Coming Soon!
November 19, 2013
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the character’s you’d like to read more
about in books 4-6.
The Life I Now Live
Chapter One
Snowflakes piled up on each other as I rocked Riley to sleep. The ground turned white as I thought of the things I kept hidden. The rings on my left hand sparkled in the glow of a candle, reminding me of the lies. I tried to convince myself that a secret is only a lie if it harms someone. For so long my secrets only harmed myself. Now, sweet Patrick introduced himself to my life and pretended to not fall in love with me. And my secrets would harm him if he got too close. So I built a wall between us to keep him from the truth. The heartbreak.
I called him my best friend. Nothing more. He accepted that. He accepted everything. Sometimes I wished he weren't so nice. Sometimes I wished he would pry the truth out of me and set me free. But he didn't know. No one did. My lies were so real that I grew to believe them myself.
Snowflakes pressed themselves against the window. I placed Riley in her crib, on her side like she liked. Her eyes flickered and then closed. I longed for the kind of peace she had. Soon life would steal it from her too. A life of many painful surgeries and nights in the hospital. A life without her father.
I laid my cheek against the cold window. Inhaled.
"You can do this," I whispered to myself.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. A text from Ella.
I ignored it.
I loved Gavin and Ella. Who wouldn't? Most loving people I'd ever known. But that's not all. They were also the happiest and most gorgeous couple I'd ever known. I know they had their histories too. We all do. But they handled everything so well. Together. They were everything I ever wanted and nothing I ever had. They were beautiful. And if you looked under the delicate mounds of snow on my heart you wouldn't find beauty. The sheet of white hid a landfill of lost hopes and dreams. Brokenness.
I often wondered if I'd ever be able to start over. Start a new life with Patrick. A life so different from anything I'd ever known.
I tiptoed across the room and closed the door and walked downstairs. Patrick must've cleaned the kitchen for me. Again. Something Andy never had enough time or energy to do for me. Not since his promotion. The one that sucked the life from our marriage.
I grabbed a bottle of water and sat on the couch. Patrick's shoes were still on the floor by the door. He must've stayed.
I peeked outside. The wind blew snow on my face. I breathed in the winter air and shut the door.
"Hey," Patrick said. Voice quiet, eyes concerned.
"I can't believe you waited so long. I thought you left."
"That was the plan, but something isn't right with you tonight. I didn't want to leave you here alone."
"I'm okay."
"You're not okay."
I wanted to tell him the truth. Tell him what he was getting himself into. Instead, I touched his hand, lingered there for a second, and walked away. Back to the couch.
"Okay," he said from behind me. "I am just going to be a straight up with you."
I waited. Looked down at my stomach. The stomach that once held another life. A life that wouldn't be here if it weren't for Andy and our love.
"Are you listening?" he said. "Heidi, I need you to look at me."
He knelt down on the floor beside me. Took my hand.
I jerked. "No, Pat. I can't."
He looked at his hand, then laughed. "I look like I'm about to propose, huh?"
I nodded. Confused.
"I just knelt here. Didn't mean to scare you." He half-smiled and sat beside me. "I'm not proposing until your hand is free to accept the ring."
It sounded like he already had the ring. My stomach turned as my my heart fought between excitement and anxiety. I know it seemed crazy to most people around me, but I was still married. Andrew Chase was dead to the world. His ashes spread across the hills of America. To me, though, he was still alive. The echoes of his heart still beating to the rhythm of my own heart.
Ella thought of me as admirable. She never said a word, but I knew she didn't approve of Patrick. She wanted us to stay faithful to our dead spouses. If only she knew why I wanted to stay faithful, maybe then she'd realize I'm not as romantic as I seem. Just scared. Scared and alone.
"What's wrong?" Patrick said as I wiped my eyes.
I shook my head and reclined on the couch. Patrick sat at my feet, afraid to touch me, but I could tell he wanted to.
"Look," he said, eyes ahead. I couldn't help but notice his defined jaw and the muscles in his neck. "I didn't want to say this, but I love you Heidi. I love what we have. I love who I am when I'm with you. I love you." He exhaled and looked at me. "There. I said it."
I looked down, trying to hide the tears. I wanted him so much. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and let him love me. I wanted to run away from the past and start a new life with him. But what I wanted didn't matter. I needed to stay faithful to Andy. I had no choice.
I promised. And I feared breaking this promise. Not because I'm a wonderful person. Because I would always live my life wondering "what if" and what could've been. That wouldn't be fair to Patrick.
I reached for his hand. My heart tearing at the edges, but staying in tact. I loved him. I really did. But never in a million years could I tell him. Allowing Patrick into my heart meant saying goodbye to Andrew. Forever. My Andy. My first love.
I twirled the rings on my finger and looked at Patrick. "I know you love me. I know our friendship is special. I appreciate you a—"
"You appreciate me a lot, but you don't love me. You still love Andy."
I nodded, tears fending for life on my lashes. I blinked and watered my cheeks. "Life doesn't make sense, Pat."
"It makes perfect sense," he said. "I married a girl I loved more than my own life, and she happened to love her own life more than she loved me. It would only make sense that I'd fall for a woman who loved another man more than she could ever love me."
I watched him speak. He continued pouring his heart into my hands as I focused on his lips. He was more attractive than Andy. Than any guy I'd ever been with. Short chocolatey hair. Eyes the color of the Atlantic Ocean. Fit, but still looked cuddly.
He kept talking. I couldn't focus on his words. Not with his rolled up sleeves highlighting his wrists and hands. It had been so long since I'd been with a man. Felt the warmth of a man's touch on my skin in a way only lovers embrace.
I shoved the thoughts into a mental drawer and locked it.
"Pat." I stood. "I want you to know that I care about you a lot. I really do. I know you've had a difficult past. I have too. But I need to do this. Please, trust me when I say it's not you. You are amazing. It's me. It's all me."
He stood. Inches from my face. My lips silently begged him to come closer, but I couldn't. I stepped back. Looked down and caught my breath.
"I need to get some rest," I said. "We'll talk tomorrow."
He kissed my hand, respectfully, tipped his hat, and walked out of my house. I watched his car drive out of sight and broke down on the living room floor. I hated what my life had become. I hated that the only lovers I had known were Andy and my tears. One gone, the other unwanted. And I hated that a gorgeous man with an even more amazing heart wanted to lead me to a better life. A life I desperately wanted my entire life, but it was too late. I already sent my heart to someone else, self-addressed stamped envelope not included. I couldn't get it back. Even if I wanted to.
Coming Soon!
November 19, 2013
Visit Marilyn-Grey.com to vote on
the character’s you’d like to read more
about in books 4-6.
Your Questions Answered
Q. I love Gavin and Ella. Where did you come up with their characters? Are they based off of real people?
A. Yes, they are. I know a couple who lives and breathes romance. The
y truly are a beautiful couple inside and out. They love each other deeply, stick by each other through everything, and help each other grow. Gavin and Ella are a little different with their past and little nuances, but the overall tone and romance they share was based off of a real couple I am grateful to know.
Q. Do you plot out your stories before writing or figure it out as you go?
A. A little of both. I have a general idea for the beginning and ending of every story, then let it flow from there. My characters become so real to me. They become my friends. People I know and love. As I wrote from Ella and Matthew’s perspectives in the first book I really tried to become them. Almost like acting, which I love. Same with Gavin for the second book. I stepped into his life and walked in his shoes. I let him show me how he felt, what he wanted to do, how he wanted to react. Sometimes he says and does things I don’t agree with, but I have to let him do it anyway. I’m not him. I have to let him live on the page and become real. And because of that I definitely am surprised by a lot of the things that happen in the story. This ending wasn’t what I expected. I thought they would get married in the hospital when Sarah was ready to be moved to the chapel there, but they surprised me and did it sooner.
Q. Since you now live in Chicago, do you think you’ll ever write about a character from there?
A. Well, I grew up in Philadelphia and I love it there. Philly is home to me. I love Pennsylvania so much. I’ll probably keep most of the series in Philly, but honestly, who knows! I’m willing to see where the next books take me and maybe I’ll end up taking readers on a stroll through Paris! It’s all a mystery to me too!
Q. Which books have you completed so far?
A. Only books 1 through 3. My publisher and I haven’t decided yet which characters we’d like to focus on for books 4 through 6. I’m eager to pen Mwenye and Tylissa’s story. Also Sarah and James. But Miranda has a great personality too. She will be a lot of fun. It’s hard to choose! We have a voting poll set up on my website so that readers can decide which books they’d like to see first.
Q. How many books in total will be in The Unspoken Series?
A. I think we decided on 10 max, but we’ll see how it goes. Everyone adores Gavin and Ella so I am hoping to end the series with them again. I love them so much too!
Q. Writing any other series? Have any ideas?
A. Yes, we have a few ideas brewing for another series. Considering a young adult series with high schoolers, but it hasn’t been fleshed out enough yet.
Q. Do you consider your books to be romance novels?
A. I don’t actually. They aren’t heated or erotic. People who tend to look for high tension romance novels with shirts flying off every three seconds or villains that make you cringe probably won’t like The Unspoken Series. My writing is more character-driven. It’s more internal. The characters struggle with life and learn to love in the process. It’s not quite as angsty as some other romance novels out there. But I am who I am and my writing reflects that. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s fine. As long as one person is touched by the story, that’s worth it for me.
Q. How often do you write?
A. Every day. At least 2000 words. Most of the time more. I write constantly. My iPhone is synced with my iPad and iMac. Gotta love all these gadgets. I can write anywhere, anytime, and it syncs with all devices. So it’s great. Makes it easier and when I’m inspired, no matter where I am (in line at the grocery store), I can start writing. I love that … although like Ella, I’m a little old-fashioned myself. I’d absolutely love to relive the 1800s alongside Ella.
If you have any questions you’d like to see answered in the next book, please email them to Marilyn at [email protected] and we’ll select some to answer. You will also receive an answer from her via email. She responds to every email from fans.
Down from the Clouds (The Unspoken Series) Page 14