by Hart, Eve R.
I was focusing on the dog to avoid how strained the air around us had grown. Blade wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t even grunting. But I could feel his eyes on me, sharp as if he was instantly taking in this moment. I couldn’t speculate why, though. Did he hate me? Did he like me? Was he bothered that I was here in his space?
Why couldn’t I just ask him these things?
Oh, right, because I was sure he wouldn’t even talk enough to give me an answer.
My eyes shifted, going to meet his and getting locked there.
I swallowed hard but didn’t have a clue why.
His eyes, they were piercing. Intense. Almost angry but that didn’t feel like the right word. There was a burst of something burning behind them. A blaze in his gaze and it pinned me so hard.
“Well, um,” I sputtered out. I pulled Biscuit away from my body, holding her in his direction. He took her only after a few beats of hesitation. Did he not want me to give her back? “I guess I’ll get out of your hair. I just wanted to bring a little something over.”
His lips remained closed. I stared at them, willing them to open and his gruff voice to fill my ears. But it didn’t happen.
I turned on my heels and all but ran for the door.
Why did he make me feel so stupid?
Why did I let him? Now, that was the right question I needed to be asking myself.
I shook my head, mentally flinging the tension and insecurity away before it could clamp down and grow roots inside of me.
I might have put an extra frustrated sway in my hips. It wasn’t really intentional. Honestly, I couldn’t help it as I stomped my way across the street.
“Harley,” I heard him call out as I reached the sidewalk in front of my shop.
I spun so fast that I nearly lost my balance.
“Thanks,” he said gruffly and I could tell it wasn’t something he easily said.
I took a step in his direction and my mouth opened to say something else in hopes of keeping him talking.
But then he was stepping back into his shop, the door closing as he just stared at me.
A clear signal that he wanted nothing else from me.
That thanks had a bigger meaning behind it.
Thanks, but don’t bother me again.
Got it, buddy, I mentally shouted and resisted the urge to throw him the bird.
“That looked like it went well,” Wade said, her words dripping with sarcasm. I glared at her. “Why does it matter so much to you?”
She just had to keep pushing, didn’t she?
“I don’t know!” I shouted in frustration, my arms flung out at my sides and my foot stomped hard on the floor. “I just don’t fucking know.”
“You sure about that?” she asked, stupid brow raised high.
“No, I’m not,” I snapped. “Why won’t he talk to me? What is it about me that he doesn’t like? Why do I care so fucking much if he likes me?!”
My rush of aggravated questions only made her laugh.
“Let’s just drop it, okay?” I pleased softly.
And to my surprise, she did.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Blade
Without much forethought on what I was actually about to do, I banged on Charming’s door.
It was probably the worst idea I’d ever had but ever since I thought of it, I couldn’t get it out of my head.
“Hey,” he said right as the door pulled open.
“How the fuck you know it was me?” I asked as my brows pulled together.
“You have a certain heaviness to your knock that sets it apart from all the rest.” He let out a short chuckle that had me lifting my hand and looking at it as if I could figure out what the fuck he was talking about. “What do you need?”
“Where’s your woman?” I asked him, a little extra grumpiness in my tone, though it had nothing to do with him or Abigail.
“Out with Bridget. I think she said something about coffee.”
“When they coming back?”
“I don’t know,” he told me with a shrug.
“Call her and ask,” I said and then rested my shoulder against the door frame.
“What is going on with you?” he asked looking at me like I was acting crazy. “Is everything okay?”
I let out a short, aggravated breath and made my way inside his room. I was tired of standing, so I plopped my ass down on the end of his bed.
He closed the door and gave me his full attention.
“She brought me muffin things,” I said, the corners of my mouth tipping down because I still didn’t know what to think of the whole thing.
I knew I’d been an asshole. I hadn’t meant to but my lack of words had made it seem like I didn’t want her there. Or that was how she took it and I wasn’t guessing there because that shit had been written all over her face.
I had come up against all kinds of situations in my life, and there were very few times that I got choked up. But her walking into the shop with a box of treats not only for me, but for my baby too, well, that got me a little stunned. And I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I could have sworn she hated me. It didn’t help that all I could remember when I thought about her was that fear in her eyes. What I thought had been a special moment turned out to be something else for her entirely. And maybe my definition of special was different from most people’s but it still was something for me.
I really fucked up.
It didn’t matter that she’d come to me after and explained things. It was still in my head that I’d fucked up.
Even if it hadn’t been quite the mistake I thought it had been, it still showed me that I’d been wrong. That she deserved something better than that. She was the kind of woman that needed a better man than me. One that could treat her with a softer hand and give her more of the shit women like her wanted.
Yeah, that wasn’t me.
I knew it.
She knew it.
Yet I couldn’t let her go as much as she couldn’t give up her curiosity about me.
And that was all it was. She couldn’t figure me out, couldn’t understand how I felt, and her head wouldn’t let her move on from it.
“Blade,” Charming said as if he had been trying to get my attention.
“Need Abigail to show me how to bake something.”
“Those words don’t make sense coming out of your mouth,” he told me with a shake of his head. “Go back to where she brought you muffins. Who is she? And why is it that her bringing you muffins has you acting all weird?”
I huffed. Why couldn’t he just get it?
“The redhead.”
“The one that stabbed you?”
“Yeah, she brought me muffins from the bakery next to her shop. She made sure they were safe for dogs too. Then she picked up Biscuit and fed her.”
“So, maybe she likes you,” he pointed out with a smile.
“I don’t see how she could,” I told him then filled him in on the shit he’d missed. I ended my story with a shrug. “That’s why I need to make her something. Return the favor, make it even, and tell her I appreciated it without using words.”
“Because you have a hard time talking around her?”
“I don’t like to talk in general,” I replied with a scowl.
“Yeah, but there’s something about her that makes you extra silent.” I really wanted to punch that amused look right off of his face. It sure as fuck wasn’t helping me to feel comfortable about this.
“I don’t want to say the wrong thing and fuck up again.” I paused, my head tilting down and the next words said to the floor. “And all I can think about is getting her naked and doing things to that sweet ass of hers. Kinda makes coming up with things to say a little hard.”
He snorted and I lifted my eyes to glare at him.
“Come on, it’s kind of funny,” he said with a smirk.
“I don’t know why I put up with you,” I told him, a smile trying to break through.
“Because I get you
r ass and I put up with you.”
I grunted. It was the closest he’d get to me saying he was right.
“I’ve got to be honest,” he said looking like he was about to tell me some shit I didn’t want to hear, “maybe it’s best to leave it alone. It sounds like the two of you have had nothing but miscommunication. And I’m a little worried that you think bringing her some sweets will fix that.”
“I didn’t say it would fix it. I think it’s a start.”
“But where are you going to go from there? How are you going to smooth things over?”
“I hadn’t gotten that far,” I admitted and all he did was laugh at me then gave me a patronizing pat on the back. “Are you going to call her?”
“No,” he replied with a look that said he couldn’t believe I would ask. “She’s hanging out, you know damn well she needs that.”
Yeah, I did.
Abigail tended to keep herself on the outside until recently. The women had tried to pull her in but she always seemed like she didn’t know what to do with it. When she and Charm got together, she finally started to let herself see that she was part of the club. That she belonged here.
Hmmm.
Maybe Abigail and I weren’t all that different.
“Let’s go get a beer. She’ll let me know when she’s back and then you can bug her all you like. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to help you out.”
“Fine,” I said as I got to my feet.
We went down to the bar. I had a beer, and then another one because I was starting to feel ridiculous about my idea.
Insecurity wasn’t something I’d ever felt before.
I didn’t like the feeling of it now.
So I told myself that I was trying and that if Harley didn’t appreciate it, then she couldn’t appreciate me. Then that would be the end of it and I could move on from this whole thing.
Simple as that.
Or that was how I was going to make it out to be.
Charming didn’t make me talk about it any further and that was why he was my favorite. He just got me like that.
At some point, Sketch came over and tried to get me to go out with him but I grunted, letting him know I wasn’t in the mood for his shit tonight. He wasn’t bothered by it, never was.
“Hey,” Abigail said all cheerful like as she kissed her man.
“Did you have fun?” Charm asked her and I wanted to roll my eyes at the way they looked at one another.
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for both of them.
Charm finally got his head out of his ass and Abigail finally saw that she deserved something good.
But that didn’t mean that I was the mushy type and liked to witness them making goo-goo eyes at one another or whatever the fuck people called it.
“You two can fuck later,” I said cutting into their loving reunion. “I need you now.”
Abigail looked at me with big eyes as if she couldn’t figure out what I was talking about.
“Need you to help me make shit. Cookies. Or something a woman would like.”
I knew this was a bad idea.
And that was clear by the way she lit the fuck up and clapped her hands excitedly.
“Calm your woman down,” I told Charm. Then I got to my feet and headed into the kitchen before she could start making high-pitched squealing noises and start yelling shit about how I’d found the one. I didn’t want everyone knowing my business, especially not this.
A few minutes later, Abigail came rushing into the kitchen looking like she’d had a good long smooch-fest.
Okay, I had to admit it looked good on her. Happiness, that was. She’d been through some shit and after losing her brother, I was worried that she’d never be able to crawl out of that dark hole she’d fallen into. I’d done what I could to be there for her but I knew it would never be enough. It was hard. Hard trying to keep my head above water and make her feel like life would be alright when I had a hole in my chest too. Truth was, I still hadn’t really grieved for the loss of my brother. For the one that I felt the closest too. I wasn’t sure how to say goodbye. I might not have opened up to him. Might not have hung out with him all the time. Might not have even told him how much he meant to me. But Dade was a lot like me and he got the things that were in the silence. He got that I cared and I understood all the shit he was going through.
But enough about that.
One day I’d figure out how to let him go without losing the good parts. I’d stop feeling guilty that it hadn’t been me there that day. I’d stop hating the fact that I was alive and he wasn’t.
One fucking day.
“Want to make something special. And I don’t mean I want you to make it and say that I did. I want you to teach me how to do it,” I told her without any sort of expression on my face.
“Okay,” she said with a warm smile.
She got me. She knew that I was grateful and a little unhappy about having to be in this position. It wasn’t really about asking for help. It was more about the fact that I had to admit there was some shit I couldn’t do. Yet, here I was, opening up and willing to learn.
“Any ideas?” she asked as she half-skipped, half-danced her way over to the pantry and started grabbing up shit she figured we’d need.
I didn’t have the first clue.
On any of it.
What I wanted to make.
What that white, powdery shit she was pulling out was.
Why she needed so much shit just to make one thing.
Fuck, this was starting to feel like a really bad idea.
“Something good,” I said with a shrug causing her to laugh at me. “She’s got a nice ass.”
Abigail blinked at me.
“I’d like to make something to keep it that way,” I said in a tone that said she should have gotten that. “None of that low fat, no sugar, no taste shit.”
“Oh, you are kind of cute like this,” she told me looking awfully smitten that she was here to witness it.
“Don’t call a biker cute, Abigail. It just ain’t right.”
She gave me a nod of understanding but I could still see the twinkle of laughter in her eyes.
“How about something with caramel?”
“Yes,” I answered with a nod and gave her a small smile. “I like that idea.”
“Don’t go eating all of them though, okay?”
“I promise nothing,” I told her, this time letting her have one of the rare smiles I knew she loved getting out of me. Then because I could tell she needed it right now, I wrapped her up in a hug. “Thank you for doing this.”
“Thanks for coming to me for it.”
“Got no one else I’d trust with this shit,” I told her as I took a step back and let her move in to lead.
She was patient with me, showing me how to measure and fluff…or sift as she called it. Then how to mix and bake.
It wasn’t all that hard but by the end, I realized it wasn’t really my thing. I didn’t mind doing it this time because I hoped it would lead to something good, but it wasn’t something I saw myself doing all the time.
Maybe on special occasions for someone really fucking special.
And I would get sex out of it.
Hey, I never said I was going to change who I was.
After it was done and out of the oven, I left it to cool on the wire racks even though I wanted to pack them up right away and drive them over to Harley.
I went up to my room to take a shower after Abigail promised me she wouldn’t leave the kitchen and guard the goodies with her life. I didn’t trust any of the brothers not to go in there and eat that shit up. It wasn’t like I could really blame them.
I couldn’t believe how messy I’d gotten. There was that flour shit everywhere. Even in my eyelashes, I noticed as I looked in the mirror.
After I was back to normal, I headed back down.
Yeah, I was about to pack them up and drive over there.
So much for waiting for tomorrow.
I couldn’t wait.
So despite the fact that it was too late to be knocking, I rode over to her shop hoping they were still there cleaning up.
Luck was on my side because there were cars still parked out back. Why had I rolled down the back alley and parked in the shadows? Well, I couldn’t tell you.
I sat there for a long moment for a reason I couldn’t explain.
The back door opened and laughter floated out.
I watched with curious eyes as all of them headed up the back staircase instead of getting into the cars.
At the top, it seemed like they were saying their goodbyes before splitting off. Harley going into the door on the left while the rest of the women headed into the one on the right.
Did they live up there?
How come I hadn’t figured out that much before?
I should have left.
Or at the very least, gotten off my bike, walked up the stairs, and knocked on her door.
But I didn’t do either of those things.
What I did was sit there for a long-ass time watching the lights turn on and then off again an hour later.
Then I stayed a little longer.
Finally, I realized I was being something I didn’t want to be and rode off.
Yeah, with treats still in my possession.
Tomorrow would be better. In the daylight in her shop. Not like some creep waiting around in the dark to see her.
What the hell was I doing?
This chick was starting to fuck me up.
And I didn’t know how to stop it.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Blade
Dumb as it was, I had to psych myself up to walk across the street. It wasn’t so much about stepping foot into Inked Up as it was tucking a part of myself away and bringing the woman of my dreams some treats I’d made her.
And I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to do it slyly because all her girls would be around and watching.
Hell, I could practically feel their eyes on me now even though I knew there was no way they could see me hiding in my booth.
I tilted my head from side to side, working out the kinks in my neck. Then I rolled my shoulders like I was gearing up for a big fight or some shit.