When I hit the motorway, I put my foot down, eager for his wisdom. Anything to keep me from losing my family. I just had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that if I gave in and let Ellie have the space she seemed to want, she’d drift even further from me. She’d shut down, just like I’d done, and there may be a chance that I’d never get her back.
Ellie
‘Where’s Dan?’ Brooke asked as she hugged me tightly.
‘Working,’ I lied, not sure where he was. Andy had disappeared in a panic after telling me that Dan had driven off with no backup. It wasn’t like he’d get very far before Andy found him, not now that he’d got one of those tracking systems in his neck, like Oliver had.
‘You seem tense,’ Molly observed as she gave me a hug, too.
‘I’m having good and bad days, today’s not so great. The thought of going home is cheering me up though,’ I smiled.
‘So, who else is coming for lunch?’ Brooke asked as we headed past Jenny’s bedroom door. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to go in there yet. Her parents had been to collect all of her belongings with Brooke and Molly’s help while I’d been in the hospital. I didn’t want to see an empty room, it would just be one more reminder of what I’d lost. ‘I hope it’s not a big crowd as I’m starving and may just have to fork-stab anyone who tries to take my second helpings.’
‘Just you two today, I need to talk to you both.’
‘You’re not pregnant again, are you?’ Brooke gasped, as I undid the baby gate on the stairs and we stepped through.
‘No,’ I shot back. ‘You know what the doctor said, no more children. Besides, these three are handful enough,’ I confirmed when Oliver and Jonas came running, screaming with excitement to see their favourite aunties.
‘I swear you get bigger each time I see you, Oliver,’ Molly laughed, sweeping him up and spinning him around. Brooke grabbed Jonas and hoisted him in the air amidst a load of squeals and giggles.
‘Mama,’ Eva called, gripping the edge of the sofa and hauling herself up, not wanting to miss out on all of the action. I kneeled down and held my arms out.
‘Come on then, come to me,’ I called. She smiled and started to stomp her way across the carpet towards me with big smile on her face. ‘Good girl,’ I praised, beyond proud to see her walking. She giggled and swayed her way over to me, looking so sweet in a pair of dungarees with a white and pink striped top underneath. I was amazed when she made it to me without falling over. Even Oliver and Jonas hadn’t mastered walking as fast as she had. I picked her up and pressed her to my chest as I kissed her repeatedly, full of pride. ‘You’re so clever, darling. Mummy loves you so much.’
‘Loves Jonas too,’ he called. I smiled over at him as Molly held him.
‘I love you too, Jonas, and Oliver, and Auntie Molly and Auntie Brooke, too. You’re my favourite people in the whole wide world.’
‘And Daddy,’ Oliver reminded me seriously. I leaned over and kissed his forehead.
‘Right, I know Auntie Brooke’s hungry, who else is?’ I asked, quickly changing the topic of conversation.
‘Me,’ came a chorus from everyone but Eva, who called ‘Dada.’
‘So, what did you need to talk to us about?’ Brooke asked, finally putting down her knife and fork after two large helpings of stroganoff, with Molly supervising and restricting her portions of rice.
‘I miss you both when we’re apart, the children miss you too, and whenever you have free time, you always come and spend it with us. I don’t want us to live at opposite ends of the country anymore, I want you to move up to Loch Airdrie with us.’
‘What?!’ Brooke uttered, her green eyes widening in surprise.
‘Really?’ Molly asked, with a similar look on her face.
‘The way I see it, you’re not big on the party scene anymore, you don’t really have many other friends that live in London, what do you have to lose?’
‘Our incomes for a start, Ellie. Finding a well-paid job up there isn’t going to be easy,’ Brooke replied.
‘I have a solution for that,’ I nodded. ‘The timing couldn’t be more perfect. Dan’s spa manageress has accepted a position that came up in his hotel in New York, so there’s a vacancy, which Molly is already more than qualified for. Given Dan’s so generous, it would be better paid than you are now and the benefits package is so good that no one ever wants to leave his employ.’
‘Seriously?’ Molly asked. ‘And Dan’s ok with this?’
‘Dan suggested it, it was his idea, Molly. He knows how much I miss you both and he has every faith in your abilities.’
‘So he’d let me work at the spa as well?’ Brooke asked.
‘He would, but I don’t want you to,’ I replied, turning to take her hand in mine. ‘I need help with the children and now that Jenny …’ I shook my head and huffed out a deep breath of emotion.
‘You’d pay me to help you look after the children?’ Brooke asked, squeezing my hand tightly. I nodded, unable to say anything. I turned to get a baby wipe to clean up Eva’s face while she banged her spoon on the table of her high chair and heard Brooke and Molly whispering.
‘I know I’m asking a lot,’ I confirmed when I looked back at them. ‘I’m asking you to uproot your lives, for Brooke to change careers, and I’ll completely understand if you don’t want to consider it, but I had to ask. You were our first choices when we discussed this. We’d either give you a permanent suite at the hotel or you could have the boathouse. Either way, we’d sort transport to and from the island by boat for you as part of the deal. Take some time to think about it, I don’t want you agreeing out of pity. If you want to come, I’ll be over the moon, but if you don’t, then we just continue to try and see each other whenever we can, like we have been for the last few years.’
‘We don’t need to think about it,’ Molly smiled. ‘And we’re not accepting out of pity either, Ellie. I’m tired of London, of living in a city where everyone’s in a rush and stressed all of the time. Our happiest times are when we’re with our best friend and her children up in Scotland, where there’s peace and fresh air and the pace is so much calmer.’
‘Are you serious?’ I asked, my spirits lifting for the first time in days.
‘You’d better be serious,’ Brooke laughed. ‘Because you know me, I’m like a limpet. Once I latch on, there’s no shaking me off, you’ll be stuck with us for life.’
‘Just how I wanted it,’ I nodded, fighting another set of tears. ‘You really have no reservations? We’d fly you back to London whenever you wanted to come and spend time with your parents.’
‘The only reservation I have is how I’m supposed to fill Jenny’s shoes, she was amazing with them,’ Brooke replied quietly, a sad look settling on her face. I squeezed her hand this time.
‘You won’t fill her shoes, because there was only ever one Jenny, but there’s also only one Brooke, you’ll find your own way. You both love my children as if they’re your own and that’s all I need. Learning how to handle them daily, that will come with time. Jenny had no formal experience at that either when she started. You know how much they adore you, both of you, you’ll be amazing because you are amazing, Brooke Hanson.’
‘Don’t make me cry,’ she moaned. She looked back at Molly, who nodded.
‘We’re in,’ she confirmed, putting the biggest smile on my face. ‘When do you want us to start?’
‘As soon as you can.’
‘How about you give us this week to get sorted. We can quit the hotel tomorrow, we just won’t get paid for walking out, but we have enough savings to tide us over. We could come up this weekend. What do you think, Brooke?’
‘I say hell yes,’ she beamed. ‘Scotland, watch out, the Hansons are about to invade.’
‘Guys,’ I moaned, a wave of positive emotion flooding my system as I went to hug each of them. ‘You’ve no idea what this means to me. What can I do to thank you?’
‘Pudding would be good,’ Brooke suggested.
> ‘I want pudding, too,’ called Oliver.
‘Me, too,’ added Jonas. I smiled as I looked at them all sitting around the table. They’d just made my day.
As Chris drove the boat across the loch, I felt a sense of calm descending on me, despite the forceful gusts of wind that had the boat rocking and bouncing across the waves on the loch. All of the trees were struggling to stay upright and Eva started crying, alarmed at the rough journey. Even with the knowledge of a harsh winter fast approaching, leaving London and coming back here was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I’d lived in the city for years, longer than I had here, but this felt like home. This was home. Except part of it was missing. Dan. I wasn’t sure what I expected when we got on the plane. Even though I’d suggested us having a break, I never imagined him giving up without a fight. I thought he’d tear through the airport gates and storm the plane, but he hadn’t. I hadn’t heard a word from him since he stalked out of the shower this morning. It hurt more than I’d expected. My moods and feelings were changing so fast, I was giving myself whiplash, let alone him. I wasn’t sure I should be making decisions at the moment, I didn’t really know which way was up right now.
‘Can we go and see Jenny?’ Oliver asked, tugging my hand as we walked up the jetty and looked at the boathouse. I felt my eyes burning with tears and fought them for his sake.
‘I told you Jenny’s had to go away, darling, she’s not here.’
‘I miss her,’ he sighed, making my heart break.
‘She misses you too, so much, but Auntie Brooke is going to come and look after you from next week. How much fun will it be to spend time with her every day, and Auntie Molly, too?’
‘I get to see them every day?’ he asked, perking up. I nodded and smiled. He loved his aunts so much. ‘Yay,’ he cheered, letting go of my hand and jumping up and down as he clapped.
‘Are you ok heading up from here?’ asked Chris, flashing me a sympathetic look. I nodded my response. ‘Ok, I’ll go back and get the rest of the bags for you.’
I averted my eyes as we passed the boathouse and headed up to the house, fighting every step of the way against the wind as I carried Eva and held Jonas’s hand. The lights were already on and I could see a fire burning in the lounge, where Mr. and Mrs. McAdams were sitting. When I opened the door, they shot to their feet. I set Eva down and ran to Mrs. McAdams, who opened her arms to embrace me and I started sobbing on her shoulder. The old couple had become like parents to me, grandparents to the children. I’d missed them so much.
‘It’s so good to have you home, back where you belong,’ she whispered, as she rocked me back and forth. ‘I’m so sorry for what happened, we both are. I don’t know what to say, she’ll be sorely missed.’
‘She will,’ I sniffed.
‘Where’s Daniel?’ she asked, holding me at arm’s length as she studied my face. I shook my head and started crying again. What had I done? Being back here, in his house, with all of those memories, I suddenly felt bereft. It was bad enough that I’d have to get used to being here without Jenny’s laughter, let alone Dan. I’d wanted space from him, but now that I had it, my need for him to be close was even more powerful.
‘I need a moment. Could you look after the children for me? I asked.
‘Of course I can, take all the time you need,’ she confirmed with a gentle smile. I gave Mr. McAdams a hug and kiss after he’d put Jonas down.
‘We’re here for you, Ellie. Whatever you need.’
‘Thank you, I’m so grateful.’ I tightened the belt around my wool jacket, grabbed a key, and headed back out, thankful my hair was in a ponytail as it was whipped back and forth in the gale. I headed down to the boathouse and stood in front of the locked door, mentally preparing myself for a moment. I just wanted to spend some time with Jenny and as I couldn’t, being in her home, surrounded by her personal effects, would be the next best thing. I couldn’t put it off, her parents, or even Dean, might want to clear the boathouse out and soon there’d be nothing left of her but memories.
I unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open, steeling myself for the effect it would have on me. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands as I saw it was empty. Everything had gone except the furniture. There were none of her pictures or ornaments, no books on the coffee table, the silver glitter bowl she’d always kept filled with sweets for the children had gone. I ran to the wardrobe and flung it open to find it empty, too. I headed back to the lounge and flopped down onto the sofa, the pain in my chest expanding as I recalled all of the times we’d sat on this sofa drinking a bottle of wine, comparing our last favourite reads and laughing. It was like she’d really gone, like she’d been totally erased from my life. The feeling was heart-breaking. I put my head in my hands and cried again. I had no idea how many tears the human body could produce, but surely I had to be at my life’s limit right now? When was it ever going to stop? I suddenly felt like I’d been run over by the truck that hit my parents. Everything was spilling out, spiralling out of control. I didn’t want to fight this anger and pain anymore, I wanted rid of it. I wanted to be happy Ellie again, and that was only possible when I had my loved ones around me. All of them. Dan especially, but I’d pushed him away. The thought made me cry even harder.
‘Ellie.’
I was hearing things now, I could hear Dan’s voice saying my name. Was this what a breakdown felt like? Pain clawing at your insides, aching loneliness and voices in your head? I gasped as I felt myself being lifted up and Dan’s scent surrounded me.
‘Dan,’ I whispered.
‘I’m here. I just missed you at the airport, so I had Seb fly me up and got a taxi here. If you think you can keep pushing me away and I won’t keep coming back, then you don’t know me very well. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you say. We’re bound, you and I, bound together by fate, and nothing’s going to break that bond. Nothing. If there’s anyone more stubborn than Ellie Baxter, it’s Oliver Daniel Davenport,’ he stated, sitting back down with me on his lap, holding me close.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I sobbed, burying my face in his jacket and putting my arms around his waist. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so angry and it’s easy to take it out on you and I shouldn’t. I love you.’
‘I know, baby. Just keep throwing whatever you want at me. I can’t promise not to get pissed off, but I promise I’ll never leave. Someone reminded me earlier that when a woman says she needs space, quite often it’s a cry for help, an admission that really she needs you even more. I’ll be whatever you need me to be, Ellie. If you need space I’ll give it to you, as long as I’m within shouting distance, but that’s as far as I’m letting you run, do you hear me?’
‘Yes,’ I nodded, the biggest wave of relief suddenly drowning me. Being home, being in his arms, just felt right. It was as if I’d needed both things to reunite to allow me to let go, and suddenly I wanted to let go. I wanted to share it all with him. I’d shouldered some of his burdens to help him in the past, I needed to let him do the same for me. I took a deep breath and started at the beginning, at the moment Jenny said “Ollie” and alerted me to the fact that we were in danger. It seemed fitting to start with Jenny, as the story would end here, in her home, where my memories of her would last a lifetime.
Day Thirty One
One year later ~ Monday 18th October
Ellie
‘Why do I have to come with you,’ I protested, as Dan ushered me downstairs and through to the garage, where Andy was waiting with the limo door open. It was Eva’s birthday and I wanted to stay at home with her until it was time to get her dressed and leave for the party.
‘Because I say so, is that not enough?’ Dan asked, shooting me one of his domineering looks. The one that said he wasn’t in the mood to argue. I sighed and accepted his hand as I lowered myself onto the back seat and scooted over to let him sit beside me. It was bad enough I’d pulled Oliver out of school for the day when Dan insisted we have the party on Eva’s act
ual birthday, down here in London, rather than at home or his hotel over the weekend. I had no idea what was so important that I’d had to get dressed in advance and head to his office with him.
I let go of my annoyance as soon as he took my hand. It had been a year since my abduction, a year since I'd nearly pushed him away. I’d had lots of therapy, both alone and with him, and had come to realise that nothing he did was powered by anything but the well-being of myself and our children, however ill-advised at times. He’d accepted that he’d taken things too far using his technology on Oliver and was too scared of losing me and the children if he hid anything like that from me again, so he didn’t hold back anymore. Our relationship had never been stronger. James had been a rock over the first few difficult months, too and kept reminding me that a Phoenix only grew out of the ashes. It was his way of letting me know that I’d come back stronger after all of my trauma.
‘Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Davenport,’ Jessica the receptionist smiled. I’d convinced Dan not to fire her after her inadvertent part in last year’s events. He’d put her on a final warning though, one breach of any rule and she was out.
‘Good morning, Jessica,’ I smiled, trying to keep up with Dan as he nodded at her and strode on past, towards the elevators. ‘Slow down, you’re a man on a mission,’ I gasped, trying to catch my breath as he hit the button for his office floor.
‘Why do you think I work out every day?’ Andy chuckled.
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