31 Days of Autumn

by Fallowfield, C. J.

  He’d groomed Jessica the receptionist for information, and once Ian had identified the picture of “Damien Daniels” as being Thomas Williams, apparently it was easy for him to trace Thomas’s movements. Ian had verified that Thomas had amassed enough money to hire the team that took us by approaching some of Dan’s clients, poaching business and designing software systems for them for very hefty fees. In fact, Ian discovered that he'd been meeting with some of Dan's former clients, the Ospreys, in the hotel the very same day I'd bumped into Zac there. He was lucky Dan hadn't accompanied us to tea with Florie or he'd have been recognised immediately. Dan confirmed that Thomas was only one of a handful of men in the world that could have designed a virus as sophisticated as the one that had attacked his firm, probably to distract Dan while the team snatched us, but he hadn’t anticipated the level of animosity Thomas would have had towards him to consider him being behind everything.

  Part of me wished he was still alive so James or I would have the chance to pay him back for what he’d put us through. No matter what he’d done, though, I wouldn’t wish a slow and painful death like that on anyone. He had redeemed himself in the end, confessing that I wasn’t in the van as it burned. If he hadn’t admitted that, Andy might never have led his team to the bunker to find me. I could see that watching his former friend die, that not being fast enough to get him out, weighed heavily on Dan. It was his modus operandi, shoulder the blame and responsibility for every death of someone he knew. I was going to need to keep a watchful eye on him, to make sure he let go of that. He’d come so far in unshackling himself from the burdens of his past, I couldn’t let this drag him down again.

  ‘Please tell me that we can go and see James now?’ I asked, after we’d just lain there holding each other for a while. ‘I need to thank him. Without him calling you and letting you know where I was, I’d have died.’

  ‘He was distraught that he couldn’t keep his promise to come back for you, he was so badly beaten and broken when we found him, but I have to tell you something that isn’t going to be easy for you to hear.’ He flashed me a look that told me he was seriously worried about my reaction. I immediately sat up and looked down at him, leaning back on my pillows.

  ‘Are you lying to me about James being ok?’ I asked, my stomach and heart sinking. ‘He can’t have died, Dan. He was my rock in that bunker. He saved Oliver. He saved me by calling for help. He can’t be dead,’ I cried, full of anguish. Not James as well. Not sweet, funny, loyal James. All of a sudden it was like the brick wall I’d built around my pain the last week, to try and hold it back until I was ready to deal with it, was starting to crumble. ‘I need to thank him, he needs to know how grateful I am. I can’t not thank him.’

  ‘No, Ellie, no. He’s fine, well fine is stretching the truth, he took a serious beating, but … damn it, Ellie. James didn’t get a chance to signal for help and it wasn’t luck or great investigative work that led us to you. I knew where you were because … fuck,’ he groaned, covering his face again. ‘You’re going to be so mad with me.’

  ‘You’d better talk to me and fast,’ I demanded, my hurt at the thought of losing James quickly being replaced by disbelief and anger. ‘Because right now I’m already getting mad. In fact, I’ve shot past mad and I’m in furious mother territory, and you really don’t want to deal with that! You’re making it sound like you knew where Oliver and I were the whole time and didn’t come for us and I refuse to believe that. If that’s the truth, then I’m even more stupid than that naïve young girl that Matt and Zac fooled. If that’s the truth, I’ll be hiring the best divorce attorney this world has ever seen and I’ll make damn sure you never see me, or any of your children, again!’

  I sat on the chair in the bathroom trying to process what he’d just told me. I was torn in two. I loved him and I knew that he needed me right now. He needed my strength, love, and reassurance to accept that what had happened to us wasn’t his fault, that Jenny and Thomas’s deaths weren’t his responsibility. But right now, I needed someone’s strength, because I was still in furious mode, just for a completely different reason to my earlier reaction. When he’d admitted what he’d done to our son without my knowledge, my resolve to have a tear-free day had totally disintegrated. Dan had reassured me that the chip was perfectly safe, that Oliver would never be harmed by it, but that wasn’t the point. He’d betrayed my trust again after I’d warned him that I’d leave him the next time it happened. Worse still, he’d as good as lied to me. He’d not been honest with me when I’d asked why Oliver was so upset the day it had been done. He’d used him as a guinea pig and let me think that he’d been stung, when all along he’d been the cause for Oliver’s tears. That hurt. How many times was I supposed to forgive him for hiding the truth from me? Right now, I couldn’t deal with his emotions. I had too many of my own to handle.

  ‘Ellie, open the door,’ Dan demanded again, banging his fist on it.

  ‘Go away,’ I called. ‘I don’t want to see you right now.’

  ‘You can’t hide in there and ignore me forever, Ellie. I’ve already apologised, I know that not telling you was wrong, but it’s done and I can’t change that.’

  ‘No, Dan. What was wrong was you even considering testing out this technology on my son in the first place!’ I yelled, unable to control my emotions. ‘He’s not a lab rat. You didn’t tell me, or discuss it with me first, because you knew what my reaction would be. Every time I think we’re past this, past you hiding things from me, you go and do it again! I’m so angry right now, I don’t want to see you. I want you to leave.’

  ‘You don’t mean that, you’re just lashing out because you’re upset after your ordeal.’

  ‘Don’t you dare tell me how I’m feeling, Dan. You’ve betrayed my trust, again, you’ve gone back on your promise, again, and you’ve broken my heart,’ I sobbed. ‘I want you to go. I don’t want to see you again until I’ve processed this and until I have, the children are staying here, with me.’

  ‘Ellie, be reasonable. I’m not leaving, not after days of being separated from you. I’m going to get you a cup of tea and something to eat and we’re going to talk about this, calmly and rationally. Ellie?’

  I buried my face in my hands. I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn’t want to hear his excuses, because there were none. What he’d done was inexcusable. Right now I hated him, even though the bigger part of me loved him and needed his arms around me. It was all too much and the bricks from that wall started to fall at an alarming pace. I felt like I was on a carousel that was going faster and faster, visuals flashing past as I stood in the middle of it, unable to move. A smiling Dan, the children laughing, depressing darkness, Alfa’s eyes, Oliver crying and screaming, Jenny’s face being obliterated, Charlie laughing, Bravo’s neck snapping, Dan hurting my son. I lurched to the sink, dragging my stand with my antibiotic and fluid bags with me. I grabbed the edges of the porcelain as everything spun faster and faster, until I emptied the contents of my stomach. My ears were ringing, my heart was racing, I was shaking, clammy, and dizzy. It felt just like the night Jenny died, when I woke up screaming and crying.

  ‘Shit, Ellie. I’m calling a nurse,’ Dan muttered as he heard me retching. I heard him leave and summoned all of my strength to move. I unlocked the bathroom door and snuck out of my room, my drips coming with me. Dan was at the far end of the corridor, at the nurses’ station, so I pressed the lift button again and again, praying it would come before Dan turned around. I slipped inside as soon as it arrived and pressed for the next floor down, then grabbed the shiny silver handrail and caught my breath for a moment. I felt like I was having another panic attack. I’d never had them before, not until the night Jenny died. James had calmed me down, he’d held me and made me feel safe, he’d looked after Oliver as well while I was falling apart. I needed to see him. I exited on his floor, but I had no idea what room he was in. There were no nurses at the station, but there was a patient board on the wall behind. Everything was swimmin
g and it took me a while to focus and find which room he was in. Using the wall for support, I made it there and knocked on the door. My mouth was dry and I felt like I was going to pass out any minute.

  ‘Come in,’ came his voice. I slipped in, letting the door swing shut behind me. I could see two of him, which only made him look twice as bad. His face was barely recognisable from the swelling and bruising, his shoulder was in a sling, his hand was in a cast, and his leg too, which was elevated by a pulley system from the ceiling. ‘Mrs. Davenport?’

  ‘James. I … I … ’ I started sobbing as I gasped for breath. What had they done to him?

  ‘Come here, come and sit down, you look like you’re about to pass out. Are you having a panic attack again?’ he called. I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself as I tried in vain to calm myself down. I made it to the chair next to his bed and collapsed in it, resting my head on the edge of his mattress as I cried uncontrollably. ‘You’re safe, Ellie. You’re safe now. Take long, slow breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth, remember?’ he coaxed, reaching down to stroke my hair.

  I closed my eyes and tried to do as he said, instantly feeling safe to have him next to me again. In that bunker, I’d been there for Oliver, James had been there for me, but no one had been there for him. He’d been my rock through it all. The thought of Dan had kept me strong, but James had kept me calm. How did he manage to keep his cool under that sort of pressure? Then he’d made it out, got Oliver to safety, only to be put in this state? What had we ever done to deserve this? We weren’t bad people, we didn’t deserve this. I just keep crying and trying to focus on my breathing technique while he rubbed my back.

  ‘Where’s Mr. Davenport?’ James asked as I eventually started to calm down. ‘Shall I ask one of the nurses to find him for you?’

  ‘No,’ I bit sharply, not moving from where I was. ‘I don’t want to see him right now.’

  ‘O dear, you found out about Oliver,’ he sighed. I nodded, still keeping my eyes closed. I couldn’t look at James, seeing his battered body would upset me all over again. ‘God knows he’s made some stupid decisions in his life, Ellie, that being one of them, but don’t be too hard on him. That tracker saved Oliver’s life, mine and yours too. Without it, they’d never have found us. He was stupid to even consider it, let alone do it without your knowledge, but he’s a good man. Every bad decision he’s made when it comes to you is because he loves you and those children of yours. He’s always thinking of your well-being and safety. This was no different. Did he tell you that he’d had one put in himself, too?’

  ‘No,’ I sniffed, reaching up to wipe my cheeks.

  ‘I think if he could have got away with it, he’d have had the whole family done.’

  ‘I’m so angry, James. I’m angry for what we went through, for what they did to you and to Jenny. I don’t need this additional anger at the one man who I trusted implicitly.’

  ‘I’m sure he knows how ill advised his decision was, Ellie. But whatever we went through, just try and remember that he went through his own form of torture, too. He may not have been there, but he suffered as much anguish and pain as you did. Imagine how distraught and helpless you would have felt if he’d been taken. Would there have been anything you wouldn’t have done to get him back?’

  ‘No,’ I replied after a considered silence.

  ‘Then with the benefit of hindsight, knowing that you had the chance to be able to trace any of your family with this technology, wouldn’t you willingly subject yourselves to having it, for future peace of mind?’

  ‘He could have hurt Oliver,’ I protested, hating that James’s rational logic made sense. ‘What if this chip isn’t safe?’

  ‘He loves that boy, all of you, more than his own life. He wouldn’t do anything to endanger him. He’d have only have done it once he was one hundred percent sure there’d be no side effects.’

  ‘I just don’t know if I can forgive him,’ I whispered, feeling my heart ache at that statement.

  ‘You will, because you’re Ellie Davenport. You’re one of the most generous, kind, warm, and loving people I’ve ever met. You sacrificed yourself to give your son a fighting chance. You even hesitated to shoot one of our kidnappers with a tranquiliser dart. You don’t have a bad or unforgiving bone in your body.’

  ‘But I’m so angry with him, James.’

  ‘And you have a right to be. Make it clear how disappointed you are with his actions, but don’t shut him out. The things he does are always out of concern for the people around him, and he never considers the repercussions that they will have on him. He always has. Look what he did for a woman he didn’t even love, how he punished himself for that. Now imagine how he feels about you and those children, what it would do to him to lose any of you. He’s a good man, Ellie. Don’t punish him for trying to protect his family. That’s a man’s greatest purpose in life. To protect the people he loves, no matter the consequences, even if it’s to his own detriment. If we can’t hold on to that, we have nothing.’

  ‘You were going to sacrifice yourself for us and I never even got a chance to say a proper thank you,’ I sniffed, slowly opening my eyes and sitting up. I winced when I saw James up close. It was hard to know where one bruise ended and the next began. His face was a patchwork of pain.

  ‘And I’d do it again in a heartbeat,’ he replied, doing his best to smile. ‘Us men are a stubborn species. I just wish I’d been able to save Miss Jenny.’ He shook his head as he exhaled. I picked up his hand and squeezed it.

  ‘She died knowing you’d offered your life to protect her, James. You can’t blame yourself, you had no idea what they were going to do once I made that decision. And I need to apologise to you for doing that.’

  ‘You don’t owe me any apology, you were put in an impossible position,’ he urged. ‘She was a young girl with her life ahead of her. I made the decision, not you, you just honoured my wishes and I have nothing but respect for you for doing that. I know it can’t have been easy, but if you hadn’t, I know without a shadow of a doubt that they’d have killed both of us. So I owe you my life, Ellie.’

  ‘I owe you so much more, for saving Oliver for me.’ I leaned in and placed the gentlest of kisses on his bruised cheek.

  ‘I think we’re quid pro quo, how about we call it even?’ he replied. ‘That boy of yours will make a fine soldier one day. He was brave and followed every order I gave him.’

  ‘He’s never joining the military, I couldn’t bear to worry about him even more than I already do. Poor Mrs. Smith, I don’t know how she does it, knowing you’re putting yourself in danger every day. It must break her heart to see you like this. You’re a mess, James.’ I felt tears streaming down my face again.

  ‘Me?’ he chuckled, patting my hand. ‘You should see the other guy. Does Mr. Davenport know where you are?’

  ‘No,’ I whispered, feeling guilty. It was one thing being mad with him, quite another to disappear without letting him know where I was.

  ‘I’ll call a nurse for a wheelchair to take you back,’ James advised, wincing as he reached for his alert button. I reached out and grabbed his hand.

  ‘Please don’t. I can walk back, unlike you. Will your leg heal?’

  ‘I’ll be in traction for a while, but Mr. Davenport had the top specialist operate on me. I’ll be right as rain before you know it. How’s your leg?’

  ‘Much better, now that I’m being treated. I’ll have a scar but I’m lucky, all things considered.’ I jumped when I heard my name being roared by Dan. ‘O shit, he’s come looking for me.’ I looked back at James with a grimace.

  ‘Go, you know how he worries and don’t be too hard on him.’

  ‘Can I come and see you again tomorrow?’ I asked, squeezing his hand.

  ‘I’d like that. Best Master Oliver doesn’t see me like this though.’

  ‘Agreed, he’d be so upset. Thank you, James, for … for everything. I’ll be forever in your debt.’

  ‘Ell
ie!’ Dan yelled, his voice getting closer.

  ‘He’ll give some poor old lady a heart attack if he keeps shouting like that. Quick, because I don’t want a mouthful from him either,’ he ordered. I kissed him again and made my way to the door, taking a deep breath before I opened it and stepped out into the corridor to see a furious-looking Dan stalking up the corridor towards me. I tried to focus on James’s advice. He was so wise and knew how to handle Dan, and he was right. If Dan hadn’t done what he had, the three of us would likely have been dead. Regardless of my anger at him for not running it past me first, I couldn’t dispute that he’d saved our lives.

  ‘Ellie, what the hell?’ he shot, his eyes narrowing with anger as he approached me. ‘I’ve been going out of my mind.’

  ‘I needed some space, someone to offload on,’ I replied, dropping my head so I didn’t have to look at him. Even when he was mad with me, one look at his handsome face and those green eyes with gold flecks swayed me.

  ‘You can talk to James and not to me?’ he asked, his voice full of pain at the thought of it.

  ‘You made me angry and I didn’t want a shouting match with you. Then when I started having a panic attack, I needed someone who made me feel safe, Dan.’

  ‘Now you don’t feel safe with me either?’

  ‘That’s not what I meant, don’t twist my words.’

  ‘No twisting needed, Ellie. You made a statement and it was a straight line all the way to the conclusion. Is this because I didn’t find you sooner? Are you blaming me for what happened to you?’

  ‘No!’ I shot back, looking up at him. I grimaced to see the look on his face. He was really hurt. ‘Dan, please. I’m tired, I’m weak, and I’m hungry. You’re not responsible for what happened, but it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you for what you did to Oliver. Right now though, I don’t want a deep, emotional discussion. I want just to lie down.’