by Cara Colter
“I was so sure this was it,” she said. “That she was coming back to me. It’s what I always thought would happen. That Richard would get tired of playing devoted daddy and she’d have no one to turn to but me. I didn’t even see another scenario except her turning to me when that happened.”
And Simon was going to do everything he could to see that it happened just that way. But he didn’t think he could convince Audrey of anything that night.
She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.
He put a hand to her back, one to the top of her head and pressed her even closer, determined to do nothing but comfort her, calm her down and go to work to try to fix this the next day.
And then she kissed him.
A nothing little peck on the cheek, as she had at the restaurant.
Gratitude and nothing else, he told himself.
Then he opened his eyes and through the dim light of the back of the limo saw her legs. Curled up in the seat beside them, her dress having slid way up onto those pretty, trim thighs.
Aw, hell, he told himself.
He’d been just fine until then.
This playing the understanding, undemanding hero type was just hell.
She put her lips to his, almost, stopping just a breath away, her cheeks still wet, her hand on his face, holding him there, seeming to want so much, need so much, but he feared it wasn’t this, that it wasn’t anything he could give her. Not tonight.
She kissed him anyway, soft, sweet lips pressed to his, pretty breasts nestled against his chest and her bottom … that gorgeous, sweetly curved bottom of hers pressed against his thighs.
He’d been doing well to put all of that out of his mind until right then.
But … damn, it was so sweet to touch her this way, and he’d waited so long.
He wasn’t a man who normally had to wait for any woman.
He kissed her back, because he was only human. Her mouth opened with no resistance at all, yielding to his touch beautifully, and then he was inside of her in this small way.
Which made him instantly want to be inside of her in every way.
He put a hand on her bottom, pressing her against his erection, and felt her breasts swell, nipples peak.
She moaned and squirmed, trying to get closer, then shifted against him, up on her knees, spreading them wide to straddle his hips, her dress hiked up, nothing between him and her but his clothes and what he suspected were a tiny scrap of panties.
He slid both hands lower until he hit skin, glorious, soft, rounded skin, then slid them up, cupping a hip in each hand. She was completely bare, he thought at first; then he came to a narrow band at her waist.
A thong.
She was wearing thong panties, and he had bare skin in his hands. He pulled her even more firmly against him, the pressure exquisite, the feel of her soft skin cupped in his hands. He dipped his head and nuzzled her neck, the collarbone he’d watched longingly all evening and then the top of her breasts.
“Simon,” she said. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I wouldn’t let myself tell you, but I have.”
Triumph surged through him as he heard her finally admit it.
He’d been all but certain she did indeed want him, but he found he still needed to hear the words. He let himself go on kissing her, pressing her hips to his, more than ready to lose himself in her.
Here in the back of the limo?
Why not?
The sooner the better, he thought.
He just had to get inside of her, now. They could take their time later, savor later, tease later, do whatever they wanted to later.
All this time she’d stayed away and he’d made himself do the same, but now …
Now, when she’d given up on what she wanted most of all …
Her daughter.
Now she was ready to give herself to Simon.
But, damn, he knew he couldn’t let her.
Not tonight.
Not like this.
He wouldn’t be a man she turned to in despair to make her forget what was wrong with her life. She’d done it once before, and he knew she regretted it and was ashamed of it.
He wouldn’t let her make that mistake with him.
Chapter Fourteen
“Audrey, honey, we can’t do this,” he whispered.
“You mean, not here? Not in the limousine?” she asked, still kissing him.
It was so wonderful to let loose and devour him this way.
Simon.
Her rock. Kindness personified and sexy as hell.
What a combination that was in a man.
“No.” His hands slid up to her arms and pushed her away, just far enough for her to see his face. “I mean, you had a lousy night, and I’m afraid what you’re really trying to do is forget about that. Which means, you’ll probably regret this come morning, and I don’t want us to be something you regret. It’s too important to me. You mean too much to me to let that happen.”
And then, just like that, she was right back where she absolutely didn’t want to be.
Thinking about Andie.
About losing Andie.
Being sad.
Hurting.
Needing for it all to go away.
Simon knew her so well that he saw it all.
She felt like a balloon that had sprung a leak.
All desire drained out of her.
She went to lean back away from Simon, then realized she was sprawled out across his lap and kind of fell off him instead. He saved her from landing on the floor of the limo and guided her to the seat by his side instead.
That was Simon, always saving her.
“I thought you wanted me,” she said.
“You can’t possibly doubt that I do. Or how much I care about you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have stayed away all this time. Believe me, it wasn’t easy. But I want you to be happy, Audrey, and certain that this is what you want. If that means I have to wait for you, I will.”
He sounded so sincere, so kind, so understanding.
And she just wanted to lose herself in him.
It would feel so much better than the things she was feeling now.
Embarrassment being one of them.
She wished she could just disappear, not because he was wrong but because he knew too much about her, everything about her.
“You don’t want to be like that man I spent my time chasing last fall—”
“Last fall? What do you mean by ‘last fall?’”
“I told you about him,” she said. “Or Andie did. You know this, Simon.”
“I know about the man, but you never said it was last fall? All this—your falling apart and drinking and chasing after another man—this was just last fall?” He sounded incredulous.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“So, how long did this go on, Audrey? The drinking? The guy?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head, not really clear on exactly where it started to go so bad, but knowing when it ended. Right before Thanksgiving. “Four or five months, I guess.”
His mouth actually dropped open and he stared at her. “You fell apart for all of four or five months, and then it was over?”
“Then I went to rehab, then stayed with Marion for a few months, then came to live here. Yes. Why?”
“Oh, honey!” He grabbed her and hugged her close to him, pulling her across his lap again and cradling her like a little girl. “That was it? Four or five months? Out of years of what I suspect were wonderful mothering on your part? You’re getting this kind of grief over what happened over the course of a few months?”
“I …” She didn’t know what to think about that. Oh, she’d thought about it, that it did seem unfair. She had been a good mother, at least, she thought so. Then it all fell apart. “But when it was bad, it was really bad.”
“I know. You told me so.”
“And you just don’t get to fall apart when you’re a mother,” she said, her words muffled by the way
she had her face pressed against his chest. “I was all Andie had. Every bit of security and support, and I blew it, and she was only sixteen, Simon. It was awful.”
He nodded, still holding her. “I’m sure it was. But it doesn’t negate fifteen-and-a-half years of being a great mother.”
She lifted her head, wanting to see him, needing to know that he meant it, that he believed it.
“You know it’s true,” he said, his hand cupping her cheek.
“I want to believe it.”
“Then believe it. Step back and get some perspective on this. Stop beating yourself up for it. You’ve paid.”
“No, I’m still paying. I don’t have Andie and right now I can’t have you.” Which meant, she was alone again.
“You can have me any time you want me, starting tomorrow, as long as it’s for the right reasons, just because you want to be with me. All you have to do is say the word, I promise.”
She hoped so. Still, it stung, having him push her away.
“No,” he said. “You don’t have to say a word. Just be waiting for me. I have to go to D.C. just for the day. I’ll be home by nine, and I can’t think of anything I’d like more than to come home and find you waiting in my bed.”
“You want me to just climb into your bed and wait for you?”
He nodded. “Peyton will be fast asleep, and her room is all the way at the end of the hall. And Ms. Bee’s room is downstairs behind the kitchen. We’ll have all the privacy we need. Plus, I’ve spent hours already imagining you there. In my bed. Waiting eagerly for me. Make it happen for me, Audrey. Please.”
The eagerness with which he made his plea soothed her hurt feelings and her embarrassment, and the sheer sexiness of the idea—her waiting there, eagerly, for him in his bed …
She could tell he had thought of it. She’d tried not to, but she’d thought of it, too. She was a woman who’d been alone too long.
She’d spent too long as Richard’s wife when he hadn’t really wanted her, and that other man, last fall … she could hardly even remember being with him. It was mostly a blur and all about forgetting, not about honestly wanting him.
It would be different with Simon.
He insisted on it, and it was what she wanted, too.
“All right,” she said. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
He shook his head and swore. “Don’t tell me that now. It’s hard enough to wait without you telling me that.”
But they did wait.
And probably he was right to insist on that. For her to be sure and to not come to him out of sorrow, but truly wanting him, caring about him.
She couldn’t let herself love him. She wouldn’t. That would be way too dangerous and scary. But she was going to let herself have him and let him have her because it was what she wanted. How long had it been since her life had been about what she truly wanted?
She’d had a family she loved, and she’d taken care of them, loved them, guided them, held them together for as long as she could. And she didn’t regret those years. She couldn’t. But surely it was time she had some things in her life because that was what she wanted.
It was her life, after all.
Audrey let Simon lead her upstairs to her apartment that night.
“Get ready for bed,” he told her, turning her around and carefully unzipping her dress.
Puzzled but exhausted, she caught the dress’ bodice with her hands before it fell away and turned back around to look at him.
“Go,” he said, smiling softly. “Before I forget I’m not that easy.”
“I’m sure you’ve never been easy,” she said, still standing there with the black dress around her, thinking of how happy she’d been to wear it for Simon, the way desire had flared in his eyes when he’d caught sight of her. It had started out as such a wonderful night, until she had found out about Andie leaving.
Sad but exhausted, she turned and went into her bathroom, put on a pair of comfy pajamas, brushed her teeth and cleaned off her makeup.
When she came out of the bathroom, he’d turned down her bed and was waiting for her to climb into it. Which she did, then let him tuck her in and sit on the bed beside her.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.
She nodded.
And then he kissed her forehead and left.
It was so odd having someone else take care of her for a change. He was so sweet. Loud sometimes, stubborn at times, but sweet and kind, and she knew she could count on him.
Audrey realized that for the first time she wasn’t alone anymore.
Audrey slept like the dead that night and woke—groggy and a bit confused—to full daylight coming in through her windows and Tink sprawled out on the bed beside her, looking relaxed and perfectly content. She looked at the clock and was shocked to find it was after eight; then she rolled over to the other side of the bed until she was nearly nose-to-nose with the dog.
“You never sleep this late,” she told him. “What happened?”
He whined a bit, admitting nothing, seeking only someone to rub his silly snout, she realized.
“I bet it was Simon,” Audrey said, rubbing nose, then chin, then when the dog rolled over onto his back, his silky soft belly. “I bet Simon took pity on me and let me sleep in today. I bet he got up early and took you for a run and then let you in here so you could be here to keep me company when I woke up.”
Simon would do something like that.
Audrey lay there and tried to get used to that idea. That she’d allow this man to become important to her, to care about him, to depend on him, to trust him to be kind and supportive and just … here, by her side, when she needed him.
It was the last thing she wanted to do—trust another man.
And yet, it felt so good.
She did trust him. Maybe not to stay forever … Because, really, who could promise forever with any kind of assurance it would truly come true? She didn’t believe in forevers anymore.
But she believed in now and in Simon being here for her now.
“He’s such a good man,” she told the dog, who yawned dismissively at the idea. “A really good, kind, strong man.”
Who’d have thought the combination even existed anymore?
Certainly not Audrey.
Trying to keep her mind off Simon and her own nerves, she attempted to stay busy that day. She and Peyton took Tink to the dog park at midmorning and let him play with the other dogs until he was exhausted.
Peyton announced that she was going to a birthday party at the water park that afternoon. Audrey suspected she’d come home exhausted and ready to sleep soundly, which made Audrey a little nervous, because her evening was shaping up exactly how Simon suspected it would.
Sleepy daughter. Sleepy dog. The only thing left to get in their way was Ms. Bee. Not that Audrey expected any trouble from her.
Oh, Audrey was a little embarrassed at the idea of walking into the house, having Ms. Bee ask what she was doing there and having no idea how to answer that, then somehow making herself comfortable in Simon’s bedroom. As if there could be any question of what she might be doing there.
Maybe Simon would send Ms. Bee away, too.
Then Audrey was down to nothing but her own insecurities and nerves.
This wasn’t going to solve anything, because she knew very well that a man wasn’t the answer to any of her problems. It was just about her wanting Simon and Simon wanting her. She was an adult. So was he. They were both unattached and … Well, there really didn’t have to be anything else, did there?
They could take comfort where they found it. They’d already done that. And they could take pleasure where they found that, too. With each other.
Because her life could include some pleasure. She was allowed. She was ready to look at what she had rather than didn’t have. Because she didn’t know when or if she’d ever have her daughter back, and she couldn’t just drift along, waiting forever. She had to make some decisions, had to stop feeling so e
mpty and sad all the time. She was ready to stop concentrating on the past and all that had gone wrong and instead think of the present, knowing that at least one part of it seemed very, very right.
Simon.
Still, nerves were eating at her as the clock rushed closer to the time when he would be home. Did he really just expect her to climb into his bed and be waiting for him? Because she didn’t have a thing to wear.
Audrey laughed a bit at the thought.
Nothing to wear. That would work, too, she was sure, if she had the nerve.
In the end, Peyton showed up at around seven, excited and chattering about her party. Audrey ate dinner with her and Ms. Bee, then offered to put Peyton to bed, the dog with her, something Audrey often did.
Stories read, hair brushed, pajamas found, she tucked them both into bed, then closed the door to Peyton’s room. And there she was, right down the hall from Simon’s bedroom. If she didn’t leave, she wouldn’t have to try to sneak in later and maybe see Ms. Bee and maybe have to try to explain what she was doing.
Audrey really didn’t want to do that.
So she tiptoed down the hall to Simon’s room, shut the door behind her, then took it all in. The space was a study in chocolate and creams. Polished walnut-colored floors, a cream rug. Dark, plush, leather headboard and matching footboard with a crisscross-patterned, nail head trim. Billowing, cream-colored curtains along a bank of windows, matching nightstands and lamps, two leather chairs and a table.
That was it.
A comfortable, easy elegance she’d come to associate with Simon. The room even smelled faintly of his cologne.
Her gaze kept returning to the huge bed, and in trying to avoid looking at it, she found an opening to the dressing room, with Simon’s things on one side, the space where the lady of the house’s things would go entirely empty. She definitely had closet-envy. There were cubbyholes, built-in drawers and spaces just for shoes and hanging clothes of every size, plus a built-in dressing table, the only feminine-looking thing in the room.
Just past that was a huge bathroom, with his-and-her sinks, a shower big enough for two, probably more, and, most interesting to Audrey, a big, pretty reproduction claw-foot tub.
She glanced at her watch.
An hour to go.