Given the seriousness of the situation, I let that slide. “Ollie, don’t be ridiculous. None of this is your fault.” I’m surprised to find that I mean it. Sure, Iago was doing this to get to her, but that doesn’t mean it’s her responsibility, and it certainly doesn’t mean that she needed to abstain for the rest of her life on the off chance that this asshole would show up and ruin things. “This is Iago’s fault.” I stare at what was once my hand. “And you weren’t a coward.”
“I was. But that’s mine to live with. I won’t force anything on you.” She sighs, taking my poor injured stump in one hand and my proper hand in the other. “I care immensely for you, Mia. Tell me, what do you want?” She walked it back? I’ll try to forget she said it.
What do I want? I try to consider it. The adrenaline having faded, I’m in enough pain that it’s hard to focus, let alone to answer existential questions. I have no real idea. I want to be human, but why? “I don’t know. It feels like I should stay human, but I’m not sure what it’s done for me.”
“I promise you, being a vampire is no picnic either.”
She has never made it sound great. At least I probably wouldn’t have to give up garlic. Maybe I’d get lucky and have the same weaknesses as her. Avoiding church is easy. As I try to sort out my feelings, there are only two things that come to me. Two things I care about. Surprisingly, they’re not uppers and downers. I swear, what have I become? “I want to be with you, and I want to be able to keep treating fiends and animals. I love my job. It means the world to me.” Glaring at the stump, I shake my head. “I can’t really keep doing that with one hand, can I?”
She shakes her head. “Probably not.”
Fuck. Fine. “Turning me will let me keep working?”
“It should. It would take a lot to regrow your hand, but it should still be around here somewhere. I’m pretty sure that’s what he was looking for right before you killed him. He wanted to taunt me with it. The sick bastard. We should check if it’s on him, but I’m pretty sure he was only doing that for show and knew exactly where it was.”
I guess that answers that. “If I let you turn me, do you promise to accept that you’re not a coward? I mean, you did fight your greatest fear to save me.”
“Yeah, and froze and had to be saved by you.”
I wave my stump. “Minor detail. You still did it.”
“Fine, I promise. Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Can we try finding the limb first? Maybe he put it on ice.”
It doesn’t take long to find that he left it out as part of a rather vulgar display in the next room. It is decidedly not on ice. Well, there goes that hope. “Will it still work like this?” I ask.
“It will.”
“Okay. Fine. Turn me before I change my mind.”
And that’s how I die. On the bright side, I’m repopulating an endangered species. That makes me feel a little better.
Chapter Seventeen
He’s Gone
Still shaking, I hold Mia’s body to my chest. I can’t believe I did this. Even with consent, turning another person feels wrong. I remember it being done to me. It’s violating. It’s disgusting. I’m ripping apart her humanity to keep her alive as the same twisted monster I am. But for her, I didn’t even hesitate. What does this say about me? I was too much of a coward to face him, and now I’m too much of a coward to lose her.
A pang of guilt runs up my spine. I did promise, didn’t I? I can’t keep calling myself a coward. My fingers twine through her hair as I stare at her, her mouth red and sticky from my blood. “Mia,” I mouth. Sometimes, it doesn’t take. I’ve seen it happen once before, when Iago tried to turn another man to join his little pack. Our pack. Well, not anymore. He’s really gone.
My gaze falls on the headless body a few feet away. I thought I’d feel more seeing that. Maybe a pain from the final loss of my old friend, maybe relief at finally gaining my freedom from my centuries-long torment, but now, seeing him as nothing more than a pitiful pile on the floor, it’s barely even a side note. Perhaps I’ve just been through too much, or perhaps I’m simply too concerned for my partner. I can’t believe the bastard cut off her hand. I can still feel something about that.
Said hand lies on the ground next to us. It’s past the point where mortal doctors would be able to reattach it, but necrotic tissue is far less a concern when you’re already dead. A few stitches and she’ll be good as new, and even my limited medical abilities are enough to take care of that.
Since she is taking so much time to come back to life—I’ve seen it take well over eight hours where it’s only been one now, but I’m more invested this time—I decide to take the time to sew her up. As I slowly remove the bandages, scared of hurting her, I take in a sharp breath. I’d expected something clean, precise, a cut, not this. It looks almost like it was torn off. Oh, my poor girl.
It will mend either way. I can’t believe that demented bastard put her through that. It’s all my fault. If I’d stayed away from her…I shake my head. She’ll be okay. I can beat myself up when I’m done fixing her. The viciousness of the injury makes stitching more difficult than I’d anticipated, but I find a first aid kit in that mercenary’s truck, and the actual sutures only take a few minutes. It’s not good enough for medical work, but after she has a drink, it’ll be fine.
I’m an idiot. I forgot to see about that. I drank everyone dry except for Iago, and his blood is all over the floor, but I don’t want to leave her here while I go looking for some.
Pulling out my phone, I’m relieved to see it’s almost evening. I shouldn’t have near as much trouble finding someone now. I press a couple buttons, and a woman answers on the second ring. “Olivia?” I’d arranged regular deliveries years ago to make sure I had enough when I didn’t feel up for going out, and the odd time I bought any extras, I always did it in person. I’m not sure when the last time I’d have called her is, but it certainly wasn’t recently.
“Evening, Maria. I was wondering if I could have a rush order for delivery. O-positive if you have it.” She might as well have her first taste be the best. “I can give you the GPS coordinates.”
“Sure. Can I charge it to the usual card?”
“That would be no problem at all. Thank you so much. Oh, and a cooler with it. I don’t have a fridge here.”
“All right, just return it the next time you come by.”
“Thank you. Seriously. You’re a lifesaver.” I can see why every fiend in the country ends up moving to Toronto. It’s tough to beat this service.
Half an hour later, I meet her deliveryman at the door to this strange bunker. He doesn’t ask any questions, and I don’t give him any answers. You have to appreciate black-market confidentiality. I return to Mia’s side and set the cooler beside me. Now I just have to wait.
* * *
She sucks in a breath, gasping for air she no longer needs. Her panicked eyes stare up from my lap. Jolting upright at inhuman speed, she glances around. I remember how disorienting it was. I wish I’d had someone to walk me through it. “It’s okay, Mia,” I say, my voice quiet and soothing. Every sound will be amplified tenfold. It’s deafening. “I’m here.”
“Ollie.” She snarls, hungry eyes locking on mine. I remember that feeling. I remember killing my wife for the life source inside her, how impossible fighting against it seemed.
I pull the blood from the cooler. Two bags should be enough. “This will help.”
Her fangs sink into the plastic, causing an errant spray before she figures it out. I lick it off my hand. It would be better warm, but it’s not a bad first meal.
She drains both bags before she attempts another word. “You didn’t say how much it would hurt,” she manages, her voice hoarse and distant.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t keep that from you intentionally. I simply didn’t think of it.”
She nods, lying back down. “I can’t believe I did this.” Her hand flies up, almost hitting her face. The enhanced speed c
an take some getting used to. She stares at it, twitching her fingers, flexing them, watching their intricate movements. I think she pantomimes performing surgery, but I’ve never seen one performed upside down and without a patient. It’s a strange sight.
“It looks like it works.”
She nods, turning back to me. The hunger is gone from her eyes, but in its place sits fear. “Did I make the right choice?”
I wish I knew. “I don’t think that’s for me to say, but I’m glad you’re alive.”
With a weary sigh, she jumps to her feet and extends her hand. “Let’s get out of here.”
“You sure you’re ready?”
“I was dead for the last few hours. I’d rather not have to stay here any longer. There’s a dead guy rotting over there.”
She has a point. I’m not too keen on being near Iago for a second longer either. Though it is quite nice being this solidly reminded that he’s really gone. My suffering is finally over. Now I just need to deal with the whole “humans also being awful” thing. I should give her the talk. “Sure, let’s head to my car.”
Fortunately, the blood on us has dried, so it shouldn’t get on my seats.
“Did you bring my pills?” she asks.
“I didn’t. Sorry.” Of course she’d want some after everything she went through. I should’ve seen about having them delivered when I was ordering the blood. I had more than long enough to come up with that.
She shrugs, setting her feet on my console.
“At least take your shoes off.”
“Fine.” She kicks them onto the floor.
“Mia, are you okay?”
She looks at me through half-lidded eyes. “It still hurts a lot, and it’s taking some getting used to. It’s like every organ in my body is shutting down. I could really use some painkillers.”
Nodding, I turn the key and pull away. I can have her back at her apartment in around twenty minutes. Then she can relax and do whatever she needs to do to deal with this. I think a bath and some tea would do her a world of good, but it doesn’t exactly sound like her cup of tea, to use a terrible pun. “I should probably tell you what to expect. Try to avoid the sun for now. It likely won’t kill you instantly, but I’d much rather we wait and see how it affects you once you’ve had time to adapt. Same for garlic. Running water is a rare issue, but it can happen. Obviously, holy artifacts.” I try to think of what else I might need to cover. I haven’t given the basics in a long while.
“I think I had that all figured out.” Is she mad at me? Does she feel like I pushed her into it?
“Okay.” I risk a moment to glance at her. She’s leaning against the window, watching the city pass by. I can’t read her expression. She may be in a depressive phase, so I suppose that isn’t too odd. “You’ll need to drink blood. It doesn’t have to be a lot or often. If you want to hunt, I can show you how to do that without attracting attention, but I can also arrange weekly deliveries of enough that it shouldn’t be an issue. Unless you’re injured, usually a liter every two days is plenty.”
“It feels weird.”
“The blood?”
I see her nod out of the corner of my eye.
“It was cold. You should microwave it first, or you can let it sit in hot water for a while if you don’t like how that tastes. Hunting also makes it taste better. The adrenaline gives it a nice kick, and since bars are one of the easier hunting grounds, it’s intoxicating too.”
“Great. I’ll go feed on junkies.”
“Mia…” I reach out to her, expecting my hand to be slapped away, but she lets me set it on her shoulder, showing no reaction as far as I can tell. “I promise, this isn’t the end of the world.” I shouldn’t have acted like it was such a curse. It really isn’t. Immortality is great. It’s just that immortality and PTSD are a terrible combination.
“The alternative was having to give up one of the only things I care about. That would be worse. It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
I nod, drawing my hand away and focusing on the road. I’m sure there’s more to tell her, but hopefully, I’ll have quite a while to do so, and that should be an adequate baseline. It’s more than I had.
Risking another glance, I see a tear trailing down her cheek. I shouldn’t have talked her into it. I should have let her be. Humans can live with one hand, and prosthetics have come a long way. Hell, maybe medical advances would have made her hand salvageable. No, that doesn’t seem possible. I would have invested in it, and it would be commercially available at this point if it had shown any promise.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter. I really am no better than him.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But—”
“It was a long day. I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Just know that I’m not mad at you, and I’m still glad that I’m your girlfriend.”
“Even after everything I put you through?”
“I already told you. That wasn’t you. It was Iago.”
My fears slightly assuaged, I decide not to fight her on it. I think she’s earned a reprieve. She did save my life, after all. “Do you want me to stay at my place tonight?”
She sits up, staring, her mouth opening, then closing as if she’s searching for words. “I wasn’t going to ask that, but kind of. I want to see you. I want a little bit of time to myself if that’s okay.”
“I’m quite patient. You can have all the time you need.” I pull up to the curb outside her apartment.
Her lips meet my cheek, and I turn into her in a heated but brief kiss. When she pulls away, her eyes are filled with tears, and her lips are trembling. “I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I just need some sleep. I’ll call you in a couple days, okay?”
I nod, and she climbs out of my car. She continues standing there, staring. I roll the window down.
“You forgot Harvey.”
Oh. Right. “Thanks.”
* * *
I pause the bake-off on television to answer my phone. Time for my therapy session. I’d slept through our last appointment as it completely slipped my mind, so I checked her schedule with Ashley and arranged for a new appointment tonight, now that I actually need it. “Hey, Elizabeth, sorry for missing yesterday.”
“Do you have a good excuse?”
“For missing it? No. For not calling you back earlier? My archnemesis kidnapped my girlfriend, and I had to go rescue her.”
“That’s a pretty good reason. Dr. Sun’s your girlfriend now?”
“That’s the part you’re taking notice of?”
She chuckles. “I figured I’d start with the good news. I’m really happy for you, assuming the rescue went well. I think she could be good for you. And you having to deal with a human all the time is great exposure therapy.”
“About that…”
“She is okay, right? You said you had to rescue her. I assumed you’d succeeded. Oh, God, sorry, I’m such an ass. Is she okay? Please say she’s okay.”
That’s a surprisingly difficult question. “She wasn’t. Iago had cut—”
“Iago?”
“Yeah, I’m Othello. It’s a long story. He cut her hand off, and the only way to save her was to turn her.”
I can almost hear the gears turning in her head. I wonder if this explains a lot. “Is Iago the one who turned you?”
“Yeah.”
“I take it you didn’t choose that.”
I almost shake my head, but I manage to mutter, “No.”
“I’m sorry. That must have felt strange, turning someone else. It sounds like that was the start of a lot of trauma for you.”
“It wasn’t easy. I wish that I didn’t have to do it, but she would’ve never been able to tolerate a life without her hand. And she actually asked for it. That helps a little.”
“I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my wife. You’re not a monster. Whatever you’ve done in your past and whatever has happened to you, it doesn’t change the person you are now. And, Olivia, I th
ink that you’re a good person. Clearly, Mia agrees with me.”
“Wasn’t I threatening to eat you a couple weeks ago?”
“Please, I’ve had worse threats from my receptionist.”
She’s a strange woman. “Well, I appreciate your faith in me.” Faith. Now there’s the key word. How am I to believe that I’m a good person when even my own faith damns me? Well, this is a therapy session, so I suppose I ought to talk about these feelings. “I don’t know how well she’ll handle this. At first, she seemed okay, but by the time I dropped her off at her apartment, she was crying, and it was pretty clear that something was massively wrong.”
“Well, why don’t you tell me what all happened? Maybe I can give some useful feedback.”
I do so, catching Elizabeth up the best I can on the week’s events, up to Mia killing Iago and my killing her.
“Well, fuck,” she announces. She calls, “Hey, Ashley, do I have an appointment after this?” I can hear a faint “No” in the background. “I was gonna cancel it anyway unless it was an emergency. It sounds like you need me more right now. I take it Mia is what you’re most concerned about?”
“I think so. Maybe. Fuck, I don’t even know. For over the last century, I’ve been terrified of vampire hunters, and I had to watch the woman I…well, the woman I’m dating murder one. She saved me, and he needed to die, but it was rather traumatizing, especially considering that she was human at the time.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“It’s hard to find words for it.” I stare at the swirl of frosting frozen on the television. “I’m glad he’s dead. I wish I’d done it. At the time, I was so scared of her, I wasn’t even seeing Mia, but every hunter I’ve ever dealt with. But it went away, and all I wanted was to be there for her. I think that, even if I’m not yet, I can be okay with it. I am incredibly fond of this girl.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.”
Olivia Page 21