by Aly Martinez
The second way was that, for the very first time ever, I felt a dose of jealousy. I wasn’t stupid. I had known that Quarry had girls at his school. I’d just never thought they were any competition for me. Or, better yet, that I would ever consider someone else competition when it came to him. Quarry wasn’t my boyfriend or anything. That’s not how our relationship worked. However, in that moment, I kinda wished it had been like that. Maybe he’d want to hold my hand while we watched a movie. He could get a ride up to Chicago and go to my middle school formal with me. We would have had so much fun together. I didn’t want him to bring me roses and mushy cards, but even thinking of him doing that with someone else suddenly burned.
I’d never thought of Quarry like that before, so as I blankly stared at him, I couldn’t figure out why my mind was trudging into such uncharted waters when, honestly, I didn’t even like to swim.
Yet my mind wanted an answer and went directly to my mouth to get it, bypassing my self-restraint altogether.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
His eyebrows popped high in surprise. “Not really.”
“Not really” was not an answer. It was an evasion.
And it made it clear that he probably did.
It also burned so badly that I was afraid the blisters would be visible on my skin.
I focused on the TV, hoping the pain didn’t show on my face.
“Why? Do you have a boyfriend?”
Nope.
Not even close.
“Kinda,” I replied instead.
“Seriously?”
I didn’t turn to look at him. I pulled my feet under me and settled into the corner of the couch. “So, what movie are we watching?”
“Liv—”
“I’m fine with action. But it better be good. None of that sci-fi crap.”
I could feel his eyes locked on me for several beats, but I refused to look at him. He was allowed to have whatever girlfriend he wanted. We were still best friends. Nothing had changed.
Though it didn’t feel like that as I curled into the corner of the couch, fighting back irrational tears and feeling more like a girl than I ever had before.
I didn’t even make it halfway through the movie before I was lulled to sleep by the loud noises of car chases and explosions.
* * *
My body shot upright as I was awoken by the most terrifying sound in the world.
Silence.
Panic built in my chest as my eyes struggled to take in my surroundings.
The room was pitch-black—not even the light from the moon peeked in. I definitely wasn’t in my bedroom at home, and my groggy mind was too overwhelmed to remember where I’d fallen asleep. I just knew I needed to get the hell out of there. Tears built in my eyes as I pushed to my feet and darted to where I hoped there was a door. I hadn’t made it far when my leg slammed into something, and I tumbled forward in a fight to stay on my feet. I crashed into something else just before a heavy weight fell on top of me and knocked the air from my lungs. A whole new level of fear spiraled out of control within me.
My eyes had adjusted enough for me to see the large frame of a man rushing toward me. It wasn’t large enough to be my dad, but it was menacing nonetheless.
“Daddy!” I shrieked, flailing my arms and legs, frantically trying to escape whatever or whoever was restraining me in my own personal version of hell. “Stop! Don’t touch me!” I screamed at the shadow of a man when he lifted me off the ground.
“It’s just me, Liv. I’ve got you.”
“Quarry?” I squeaked, relief flooding my system.
“You’re okay. I won’t let anything hurt you. I swear.”
I immediately burst into tears, and he wrapped me tight in his arms. Front to front, he hugged me as if he were the one losing his shit—not me.
Just then, the door swung open and a flashlight illuminated the room as a symphony of children’s cries filtered in. The welcome chaos was music to my ears.
“Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on? You two woke up all the kids,” Flint growled.
“Hey, shut the fuck up, dickhead. She was scared.”
“Oh,” he replied in understanding. “You okay, Liv?”
My body shook as I dangled in Quarry’s arms. I couldn’t even form a coherent thought, much less an answer.
“What the fuck happened to the TV?” Quarry barked, holding me even tighter.
“The power went out,” Flint replied. “I’m gonna call Slate. You two good?”
“She’s fine. I’ve got her. You go take care of the kids.”
The lights suddenly flickered on only long enough to taunt me before plunging us back into darkness. Another round of sobs overtook me. I wasn’t scared of the dark. Well, not exactly. It was just that silence tended to linger in the darkness.
“I…I…n-n-n-need my headphones,” I cried into Quarry’s chest.
“Flint?”
“Yeah. Give me a second. I need to grab Riley first,” Flint answered before disappearing along with the flashlight.
Darkness once again cloaked the room, and I scooted impossibly closer to Quarry’s chest, finding the immediate relief I desperately needed.
I’m safe with him. Always.
The power flashed one last time before staying on for good.
“Holy shit,” Quarry breathed as we both took in the room.
The DVD player, the Xbox, and the cable box were all knocked to the floor, and the entertainment center that had once housed them lay on its side with one door completely broken off.
“Are you hurt?” He quickly stepped away and raked his eyes over my body, searching for any sign of injury.
I wasn’t, but it was then that I realized what a mess I probably looked like.
“Don’t look at me.” I quickly ducked behind him and buried my tear-stained face in his back.
He chuckled and pulled my arms around his waist, resting his hands on top of mine. “She’s okay,” he said to himself.
“I’m not okay. I look like one of those girls at your school right now.” I sniffled.
“Nah. They aren’t cool enough to be like my Rocky.”
Suddenly, my Rocky didn’t sound so bad.
I rubbed my face in the cotton of his tee to dry my eyes. “Thanks. Ya…know. For that,” I told his back.
He didn’t even have a chance to reply before I heard Flint’s voice heading in our direction.
“Yeah. Everyone’s fine, Slate. The kids are back in bed, and I’m just about to give Liv her iPad. We’re all good.” He paused, “I’m not sure I can say the same about your entertainment center, but all of the homo sapiens under the roof are alive and well. Okay, I’ll ask. Hang on. Hey, Liv? You want your parents to come back?”
“Um.” I seriously considered it until Quarry’s hand folded securely over mine, allowing me to answer honestly. “No. I’m good.”
“She says she’s good. Okay. See you later.” He must have hung up the phone, because he let out a loud huff. “Christ, that was pandemonium.”
“Sorry,” I squeaked.
Quarry’s body stiffened before he corrected, “She’s not sorry. You’re not sorry. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“Right. Well, whatever. Here’s your iPad, Liv. I’m going back downstairs. I’ll leave the flashlight up here in case the lights go out again.”
“Thanks,” Quarry replied.
Flint’s voice grew distant as he shouted, “And clean up that crap before Slate gets back? Yeah?”
Quarry didn’t reply. Nor did he attempt to step out of my grasp. He actually didn’t move at all as I clung to his back, still trying to get myself under control. My pulse slowly returned to a non-marathon pace, but my mind wasn’t nearly as fast to recover.
“You gonna let me go any time soon?” he asked.
“Not if I don’t have to,” I retorted.
“Then you don’t have to. You want to at least put on your headphones. Just in case?” He lifted the
earbuds attached to my iPad over his shoulder.
I removed a hand from his waist only long enough to shove them in my ears. Quarry pressed play on my music and my whole body slacked as the familiar sounds washed through me.
We must have stood there for fifteen minutes before he slowly led us back toward the couch. He was amazing and handled me with absolute caution. Not prying my hands away, he patiently waited for me to take the cue and lie down. Once I’d settled, he climbed on the couch in front of me. His large body teetered on the edge, but he turned and gave me his back again. Then he snagged my arm and draped it over his waist. I could only assume it was the teenage-boy version of holding me tenderly.
But it was Quarry doing it, so it didn’t take but a second for me to realize that it was the best version of all.
And it absolutely ruined me at only twelve years old.
But, then again, Quarry had ruined me long before that.
Even if I hadn’t known it yet.
It should have been difficult to find sleep with as scared as I’d been when I’d woken up. But, with my headphones blaring in my ears and Quarry guarding my front, there was little to fear. He’d rescued me from the deepest, darkest demon hiding in the shadows of my mind.
With him, I was invincible.
We slept tangled together until my father yanked him off the couch, pissed as hell to have found us sleeping together. Quarry didn’t cower or offer any excuses as to what we had been doing. He looked my father squarely in eyes and told him, “She was afraid. I laid down with her and she wasn’t anymore. Sorry. Not sorry.”
It was one hundred percent Quarry Page. Breathtakingly unapologetic.
Emphasis on the breathtaking part.
As he sauntered out the door that night, I called out, “Later, Q.”
And, for the very first time, his response changed.
I only caught the side of his face as he glanced over his shoulder, but that was more than enough to make my cheeks heat. The corner of his mouth lifted in a heart-stopping smile.
“Later, Rocky.”
Chapter Four
Quarry
SOMEHOW, OVER THE NEXT SIX months, I magically found myself in the world’s good graces again.
Till had worked his way up the ladder in the professional boxing world, earning his very first title shot. Win or lose, it was a dream come true.
Eliza was pregnant and expecting their first child—a girl. Thank God! We didn’t need any more Page boys.
Flint had recently graduated high school and was gearing up for college. He was ridiculously smart and could have gone anywhere he wanted. He bitched out, though, and decided to go to the local university in order to stay close to the family. Eliza was ecstatic. I guessed that’d had a big role in his decision. He was weird about her in those days.
I was kicking ass on the amateur boxing circuit, well on my way to following in Till’s footsteps like I’d always dreamed since I’d first climbed through the ropes.
The Page family was happy, and life was simple again.
I should have known it would be short-lived.
We were all in Vegas for two full weeks for Till’s big title shot—and the best part was that we included Liv.
Little did I know that the trip would end up being the biggest nightmare of my entire life…at that point.
In a desperate attempt to settle a gambling debt, my father, Clay Page, crawled out of the woodwork for the first time in years in order to convince Till to throw the fight. His bookie, Frankie, had other ideas. He showed up at our room with a gun and kidnapped Eliza.
I’d fought, but in the end, I was left bleeding and unconscious on the floor as he dragged her from the room.
That was the first time I felt the paralyzing anguish of failing a woman I loved.
I should have been the first line of defense in protecting what was ours. Eliza might have been married to only Till, but she belonged to all of us. I failed my entire family that day.
I could have prevented it all if only I’d been stronger.
Tougher.
Patient.
Careful.
Smarter.
In other words, not Quarry Page.
And I had to live with that knowledge while the police searched for Eliza, not knowing if she was alive or dead.
Flint got to be the hero that day, and his reward was a bullet he took in the back to protect Eliza and her unborn daughter.
It gutted me.
I should have been man enough to do that the moment Frankie had stormed in, waving a gun around. I hadn’t though. After everything they had given me—sacrificed for me—I’d failed them all.
An insurmountable guilt devoured me the day the doctors told us that Flint might never walk again. I would have rather sat in a wheelchair for my entire life than watch the painful reality crumble my brother’s face, knowing that it was all my fault.
It broke me in ways that could never be healed.
I wasn’t a man.
And, for that reason alone, I lost it in the middle of Flint’s hospital room with Eliza, Till, Erica, and Slate all watching on.
“Hey, Q,” Flint called from his bed.
I didn’t turn to face him as I answered, “Yeah.”
“You crying over there?”
I deserved that for what I had done. And especially for what I hadn’t done—protect them.
“Fuck you,” I barked at my reflection in the window.
“Hey, you can’t be a man and a baby. Either cuss or cry.”
He was right. And it was exactly why I was crying like the little bitch I really was.
“Leave him alone,” Erica urged.
There was nothing to leave alone though. I’d earned that when I’d allowed an armed man to take Eliza—the only mother I’d ever known. Till would have burned the entire world down before allowing anyone to ever lay a finger on her. And Flint… Well, he’d more than shown the lengths to which he would go to make her safe.
And I’d proved exactly how worthless I truly was.
In an exaggerated baby voice, Flint mocked, “Q, you want me to ask the nurse if she has a lollipop?”
I couldn’t take it anymore.
Pushing to my feet, I stormed past his bed, mumbling, “I hate you.”
I didn’t hate him at all though.
I hated myself.
After sprinting from the room, I came face-to-face with a hall full of familiar faces and one pair of innocent, brown eyes I could feel even before they came into view.
“Quarry, wait!” Liv yelled, chasing after me as I rushed down the hall, desperately seeking an escape from my entire fucking life.
When I was sure I’d lost her, I quickly ducked into a supply closet and flipped the lights off.
This is not happening. None of it.
After sucking in a deep breath, I held it until my chest began to burn. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks, and I didn’t even bother wiping them away.
The handle of the door twisted, and light from the hall filled the small space. I didn’t need to turn to know who it was.
“Go away, Liv.”
The door shut almost immediately. My body sagged in relief as the darkness once again cloaked the room.
“Son of a bitch!” I shouted as two arms folded around my waist from behind. “Get out!” I roared as her body came flush with my back.
“No,” she murmured, resting her head between my shoulder blades.
“Leave me the hell alone. I don’t want you here!”
“I don’t care if you want me here or not. If it happens to you, it happens to me too, remember?”
But it hadn’t happened to her; it’d happened to me. And nothing she could say or do would change that. It didn’t matter one bit that I instantly felt better from knowing she was there. Not even Liv could fix this.
“Leave me alone. It’s dark and quiet in here. God knows I can’t deal with you freaking the fuck out right now.”
“I’ll be fin
e. I’m safe with you, Quarry.”
That one sentence was the absolute worst thing she could have possibly said. It lit me on fire, because not only had I convinced her of that bullshit over the years, but I’d even convinced myself.
It was the biggest lie I had ever told.
“I can’t protect you!” I roared, roughly removing her arms from around my hips. Spinning to face her, I continued to yell. “I can’t fucking protect anyone! Not you. Not Eliza. Not Flint. Not even my fucking self.”
“Then I’ll protect you,” she whispered.
And that damn warmth Liv seemed to magically transfer spread over me. My dependency on those brief moments of comfort was another one of my weaknesses. No more. Never again.
I grabbed her shoulders and shook her roughly. “I can’t keep you safe. Look around us. It’s still dark. And, in a minute, it’s going to be really fucking quiet. You have to get over your shit before I have the chance to fail you too.”
She attempted to once again close her arms around my waist, but I stepped out of her reach.
“Stop saying that. You didn’t fail anyone,” she said.
And that was the exact moment I lost her.
Rage and self-loathing boiled in my veins. She was so fucking wrong. And the sooner she realized it, the safer she would be.
Stomping past her, I did the unforgivable.
I showed Liv James exactly how unsafe she was with me.
After yanking the closet door open, I stepped out. I caught a glimpse of fear in her wide eyes just before I secured my spot in Hell by slamming the door behind me.
“Quarry!” she shrieked, frantically rattling the handle.
But I refused to release it.
She needed to know.
“Quarry!” Her fists beat on the wood as I sank to the ground, blocking the door with my body.
She had to understand that the world was a scary place, where people you love got kidnapped, shot, and paralyzed. The silence was the easy part.
“Quarry, please!” Utter panic colored her voice, but I didn’t budge.