by Dale Mayer
“Earth to Alicia,” Dennis said in a light tone. “Earth to Alicia.”
She looked up and smiled. “I’m here. I’m here.”
“You’re daydreaming,” he said. “That means you’re not here. What can I get you for dinner?”
She looked at the selection and smiled. “Always so many choices that I never quite know what to choose.”
“Well, the fish is particularly good today,” he said, and then, at her nod, he served her up a decent plate of the few items she wanted. Moving down the aisle, she found an empty table with just two chairs at it off to the side and sat down. She was still new here and hadn’t met people she wanted to visit with over mealtimes. Plus the break from people was also good for her, giving her a few minutes to herself. She was also one of the few staff who didn’t live on the compound, which was both good and bad. It made her feel more of an outsider, when so many of them did live here.
Plus she felt she couldn’t enjoy a lot of the facilities here because she didn’t feel like she quite belonged. Not a great feeling, but she did have a small apartment in town, and she was quite happy to go there at the end of her day. Most evenings she stayed for dinner and then would drive home. At least she didn’t have to prep or cook meals or deal with the cost of all that either. Really, it was a good system.
She’d be back again at eight in the morning and would carry on.
As she sat here, a voice called out to her. She looked up to see Shane. “Hey,” she said. “How you doing?”
“More to the point, how are you doing?” he asked, as he motioned at the table. “May I join you?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“Well, I wasn’t sure if you were trying to find some alone time,” he said. “But, considering you don’t live here full-time, I’m sure alone time is something you get more of than the rest of us.”
She smiled. “I was just thinking about that,” she said. “Living off of Hathaway’s premises gives me a different viewpoint.”
“And it also makes you feel a little more excluded?” he said with a narrowing of his gaze.
“Very shrewd of you,” she said, her lips twitching. “I’m new here already, so that adds to that sense of not necessarily belonging,” she said cautiously.
He nodded in agreement. “Yep, I’ve heard that before. I’m sure you can get on a list for available housing on Hathaway’s premises, if you need or want it,” he said. “You just have to talk to Dani.”
“Yet I kind of like having my own space,” she said. “It’s nice to go home and to have a place where I can look out at a different view, a change of scenery, have neighbors, and still see my mom on a regular basis.”
“Yet we’re hardly far away,” he said. “Just think of how much money you would save without having to pay for rent and utilities.”
“Well, I was considering that too,” she said. “I don’t know. I’ll try this for a while and then see.”
“Good enough,” he said, and then he tackled his dinner with a gusto that she admired.
She ate more sedately.
He rose and came back with a piece of double-layer chocolate cake. “How do you stay so slim, if you’re eating like that?” she marveled.
“I’m working all the time,” he said. “When I’m not working, I swim in the pool, and I hike when I can. A group of us cycle around town as well. This is more than just another place to live. It offers a lot of benefits. So, for me, this is a perfect place to stay.”
“But you never get away from the job,” she noted. “Don’t you want to be around other people socially?”
“I think the patients become friends. Also most of them are off when we’re off,” he said. “So I’ll see them at mealtimes, but it’s not the same as a medical relationship. Sometimes when I’m in the pool, they’re in the pool, depending on which ones and how advanced they are in their care. So it works out quite well.”
“Dani has a house, separate on the property,” she said. “Don’t you wish you had at least that much separation?”
“I live in one of the residential houses on the other side,” he said. “So I do have a fair bit of distance. I look out over the horse pastures, so I get a different view. Also I can take food from here and go home with it, if I don’t want to eat here.” He looked up at her, smiled, and said, “I’m not trying to separate myself. However, when I feel the need to separate, I have that option.”
“Right,” she said with a smile. “I guess I do too, and you’re right. The financial benefits to living here are huge.”
“Particularly if you’re still paying down student loan debt.”
She winced at that. “Does that ever go away?”
He chuckled. “It does, but slowly.”
“Too slow,” she muttered. She pushed her plate off to the side, feeling stuffed, not leaving any food behind. Everything had been excellent, but Dennis had given her a bit more than he normally would. “I don’t even have room for dessert,” she said. “Even for his chocolate cake, but it sure looks good.”
“All kinds of desserts are up there,” he said. “Also, if you want a piece, about one-third this size, I know Dennis has cut a few like that too.”
She hesitated and then looked back and said, “I always feel bad about going back. I’m afraid that there’s not enough food for everybody.”
He looked at her in surprise. “I don’t know of a day that we have ever had a shortage,” he said. “I’m pretty sure Dennis is always on the lookout to make certain that we never run out. And you are always welcome to seconds. As an employee, these benefits are for you, regardless of where you live. But maybe you don’t feel like you belong since you don’t live here.”
He studied her, hoping to read her facial expression. “If that’s an issue for you, living here is definitely something you should consider at least,” Shane said. “I don’t even know if a space is available right now, but, if you talk to Dani, she could certainly let you know when a space does come available.”
“That’s a possibility too,” she said. “How long have you worked here?”
“Almost from the beginning,” he admitted. “Once I settled in, I haven’t had any wish to leave.”
“And that’s huge,” she said warmly. “Something’s so rewarding about this kind of work. And you met Melissa here.”
“I did,” Shane admitted with a shy smile. “We get great results with our patients, and there’s nothing like watching the people—you’ve been working with for months and months and months—get up and walk out of here, heading toward a brand-new life.”
She nodded. “I have to admit that I’m looking forward to that.”
“You were doing geriatric care before here?”
“I was,” she said. “I found that quite depressing.”
“It’s not for everybody,” he said comfortably. “Hopefully you’ll find your rhythm here.”
“I’m slowly starting to settle in,” she admitted, “but it’s taking time.”
“Like everything,” he said, “there’s no right. There’s no wrong. It’s just an individual pace before you find that this is where you want to be—or not.”
“I’m happy with it for the moment,” she said. “I keep expecting the shoe to drop, waiting for the negative side of the job to show up.”
“I was the same,” he said. “I came from a rough job before this one. So I kept waiting for all the personality clashes and the backstabbing to happen, but it didn’t. Since then, I’ve stopped looking, and I’ve really relaxed into it.”
“I guess I’m not there yet,” she said, chuckling. “My last job was particularly rough. My supervisor was just one of those people who lived to make my life miserable.”
“Then it’s a good thing you’re here,” he said. “That doesn’t happen here. And, if you ever have any trouble with any of my group, just let me know.”
“I haven’t had any trouble with anybody,” she said. “That’s why I just feel so strange. Then I tell myse
lf that I’m in early days yet.”
“How long have you been here?”
“Six weeks, I think now.”
“That’s not exactly early days.”
“No, maybe not,” she admitted. “But because I keep looking for something that hasn’t shown up, it feels like it’s early. I guess that I’m looking for an excuse as to why it hasn’t happened.”
“Maybe it won’t happen,” he said. “Maybe it’ll all just be a good experience.”
“I certainly hope so,” she said.
He stood and said, “I’ll head to the pool, get some sun, and maybe a swim. Have a good evening.”
She smiled, nodded, and said, “I’m heading home too.”
“Well, that’s one of the things that would change if you moved in,” he said. “Not having to go anywhere but a few more steps to reach home at the end of your day is completely relaxing.”
She thought about his words a lot as she drove home. In fact, her drive to and from work was kind of a decompression measure, at least on the ride going home. Her morning drive in to Hathaway House was more about setting up a preliminary to-do list in her head before she got to work. The drive itself was only twenty minutes or so each way, but it was a drive, took gas and her time, and it was three more hours a week where she was away from her own space. Still, she didn’t have to cook dinner, so she could go home and have time to herself, so it seemed to compensate.
As she walked in, her cell phone rang. She looked at it and said, “Hi, Mom.”
“How was your day, honey?”
“It was interesting,” she said.
“In what way?” her mom asked, her tone sharper, as if wondering what was going on, but then she always tried to keep track of everything in Alicia’s world. Particularly after Jerry’s death.
“Well, we had a new patient arrive that I hadn’t expected to see again.”
“So one who returned?”
“No,” she said. “Nash is the new patient.”
There was silence on the other end. “Nash, from like eight, ten years ago, Nash?”
“Yes, Nash from my life before.” Everything in Alicia’s world was split into life before and life after Jerry’s death.
“Interesting,” her mom said quietly. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s a patient at Hathaway House and a new one at that,” Alicia said, suddenly irritated. “How do you think he’s doing?”
“Do you know what happened?”
“No, I don’t,” she said, rubbing her eyes as she walked into the living room. She sat down in a chair and stared out the double glass doors. “I did talk to him today, and, of course, he recognized me. We spoke for a few minutes but not about what happened.”
“But you have access to his file, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Well, look into it,” her mother said. “Then you can tell me.”
“I don’t gossip about patients. Remember?”
“That’s not gossiping,” she said. “He’s an old friend of yours.”
“From a time when I was a very different person,” she said.
Her mother stopped at that. “You don’t have to stay as this new person forever,” she said. “You can learn to live a little.”
“Maybe,” she said, “but it seems frivolous and unreal.”
“To have a life? Do you think your brother would have wanted you to stop living entirely?”
“I don’t know what he would have thought,” she said. “If he was here, I’d ask him, but that’s not a choice.”
“You have to get over the loss,” her mother snapped. “You can’t just live half a life.”
“Well, that’s hardly what I’m doing,” she said, but she also knew this argument wouldn’t go anywhere because they’d had it, time and time again. “I just walked in the door, and I’m tired, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.” With that, she hung up, ignoring her mom’s protest.
Alicia knew her mom meant well, but, at the same time, it was hard to deal with her. They’d both changed over Jerry’s cancer and then his passing. According to her mother, only Alicia had changed—and not in a good way. That just added to her frustration.
She shouldn’t be upset because her mother was just trying to stay in touch. Mom was afraid of losing her only other child. But Alicia couldn’t be there for her forever, and neither could she make the changes that her mother wanted her to make. She hadn’t looked at Nash’s file, mostly because she’d just been so busy, and now that she knew it was him, she was more struck on the changes in him and how he would view the changes in her. She definitely was a different soul now. Whether that was good or bad, she didn’t know. They’d split for a lot of reasons, but basically because he was going into the military, and she hadn’t wanted to wait.
She’d been all about the parties, all about the fun times, all about going on and taking over the world and doing lots of traveling. Instead, he’d been the one who had traveled a lot as part of his job, and she’d ended up at home, being the primary caregiver for her brother for several years. She certainly didn’t regret those years, but she was no longer that person from a decade ago, and Nash wouldn’t recognize who she was.
He probably wouldn’t like who she was now. He’d often told her how much fun she was to be with and how attracted he was to that because he was so much calmer and quieter. But she wasn’t that free spirit now. She was nothing like that other person, and yet she still found him to be the same steadfast solid person, even though he was in trouble physically. It looked like he was handling life as he always did, with that same take-charge attitude.
That would hold him in good stead at Hathaway House, from what she’d seen. She hadn’t been here long enough to go through a complete cycle with any of her patients. She had some who had left soon after her arrival here, and that had been wonderful to see. But she hadn’t been here from day one with a patient, the full coming and going period. She was looking forward to seeing some of the patients she worked with improve well enough to leave, particularly if they could depart with the same kind of triumphs that Shane talked about. Definitely, according to their charts, a ton of progress had happened for the patients she had seen, and she was grateful for that.
However, it was odd to realize how long it took to settle into a new job. It wasn’t an easy process—maybe in her case because she had become so intense and so different from what she had been. Thus it was a harder process than normal. She didn’t know; it was just strange. Unsettled, she headed to bed for an early night. Not every day had to be full of darkness and gloom. Surely some weeks would be full of bright sunshine, with days that didn’t always include feeling sad and lost without her brother.
Tomorrow would be a new day and a whole new chance to see how things would go. She closed her eyes, and determinedly she fell asleep.
Nash woke up on the anniversary of his first week at Hathaway, not depressed, not upset, but definitely not with a smile on his face. Although his sessions had been mapped out, and he knew exactly what program he was to follow, so far, it hadn’t really registered that he was here and that things were moving forward as they had planned. Of course still way too early for him to see any progress, and that added to his odd mood too. At the same time, he also wondered about Alicia. She was constantly in the back of his mind. As he had told Owen, Alicia was one of the old friends that Nash wanted to reconnect with. Now here she was.
She had been so very different when he had arrived and initially spoke to her for the first time in years. Her voice held a friendly tone, but it’s not like they were friends anymore. He understood about Jerry’s death, but she seemed as if she had taken a much harder hit than he’d expected. She was definitely not the same person she’d been. Then, as he looked at his wasted body, neither was he. Nash hadn’t spent much time with Alicia, but he figured that would change as he was out of his room more and more.
He shifted gingerly, knowing that the right shoulder would give him a hard time with
any kind of movement. That side of his body took most of the IED. He knew that Shane was still taking it easy on him, as they tried to get everything aligned, but the shoulder was definitely struggling. He managed to get up and into his wheelchair, and, by the time he’d washed, used the facilities, and gotten dressed, he could already feel a film of sweat taking over his body.
So it was not fair to think that he used to be this big strapping young man, and now he was reduced to this. The thing about being in Hathaway House that he had to remember was how he was never alone, in regard to sharing that same kind of mind-set, because a lot of people here dealt with exactly the same issues. Gritting his teeth, he pushed the wheelchair to the door, opened it up, and wheeled outside, so he was in the hallway.
There he was surprised to see Dani talking with Alicia. Both women turned to look at him; then Dani immediately smiled and said, “Good morning,” in that bright cheerful voice of hers.
He smiled and said, “Just heading to breakfast.”
“It’s excellent this morning,” she said warmly.
He nodded, didn’t say anything, but looked at Alicia.
She just gave him a smile.
He nodded and said, “Good morning, Alicia.”
Then he turned and deliberately rolled down the hallway toward breakfast. He didn’t notice if she responded, but he could hear the two women’s voices in the background. It was so strange to see Alicia—and yet so familiar in a way—and made him feel better to know that he knew someone here. Then it made him feel worse to realize how they had both changed. This life had knocked them both down and hadn’t given them a chance to stand back up again. Whether that was the truth or not, he didn’t know but …
As he entered the dining area, a lot of people already sat and ate, while a line still remained at the buffet counter. He made his way into the line, and there was Dennis with that bright cheerful smile in his face.
“What can I get you this morning?” he asked.
“I’m tired and groggy,” he said. “My stomach is only so-so.”