Merrick glances over his shoulder and catches me checking him out. He smiles but lets me off without a sly comment before walking to the bathroom.
I flop back onto my bed and cover my eyes with my forearm. “Jesus Christ.”
After he’s done, he emerges through the door and I wish I would’ve just kept my eyes closed, because if I thought Merrick from the back was hot, Merrick from the front is a Greek god.
He was in shape before, but not like this. The muscles in his chest are full and thick, and his abs look like they belong on the body of a fitness model. Does he even have an ounce of fat on him? And good Lord that V. . .I know what that leads to, and I lick my lips just thinking about what’s resting behind those boxers. Well, I can’t really say it’s resting. He has his own morning wood tucked in the waistband of his underwear, and I can see just the tiniest bit of his tip peeking out.
“I used some mouthwash. Hope that’s okay.”
I divert my gaze from his body and look into his eyes. “Uh. Yeah.”
After shoving the covers off me, I get out of bed and head for the bathroom. Merrick lingers near the doorway, and when I’m about to pass him, he reaches out and grabs my wrist.
“Hey.”
I come to a stop and try to control my eyes. It’s not like I haven’t seen a half-naked man before. But this feels different. My brain has checked out and all I want to do is throw myself at him so I can have his body against mine once more.
“Good morning,” he says with a smirk, like he’s aware of the effect he has on me.
I grin. “Good morning.”
He allows his eyes to do a slow perusal down my body, unabashedly checking me out. When his gaze meets mine again, he says, “Lookin’ good, Ali.”
My cheeks heat as I duck my head, unsure how to respond to the compliment. My heart does a flip in my chest and my cock twitches.
“You, too.”
I ease out of his grip and rush to the bathroom where I internally scold myself for such a lame response.
My dick begs for me to stroke it, so I can release some of this tension, but I can’t do that with Merrick on the other side of the door. He doesn’t need to know I’m barely clinging to any sort of self-control.
Once I’m done with all my bathroom business, I step back into my room and find Merrick standing near my bedroom window wearing only a pair of jeans. He has his phone pressed against his ear, so I keep my mouth shut while I make my way to my dresser for some clothes.
He turns and watches me as he listens to whoever’s on the other end.
“Uh-huh. Yeah, I got it. Nope, I’m being good,” he says with a laugh. “No, you don’t have to worry about that. I have a friend here who will keep me in check.”
I turn and look at him and he arches a brow, giving me a crooked grin.
“Okay, bye.”
He ends the call and throws his phone on the bed.
“Sorry. Manager wants to make sure I’m behaving myself.”
I pull on my shorts and T-shirt. “Well, you do have a reputation.”
Merrick finds his shirt on the floor and pulls it over his head. “Yeah, but I told you it’s not true.”
“Not one-hundred percent.”
He sighs but doesn’t argue. “Ali, I have to know something.”
I cross my arms over my chest and lean against my dresser. “What’s that?”
“Do I even have a chance?”
It takes me a few seconds to respond, because I have too many thoughts ping-ponging in my brain.
“Why me?”
He furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”
“Why do you want me?”
“Have you not heard what I’ve told you?” he asks, taking a step forward.
“You’ve said I’m everything to you. Yeah, I heard that.”
“But,” he offers, knowing I have more to say.
I drop my arms and grip the edge of the dresser. “But those are just words. We’ve said a lot to each other over the years. You’ve consistently told me one thing just to do something that completely contradicts it. Why should I believe you now? Or ever?”
“I’m trying to get you to realize I’m not like that anymore. If I say something, I want you to believe it. I’ve had years to dwell on my bullshit. I’ve had so many regrets, and honestly, if I was in your shoes, I don’t know if I’d forgive me. But you’re better than me, Ali. You always have been, and you make me want to be better. For you.”
My heart sings at his words, but I can’t allow myself to be naive. “Let’s pretend I tell you that I forgive you for everything and that you do have a chance. Then what? This is the problem we always had. I let you suck me back into a secret relationship because you weren’t out yet, and that’s still the case. I will not be a skeleton in your closet. I will not be forced to love you in secret.”
He takes the remaining steps to reach me, wrapping his hands around mine. “Tell me I have a chance, Ali. Tell me you’d give us one last shot and I’ll risk it all. I’ll risk everything for you. For us.”
My heart explodes in my chest, and tears burn the backs of my eyes. He’s serious. I can read the sincerity in his eyes and his tone. But one word sticks with me. Risk.
“Risk everything?” I question.
“My career. The careers of my bandmates. Everything.”
I shake my head. “You think. . .you think the label would drop you?”
“I don’t know. I’ve heard the way some of these guys talk. They make jokes and use slurs. They’re degrading. There’s still a lot of awful, close-minded people in charge of a lot of things. I don’t know how the fans would react, and I don’t know if it would affect our sales. I’d like to think it wouldn’t, but you never know.”
“I don’t want you to lose your career.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that. Tell me, Ali. Just tell me if we have a chance.”
I slip my hands from his and place them on either side of his face. “Merrick, if you come out, I want it to be because you’re ready, not because you want to be with me. Don’t do this for me. Do it for you.”
He drops his forehead onto mine. “I want to know you’ll be there if everything crumbles around me.”
“We’re friends, right?”
A humorless laugh escapes his throat. “Are we?”
“I think you still have a lot of thinking to do, and you should probably start talking to your family about this. Then you can make the decision that’s best for you.”
“I get what you’re saying.”
I pull back and drop my hands to his shoulders. “But?”
He smirks. “But I still really want to kiss you.” I’m about to give in, because I want his lips on mine, too, but he stops me by bringing his hand to my face and cupping my cheek. “But I’m afraid if I kiss you once, I’ll want another.” His thumb brushes over my lips softly. “And then that won’t be enough and I’ll want to be inside you.” My tongue darts out to wet my lips, touching the tip of his thumb in the process. His hand slowly drops down until he has a soft grip on my throat. “And once I’m inside you again, I’ll never want to be anywhere else, and then we’ll be back to where we always were—in a secret relationship.”
“Oh,” I breathe.
“Yeah. And you don’t want that again.”
“I don’t?” I ask stupidly, staring at his perfect pink lips.
He chuckles. “So, we’re friends.”
I barely manage a nod. “Yeah. Friends.”
Merrick releases me and steps back. “Okay.”
22
Merrick
Present Day
After leaving Ali earlier today, I went back to my hotel just to shower and change, then slipped back into my car to head to Elijah’s house.
Paparazzi are in town, but not many. I only noticed a few hanging outside my hotel. They took their pictures, and now they’re following me to my brother’s place. Great.
I park on the street and get out, fin
ding two photographers standing near their cars snapping photos and throwing out questions.
“Merrick, you gonna be in town long?”
“How’s vacation going? You ready to be back on the road?”
“Are you visiting any ex-girlfriends?”
“Have you seen what Sky’s been up to? Do you wish you were with him instead of here?”
I stand at the front of my car before heading inside. “Hey, guys. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I’m just enjoying time with my family right now. You can take pictures of me, but give my family a break, okay? Don’t snap any pictures of the house or anything.”
I find being nice to them and allowing them to get some shots is usually better in the long run. Sometimes they’ll respect your wishes, but sometimes they’re just assholes who do whatever they want.
“Okay, but have you talked to the guys? Sky’s been photographed skinny dipping in the Caribbean. Looks like it’s quite the party over there.”
I chuckle. “I haven’t seen the photographs, but I’m not surprised. I can guarantee you’ll get better shots out there than here with me. I’m just trying to keep a low profile and enjoy some downtime. Have a good day, guys.”
Their cameras go off as I walk away, but when I get inside Elijah’s house, I peek through the window and see them driving off.
“Are they being annoying?” Elijah asks, coming toward the foyer.
“They’re all right. I’m glad they’re leaving though.”
I follow Elijah to the kitchen and find Royce and Cillian standing around the island making sandwiches.
“Oh yeah, I’m starving,” I say, grabbing a plate for myself.
“You live in a hotel with room service, why are you not eating all the time?” Cill asks.
“I wasn’t there this morning.”
“Oooh!” Royce sings, then he stops. “Wait. That doesn’t make sense. If you’re hooking up, then being in the hotel makes sense. What were you doing?”
I shake my head and swipe the cold cuts from him. “I hung out with Ali and his friends last night. We drank too much, so I ended up crashing at Ali’s, then I drove back to the hotel today to shower and change. Then I came here.”
“Well, it seems like you and Alejandro worked your shit out,” Cill says, before taking a bite out of his sandwich.
“Yeah, we’ll be fine, I think,” I say, squirting mustard on the bread. “His friends are cool, and it was nice being out without being swarmed.”
“You don’t want to invite him over for dinner tonight?” Elijah asks. “It’s been a long time since he’s been around the table with us.”
I shake my head. “Nah, I was actually wanting to talk to you guys tonight.”
They all straighten up and stare at me. “What’s going on?” Royce asks.
“Nothing, just wanted to run something by you.”
I take a bite out of my sandwich to keep from having to say more, but their eyes are still trained on me.
Elijah takes his plate and grabs a bag of chips. “Let’s go to the dining room.”
After we’re all settled around the table, Cillian meets my gaze. “You want to tell us now? The girls are out doing wedding shopping and stuff.”
I take a deep breath as fear licks up my spine and nerves gather in my stomach. This is the first step. I have to tell my family before the media finds out and starts snapping pictures and posting them all over the internet and magazine covers. God forbid I get caught with Ali in an intimate moment. My family deserves to know first, and I need to be the one to tell them.
After them, I have to talk to my band members, and then everyone at the label. After that, I come out to the public.
God, just thinking about that makes sweat bead across my forehead.
“I was planning on talking to Elijah first,” I say, cutting my eyes to him. “But I guess it doesn’t matter.”
Something crosses over Elijah’s eyes, an understanding perhaps. The other two look almost scared. I wonder what’s going through their heads right now. I imagine whatever they’re thinking is way off base, because I don’t think they’d ever guess what I’m about to say.
I lean back in my chair and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. There is no way to lead up to this. I don’t want to beat around the bush or travel back in time and talk about my childhood and when I started questioning things. My best bet is to just spit it out all at once and wait for a response. Then we can go from there.
My eyes meet each one of theirs before I take a breath and say, “I’m gay.”
23
Alejandro
Present Day
I’m making a pot of coffee when a knock sounds on my door.
Pulling it open, I spot Jordy on my porch wearing a huge pair of sunglasses and holding a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Let me in, I’m already starting to sweat,” he says, fanning himself with his free hand.
“Yeah, it’s pretty hot today,” I reply, stepping back and letting him in. “What’re you doing here and why don’t you look the least bit hungover?”
Jordy removes his sunglasses and smiles. “I’ll take that to mean you think I look good.”
I roll my eyes and head to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee. “So, what’s up? I don’t usually see you after our nights out. You’re usually too hungover to get out of bed, let alone leave the house.”
He makes himself comfortable at the sitting bar in my kitchen and grins that trouble-maker grin of his. “Maybe I wasn’t as drunk as you thought I was.”
“You were ordering us shots after shots. We were all fucked up.”
“Just because I ordered them doesn’t mean I was drinking them. I was more sober than you think.”
I lean against the counter, holding the mug of steaming hot coffee in my hand. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m a little more conscious of things than you give me credit for. My suspicions were raised and I had to conduct a little experiment.”
I take a sip before saying, “What the hell are you talking about?”
He smiles again. “How long have you known Merrick was gay, and are you aware of the sexual tension you guys radiate?”
The mug nearly drops from my hand, and I have to bring my other hand to steady it. “What? What do you mean? Merrick’s not gay,” I lie, trying to keep his secret just that.
Jordy rolls his eyes. “Honey, please. My ability to scope out the gays, both closeted and out, and even the curious boys, has always been top notch. On top of that, did you not hear me when I said you two vibrate with sexual energy? While you two were getting loose with each drop of liquor, my eyes were trained on you. If he wants to stay closeted, I’d suggest not being anywhere with you. Good Lord. You two look at each other like you want to rip the other one’s clothes off. He’s looking at your mouth while you’re checking out his biceps. The smiles that are usually reserved for lovers were being tossed between you two every ten seconds. Plus, let’s not forget he seemed interested to find out if we had been together. Jealous much? And he didn’t even blink or blush at the us being bottoms comment. Tell that to a straight guy and watch him squirm.” He crosses his arms on the counter and leans forward. “So, what do you have to say?”
“I’d say you’re crazy,” I reply quickly, hoping it’s believable. “We were best friends for years, of course there will be some sort of connection. Anything sexual is just your sex-driven brain coming up with things. There isn’t any sort of attraction or special smiles.” I laugh. “You’re insane.”
His lips curl up on one end as his eyes twinkle with amusement. “That may have been believable if you would have just said you were attracted to him. I know you’re gay, and it wouldn’t be weird for you to think he’s hot, friend or not, and whether he’s straight or not. But you want to pretend there is zero attraction? Not even one-sided? You want me to believe you weren’t checking him out last night? You think I don’t know what eye-fucking is? Or maybe it’s because I f
orgot to tell you that I saw you reach over and touch his thigh?” He smiles, pleased with himself. “And that’s what leads me to believe you’re full of shit.”
I attempt to keep my face in check. This is all pretty damning evidence, but I can still say that yes, it is just one-sided but he isn’t gay.
“Okay, fine. I’ve always found him attractive. You happy now? And maybe when I drink I become a little flirtatious and touchy. He deals with it because he’s my friend, not because he’s interested.”
Jordy laughs. “Do you not know who I am? I’m your best friend. I’ve seen you drunk around a lot of different people, and not once have you ever been touchy feely or flirtatious with straight guys. That’s my thing.”
We enter a silent staring contest, because I no longer know what to say, but admitting the truth seems like a bad idea. I have to talk to Merrick about this first, but Jordy is an annoying and unstoppable force.
“Okay, let’s do this,” he says, standing up and walking toward me, snatching my phone off the counter. “I’ll text him from your phone, and we’ll see how he responds.”
“No.”
Jordy smirks, holding my phone in his hand. “You can’t just leave this thing around for anybody to take.”
“Jordy, don’t.”
“Why? I’ll just send a quick text, and his response will tell us what we need to know.”
I put my coffee mug down. “No, because you’re probably gonna send some hyper-sexual ridiculous message and make me look like a fool.”
He scoffs. “I wouldn’t.”
As he clicks on my text app, I reach over and try to steal the phone, but he spins around.
“Jordy! Cut it out.”
“What are you worried about?”
“Nothing, but you’re being childish, and it’s really fucking annoying.”
With a grin, he turns back around and hands me my phone. “And by your response, I know all I need to know.”
I take the phone and look at the screen to see if he sent anything. He didn’t.
Risking it All: An M/M, rockstar, second chance romance (Kingston Brothers Book 4) Page 9