I waited until the pain subsided, then carefully moved Dan’s arm off me and eased myself over to the edge of the bed. This wasn’t going to be easy, I’d got used to Dan or Jenny helping me up. I swung my legs over the edge and struggled to an upright position. I sat there for a while, gathering my strength, then somehow managed to scoot along the mattress to the foot of our mahogany sleigh bed. I grasped the curved edge and hauled myself up, then shuffled over to the bathroom door in darkness. I hesitated as I opened the door. We had a few steps down to the bathroom, but if I turned on the main light, Dan was likely to wake up. I gingerly tested for the edge of the first step with my bare foot. Closing my eyes and protecting my stomach with one hand, while I clung to the door frame with the other, I stepped forward, making sure of my footing before I let my other foot move. One by one, with my heart in my mouth, I slowly made my way down in darkness. I made it just in time, grasping the silver Victorian towel rail that protruded from one of the sinks as another wave of pain hit me. I clung to the rail, my fingers tightening around it, as I rested my forehead on the cool porcelain.
‘Shit, shit,’ I whimpered. ‘Come on, Ellie. You’ve given birth before, this is nothing.’
I managed to reach up and pull the cord for one of the wall-mounted lights, which cast a soft glow around the room. It was bright enough for me to see, but not too bright to wake sleeping beauty next door. I made it to the toilet and lowered myself down, figuring if this was trapped wind, this was the best place for me, just in case my upset stomach created an urgent need to go. I giggled as I remembered Brooke’s horror when I’d told her that I wished I’d been on the toilet when my waters broke with Oliver. She’d been even more mortified when I’d said letting it happen on the loo would have been the best place for it. She thought a baby might shoot out head first into a dirty toilet bowl and be scarred for life, if it didn’t drown first. I’d had to remind her how long I was in labour with Oliver and reassure her that most women didn’t fire babies out of their vaginas like baseballs from an automatic batting practice machine. If only. I palmed the wall and stifled a cry as another strong cramp tore through me. I felt light headed and dizzy. Surely it wasn’t labour? I wasn't due for another 2 weeks. I couldn’t stifle the next cry as I clutched my stomach, then felt and heard a sudden gush of water. No! Eva didn’t care that I was booked in later, she was on her way. Right now. From my memories of labour with Oliver, this wasn’t right. Something was different this time, the pain seemed more severe and I felt really peculiar.
‘Dan,’ I called, but got no response. ‘Dan!’
‘Ellie?’ he mumbled sleepily. ‘Where are you?’
‘Bathroom. It’s happening.’ I cried in a panic, wondering why I felt so spaced out.
Dan
‘What’s happening?’ I yawned, rubbing my eyes, still slightly dazed.
‘Our daughter’s on her way,’ she called. Fuck! I leapt out of bed faster than an SAS commando called for duty. I dashed in to find her grimacing on the toilet. ‘I really didn’t want you to ever see me like this, but my contractions are so strong and they’re coming faster each time.’ I slid across the bathroom floor on my knees and grabbed one of her hands while I reached up to touch her clammy forehead. She looked really pale.
‘No matter what position you’re in, when or where, you always look beautiful, Ellie Davenport. She’s really on her way?’
‘No, I’m just sitting on the toilet naked and panting in the middle of the night for fun!’ she shot back with an incredulous look on her face. ‘Yes, she’s coming and I don’t think we have long.’
‘Shit. Shit,’ I muttered. I’d practiced for this as a worst case scenario so many times in my head, but all of a sudden, my mind was blank. The only thing I could remember was the fear and total helplessness as Rebecca screamed during her labour. I shook my head. Ellie had already given birth to Oliver safely, and there were no complications with her c-section with Jonas. Nothing bad was going to happen. But I still couldn’t focus on what I was supposed to do. I looked up at her, my eyes wide with panic, feeling pathetic for needing her help right now. It should be the other way around.
‘It’s ok,’ she said, her tone softening as soon as she read my face. ‘I’m going to be fine. Go and ring the hospital to tell them we’re coming in early, then ring Andy or James to get the car ready. The baby bag and a suitcase are already packed in the back of the Range Rover. Then get dressed and come back with some clothes for me. That’s four steps. You’re Oliver Daniel Davenport, CEO at the top of his game, you can handle four small steps, can’t you?’ I gulped and nodded. It was an order, not a question. I clasped her face and kissed her, then shot back to the bedroom, trying to regulate my breathing. I had to be strong, I’d be damned if I was going to fail her again. I’d gone to pieces last time, despite everyone’s reassurances that her operation went well. This time I needed to man up and be there for her. I found the number for the hospital on a pad next to the phone and quickly dialled it, flummoxed when they asked about contraction timings.
‘Ellie, are you timing them?’
‘Yes. They’re already six minutes apart. It’s happening faster than with Oliver, the contractions are a lot stronger, and I feel sick and dizzy.’
‘I heard that, Mr. Davenport. Nothing to worry about, but bring her straight in and we’ll have the team on standby. Your daughter has decided she wants to meet you on her own terms,’ came the reassuringly confident female voice. I thanked her and hung up, then pressed two on speed dial to be put through to the security team’s quarters. James answered in less than four rings.
‘Is it Mrs. Davenport, Sir?’
‘She’s in early labour.’
‘I’ll be dressed and have the car ready and waiting at the front door in five minutes.’
‘Thanks, James,’ I replied, but he’d already gone. I discarded my sweats and pulled on some boxers and my distressed indigo jeans, then grabbed a clean and pressed white shirt and pulled it over my head for speed. I quickly donned my socks and a pair of leather lace ups and chucked a navy sweater on the bed. I headed to Ellie’s side of the walk in wardrobe and went for what she called her “period pants” drawer. They were French knickers, instead of her usual hipster boy shorts or thongs. To be honest, I found her bloody attractive whichever type she was wearing. I grabbed one of her nursing bras, her blue pregnancy jeans, a white t-shirt, and a navy blazer. She’d have a fit if I tried to send her to a private hospital in sweat pants and a hoodie. Even in the midst of childbirth, she’d want to look presentable. She had a pair of navy converse trainers, I drew the line when it came to high heeled footwear and labour. She was going in flats and that was the end of the matter. I grimaced when I heard her crying out for the fourth time since I’d left her and dashed back. ‘Ok, everything’s in hand, I have clothes for you. How are you doing?’
‘I’m ok, nothing new,’ she shrugged. I wet a facecloth with cold water and gently wiped her face, which already had a sheen of perspiration. She was so pale. She looked at the ceiling, embarrassed as I reached down to pull her knickers and jeans over her ankles. ‘Don’t look in the toilet,’ she warned. Of course, instinct had me look straight between her thighs and I recoiled with horror when I saw the bowl was a red pink colour instead of clear. Terror flooded my system as my eyes flicked up to hers and my hands started to shake.
‘Fuck, Ellie, you’re bleeding.’
‘Dan, I told you not to look! I’m fine, honestly. Keep looking at me, I’m fine. It’s normal to have a bit of blood when your waters break. I’m fine, but I won’t be if you just sit there, looking like someone just ran over your puppy. I need to get dressed and we need to go. Now!’ she ordered, forcefully. I got her bra and t-shirt on while she was seated, then laced up her trainers. She made me yell in surprise when she doubled up and screamed.
‘Ellie?’
‘Keep going,’ she whispered. ‘I’m ok.’
‘I’m fucking not. You’re screaming, you look like you�
�re going to pass out, and I feel fucking useless.’
‘It’s just childbirth, Dan. Millions of women go through it. It’s not pleasant, but I’ve done it with Oliver, and when Eva gets here, it will all have been worth it, I promise.’
‘You’d better not be lying to me,’ I warned, helping her up and trying not to look at the colour of the toilet again, while she clutched my shoulders as I pulled up her knickers and jeans.
‘Ellie, Dan, talk to me, what’s happening?’ came Jenny’s voice from outside of our room.
‘Come in,’ I yelled, grateful for some support. Seconds later, she was standing in the bathroom doorway.
‘She’s in labour?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ I nodded. ‘Can you let Brooke and Molly know, if they haven’t already woken up with all of the noise? James is waiting to take us.’
‘I’ll follow with Brooke and Molly. Andy?’
‘Off duty and I don’t think it’s necessary for you all to come, it could be ages,’ I suggested, as I helped Ellie up the steps. Her legs seemed to be made of overcooked spaghetti, she kept stumbling as she tried to walk.
‘It’s not going to be ages, Dan,’ she gasped. ‘If James doesn’t drive us fast, I’m going to be having her in the car.’
‘Fuck, fuck,’ I uttered. She was moving way too slowly, all those stairs with her phobia were going to take forever. ‘Close your eyes, baby,’ I warned.
‘What?’ she looked up at me, then screamed in surprise as I crouched down and scooped her up into my arms. ‘Oliver Daniel Davenport, don’t you dare carry me down those stairs,’ she warned, the first flicker of fear I’d seen since I woke up flashing across her face.
‘I need to get you to the car and to the hospital fast, and you know how slow you are on those stairs. You’ve got to trust me, Ellie. I’ve got you and my daughter covered, I promise. Close your eyes, baby.’
‘If we die on that staircase, I’m going to kill you again when we get to heaven,’ she muttered through gritted teeth, doing as she was told.
‘Tell me about Eva,’ I suggested, trying to take her mind off it as I left the bedroom with Jenny in tow. ‘Who’s she going to look like, you or me?’ Adrenaline kicked in as I made a start down the stairs. I was in charge now, she needed to let me take control. I thudded down them, Ellie tensing in my arms and burying her face in my chest, not answering me. I didn’t like the look of her. She was really pale and clammy. I was vaguely aware of Jenny branching off to go and get Brooke and Molly when we hit the first floor, but I kept going. She knew where the hospital was, I’d had them all practice emergency runs there on a timer. When I reached the ground floor, the front door was wide open and I could see James standing by the open back door of the Range Rover, whose engine was running. He nodded to me as I approached, then looked down at Ellie. I stopped dead in my tracks when his eyes shot back up to mine. I’d never seen James look scared of anything, but right now he had fear in his eyes. I looked down at her, wondering what he’d seen to make him change, and my heart froze as a lump of acid formed in my throat. Ellie had a large crimson stain on her jeans.
‘Get her in the car immediately, Sir. I’ll get you there fast,’ James urged. I swallowed hard as I forced my suddenly shaking legs forward. She’d lied to me. She was bleeding earlier and she’d tried to pass it off as nothing to protect me. God, she was so fucking stubborn and brave, thinking of me and my fears instead of letting me be there for her. I lay her on the backseat and ran around to the other side, getting in and lifting her head into my lap as James shut the doors.
‘When we get to heaven, I may just kill you again for lying to me and saying everything was fine, Ellie,’ I quietly scolded. Her eyes fluttered open and filled with tears.
‘I’m really bleeding, aren’t I?’ she whispered.
‘It’s nothing,’ I replied, stroking her hair. I flicked my eyes down to see the stain was spreading. ‘Just spotting.’
‘Now who’s lying?’
‘Extenuating circumstances, my wife needs to stay calm for the sake of our daughter.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she choked, reaching for one of my hands and squeezing it tightly.
‘For what?’
‘I wanted this to be easy for you, you deserve easy after everything you’ve …’ she broke off as tears streamed down her face.
‘I don’t deserve to have you, Oliver, or Jonas, yet I have you all. And I’m going to have a daughter, too, who’s going to arrive safely, because if you haven’t noticed, James is driving like a bat out of hell to get you to the hospital in record time. They’ll make sure you’re ok, both of you, because I’m not losing anyone else, you hear me, Ellie? I am not losing you or my daughter, so you hang in there for me, ok?’
‘I’m trying,’ she nodded, her face looking an awful lot paler than it had when I found her in the bathroom earlier. ‘But I feel … really sleepy.’
‘Talk to me, tell me all about Oliver’s birth again, what I missed. Just keep talking to me, Ellie,’ I pleaded, squeezing her clammy hand even tighter.
‘If it’s bad, if it’s really bad … and you have to choose …’
‘Ellie,’ I warned. I didn’t like where this conversation was going or the fact that she seemed to be having trouble keeping her eyes open.
‘Listen to me. If you … if you have to choose, our … daughter’s … more important.’
‘Ellie, for fuck's sake, I’m not choosing, you’re going to be fine. You have to be fine, do you hear me?’ Her breathing was suddenly becoming more shallow, her eyes had closed, and her grip on my hand was weakening.
‘I … love you … Dan,’ she whispered, so quietly I barely heard her.
‘Ellie Baxter,’ I barked. ‘Don’t you dare pass out on me. Don’t you dare fucking leave me.’ I choked back some tears as I heard James on the hands-free system, warning the hospital to have an emergency team waiting to meet us. Ellie’s hand had gone limp, her head had rolled to the side against my stomach, and when I looked down, I was nearly sick. Her jeans were absolutely soaked with blood, I couldn’t remember ever seeing so much. ‘Not again,’ I cried, anguish filling my voice. ‘Please. Not Ellie.’
‘We’re seconds away, Sir,’ came James’s voice, but it sounded like he was miles away.
I wanted to be miles away.
I wanted to be back at the waterfall, with Ellie asleep in my arms as the sun beat down on us. To feel the contours of her body against mine, her warm breath on my chest. I wanted to see her green eyes again, to hear her laugh, to see her smile. Suddenly part of me wanted to be back on the island, seeing that email coming in, asking for a four week stay over Christmas. If I was back there, knowing what I knew now, I’d reject that booking in a heartbeat if it meant not meeting me didn’t lead her here. I’d give up all the happiness I’d ever known just to protect her.
‘No,’ I yelled, suddenly aware that the car doors were open and Ellie was being pulled out, away from me, her fingers slipping out of mine.
‘Sir, let them do their job, it’s out of our hands now,’ James stated, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shook it off and leapt out of the car as medical staff rushed past us with Ellie on a gurney. I had no idea how I was even putting one foot in front of the other as I raced behind them. They hurtled through a set of double doors and I burst through after them into a corridor. Suddenly a man in scrubs leapt in front of me, putting a hand on my chest.
‘You need to wait here. It looks like she’s had a uterine rupture and she’s losing blood fast. Let us work on her and we’ll update you as soon as we’re done. She’s had a caesarean before?’
‘She has,’ came James’s voice behind me.
‘I need to be with her.’ I tried to push past the doctor, but James pulled me back.
‘We can’t allow anyone in the theatre, Mr. Davenport. Please, let us do what we do best. You got her here fast, so that will make a huge difference.’
‘You don’t understand,’ I yelled, beside myself with fear. ‘
I need to be with her.’
‘Sir, I don’t want to restrain you, but I will if I have to,’ James warned, moving in front of me as the doctor ran up the corridor and disappeared through another set of doors.
‘James,’ I choked, all the emotions of being in the hospital as Rebecca slipped away from me suddenly returning in force and punching me right in the chest. ‘Let me past, I have to see her. I never told her that I loved her, I have to tell her.’
‘She knows, Sir. I’m sure this feels like Miss Rebecca all over again, but this is different, Ellie is your wife. You show her how much you love her every day and right now, she wouldn’t be able to hear your words anyway. If you burst in there, you’ll be a distraction to the team working on her and jeopardise their efforts. Hard as this may be to hear, the best thing you can do is come and sit with me and wait.’
I nodded, suddenly feeling like someone had pulled my plug out. I felt completely drained and like I was about to collapse. How was I supposed to go on without her? James steered me away and back out to reception, where a nurse was waiting for us.
‘Come with me, we have a private waiting room just for you and your family.’ She showed us into a cosy room with private tea and coffee making facilities and soft leather sofas. James steered me to an armchair and I fell back into it and covered my face with my hands. This had to be a dream, this couldn’t be happening again.
‘I’ll contact Mr. Steel and your parents and let them know what’s happened, then I’ll wait outside the door and explain the situation to Jenny and the Mrs. Hansons when they arrive. You need to take some time to process this and compose yourself, as when she’s back from theatre, she’s going to need you more than ever,’ James advised. I nodded, unable to say anything, but felt him squeeze my shoulder. ‘I’m here for you, as long as you need, whatever you need. From this moment until I take you all home, I’m not your employee anymore, I’m your friend, Dan.’
31 Days of Autumn Page 8