“I'll show you magic fingers.” He mumbled under his breath, loud enough for only me to hear. I believed it too, after what he'd shown me last night and the night before. He started on the other foot, which of course had me groaning all over again. Maddie continued to giggle.
“I'm going to tell mommy you groan lots.” She laughed. Just what I needed. I could imagine how that would be taken by the Claire. So long as she didn't mention how much I enjoy her daddy's magic fingers too.
“I will tell your mommy you giggle lots.” I shot back, tickling her. Maddie shrieked, dodging away from my grasp.
Dinner was a success, according to Maddie my lasagne was better than anyone's, even nanna Anderson's. The mention of Simon's mother made me glance at him. He winked. I turned back to Maddie.
“And what's Nana Anderson like?” I asked Maddie innocently, well aware of Simon's wide grin. I know, I know. Fishing for information from a five year old. Not cool. Maddie thought hard, as if this question required a great deal of consideration.
“She's nice.” She began. “She smells like soap. And she has a beard.”
“Maddie!” Simon exclaimed, laughing. “Watch what you say. And you.” He turned his attention to me. Me? I mouthed, pointing to my chest. “Yes you, don't pretend to be all innocent. Shaking down a child for information, it's appalling.” He shook his head disapprovingly, a glint in his eyes. I shrugged.
“I know, I know, I'm evil, but where else am I going to get any info?”
“Um, oh I don't know, me?” He shook his head. “Okay, what do you want to know?” I thought about it. What did I want to know? I reeled off a list of random questions. To his credit, he answered everything. He had one brother and one sister. His brother, Andrew lived in London and was married to an Irish girl. They had three children.
His sister lived at home with his mother. She had suffered severe brain damage in an accident when she was 14. She couldn't talk, walk or communicate at all. Simon visited her every week to read to her. His mom and dad had divorced when Simon was 23, his dad died of cancer three years ago. He spoke to his mom twice a week, and Maddie saw her every fortnight.
“Anything else?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. Maddie had long lost interest in our conversation and was curled up on the couch watching cartoons. I shook my head.
“I think that just about covers it.”
“Okay, so your turn now.” I looked up at him, both surprised and slightly alarmed. He knew everything about me, what else could their possibly be?
“Okay.”
“Brothers? Sisters?” I shook my head. “Nope. Only child. Mom got sick after me and couldn't have any more kids. They wanted to adopt, but then...” I trailed off. They had been in the process of filing paperwork to adopt when I was attacked. Both became way too unstable to care for another child after that.
“Aunts? Uncles? Cousins?” He prodded. I tried to think. My dad had a sister, but she lived in New Zealand and I hadn't seen or heard from her since I was about six. I had no idea if I had any cousins or not. Simon was shocked by this. I felt embarrassed. Was it that strange not to know your relatives?
“Next question?” I said defensively. He was being an arsehole. So what if I didn't know whether or not I even had cousins?
“No, give me a minute.” He pulled out his tablet. “Do you know if she's married?”
“Yes, well she was anyway. Phillip Geary.” I rolled my eyes as he tapped away on his tablet. This was supposed to be about him opening up, not about my estranged family.
Why did everything end up turning back onto me?
Stupid Simon and his 'close' family. I was about to get up and join Maddie on the couch when he spun the tablet around triumphantly.
“What's this?” I asked testily. The shit head was getting on my nerves now. If it wasn't for Maddie I'd have kicked him out by now. I didn't need his damn magic fingers. Or his soft mouth. Or his long hard...ooh god.
Focus Emma! I snatched the tablet out of his hands. It was a picture. Two girls, both looked to be in their early teens. They were sisters, I could tell, the same wavy blonde hair, green eyes, and long, toned limbs. I read down the bottom. 'Natalie and Layla Geary, 11 and 12 first sisters to make the national junior netball league'
“What is this?” I repeated confused. I snatched the tablet out of his hands.
“Your cousins. These are the daughters of Phillip and Maria Geary, from Auckland, New Zealand.” I gaped up at Simon in wonder.
Holy shit. I had cousins.
Chapter Nineteen
I stared at the picture again. They both looked happy. I wondered how perfect their little life was. I searched for a date. 2010. So they'd be 14 and 15 now.
Wow. I wondered if dad knew them. He and my aunt had had a massive falling out the last time I saw her. No idea what it was about, but it was big enough for her to move countries and never contact us again. I was surprised I’d even managed to remember their surname.
“Can you get Aunt Maria's details?” I don't know if I was more curious or nervous as Simon took back the tablet and tapped away again. I waited impatiently. He looked up, grinning. “How did you even find her?”
“Em. Think about what I do for a living. It’s part of my job to track people down. A number okay?” A number? What the hell would I say? Hey it's your niece you haven't spoken to in years, what's been up? Oh you know, the usual, rape, attempted murder, and agoraphobia, how about you?
Somehow I didn't think that would go down too well.
“I can’t call her.” I shook my head. No way, no how. I could barely call for pizza, let alone my estranged Aunt. Simon looked perplexed.
“Then how about email?” Email. I guess email was okay. She could ignore it if she wanted. It would be up to her to make the move, and I could control how much I told her, how quickly. I nodded.
“Can you email her email address to me?”
“Done.” Smiled Simon. “Now what do I have to do to get a kiss around here?”
I stared at the open page on my email. It seemed like such a hard email to start. How was I supposed to strike up contact with someone I didn't know? Simon had gone home, so this seemed like the perfect time to write to her.
Hi Aunt Maria,
Wow, this is hard. I have no idea what to say or even where to start. I happened to find your email and I wanted to contact you. I haven't seen you since I was six. I'm not sure what that was all about, but I'd love the chance to get to know you.
If you don't want to email me back, I understand.
Emma
I pressed send. There. Now it was out there. No going back. I'd just wait to see if I got a reply. If not, I'd leave it. It felt good to get that out of the way. I closed the email, and opened Google.
“This is such a bad idea.” I said aloud. No good could come from me researching the man who attacked me. That, unfortunately, didn't stop me from typing in Derek Moosly into the search box.
More than a million links showed up. I needed to narrow it down. I added 'assault girl' to the box. His picture filled the screen. I shuddered. I had spent so long trying to block his image out of my mind. His eyes gave a glimpse of the evil he was capable of. I quickly scrolled down. I needed that image gone. My breathing steadied as I focused on my search. I clicked on a page titled 'Rapists behind bars'.
Everything I could have possibly wanted to know about this man was on this page. He grew up in a small town in Kansas, his father killed his brother at age ten, in front of Derek. His mother had suffered depression following the death of her son. His father was thrown in jail for sexually assaulting Derek and his sister Jane. He died as a result of a fight in jail. His mother now lived in Connecticut, with Jane. Margi (his mother) had pulled herself together and now worked as an aged care nurse. Jane was studying medicine at university.
Then I saw it. Right there in black and white. I began to panic. My breathing sped up, I felt faint. I quickly texted Simon, knowing I was not far from passing out. The phone r
ang. I looked at it, unable to pick it up I was shaking so much. No, no, no. Fuck. This could not be happening. Not yet.
But it was.
Derek Moosly had been released on parole. He was out already. It had only been a day.
Fuck. I lifted my arm up and touched the side of my skull. Shit my head hurt. I tried to think back. I couldn't remember anything. I opened an eye and glanced around the very blurry room.
Simon. Mom. Police? Ambulance?
What the hell?
“Simon?” Instantly he was down beside me, clutching my hand.
“Shit Em, you scared the hell out of me.” His face was etched with worry. His eyes were red and puffy, unable to disguise the fact that he'd been crying.
“What happened?” I mumbled. I closed my eyes again, the urge to rest overpowering the need to know what was happening.
“You texted me, and I couldn't get in. I called your mom, but she was so far away I called the police.” He bit his lip, suddenly looking sheepish. “I owe you a new door.” I shook my head, trying to remember. The door hung on by one hinge, a big hole in the middle of the front, no doubt from his foot.
“What?” I prompted. He looked uncomfortable. And nervous. Really nervous. Like he wanted to day something I wasn’t going to like hearing. I was more alert now. What happened? Why was he shit scared to talk to me? He sensed my agitation and put his hand on my arm.
“I saw your laptop.” he hesitated, cocking his head slightly, like I was a puzzle he was trying to work out. “You saw Derek has been released.” I began to cry. Now it all made sense. Memories of the events of the day raced back through my mind. Released. Free. Free to attack again. What if he came after me? Here I was locked away in a prison and he was going to be out there.
How the fuck was I supposed to cope with that?
“Shh, it's okay Em. I won’t let him hurt you.” I looked at him helplessly. I loved him for wanting to help, but I hated him for promising something he couldn't keep.
“You don't know what. You're not always with me. You don't know what will happen” I cried. My heart was racing again. Mom looked on, her face creased with worry. She glanced at Simon. They exchanged a meaningful look.
“I'll move in.” Simon said. He said it so easily, like it was the simplest thing in the world.
“Doesn't mean you will always be around.” I argued. “And no, I don't want to risk Maddie getting caught up in this.”
“I will have a squad car shadow you 24/7 if that is what it takes for you to feel safe.”
“I will never feel safe.” I whispered softy, not caring how dramatic I sounded. “Not even a hundred police cars could make me feel safe.” All I could think of was how tragic I seemed. I was sounding more and more like a Danielle Steele movie each day. Simon helped me to the bed, with the help of one of the ambulance officers. I felt numb and woozy. A side effect of the injection they had given me, according to the ambulance guy. I let myself be laid down and accepted the tablets given to me.
“They will help you sleep.” Someone said, I was not sure who. Everyone was sort of blurring into one another. I thought I could see moms head poking around the bedroom door, but I also thought I saw her cartwheel across the room. I closed my eyes, unable to trust my sight.
“..She can't be left alone.”
“..Might try it again.”
“She won’t be. I can be here.” Simon. I knew his voice.
“You can't be here all the time. At least at home there will be someone around all the time.” Oh god no. The last thing I wanted was to go back home. I tried to make my voice work, with no success.
“I think she needs to be here. She needs that stability. I will have someone on her all the time, and when I'm not here I will arrange for Cass, or Tom to be here.” Simon's voice was firm. Forceful, even. He knew what was best for me. Mom didn't respond. Strange. Mom always had a comeback.
I dosed off.
The light shined through the crack in the curtains, hitting me right in the eye. I really needed better curtains. I sat up, stretching. Shit I felt bad. I remembered most of yesterday, but the anxiety and panic had mostly eased. My rationality had kicked in. I knew the chances of Derek coming back for me were extremely low. I also knew Simon would have the entire police force on my doorstep if he needed to keep me safe. I tiptoed out of the bedroom. I could hear voices. I wanted to hear what they were saying. The door of the living room blocked their view of me. Both Cass and Tom were there, Cass curled up on the couch, Tom sitting on the floor opposite.
“I know, but for what that bastard did to her, he should rot in hell.” Cass's voice was hard. She had no sympathy for Derek.
“I know he hurt Em really bad. I know he stuffed up her life, I am not taking his side. I am just saying, as someone studying law you need to be impartial to your personal connections, and look at the facts. The facts are he did his time, without incident, and he, whether you agree or not, deserves the chance to make right.”
“You've got to be fucking kidding me. I can’t believe I had a crush on you. How can you expect me to be impartial when this asshole ruined my best friend?” She said forward, angrily. “How can you be so impartial?”
“I'm not fucking impartial. I am one hundred percent behind Em. I'd kill the guy if it meant protecting her. I'm just trying to point out the importance of staying neutral in the profession you’re going into.” He shrugged helplessly. He knew there was no way he was going to win this argument.
I gently pushed open the door, making them both jump in surprise.
“Em!” Cass rushed over, giving me a hug. “You're up.” She grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch, forcing me to sit down. Tom smiled at me.
“I was worried about you Em. You okay?”
“You know then?” I asked. He and Cass exchanged a look.
“Yeah we know. That's why we are here. When Simon is not here, we will be here. You won’t be alone.” I sighed, realising just how much I didn’t want this. Something clicked over in my brain. At that point I think I realised I didn't want to be any more of a prisoner than I already was. Were people going to shadow me, day and night?
“Guys. I appreciate your concern, really I do. But I don't want to be suffocated.” Oops, I could tell my Cass's expression she was hurt by my words. “Let me try to explain. Yes, I had a panic attack last night, but who wouldn't? Now that I have calmed down, and I can think clearly, it's ridiculous. All of it.” I threw my hands up.
Two very confused faces peered down at me. This wasn't going to plan. If I couldn't convince these two, what hope in hell did I have of convincing my mom? And Simon?
“Derek is not out on a holiday.” I stated. “He is out permanently. Forever. Are you guys going to shadow me for the next sixty years? And the likelihood of him coming after me? I mean come on. Am I living in an episode of Criminal Minds?” Neither of them looked convinced, but I could see I was starting to get through to them.
“Cass, you've said to me I need to get out of the house, and why? Because I cannot control what might happen.” I glanced at Tom. “You've said the same thing. And you were right. You're both right.” I walked over to the window. It was very overcast, the streets deserted. “If this is my life, I might as well die.” Cass gasped and raced over to me.
“Don't you even joke about that!”
“Who's joking?” I replied, stretching out my arms behind my back. I paced the length of the window. “What's the point? If I am moving backwards instead of forward, what’s the point? I can't control what happens to me. I mean for fucks sake, if he really wanted to get to me, he could, no matter how much protection I have.”
Neither Tom, nor Cass spoke. Neither was ready to agree, but neither could argue with my logic. We all knew it was true.
“Simon won’t allow this you know.”
I laughed humorously. “That's why I am not going to tell him. As far as he knows, when he is not here, one of you two are, okay?” Cass opened her mouth, then shut it. She
shrugged her shoulders. “Same goes for my parents.” I warned. Tom cursed.
“This is bullshit. Have you stopped to think how we would feel if something happened and we weren't here to help?
“Have you considered how I would feel if something happened to you because of me?” I shot back.
“Fine. Okay.” He relented. His shoulders slumped forward, a strand of his hair falling over his right eye. I glanced at Cass who was staring at him. I smiled in spite of myself.
“Something funny?” Tom raised his eyes. I shook my head.
“Nope, nothing at all. Now, I love you two, but can you please get out of my apartment. Go and get a drink together.” I pushed them both toward the door, not taking no for an answer. Cass glared at me, annoyed at the drink suggestion. “Just go. Call me tomorrow.”
I shut the door on them before they could respond.
Dr Mellow sat on my couch drinking a coffee. Someone had felt the need to organise a last minute appointment, and it wasn’t me. My money was on mom. Or maybe Simon. Not that I really cared. I wasn’t in the mood to be talking about Derek.
“Emma?” I glanced up from my thoughts, embarrassed that I had completely missed his question. “How are you feeling?”
“I feel okay, considering. Last night I was a mess, but I’ve thought about it, and I’ve had time to digest things now. I’m not going to let him run my life.” Doctor Mellow raised his eyebrows.
“How are you going to stop him? Isn’t he already running your life?” He raised his cup to his mouth. That was true. Derek did run my life, as he had for the last ten years.
“I’m working on it. I can answer the door without feeling like I’m going to pass out.” I smiled mischievously. “I had sex on the balcony last week.” Seeing Doctor Mellow blush made me giggle.
“I guess that is progress, Emma.” Doctor Mellow said dryly. He looked thoughtful. “This boyfriend of yours. He seems to be helping you get yourself back.” It was true. I’d changed so much since meeting Simon.
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