There is an enormous moon hanging over Grimbottom. Dibdobs said it is a “hunter’s moon” tonight. It’s called a hunter’s moon because it’s big and red. And it gives enough light to hunt by. I wonder if it gives enough light for Mrs. Bottomly to hunt Cain?
Spooky. She might be out there now, stalking him like a dog. The moon is gleaming on a dusting of frost and there is a sparkle on the trees like fairy dust.
It’s a night for romance. If you had someone to be romantic with. And all the Tree Sisters have, apart from me.
Flossie says she is going to track Seth Hinchcliff down and use her snogging techniques on him.
And Vaisey is dying to see Jack again. He waved at her when she saw him on his cross-country run. We had to practically resuscitate her, she was so pleased.
And yesterday, Phil sent Jo a note about his latest idea. He is tunneling out of ordinary school. It sounds like that old film, where prisoners in a camp dig a tunnel so that they can get under the fence and out to freedom.
Jo told us, “He’s dug about two feet already. And he’s only been doing it for two days.”
I said, “How many feet is it to the school fence?”
And she said, “I don’t know. How many feet is there in half a mile?”
So if he keeps going at this rate he’ll be at the fence in about ten years.
I hear a far-off hooting. Probably Connie out hunting. Using the hunter’s moon.
I could go and see my little feathery owlet friends. At least they are always glad to see me. Well, they blink a lot.
When I opened the barn door, Lullah and Ruby started cheeping. Ooooooh, they are so sweet. I am going to give them a big cuddle.
But then I remembered what Bob had said yesterday. It was raining in the dorm and when Bob came to adjust the tarpaulin he was wearing a rain hat.
And I innocently said to him, “Bob, where did you get your rain hat, and do they do them in small sizes because I could get some for the owlets when they start going out hunting.”
It was like I had suggested slavery for owls.
He said, “That is totally uncool. They are wild creatures and should be left to groove as wild creatures.”
I said, “They do groove as wild creatures. I clap when they swivel their heads. I love them.”
Bob was really grumpy about it.
“They are not pets. If they start thinking they are human beings, they can never fit in with the owl community.”
Maybe he’s right, I shouldn’t spoil their owliness. Especially as I’m not going to be here for much longer to look after them. Maybe I should try and be more owly myself?
There, this is good. I am bringing out my inner owl, which has been peeking out for some time. I’ve got my legs tucked up underneath my coat and my hat pulled down and my hair tucked under it. Good, now I will put my hands in my pockets so that my arms look like little wings.
Blimey, it’s hard to keep your balance. The owlets are looking at me and cheeping.
Then I nearly fell off my pretend perch because a boy’s voice said, “I thought I might find you here.”
Oh Jumping Jehosophat and Lawks, it’s Charlie.
I tried to stand up but my legs were caught in my coat and I fell backward.
Charlie loomed over me and he was laughing so much he couldn’t say anything.
Because my hands were trapped in my pockets, I couldn’t even help myself up.
Charlie said, “Lullah, can I, can I, help you up … Are you … were you pretending to be an owl?”
And then he started laughing again.
I managed to get my legs out and I pulled my hat off. I struggled to my feet. With my luck my hair was probably in the exact shape of a bird’s nest. I brushed some of the straw off me and said casually, looking down at my feet, “I was just … just …”
He said, “Being an owl.”
I tried to explain. “Yes—but—Bob said that you can’t be, you know, a person, because they won’t leave you, they’ll think they’re human beings and come in your home and want to go to school and get a decent job and so on.”
Go to school? What was I thinking?
I wasn’t thinking, I was looking down at my feet.
Charlie said, “I called round at your house, but there was no one in, so I thought maybe you would be here. I came to find you, because I wanted to …”
I said quickly, “Talk about stuff, I know, well, it’s all right, I’ve already forgotten about the thing that, you know, you said ‘can’t we forget about it.’ Well, I have, whatever it is.”
Charlie sighed. “Look, I want to say …”
I said, “Oh, you don’t need to. I’ve forgotten about it. Whatever it was.”
I was fiddling with my buttons because, to be honest, I felt like crying. Although I haven’t much experience, it seems to me that there is only one thing worserer than having someone not wanting to kiss you, and that’s for them to explain why they don’t want to kiss you.
Charlie said, “Lullah, will you stop fiddling around with your buttons and look at me? I want to see your eyes.”
I said, “I don’t want to look at you.”
He said, “You won’t look at me?”
I said, “No, I won’t look at you. I don’t want to and I’m not going to.”
He said, “What, never again?”
I said, “No.”
He said, “Are you sure?”
I said, “Yes, I am quite sure, I am never going to look at you again.”
There was a bit of a pause and then his face appeared by my feet. He was lying on the floor and looking up at me.
He said, “Wrong.”
He gave me such a shock, but it was actually the first time I’d felt like laughing for days.
He said, from upside down, “Please talk to me properly, this is not my best angle.”
He got up and I looked at him.
He smiled and said, “That’s the girl.”
Charlie looked really nice. Oh, well. I’d said that once I had done the icicle thing with him, I’d like to be his friend. Like we were before the kissy thing happened. Ah, well.
He said, “Look, you shouldn’t be upset just because I’m an idiot. I won’t be the only idiot boy you meet, believe me. You can practice on me.”
I smiled back at him.
He looked me right in the eyes.
“I will always worship the knees, no matter what anyone else says. Give me a flash to show me you forgive me a bit.”
I pulled my coat up so he could see my knees in the tights.
He went, “Cor.” Then he said, “Look, let me tell you about my girlfriend. We’ve known each other since we were kids. She’s lovely.”
I couldn’t help myself, I said, “Oh, that’s good,” but not in an “Oh, that’s good” way.
He said, “Shhhhh. Let me finish.”
And then he said, “But you’re lovely, too.”
I said, “Huh.”
And he looked at me and said, “And I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was all wrong.”
Oh great, I knew we would get to this bit.
I blurted out. “I told you, it’s not my fault that I don’t know how to kiss properly. I’ve only just learned how to do it. Well, not even now really, but I’ve been practicing on legs and maybe, if I went on to balloons like Ruby said, I …”
Charlie was staring at me.
“You’ve been practicing on legs?”
I nodded.
“Because you thought I didn’t want to kiss you because you were so bad at it?”
I nodded again. And my face felt really hot.
Then he sighed and came over and got hold of me and hugged me to him.
“Oh, Lullah, I’m so sorry. It’s nothing to do with that, you crazy Irish person. I just have to sort things out. I have to see how I feel and then be honest with everyone. I thought about you when I went home. A lot.”
I said, “But you’re with your girlfriend?”
He
looked down at his feet.
“She likes me. She’s known me for ages. We got our first bikes together. But, well now, I don’t, I mean I’m here … Look, I feel all mixed up. And I hope you’ll forgive me and will be my friend.”
I looked up at him. He had the dreamiest eyes. I wanted to be an icicle, but I was sort of in a daze like in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Although hopefully I hadn’t suddenly grown a donkey’s head.
I thought I heard a creak somewhere. But then Charlie put both of his hands on the sides of my face. He said, “Lullah, I like everything about you. I like the way you look and your beautiful eyes. You make me laugh, which is bloody nice in a girl. And, by the way, you are a naturally cracking kisser.”
Wow, this was it. A naturally cracking kisser! We have liftoff!!!
I said, “Am I? Really?”
He said, “Yep, really.”
Ooooohhhh.
And I knew he was going to kiss me again.
But then he turned my head down and kissed me on my hair.
He breathed deeply and said, “I have to get back, the dogs will be sent out and I’ll be on hopping punishment until Christmas. Don’t forget me. Be my friend.”
And he went out of the barn door.
Crikey. All right, he hadn’t said, “Be my girlfriend”—he’d said, “Be my friend”—but he had said a lot of other great things. So, hi diddily diddly diddly diddly!!
I was doing a spot of spontaneous Irish dancing in front of the owlets and singing, “I am a cracking kisser begorrah bejesus be—”
A voice behind me from the inky darkness said, “So tha’s a cracking kisser. That’s a turn up for t’books.”
Bloody Cain.
The black crow.
I could see the tip of his cigarette glowing.
I said, “Why are you always lurking around in the dark?”
Cain said, “P’raps I like it. P’raps I see more in the dark.”
I said, “Well, that’s because you’re always hiding from people who hate you.”
He came and stood in front of me.
“Aaah, aye, that’s mebbe true.”
I said huffily, as I made for the barn door, “Well, good evening.”
He looked down and said, “Off you go, Southern lass, back to your pratting around with your posh mates. I only come to say good-bye to the owlets.”
Why did he always turn up like a bad penny everywhere I went?
And see things I didn’t want him to see.
Back again in my squirrel room, looking out of the window. I was thinking about what Charlie had said. He said he liked everything about me. He liked the way I looked. He said I had nice eyes. He said I made him laugh. He said I was … what else?
I’m going to write it down in my Darkly Demanding Damson Diary. Not on the Daughter of Fang page. I’m starting an entirely new story. It’s going to be called:
The Girl with the Green Eyes
As she lay in her wooden boudoir, the girl with the green eyes thought back over her evening. She laughed softly as she remembered herself as she used to be. A silly girl, fond of dancing but with legs that alarmed small children and dogs.
But now, since Charles had said, “You are a naturally cracking kisser,” she had changed and grown less silly.
Hmmmmmmmm.
But if I was such a cracking kisser … why didn’t he kiss me?
OK, he kissed my hair, but that’s not the same thing. I don’t remember hair kissing being on Cousin Georgia’s snogging list.
Hmmmmmmmm.
Nice, though.
Anyway, I’m glad we are mates again.
I put my diary away under my pillow. Wait until I tell the Tree Sisters this.
I was all snuggly and warm in my bed and happy. Perhaps something nice might come out of this. Maybe we can save Dother Hall and I can put the bad times behind me. And boys might actually like me and want to kiss me.
As I was drifting into sleep, I could hear gunshots.
What fool was out hunting stuff at this time of night?
Then I sat up.
Cain!
Tunneling for his life
NEXT DAY WHEN I was crossing the green to go to Dother Hall, I saw Ruben and Seth sitting on the wall by The Blind Pig. Seth did a wolf whistle when he saw me. Which is unacceptable behavior, so I swished my hair and gave him a dirty look. He winked back at me. Honestly!
Seth shouted, “Ay, tell that big lass, your mate, Flossie, the one who looks like she could flatten some grass. Tell her Seth says how do and tell her I’ll wait for her tomorrow neet at t’back of Dither Hall.”
I said huffily, “I don’t think Florence cares where you hang about at ‘neet.’”
Seth and Ruben both went, “Ooooooohhhhh, get you!!!”
Seth said, “Ay, tell Flossie I’ll be there abaht seven-ish.”
Huh.
Then Ruby and Matilda came tumbling out for school.
Ruben said to her, “Awreet, Ruby?”
Ruby said, “Aye, I’m all right, but where’s that daft brother of yours? Has ’e bin shot yet?”
Ruben said, “She’ll nivver find Cain.”
Seth joined in. “If Cain dun’t want to be fand, he’ll nivver be fand.”
Ruby flounced off to school and so did I.
I couldn’t wait to tell the mates about Charlie.
The rest of the Tree Sisters were with Bob and Monty in the music studio all morning so I didn’t have a chance to tell them anything. I was on prop-making duties, making fairy wings. Bending chicken wire and covering it with whatever I could find, mostly newspaper. There’s hardly anything to work with.
At lunch I told the Tree Sisters what had happened with Charlie.
I said, “Charlie came to see me in the barn.”
Jo said, “Oooooh, what was the ‘stuff’ he wanted to talk about, if you know what I mean?”
Flossie said, “Was it snogging stuff?”
And I said, “Well, yes, in a way. He said he really likes me, but already has a girlfriend and was sorry for being an idiot.”
Vaisey said, “Well, it’s nice that he really likes you, isn’t it? And, you know, let you know that he was sorry.”
I said, “I suppose so. But in a way it would be nice just to have someone who liked me and it not be all complicated.”
Jo said, “Oh, it’s all me me me with you, isn’t it, Tallulah? What about me me me!!!”
I said, “What about you? What’s the matter with you?”
She folded her arms. “What is the matter with me? What is the matter with me?”
I said, “Well, what is the matter with you?”
Jo said, “I’ll tell you what the matter with me is, I’ve got a boyfriend who is tunneling for his life.”
I said, “Well, he’s not, is he … tunneling for his life, he’s—”
But Jo had gone off on one.
“Tunneling for his life and meanwhile suffering the anguish of being underground and undersnogged.”
Then as we were going into Monty’s theater improv workshop, I told Flossie about Seth.
“I told him that you weren’t interested in where he hung out at ‘neet.’ And that he could stay at the back of Dother Hall for a million squillion years and you still wouldn’t be meeting him there.”
Flossie was back in Texas. “Hmmm, you are quite right, Miss Tallulah. Ah’m not a girl who is easy …”
So much for the famous Hinchcliff charm!
Flossie went on.
“Yes sirree bob, it will do that young man no damn harm to be kept waitin’. With his cotton-pickin’ insolence.”
I couldn’t wait to see Seth hanging around waiting.
Flossie went on normally.
“I’ll go out about quarter past seven.”
What???
Monty was in his tracky bums and wearing a headband, I don’t know why, as he hasn’t really got any hair to keep out of his eyes.
“Now then, girls, today we are looking at the emo
tion of being ‘drunk with love.’ The Bard often speaks of this. For instance, when Puck flings the love potion in his victim’s eyes. So, let us start with the eyes. Let us do drunken eyes. Let your eyes go.”
Flossie looked at me cross-eyed. Everyone else was looking like something from Night of the Vampire Bats.
Monty said, “Right, now tongues. Let your tongues loll in your mouths and try to speak. Let your tongue be like a big fat slug in your mouth.”
He was lolling his tongue out and saying, “HHEththhtgoooorll. Hecthhhooo.”
Jo came up to me with her eyes crossed and her tongue lolling out and said, “Givvtth a thnooogggggg.”
Monty wasn’t finished, because then we were on to knees.
At last, knees! Something I could shine at.
“Girls, feel like all the muscles in your knees have become useless—let them go so you have mushy knee complex. Try walking around with mushy knees.”
I was excellent at mushy knees, in fact, I was the best.
As we left, Monty shouted after us, “Girls, do not drive or operate heavy machinery after doing these exercises.”
We had a “Lost and Found Orchestra” lesson in the hall last thing, with Blaise and Bob.
Bob was on keyboards “improvising” around a tune. I think it was “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” but I can’t be sure.
Blaise shouted, “Girls, find something to make a noise with. A bit of pipe or a comb or a milk bottle. Or use your own body parts!”
Some girls got stuff from the kitchen or garden, kettles and bottles and even a saw.
Vaisey found a creaky door and started harmonizing with it. Sort of “creak-creak, la la lah lah lah!!!” in time to Bob’s “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”
Flossie blew her cheeks out and hit them to make popping noises. It was really good, but she looked like a mad goldfish.
Jo was banging her head with a tin tray so I went and sat next to her and started a sort of counter-rhythm. She banged her head and I did bang-bang-bang on the wooden panels on the front of the stage. But I got a bit carried away and put my foot through the wooden paneling.
Bob had to get under the stage and take my shoe off so I could get my leg out. There’s a foot-shaped hole in the paneling now.
A Midsummer Tight's Dream Page 13