by Hart, Eve R.
No.
This was downright unacceptable.
This shit ended today.
I just have to find a way to forget her.
“Client’s here,” Cami called out sweetly.
Well, that was a damn start.
My day kept busy after that. Something I wouldn’t complain about, especially not today. It helped to keep a certain redhead out of my thoughts.
“Yo, I gotta run out for a few,” Sketch said, popping his head into my room.
I stared at him wondering why the fuck he was telling me this. I wasn’t his damn keeper.
“Brand’s still out,” he told me with an annoyed shake of his head before looking down at his phone.
“Fine,” I said, getting what he was telling me.
Cami was in the shop and at least one of us needed to be here with her. It wasn’t that we thought anything would happen but this wasn’t exactly the best area of town. So leaving her alone was something we’d never do.
“What the fuck is so important that you gotta run off in the middle of the day?” I asked because I was getting a weird vibe from him.
He looked up from his phone a little startled.
“Just gotta check some shit out. That alright with you, Dad?” The attitude wasn’t just in his tone, it was in his stare too.
That told me he was definitely hiding something, because this was the part of him that he usually kept tucked away.
I didn’t respond with words, but the flat expression on my face said it all.
He held up his hands in surrender before spinning around and heading out.
I wasn’t going to let that shit go but there wasn’t much I could do about it now.
“Blade?” Cami called out with a softness in her tone.
“Yeah?” I called back, not soft at all.
“You okay?” she asked with a hint of hesitation.
She was one of the good ones. I knew that the moment I met her. Brand was damn lucky to have her and so was the club. Her and her sister both, though sometimes Laurel could be a little too much. She wasn’t as easy to let shit go when it came to club business and she wasn’t one to back down.
“Yeah, I’m alright,” I answered with a small sigh, hoping she didn’t hear that part.
I didn’t know what I was. Truth of it, the changes around me might have started to get to me. Seeing the brothers get nabbed up one by one and settle down as much as men like us could settle down had started to make me wonder things.
I wasn’t saying I wanted those things. I knew that kind of life wasn’t really for me. I didn’t mind being on the outside of it so much, even if babies were starting to pop up everywhere. But all that had made me think of the future. Of the club, of course. What would happen in the next five years? Ten? Twenty? If I even made it around that long. It wasn’t like I ran from danger. Most of the time I put myself right there in the middle of it. I’d never really thought about my life’s worth before. Hadn’t really mattered.
However, things were starting to change that.
Things like the fact that Cami just stopped randomly in the middle of the day to check in on me. And Abigail cooking special treats with me in mind. And, oh, I don’t know, maybe a table full of brothers that thought I was worthy enough to sit beside them.
Losing Dade had left me with this empty feeling inside.
And maybe it was a little selfish to think that my death wouldn’t cause the same for at least a few people. That wasn’t something that sat well with me. I knew there was no certainty with life. No matter how many times I put myself in front of a gun, it could have been one of these shit drivers in this city that could be my end. There were no guarantees. No way of predicting how it would go down. But the fact that I hadn’t thought it mattered before made it easier to swallow.
What had I really expected when I prospected?
That I’d be a part of this club but somehow still be different?
Well, I wasn’t.
I might have not been buddy-buddy with most, but there were people that had somehow wiggled their way into my life. And those that I still kept at arm’s length, I had a good feeling that I’d bear the guilt if they were suddenly gone.
I think it was all starting to crash down on me.
Charming finally getting Abigail had been the big gut-punch. It probably got to me more because it was so close. I cared a fuck of a lot about those two and seeing things finally go right for them might have caused my eyes to open a little wider. Because ever since then, I had started taking a good look around. I had began to see things that I would have overlooked before. Yeah, I would notice those things but I wouldn’t really take them in. I wouldn’t see the meaning behind them.
Like how I knew Charming had it bad for Abigail even before he did. Way before she did. It was clear to me that she was a game-changer for him, but it wasn’t until I was around them together that I realized just how much that changed their lives.
That still didn’t mean that was the thing for me. Or even that there was someone out there that could do that for me.
That was the thing I was struggling with.
Even if I couldn’t get Harley out of my head that didn’t mean that I was the best thing for a woman like her.
I didn’t know how much of myself I had to give. I supposed there wasn’t a lot left after years of cutting away parts of myself and seeing that it was easier to deal with things if I was dead inside. So how could I be enough for someone like her? How could I give her what she needed and not pull her into the darkness that I lived in?
There wasn’t a way.
There wasn’t enough of me to keep a woman like that smiling and bright.
The best thing I could do was let it go.
Forget whatever weird feeling I had inside and the fact that I wanted to piss all over her like she was a bright red fire hydrant.
Yeah, that was it.
Just forget that she even existed.
CHAPTER SIX
Harley
It was finally here!
Opening day.
We were ready.
I was ready.
I was, right?
Well, if I had to ask that question I must not have been as ready as I thought.
I was just nervous. That had to be it. I was also excited and couldn’t wait. It didn’t matter that there was no one waiting outside the doors to get some work done or even just a peek at the shop. It didn’t matter that the phones hadn’t rung the last couple of days. Or that the website had under a hundred hits so far.
It was finally here and all the hard work would pay off eventually. I had faith that it would.
In just a few minutes, Inked Up and Sugar Didi’s would officially be open for business.
The excitement was buzzing in the air.
Estelle was here but more so in the background, cheering on with silent support. She was keeping her name off of this place. It was for the best, we all had agreed. She would help us get off the ground, maybe lay down a couple of tattoos at some point, and leave. She’d be back, of course, just to make sure we were doing okay.
That I was doing okay.
“Ready?” Wade called out as she made her way to the front door. “Didi?”
“I’m ready!” Didi called out with her enthusiasm set on blasting.
She was literally bouncing with excitement.
She’d been up since the wee hours of the morning making all kinds of sweets. Oh, yeah, I’d be getting a taste of them at some point today.
“And here we go,” Wade said, hand moving quickly to turn over the lock. She stepped back and stared at the door like the rest of us were currently doing.
What were we waiting for? We knew there wasn’t anyone waiting to come in because we could clearly see outside.
“We should probably not stand here like a bunch of jackasses,” Darlene said as she shook her head and walked off.
Wade and I laughed realizing how silly we all were being.
&nbs
p; “Well, give it time,” Estelle said from the back.
“Do you think he’s pissed?” Wade asked, her eyes on the shop across the way. I knew who she was talking about instantly.
He had been upset that day. But it wasn’t like I could blame him. The question was, had he been more pissed about getting stabbed or finding out another tattoo parlor was opening up right across the street?
I hadn’t actually talked to him since the little encounter we had on the sidewalk the next day. Though, I hardly thought that counted for anything. I had said, what, six words to him? And he ended the conversations so abruptly it left my head spinning.
I had been doing my best to avoid him by hardly leaving the security of the building and not looking out the window every time he popped up into my mind. Which, for the record, was a lot.
Was it something I wanted to talk about?
Nope.
Not even a little.
Though that was kind of hard to do with these gals around.
“Probably,” I answered with a shrug that said I didn’t care. But oh, how I did. I didn’t want him mad at me but there wasn’t a reason I could come up with as to why. “Whatever. It’s not like we can change it now. What’s done is done.”
And that was the damn truth. I couldn’t take it back, so the best thing was to move on and make the most of it.
“Here,” Didi said as she made her way through the cut-out section that connected us. Her little feet shuffled quickly as she held onto a tray. “Try these. I came up with it this morning and thought it would be perfect for today.”
She was very proud of her new concoction. Something that looked like a cake donut but I couldn’t tell what flavor.
“Champagne and berries,” she said, eyes sparkling with excitement.
“That sounds wonderful,” I told her and snatched one up. I moaned at the first bite, my eyes rolling into my head. I wasn’t exaggerating, it was that good. “Make those a permanent thing. I don’t care if they go to my ass.”
She giggled happily.
“Bring whatever you have left at the end of the day to us,” Wade said with a nod.
“Well, hopefully, there will be none. Should I stand outside and hand out samples?” Didi asked with wide, blinking eyes.
As one, Wade, Darlene, and I turned our heads, eyes taking in the lack of foot traffic around.
“I don’t think there’s anyone to hand them out to, Didi,” Darlene said. Hey, we were all thinking it.
“Oh,” Didi said with another giggle. “Right.”
Then she was gone, back to her shop doing… something.
“Can’t help but love her,” Wade said with a quick shake of her head.
Didi brought a certain kind of sunshine into our lives. I would feel lost without it now that I had it.
I went to my station. It was all tidy and nothing out of place. My eyes roamed over it trying to find something to fix. Standing around would only make me more anxious. But there was nothing out of place and it was silly that I was even looking so hard. I’d spent last night making sure it was set up just right. It took me a while simply because I had to find a flow that worked for me. I think I finally found it. I’d know as soon as we got some damn people in here.
“Stop stressing out,” Wade called and I didn’t have to turn my head to know that she was talking to me.
“I’m not,” I snapped. The air was silent for a beat. “I can feel you rolling your eyes at me.”
“Well, stop being ridiculous then.”
“My God, bitches. Is this what every day is going to be like working with you two?” Darlene cut in with a tone that wasn’t happy.
“Look, day one and we’re already fighting,” I said standing tall.
“We’re not fighting,” Wade said with a huge, dramatic roll of her eyes. “We’re showing love like sisters do.”
She seemed proud of how she had turn that around.
And it was enough to break the tension, all of us laughing like it was the silliest thing we’d ever heard.
The rest of the afternoon passed without tension.
By the end of the day, we had one person walk in.
And that was how Wade got her first client for the new shop.
She didn’t get to ink but she had a project to start on and a promise of a job as soon as she was done sketching something up.
That was that.
We celebrated with a bottle of wine later that night. Between the five of us, it didn’t last long.
Then Didi, Wade, and Darlene headed out to some club.
Estelle and I did the smart thing and hit the hay.
Only as I stared up at my ceiling after adjusting my pillow a few dozen times, I gave up trying to shut my brain off. The thoughts swirled around nearly making me dizzy.
What if the shop didn’t do well enough to stay open?
What if I wasn’t good enough for this city?
What if word got around and my name got out there?
What if…
What fucking if.
There was no way I could really control any of those things. I could only do the best I could and hope for a decent enough outcome.
Then once I got those thoughts under control, my mind turned to the man that worked across the street.
That was more frustrating than all those what ifs. I didn’t question myself when it came to me. Never again would I. Yet, here I was, doing exactly that. Wondering what it was about me that he didn’t like.
“How did I get here?” I asked the quiet room and half expected an answer to pop up out of thin air.
That was when I started to go down the spiral that I’d spent so much time trying to avoid.
I suppose it was inevitable.
These things were bound to come up sooner or later. Only I didn’t think it would be a man that would make me start spinning out of control. I guess it was unfair to put the blame on him like that, especially when he paid me no mind. I wasn’t even sure he cared anything about me. In fact, I’d bet that he hated me more than anything, most likely cursing my name and blaming me for ruining his day.
I realized I was taking it too far.
But it was all I had right now.
There was no sense in thinking about him because there would be nothing that could happen with him.
Maybe Wade was right, I just needed to find some random guy that I felt safe enough with at least for one night. Jump into that saddle and ride.
That thought alone had me stifling a giggle because the image in my head was more comical than sexy. Yes, it involved me wearing a cowgirl hat, boots, and a checkered shirt tied right under my boobs. And a man on all fours wearing a damn saddle on his back.
“Get a grip,” I whispered to myself in hopes that hearing the words come out of my mouth and float into my ear would help with that.
Sex was not the answer for me, at least not right now.
I still had things I needed to work on. Parts of me that I wanted to put back together. And until then, everything was off-limits. The pony-boy in my head. Some random guy at a bar. And even the beast across the way.
Until I was whole again I wouldn’t be good for anyone because I wouldn’t be good for myself.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Blade
“Alright,” Iron said as I took my seat at the table.
I was the last one in but at least it didn’t look as if they’d been waiting on me.
“Let’s get started,” he went on. “Got three crates gone missing. Now that we’ve got everything fixed up from the fuckin’ storm, I want to shift the focus to that.”
I was glad he wasn’t letting that shit go. I’d started to think that he had since I’d only heard him mention it once they’d found out about the missing crates. Then again, there had been other shit going on. Getting the compound fixed up, and the businesses open again was kind of more important. The ink shop had needed some work but it hadn’t taken us much to get it right again. I mean, once we got the water
out of there. It hadn’t been fun, but we got it taken care of.
I would be just fine if I never sat through another hurricane ever again. But that came with living on the coast, I should have expected a major one to hit sooner or later. I’d been living in this city going on six years now. I guess I should have been grateful it took that long.
That had been a while ago and I had put it behind me already. Now, it was time to deal with this shit and I’d been not so patiently waiting for Iron to give some kind of direction.
“Here’s what I know,” Iron said, catching my attention again. “It’s not the Russians or the Irish. It’s not D13. And I’m pretty damn sure Detective Mullins isn’t dumb enough to fuck with us like that. So what does that leave?”
I glanced around not having a clue much like the rest of the men at the table.
“Right,” Iron said with a nod. “Now we need to start fuckin’ diggin’. I’m sure a lot of people know we own that container yard. I’m even more sure that people got a good idea what we might store in there. Usually, not a big deal that people know because we have good security on the place. But they saw the opening and took it. Part of that is on us even if it couldn’t be helped.”
“I’m not sure how we could have avoided it,” Mouse piped up not looking too happy about being stolen from.
Yeah, we all felt the same.
And me, well, I was ready to get blood on my hands and drop some bodies for it.
“If I’d thought better of it, I would have moved the stash a little closer to home.” Iron shook his head. Clearly thinking of that now wasn’t helping but I knew he was beating himself up for it. “We know for next time and this shit won’t happen again. But for now, I want those guns back. Don’t need to see them turning up in the hands of kids.”
Taking in the man, I could see that was his biggest fear.
He didn’t want anyone innocent to get hurt and with those guns out on the streets that was a pretty big possibility.