren.”

  I saw that Nick was watching us. I inhaled deeply, looked him in the eyes and replied, “Yes.” The pain on his face that followed was hard to bear, but it was better to be honest with him than to lie. “It’s only been a short while, Mason. I can’t just shut it off.”

  “Do you love me?” he asked.

  “I care about you. I told you that,” I replied.

  “Yeah—but is that enough?” He sighed.

  “I don’t know Mason, is it?” My head tilted. “I forgave you for everything you did, giving you a second chance not Nick. I told you that it would be hard for me to trust you, but I was willing to try. If you aren’t willing—”

  “You’re right,” he replied, then pulled me in for a hug. “I’m sorry for acting like a jerk.” I held him but my eyes were on Nick. He watched us in our embrace, his eyes sad his lips frowning. It was time for my night to come to an end.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Two months had passed since the New Year’s party at the Fosters’ mansion. My mother had taken up dating again, and Robert was the man of choice. At first I thought it would be a little weird dating Mason and my mother seeing his father, but that changed. It wasn’t as though we were all spending time together. Eventually, it wasn’t a thought in my mind.

  Mrs. Peterson promoted me to service manager at the restaurant, and Mason took a job with his dad. He worked during the week and came home on the weekends when he could. I didn’t protest against him being away since his relationship with Robert was at its best since he had been a kid. We used Skype during the week on my nights off and spoke on the phone when
ever we got the chance. Things appeared more perfect than they were. I still hadn’t said “I love you” to him yet, and I wasn’t sure I could. I was too afraid to allow myself to become that vulnerable again. For a while, it seemed Mason was fine with the fact that I had not told him that I loved him. Actually, I think I convinced myself that he was fine with it. Our weekends together became few and far between visits, and it was then I began to worry our relationship was on the outs.

  When my birthday came, Mason invited me to his mother’s house for a celebration. I usually don’t make a big deal about my birthday, but Mason insisted on throwing a big party. He wanted it to be epic, one that I would never forget. He had been trying so hard since we got together that I couldn’t disappoint him. It couldn’t be any worse than previous parties at his house.

  I had not expected anything major so I didn’t dress for the occasion either; a pair of black slacks, black flats, and a burgundy off the shoulder cashmere shirt. Upon entering the Fosters’ home, I was greeted not only by Mason’s mother and stepfather; but Robert and my mother were there too. Abigail then led me to the parlour where everyone was sitting around talking. I was also very surprised, yet thrilled, to see Mike, Sam, Kelly and Jennifer there as well.

  “What is going on?” I mumbled to my mother , who shrugged. My eyes widened in surprise, once again, when I saw Nick. Mason noticed me and immediately came walking over, hugging me, then hugged my mother. I was relieved and wanted an explanation for the guest list.

  “Will you excuse us a moment?” I asked , grabbing Mason’s hand and dragging him out of the room and to the courtyard. When we were alone, I asked, “What is going on?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, trying so hard not to smile. “You’re up to something. What is it?” I asked.

  “Nothing. It’s your birthday, and I wanted you to have a good

  time.” He pulled me by the waist towards him.

  “This was unnecessary, Mason.” I smiled, stretching up to kiss

  him.

  “I thought it would be a memorable day having everyone you

  care about in the same room together,” he said.

  “I appreciate the sentiment, but why would you invite Nick,

  then? You know how hard it was for him and me,” I replied. “It’s been two months, Lauren. He was fine with it, and I

  thought you would be too.” His eyes narrowed.

  “I am. It’s fine,” I stammered. I wrapped my arms around his

  neck and lingered in his arms just a little bit longer before we had

  to go back inside.

  Dinner was a long and uncomfortable two hours. I sat next to Mason, quietly listening to the conversations going on around me. However, Mason was right. It was going to be a memorable day. My mother was happy with the man of her dreams. I think my father would have been happy for her as well. Plus I was with my closest friends and family. Only, Nick had barely eaten or spoken two words the entire time, and I wondered where his fiancée was.

  When the cake was brought out, my face turned a few shades of red as they all began to sing “Happy Birthday.”

  “Thank you all for being here today. It means the world to me having everyone I love and care about in the same room.” I got teary eyed. I cut the first piece of cake and handed it out. As everyone ate their cake, Mason announced, “presents,” and then wheeled in the trolley carrying a dozen presents. Once again my cheeks flushed. “Oh, you guys, you didn’t have to do this.” My eyes welled. “It was enough just spending the day with all of you.”

  “Happy birthday, baby.” Mason winked, then handed my first present over. It was from someone whose name I didn’t recognize. I read the card out loud and thanked them. I continued to do this for the rest of the gifts. When I got to the last present that Mason handed me, I opened the card to see that it was from Nick. I looked up at him with a smile and read the card without reading his note. I tore the wrapping paper off, and when I saw what was inside, I felt my heart lurch into my throat.

  I stared at the rare hardcover firstedition copy of Shakespeare’s tragic love story Romeo and Juliet and bit down on the insides of my lips. This could not have been easy to come by, and it certainly wasn’t cheap. It was not easy hiding my emotional state. My mind raced. Out of everything that I could have ever received as a gift, this book was by far the best. I traced my fingers along the engraved gold accents along the edge of the leather-bound book, fighting the tears. I attempted twice to look up and thank him but couldn’t. My emotions were running wild, and I was terrified to speak for fear of crying. Whispering began through the room as the guests sat there, waiting. It was only seconds that I sat there, staring at this beautiful, well-taken-care-of classic play, but to everyone else I had taken far too long. When I opened the book, I found that Nick had inscribed it with a message.

  Happy birthday, Lauren. I saw this and couldn’t pass up a moment to see your beautiful smile. I know it is something you will appreciate. I wish you all the best.

  And I want you to know that I am a better man for having loved you.

  Nick I looked up a s I closed the book. “Thank you—Nick, it is incredible,” I said, fighting the tremble in my lip. “It was very thoughtful.” He smiled and gave me a nod. Cassie glanced over at Nick, then at me. My mother looked worried. Nobody understood the reason behind the sentiment, but I did. Then as I was about to excuse myself, Mason pried the book from my hands and placed it on the trolley.

  “Last one ,” Mason said as he wheeled the trolley away. I watched him search for the gift and look around as though he had lost it. “I must have misplaced it.” He patted his pockets again. I smiled and rolled my eyes at him. “Oh, here it is.” He knelt in front of me, reaching under the chair that I was sitting in. He brought up a small red velvet box, and I felt my cheeks burn. The breath in my lungs had escaped in a single gasp. “I know we’ve had some crazy moments since the moment we met, and I don’t mean just when we met in the forest seven months ago but when I first laid eyes on you fourteen years ago.” He opened the box and I froze. “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honour of being my wife?” My eyes fluttered, and at first, all I did was stare at this huge diamond. I couldn’t speak. All I could do was tell myself to breathe: take a breath before you pass out in front of everyone.

  Was Mason crazy? I wasn’t ready to marry him— or anyone, for that matter. We’d only been dating for five months.

  Panic-stricken, I started to trace back to all the times I had never returned his affection. Whenever he said “I love you,” I said nothing in return.

  Why did he want to marry me?

  Everyone sat waiting in anticipation for my answer; it was nerve-racking. Mason and I had never discussed getting married. He had never even mentioned anything about getting engaged. I glanced up and saw in the mirror on the wall the happy look on my mother’s face, and closed my eyes, letting the tears pour from my eyes. The pressure of everyone’s stare became overwhelming, and I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his family and friends.

  “Yes,” I replied. I heard Mason sigh. Then his hands cupped my face. His lips pressed against mine and his body shook—or was that mine? Then he slipped the ring on my finger kissing me.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried. When he finally stood, he pulled me up with him and everyone started snapping pictures. My mother ran over and hugged me.

  “Congratulations, baby,” she said.

  “Thanks,” I said, breathless.

  “It was hard to keep it a secret.” She giggled as she let me go.

  “You knew?” I gasped. This was too much. Why would she keep this from me? I thought she knew me better than that.

  “Well, yes, of course. He came to see me, and since your father isn’t here, he asked for my blessing,” she replied.

  “Oh.” I replied, looking at my hand.

  “Are you not happy about his proposal?” she whispered. I shrugged, hol
ding back the tears. She took my hands in hers and pulled me close. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You have time.”

  “Do I?” I replied. “He sprung this on me. I had no idea this was something he wanted. I feel like I don’t know him,” I cried in her ear.

  “Hush, dear. We’ll talk about it later.” She kissed my cheek, and wiped my tears. Then everyone lined up to congratulate us. I put on my best smile and hugged accordingly. I looked around the room as the last couple that hugged me walked up to Mason, and then I saw Nick. His expression showed just as much shock as mine. Cassie’s voice broke me out of my stare.

  “Who would have thought that Mason would be the one to settle you down?” Cassie joked. “I’m so happy for you, the both of you. Mason deserves someone who will love him unconditionally despite his flaws.” She nudged Mason.

  “Thanks.” He nudged her back. Nick was gone when I looked up again. He had been the only one to not congratulate us.

  When everyone retired to the lounge for coffee and tea, I went looking for Nick. I found him outside on the back patio. He was leaning over the iron railing.

  “I really appreciate the book ,” I said, slowly walking towards him. “I never expected anything, let alone that.” My hand delicately slid up his back to his shoulder.

  “I knew you would ,” he croaked. The strain in his voice was all too familiar. I inhaled deeply, and then slowly let out my breath as I moved closer.

  “I also noticed that out of everyone, you never congratulated us.” My smile thinned. “I would have thought that by now we would have gotten past the awkwardness.”

  Nick stood upright, slowly turning to face me. “I know . . . I’m sorry—I never meant to—”

  “It’s fine. I just don’t want it to always be awkward,” I replied.

  “It’s good.” He forced a smile.

  “I really hope so because if we’re going to be family—”

 

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