by Rachel Gray
If you believe a friend or loved one has been attacked by a Mythos monster, don’t assume they’re dead. Always check—assuming it doesn’t place you in harm’s way. If you’re stuck in one of those regrettable partner/friend relationships, attempt to help the person. And know that sometimes surviving isn’t always the best option. As Audrey’s offspring are proof, occasionally in the Cthulhu Mythos, there are far worse things than death.
When a frightening form looms over you in the dark, it’s sometimes a good idea to make sure it’s actually a monster, before attacking. Consider calling out to your friend/partner: “Hey,
There are means of protecting yourself against Mythos monsters—other than friends. Charms, amulets, incantations, sigils. All of these are useful forms of defense. Even knowing the name of the offending creature can prove helpful (particularly with the incantations). Overall, it is best to keep a few of these defenses prepared. Stock drawers with charms and amulets. Draw sigils beneath beds and carpets. And always keep a silver dagger nearby.
It is possible to kill a Mythos minion. These are the servants of the greater Mythos creatures. For instance, a mass of writhing snakes might be in the service of Yig. Dispatching the snakes, while not entirely easy, is far more likely than destroying Yig. Honestly, there is pretty much no hope of destroying the greater Mythos creatures. Holding them at bay is the best one can hope for. And this is why, once again, friends are so important. Consider them place holders in a deadlock with a greater Mythos monster.
While it is not entirely fruitless, there is a last ditch option that works on occasion. If cornered, friendless, and the moment of your demise appear imminent, try engaging the Mythos creature in conversation. Some of them like to chat. And a few love to reveal insane secrets (meaning the secrets drive a victim insane). In reality, all this does is buy time. But as unexpected events often save people in the Cthulhu Mythos, there’s nothing wrong with hoping you’ll be saved by a wandering night-gaunt.
If you’ve ever been warned about a curse or an unfortunate early death by a mystical person—including Native American shamans, cultist priests, wandering gypsies—don’t ignore the warning. Rest assured that the fate revealed to you will come to pass. Take this into account when relocating or traveling to a new land.
Assuming you’ve completely ignored rule #7 of this list, keep a close eye on your friend/partner. In fact, it is good to garner a promise from the person that he or she will not attack and destroy any of the potential servants or minions of the Mythos deity that you’ve been warned about. Also, it’s worth the time to secure a promise that the friend/partner will adhere to rule #2 in this list. Having safety precautions are pointless if you end up being killed by your friend.
Just because very few or no Mythos tales have been set in a location you’re considering settling does not mean the area is safe. H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos has been expanded by many writers over the years. This means pretty much every location, be it land, sea or air, has been covered. The monsters of the Cthulhu Mythos are not bound by lines on a map. This is a human hubris. These abominations lurk everywhere.
When all else fails (and it inevitably will), remember you can always hasten your demise by poking the monster with a stick.
YOU KNOW TOO MUCH
Sometimes knowing the answers comes with a price. After Zamacona’s questions were answered, he learned he’d never return to the surface. So, the Old Ones escorted Zamacona to Tsoth—to start the first day of the rest of his life. During the journey, the Old Ones informed him of the layout of the land—a great cavern sat below K’n-yan—once filled with great cities, and now only ruins and dust. And below that, the lightless cavern of N’kai, home of the Great Old One Tsathoggua. The giant, amorphous Great Old One resembled a big, fat, sleepy toad, but wasn’t much of a threat to the Old Ones, as he didn’t get around much.
MYTHOS SURVIVAL TIP:
STAY IN SHAPE
In addition to going insane, an excellent method of escaping a Mythos horror is to run away from it. Many Mythos monsters are horrifying to behold, but sometimes slow to react. A nimble runner is more likely to survive Mythos perils than a couch potato.
As part of your survival training, consider preparing for a marathon, or any endurance race. This type of training will appear “normal” to your peers, since it is socially acceptable (preparation against possible Cthulhu Mythos monster attacks, less so). You’ll be rewarded with better health, toned muscles, and the ability to dodge some of the slower Mythos beasts.
If you’re in a time crunch, be sure to skip all the extra fitness stuff, like weight training and martial arts. Being quick is all you need. If you fail to outrun a Mythos monster, your wicked martial arts skills aren’t going to save you.
Zamacona listened to the Old Ones’ tales, and after a few attempts at pronouncing these names, most likely Zamacona understood why the Old Ones were telepathic.
Stuck in Tsoth, Zamacona spent his time attempting to visit ancient N’kai, and devising escape plans. Eventually he befriended a noblewoman named T’la-yub. She claimed to know of a passage that led aboveground, and together the two planned to escape. They set off for the surface.
But in a moment of notoriously bad planning, the pair decided to camp—just prior to reaching the surface—and the Old Ones recaptured them before they could break free of their subterranean prison.
MYTHOS SURVIVAL TIP:
BECOME A SURVIVALIST
In addition to being in top physical shape, you should always be prepared for escape from situations guaranteed to strain the limits of your endurance. You need to be able to survive any situation, without relying on anything but your wits and the most basic necessities.
Over time, you can gradually teach yourself how to get by with little rest, and subsist on a minimal supply of food and water. Make sure you watch every episode of those survivalist shows—where a guy gets dropped in the wilderness and has to stay alive for a week, armed with nothing but a can of spray paint and an electric hair dryer (and maybe a small camera crew who has plenty to eat with them).
Hopefully, with training, you’ll fare better than Zamacona. If you find yourself trapped in a subterranean city for four years, you won’t screw up your one chance for escape by taking a needed rest when you’re almost at the surface.
The Old Ones understood Zamaconca’s plight, and were even sympathetic to his yearning to return home. As a result, they restrained themselves when it came to his punishment. As for T’la-yub, she should have known better—the Old Ones immediately transformed her into a corpse-slave, chopping off her head, and sending her up to the surface for night-time guard duty. Hopefully her headless form would serve as a deterrent to future explorers. And if not, well, she could always scare them off with her torch.
Even though the Old Ones refrained from the dire punishment of Zamacona, no one really knows how he fared. All that remains of him is his odd, metallic cylinder, discovered close to the surface. Perhaps he eventually escaped.
I-GO, YOU-GO, WE ALL GO WITH THE MI-GO
One of the more fascinating and complicated creatures of the Mythos canon, other than Cthulhu, of course, is the fungoid race of the Mi-Go. In “The Whisperer in Darkness,” Lovecraft returns to the East Coast, where we encounter these terrifying beasts.
Albert Wilmarth, instructor of literature at Miskatonic University, decided to investigate strange legends whispered in southern Vermont. Witnesses offered accounts of weird claw-prints discovered in the mud, and strange, crab-like creatures, spotted floating downriver, after a great flood. The crab-things were reported to have many legs, and enormous, bat-like wings.
Wilmarth noticed a similarity between the legends in Vermont, and those of a creature known as the Mi-Go, located in Nepal. He thoroughly researched the tales of the Mi-Go, and eventually published a series o
f articles, debunking the sightings. He was quite proud of himself—until he began receiving correspondences from Henry Wentworth Akeley.
Akeley, too, had been conducting his own research. He had snapped a series of photographs of the odd claw-prints left by the creatures. One night, while investigating, he heard droning, buzzing tones, and realized the beasts were conversing with a group of human cohorts. Akeley managed to capture the odd buzzing on a phonograph recording. And to seal the deal, he discovered a peculiar black stone in the woods, covered in ancient hieroglyphics that could have come straight out of the Necronomicon. As Akeley continued to send evidence to Wilmarth, the professor slowly came to accept the veracity of Akeley’s accounts.
DANGEROUS INVESTIGATIONS
Working together through correspondence, Akeley and Wilmarth investigated the Mi-Go. But their work was often derailed—letters waylaid, disappearing shipments of evidence, and faked telegrams, supposedly from Akeley, urging Wilmarth to abandon his examinations. An anxious Akeley realized the Mi-Go, and their human cohorts, were aware of Akeley’s and Wilmarth’s collaboration. Eventually, Akeley was certain the Mi-Go had launched attacks upon Akeley’s house. Frantic letters poured into Wilmarth’s mailbox about the nightly assaults—the steady, buzzing drone, and beating of wings, always outside. There were even gunshots, fired at Akeley’s residence. The constant supply of guard dogs Akeley imported from neighboring Brattleboro kept vanishing, or dying. Something was clearly amiss.
VISITING VERMONT
Just as things appeared to be at their worst, Wilmarth received a calm correspondence from Akeley. In the letter, Akeley exhibited (you guessed it) a complete change in personality/demeanor.
Akeley explained his new understanding of the Mi-Go, who had decided to sit down with Akeley and have a nice chat. The Mi-Go, it turned out, were quite friendly (the killing attempts were simply a grave misunderstanding). In fact, Akeley grew to be fast friends with the intelligent alien race, and wanted to introduce Wilmarth to them. They could learn from each other. Perhaps, Akeley concluded, Wilmarth would consider coming to visit in Vermont. And, of course, bring every shred of physical evidence with him.
Wilmarth, suspicious, sent a telegram in reply. And his apprehension eased when Akeley responded cordially to this new correspondence. Clearly, if Akeley was capable of sending and receiving telegrams, he must be fine. So Wilmarth set off for Vermont.
IT ONLY HURTS FOR A MINUTE
Upon his arrival to Brattleboro, Vermont, Wilmarth was not greeted by his friend Akeley, but by one of Akeley’s friends, Mr. Noyes. Noyes informed Wilmarth that due to a bout of asthma, Akeley was not able to venture from his home, and instead waited for Wilmarth at his residence. Probably utterly confused by the friend-pawn maneuver, Wilmarth followed Noyes. But when he arrived, he found Akeley in the downstairs study. Akeley’s near-immobile body was confined to a chair, and draped in a dressing gown, scarf, and hood. His expression was rigid, eyes glassy. And he spoke in a hacking whisper (this was a critical case of asthma).
MYTHOS SURVIVAL TIP:
REMEMBER WHO IS THE FRIEND
On some occasions in the Cthulhu Mythos, there is “friend confusion.” Or as it is better known: Friend reversal. This isn’t surprising, given the importance of having a friend in eldritch situations. Sometimes, a person believes he or she has befriended a person, only to learn that he or she is the friend—you know, the one to be sacrificed. This is why it’s important to always confirm who is the friend and who is the befriended. Do this in letters, conversations, and even the occasional test such as saying, “Be a friend, and get me a cup of tea.”
Even with these precautions set in place, it goes without saying that any sudden change in demeanor or personality is always a bad thing. Most likely the friend has been lost. But even when personality changes aren’t involved, remain suspicious of friends, and never trust anyone whom you’ve never met in person but claims to be a friend. Realistically, it’s best to never trust anyone.
And of course, if you receive a message from a friend asking you to bring any and all evidence with you, don’t go. But if you must for some insane reason, do remember to make copies first. Also make sure you have an escape plan. It might turn out that you’re the friend, in which case your friend can’t be trusted.
But he seemed excited enough as he informed Wilmarth of his new friends, the powerful Mi-Go. The intelligent aliens had volumes of knowledge to share. And while they may not have seemed particularly forthcoming and friendly in the past, they eagerly wished to work with their new human friends. In a gesture of good faith, the Mi-Go extended an open invitation to Wilmarth to visit their home planet of Yuggoth.
However, there was one tiny catch. In order for Wilmarth to travel to Yuggoth, the Mi-Go would need to remove his brain and place it in one of their space-traveling brain cylinders.
MI-GO HOME
While the Mi-Go had developed advanced space travel technology, it turns out they could only transport brains—and only when encased within special strange cylinders. Of course, the body could be kept alive indefinitely for the brain’s return. Akeley assured Wilmarth the process was safe. In fact, the procedure was painless, and before he knew it, Wilmarth would be on Yuggoth. To further illustrate his case, Akeley suggested the professor should converse with a brain-cased human, who happened to be on the shelf—in the corner. Under Akeley’s guidance, Wilmarth hooked the brain case to its associated hearing/listening/speaking devices. The encased brain informed Akeley, in its flat, metallic tone, of the thrills and excitement Wilmarth would experience, after having his brain severed and stuffed into a cylinder.
Wilmarth expressed his excitement over visiting Yuggoth. He was due for a vacation anyway. And as for the brain surgery—no problem. Since Akeley appeared to be mighty tired, Wilmarth agreed to further discuss their travel plans in the morning.
IC DEAD PEOPLE
One doesn’t have to look any further than the Mi-Go’s highly advanced brain cylinder technology for proof of their superior intellect. The concept of the brain cylinder is, in many ways, similar to the concept of a personal computer. Sure, the brain might not be comprised of IC (integrated circuit) chips and transistors per se, but a Mi-Go brain cylinder offers compact processing power and a streamlined carrying case.
Brain cylinders have their own set of peripherals—a speaking device, a listening device, and a sight device. Add to this the brain cylinder’s inherent portability (it was designed for space travel, after all), and its built-in brainpower (literally), and you may just have the perfect computing machine.
At which point Wilmarth pretended to go to bed, and started devising a way to get the heck out of this crazy house.
As Wilmarth planned his exodus, he overhead voices downstairs—Noyes, the buzzing Mi-Go, and a brain-cased human. While he couldn’t make out anything definitive, even so, the conversation still gave him the creeps. When the meeting wrapped up and the house grew silent, Wilmarth decided it was the best time to sneak downstairs.
Naturally, he was concerned about his friend, so he checked on Akeley. But Akeley wasn’t there. It appeared he’d disappeared. Well, there was Akeley’s empty dressing-gown on the chair. And, to Wilmarth’s horror, also on the chair were Akeley’s head, and his severed hands.
And then Wilmarth spotted another brain case in a corner—that of Akeley. Suddenly it came to Wilmarth. He realized Akeley had occupied the brain case all along, while the Mi-Go impersonated him, using discarded Akeley body parts.
Wilmarth promptly fled the farmhouse, and eventually found his way back to comfortable Arkham. The Mi-Go didn’t bother him again, and Wilmarth decide to give up the debunking business, and go back to teaching literature.
IN SEARCH OF THE GREAT WHITE APE
Many Lovecraftian stories describe great, white, apelike creatures—some dwelling deep in ruins, others underground, and others in caves. Actually, they find all manner of places to live. But all of Lovecraft’s white ape tales share an
even closer theme—a disturbingly close connection to humanity and family.
These mysterious white apes have been spotted all over the world. In “The Beast in the Cave,” a hapless tourist accidentally separated from his tour group in Mammoth Cave in Kentucky, and quickly became lost. As the lost tourist’s torch gradually flickered out, he grew certain that he was being stalked by a wild creature—possibly a lost mountain lion.
Not wishing to end up as lion-dinner, the tourist snatched a few heavy rocks, and as the mysterious predator drew closer, the tourist pegged it a few times—breathing a sigh of relief when the creature dropped with a satisfying thunk. As good expedition guides do, he hunted down the lost traveler, having searched for nearly four hours (lost tourists look terrible on the annual performance review).
Together, the two men ventured back to discover what manner of creature had attacked the tourist. And what they found was a large, white ape, with long, rat-like claws. When the repulsive creature flipped over, expelling its last breath, it emitted a series of strange sounds—and the two men were even more horrified to discover an uncanny resemblance—this clawed, ape-like creature had once, not long ago, been human.
IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY
Lovecraft often described humans who devolved from their original human form, into white apes. This might be a good time to revist the eugenics information box for a refresher.
Sometimes this devolving process happened over generations. On other occasions, such as the beast in the cave, the process was more immediate. And then there were those cases where it ran in the family.