Poppy had first met Claudia Varrasso at the funeral of Miles, her journalist friend and Claudia’s son. The two had stood entwined, united by grief, both having shared the love of the man snatched from them in his prime by an act of monstrous violence. They had formed a unique bond, forgetting they had not met until after Miles’ death, sharing stories about him and acting as a salve for each other’s loss.
Poppy, without her mother in her life and with her beloved nan dead, welcomed the feminine, educated Claudia as a guiding figure. For Claudia, whose hope of becoming a grandmother had died along with her son, Poppy and her children were a blessing that she had no right to expect, but one that she nevertheless received gratefully and with love.
‘Are you looking forward to seeing Granny Claudia, Max?’ Peg asked, between mouthfuls of sweets.
Max nodded enthusiastically without any understanding of her question; he had been daydreaming as usual. Poppy smiled at him in the rear-view mirror and felt a rush of love for her little boy who still hovered close to babyhood and yet showed hints of kindness and purity, traits of the man he would become.
‘You know she’s not our real granny, don’t you? But she is our kind-of granny because we are all she’s got, that’s what Mum said to Daddy.’
Poppy grimaced, reminding herself that she needed to censor a little more of what came out of her mouth what with Peg so alert and always within earshot. Max nodded again at his sister, as though he was keeping up.
‘And we are all she’s got because her son was Miles, Mummy and Daddy’s friend, but he got blowed up before we were born.’ This she followed by allowing her fingers to rise and splay into an elaborate arc, accompanying the action with a gurgling sound of explosion.
‘Oh, gosh.’ Poppy felt her heart skip at the casual way in which her little girl referred to what still tore holes in her heart. ‘We aren’t going to mention that to Granny Claudia though, are we, Peg?’
‘Why?’ Peg leant forward. ‘Doesn’t she know?’
‘Yes. Yes she does know but…’ Poppy gripped the steering wheel. When she thought of that day, the moment she lost her good friend, it was as if she was watching a movie, playing the events over in her mind with a clarity that time had not smudged. The girl she saw in her mind’s eye, standing lost in the centre of the action, did not even vaguely resemble her; she looked like an actress on a screen. This somehow made it easier for her to remember, in fact easier to remember all the events surrounding that terrible adventure that had shaped the rest of her life.
She decided to deploy every mother’s last resort: divert and distract.
‘Ooh, did I mention that I got a card in the post for you from Cheryl? You can open it with your pressies on Christmas morning.’
‘Did she just send a card?’ Peg enquired.
‘Yes, Peggy Alessandra, and I’ve told you about being grateful for everything you receive, no matter how small. It’s the thought that counts, right?’
Peg nodded, her nose and mouth curled in disapproval. She turned to her brother. ‘Yes, Maxy, you mustn’t be disappointed if Cheryl only sends cards from Lanzagrotty and not a present. She is your real gran that we don’t see. And in all honesty, would not have passed an inspection to rehome a pet let alone have a child – there should be laws against it!’
Poppy gasped. ‘Where on earth did you hear that?’
‘It’s what you said to Aunty Jo. Is that a secret too?’ Peg looked perplexed.
‘No! And it’s not that these things are secret, it’s just…’ Poppy blew out through inflated cheeks. Sometimes she simply ran out of the right things to say.
She watched as her daughter wound down the rear window with some urgency. ‘Are you okay, love?’ she asked, wondering just how many sweets Peg had gorged on.
She stared at the wing mirror, calculating how quickly she might be able to cross to the inside lane and pull over. Just as she reached for the indicator, Peg screeched into the afternoon air, ‘Come on, you Spurs!’
‘Peg! I thought you were going to be sick! Did you just wind down the window and shout that at the car we passed?’
‘Yes! They’ve got a West Ham sticker in their window and Dad and Danny next door said that West Ham fans are a bunch of walkers and that I had to shout that out if I saw their sign.’
Poppy was torn between hysterical laughter and fury. I’ll bloody kill you, Mart!
‘Well, you can ignore Dad and Danny, and I don’t want you shouting that at anyone again, got it?’ Poppy could see Peg miming and mimicking her on the back seat. ‘I can see you in my mirror!’
Peg huffed. ‘I can’t even speak now! I’m not allowed to mention anyone getting blowed up, I can’t talk about Cheryl keeping pets and only sending cards, and now I can’t mention Spurs. Jade McKeever was right.’ She folded her arms across her chest.
Poppy was desperate to know what Jade McKeever was right about now, but didn’t want to open another can of worms; she was lacking the energy and inclination for another battle with her daughter. Silence reigned supreme for twenty seconds.
‘Can I get a pet?’
Poppy sighed. ‘Oh, love, not that again! I’ve told you, no, not yet.’
‘But why not yet?’ Peg stuck out her bottom lip.
‘Because you would lose interest in it after a week and it would become my pet and I would be the one that ended up cleaning up guinea pig poo on top of everything else!’
‘I wouldn’t lose interest in it, Mum. I’d love it! It would be so cute! Jade McKeever says you can get guinea pig outfits on the internet. Her cousin got some and she dresses hers up to look like Sherlock Holmes or a lady ballroom dancer.’
Poppy snorted her laughter. ‘That is hilarious and I agree, tempting, but the answer is still no.’
Peg, indignant, considered her next course of action. ‘I know, I’m going to Sellotape my mouth shut to stop words coming out and then I can’t say anything wrong if I can’t say anything at all.’
Poppy chortled. ‘Don’t let me stop you.’
She listened to Peg rummaging in the craft box, then heard sticky tape being pulled and ripped. She flicked her head to the back seat, where Peg was sitting with four pieces of tape crisscrossing her mouth. Poppy laughed, wondering how long her daughter could last without talking. It would be at least another ten minutes before they arrived; she doubted she’d last the rest of the journey.
A couple of minutes later, Peg resorted to writing notes in her pad and holding them up for Poppy to read in the mirror. The first was, I need a wee, followed by, Put One Direction on. This second instruction Poppy couldn’t read, sadly, not even when Peg held the note directly under her nose and pointed at each word in earnest.
‘No, sorry, Peg, still not got it!’
Peg beat her fists either side of her on the back seat as Max chuckled and copied her.
Poppy pulled the car into the driveway and parked on the gravel. It had been months since she had last been there; the carpet of petals from the climbing white tea rose that clung to the old brickwork of the cottage had given way to snow. Despite the chill of winter, she felt the same flicker of warmth in the pit of her stomach. It was like coming home.
A lamp shone from every window of the cottage and the small wooden front door was adorned with a vast ivy and berry wreath. The two bay trees that stood either side of the porch had been decked with lights and the whole scene looked like it had come straight out of a fancy Christmas card.
Claudia trotted from the house in her festive apron and her reading glasses, with her hair slightly askew, waving and clapping her hands until they came to rest under her chin. She kissed Poppy warmly on the cheek. ‘There you are! Kettle’s on. Don’t ever get your squeaky brakes fixed or I won’t know it’s you and you’d have to wait a good minute or so longer for your tea.’
Peg stood in front of the two women as they embraced. She emitted a series of grunts and hums, very keen for her taped mouth to be admired.
‘Why have you got
tape over your mouth, sweetie?’
‘Don’t ask.’ Poppy shook her head as they made their way inside the cottage.
‘She makes me laugh.’ Claudia beamed at Peg, who peeled off her tape and rushed forward to hug her not-real Granny.
‘I did my school play and I was sheep number six!’
‘Wow! That sounds wonderful. Did you have any lines?’
‘Yes, lots, and I got them all right!’
‘I can’t wait to hear all about it.’ Claudia laughed.
Peg ran into the sitting room and wound a length of tinsel around her neck and over her shoulders, like a feather boa. ‘Look, Maxy, I’m on the X Factor!’
Poppy tutted. ‘I have to admit, I wasn’t laughing much a couple of days ago, at parents’ evening.’
‘Oh, that bad?’ Claudia grimaced.
‘Not bad exactly. I think it’s my fault partly – I had such an unhappy time at school that I’m a wreck before I even go inside.’ Poppy lowered her voice. ‘Peg’s teacher is a bit of a cow and I can tell Peg doesn’t like her. But thankfully she has her friend Jade McKeever to teach her everything she needs to know, and Jade McKeever’s word is law, apparently!’
Claudia smiled, then shook her head. ‘Her teacher sounds like a silly woman. She probably doesn’t get Peg and that’s a great shame. A child like Peg is a gift in a class if you use their energy and creativity correctly.’
Poppy thought how she would have loved to have had a teacher like Claudia – not that her school had taught Classics or had even heard of it!
Claudia sighed. ‘But if she doesn’t know how to get the best out of her, then she will just try to control her, keep her down and Peg will feel boxed in and there will be tension.’
‘I think you should go in my place to the next one.’ Poppy smiled and sipped at her tea.
‘With pleasure! I fought a few battles for Miles in my time.’
Poppy watched as Claudia’s eyes clouded. She couldn’t imagine losing a child. How could you begin to accept that all the dreams and plans you had for them were not going to come to fruition? It was a horrible thought. The worst.
‘It was slightly awkward. She thinks Mart is in prison!’
‘What?’ Claudia roared. ‘Oh, he’d love that! He’s off doing his bit and meanwhile his reputation is being destroyed! Poor thing.’
‘I know, but I didn’t feel I could say!’ Poppy chewed her bottom lip. ‘Mind you, he may as well be in prison, we see so little of him. In fact it might be a bit easier, at least we’d get visiting rights!’
‘You must be missing him?’ Claudia asked, her voice soft.
Poppy nodded. ‘I really am. I don’t sleep properly and I’m always worrying, I can’t help it. They say you get used to it, but I certainly never have. When he’s home I don’t like being in a different room to him, let alone this.’
‘Poor love.’ Claudia smiled.
‘I need to try and be more positive.’ Poppy rallied herself. ‘And I’m great most of the time. I keep it together for the kids, but when they’ve gone to bed and I’m on my own, or if something happens, like having to deal with Peg’s horrible teacher, I just miss him.’
‘That’s understandable, but you know he’s safe, don’t you? Has he called?’
‘Yes. The night before last, in fact, which was lovely.’ She smiled at the memory. ‘I know Peg really misses him and that makes me feel even guiltier. It’s like everything is on hold – we don’t have a properly family life when he’s away and it’s like a double blow when he’s not here for a birthday or Christmas. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Claudia. If we didn’t come here and get spoiled, we’d just be at home, going through the motions, I do try, but…’
‘Oh I know, love, you don’t have to explain. It’s the same for me. I miss Miles most of all at those times; even decorating the tree is painful. I picture his little hands passing me baubles and ornaments from the box when he was little. Without him it all feels a little pointless, but then I think of Peg and Max and it gives me the lift I need to keep going.’
Claudia’s words made Poppy feel instantly guilty. What wouldn’t Claudia give to have her son alive and working away, knowing she would see him at some point, one more Christmas.
Poppy looked at the beautiful Christmas tree that sat by the side of the vast fireplace and dominated the room. It was fairly short but full. Each bushy branch held a red china Santa, a reindeer or a salt-dough star, painted and glittery, probably Miles’ handiwork. Strings of fairy lights flickered in abundance and the effect was magical.
Tens of cards were strung up above the fireplace between two hooks, each held in place by a tiny festive peg. On all the coffee tables and in the deep-set windowsills were cream-coloured church candles that sat in ornate rings of velvety green spruce with minute pinecones and red berries threaded through them. A fire crackled in the grate and piles of logs and kindling were heaped up in deep willow baskets alongside the fireplace, ready to meet their fate over the Christmas period.
Poppy watched as Claudia arranged a plate of cinnamon-sugar cookies to accompany their cups of tea. It felt lovely to be looked after and she felt the tension leaving her shoulders. She noted the streaks of grey in the loose bun that sat at the nape of Claudia’s neck; they had grown wider and lighter since Poppy had last seen her. The lines creeping from the corner of her eyes and across her honey-coloured brow were deeper and had multiplied. It was the first time Poppy had thought of her as old.
She wandered over to look at the photographs of Miles that were dotted around the room. Miles as a child with his late father on a boat, wearing shorts and grinning into the camera with his sailor’s hat over one eye. Another at his graduation, his arm carelessly slung across his mother’s shoulders in a gesture that had now assumed unbearable poignancy. Poppy’s favourite was a black and white shot of him caught unawares, laughing, with his index finger placed over his mouth; it was a side view, his dark curly hair falling over his forehead and his eyes crinkled, just how she pictured them. It had been taken shortly before he was killed. She touched her fingers to his face. ‘I love this picture.’
‘Me too.’ Claudia nodded. ‘He was a handsome boy.’
‘He was.’ Poppy smiled.
Max was curled up sleepily on the sofa. She gathered him up, not wanting him to doze off just yet or he wouldn’t sleep through the night. ‘Come on, Max, let’s show Granny Claudia your dinosaurs.’
‘Yes!’ Max squealed. As ever, a man of few words.
‘Granny Claudia, I want to fly a plane!’ Peg gushed, worried her Granny Claudia was about to be commandeered for dino play.
‘What, right now?’
‘No!’ Peg shrieked. ‘When I’m big.’
‘Oh!’ Claudia winked at Poppy. ‘That hasn’t worn off then. I remember you saying that the last time I saw you.’
‘Yep. I still do. I want to fly all over the place.’
‘I’ll be sure to tell you which airline she is working for, Claudia, so that you can book a different one.’ Poppy grinned.
‘I might not even work for an airline, Mum. I might join the army and fly attack helicopters.’
‘I thought you hated the army?’
‘I only hate them because they’ve got my dad! I think I would like to be a soldier and fly over the baddies!’
‘I don’t think so.’ Poppy’s smile slipped a little.
Peg stamped her tiger-feet slippers on the wooden floor. ‘But you said I can do whatever makes me happy!’
‘I lied.’ Poppy placed Max on her hip and carried him into the kitchen.
Claudia sat at the table and took him from her, scooping the sleepy boy into her arms, inhaling the scent of his sweet, blonde scalp. ‘Ooh, you’ve grown, little man!’
‘He’s a solid lump of gorgeousness!’ Poppy bent and gently bit his chubby leg. ‘He’s the image of Mart. It’s weird for me, Claudia. Mart and I were already friends when we were Peg’s age! That’s only a few years for Max
and I can see him morphing more into his dad every day.’
Max gave a very broad grin and clapped. The two women chorused their approval. ‘Yay! Clapping – you are so clever.’
‘Ducks here!’ Max pointed to the window.
‘Oh you are clever! He remembers the ducks in the pond last time he came! We shall go outside tomorrow after breakfast and see what we can find, Max. After you have opened your presents and once Mummy and I have had a good catch-up.’ Claudia set the toddler down on the floor and watched him race around the floor with the wobbly gait of a drunk, still woozy from impending sleep and clutching a triceratops in his hand.
Peg got on the floor and followed her little brother, corralling him under the kitchen table. She pulled him close to her and whispered into his ear. ‘Stay close by me when we open our presents, Max. They might try to trick us. Sometimes they might give you an orange and a walnut and make out that is your only present, but your real presents will be close by so don’t have a turn, just say thank you very much! And if they give you a little bell wrapped up, don’t look sad, that means they are going to take you into the garage and give you a bike or a scooter. It’s like a little clue and it makes them very happy, but you mustn’t let on that you know. Jade McKeever told me that. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ Max nodded as he bit the tail of his dinosaur.
Claudia smiled as she tuned into Peg’s mumblings. The two children scuttled out from beneath the table and made their way back to the sofa, where they flopped and put the television on.
‘I’ve been so excited waiting for you to arrive. It’s lovely to have you all here.’
‘We couldn’t wait to get here!’
Claudia pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and glanced at her watch. ‘I’ve got a last-minute errand to run, do you mind if I pop out for a mo?’ She stood, reaching for her handbag and car keys.
Stories From The Heart Page 34