“That would be great. I’d love a cup of coffee,” replied Angie. Although she had only recently met Louise, Angie was full of admiration for the nurse. This very busy nurse had taken time out to help her, and now Louise had been lumbered with a somewhat flaky female. Angie’s vacuous ramblings hadn’t phased the nurse one bit. Indeed, Louise hadn’t batted an eyelid and had managed to remain totally patient and calm throughout. Louise had a way of speaking that was convincingly reassuring, and right now that’s exactly what Angie needed.
The skillful nurse left the room and Angie began to daydream. She went through various, sometimes bizarre, versions of how things might turn out. Then she asked herself how she would cope if Chris had lost his memory of her for good. Angie didn’t even notice the student nurse placing the large mug on the table next to her. It didn’t take long for the strong aroma of the coffee to act like smelling salts, jerking Angie back to reality. Angie slipped her usual two spoons of sugar into the oversized cup, and then added one more for luck, to heck with the calories.
When Louise returned, she was accompanied by a doctor. As the handsome young doctor entered the room, Angie suddenly realized that she was probably actually older than he was. Surely he was far too young to be fully qualified? There was a time when the doctor’s she saw looked old enough to be her father. Now though, she’d noted that many of the doctor’s she met these days seemed to be so much younger. This latest observance was naturally easier for Angie to tolerate than accepting that she was just getting older.
“Hi, Mrs. Morris, my name is Doctor Evans. We’ve already run all the usual tests on your husband and everything looks fine. However, in light of the fact you say that he doesn’t recognize you; we had better look into things a bit further. It’s probably nothing at all to worry about.”
The doctor’s voice was gentle almost hypnotic, and Angie had begun to drift off. She knew he was telling her about the tests they would do, but it was all a bit of a blur. She was doing her best to focus on what he was telling her, but it just wasn’t happening.
“What if he never remembers me?” Angie interrupted.
“Let me just get these tests out of the way, and then we’ll chat again,” Doctor Evans replied, blatantly evading her last question. Doctor Evans left the room and the ever-helpful nurse Louise followed him. A few minutes later, Louise returned and asked Angie if she felt better now.
“I’m not happy at all, something’s not right. Did you notice how that doctor avoided answering me? When I asked about Chris never remembering me, did you notice that?”
“Now don’t go getting all worked up, Angie. Go back and have a chat with Christopher. He’s probably just a bit dopey from the medication. You could try dropping a few hints. If that doesn’t work then just talk about anything that might jog his memory a bit.”
“Isn’t that the wrong thing to do? Don’t you have to let him remember in his own time? Isn’t it dangerous to try to make him remember me?” Angie’s latest questions caused the generally tactful nurse, Louise, to burst out laughing.
“Something tells me you’ve been watching too many movies. Sorry, Angie, I don’t mean to make fun of you, but you’d be surprised just how many people think what they see in the movies is just like real life. You may not believe this, but some people even believe that the only way to bring back someone’s memory is to bang them on the head.”
Louise’s final statement had brought Angie back to her senses, largely due to the fact she had been thinking that very same thing herself. Luckily she hadn’t got round to asking Louise if they needed to bang him on the head, so she was saved from humiliating herself any further. “Sorry, Louise, you must think I’m an idiot. The truth is, I’m not dealing with this whole thing very well. Like I said before, we split up not long back and we’ve been going for marriage counseling. In fact, that’s where I was when he had his accident. Chris didn’t show up and I was thinking some horrible things about him. Then I discover he’s been in a car accident. Now I feel so guilty, and I can’t even apologize to him because he doesn’t know who I am. One minute I was wondering if we could fix our broken marriage, now it’s like our marriage never happened.”
“Come on, Angie; let’s get you back to Christopher.”
The two women walked slowly back down the corridor, and on the way, Angie wondered what she should say to Chris that might jog his memory. Should she talk about the good times, or the bad? Should she talk about the frequent visits to the fertility department and how the building had changed so much since then? Maybe that would jog his memory.
Reaching the end of the corridor Louise gently took hold of Angie’s arm, “Now don’t panic, Angie. Just go on in there and see what happens. I’ll get back to work and leave you two alone to talk. If you need me, I’ll be along the corridor.”
As the kindly nurse headed back along the passageway, Angie entered the room alone. She instantly spotted Chris looking at her, but he didn’t look at her any different than he had earlier. That wasn’t a good sign.
“Hello, so you’re back again. You didn’t tell me your name before you left.” Chris sounded a little groggy, but was definitely fully conscious. Deciding to simply go with the flow, Angie answered, “I’m Angie.”
Refusing to humiliate herself even further by adding that she was also his wife, Angie’s cheeks burned red with embarrassment. The whole situation was surreal and she couldn’t believe that she had just been forced to introduce herself to the person she had shared her life with for over two decades. She decided that she would ‘dip her toe in the water’, before diving in.
“I was just thinking how much this hospital has changed over the years, don’t you agree?”
“Actually I don’t think I’ve been to this hospital before, at least not that I can recall. Of course I could be wrong. They have been giving me some pretty strong medication for the pain, so I’m not exactly thinking too straight at the moment. It’s powerful stuff they give you in here. It makes you feel quite relaxed. In fact, I’ve been so relaxed I’ve been pretty much out of it most of the time. I guess you could say it’s like having too much alcohol without getting the bar bill afterwards.” Chris tried to laugh but quickly stopped, and clutching his ribs he groaned loudly. “Arrgh! Ouch! That hurts. Perhaps that painkiller isn’t as strong as I thought.”
Realizing that Chris had no memory of their frequent visits to the hospital, let alone the reason why they had been there, Angie was distraught. Her world was coming apart at the seams. When they’d told her she’d never have children, she thought that her world had ended. When Chris moved out, she thought that she’d never stop crying. Now, while she remembered the tiniest detail of the past twenty years with Chris, it seemed that he remembered nothing.
When Doctor Evans and Louise entered the room, it was Angie’s cue to leave.
“I’ll get out of the way and let them do their job, Chris. I’ll come back later and see how you’re doing.”
While the doctor began to explain to Chris the various tests they were going to perform, Angie gave Louise a silent nod and slipped quietly out of the room. Slowly descending the never-ending staircase, Angie found that with each step her mood was getting lower and lower. By floor three she was verging on despondent, and by the time she had gotten herself down to the second floor she began to break down into uncontrollable sobs. As her wails echoed throughout the stairwell, her legs almost gave way. She crumbled down onto the cold stairs and wept bitterly. Anyone looking at Angie right now would have thought that she’d suffered a great loss, and in her mind she had. She was now in mourning for the loss of her husband, or rather his memory. Chris had forgotten her and he’d forgotten the years they had spent together. She might remember every second of their life together, but what use was it if he couldn’t share those memories. How could she make a go of their marriage if he couldn’t even remember it?
Thankfully, no one entered the stairwell during her mammoth sobbing session. After a while, when she had see
mingly run out of tears and her throat was hoarse, she knew that it was time to go. Checking her face in the small mirror she always carried in her bag, Angie wiped away the smudged mascara, and confident that she looked almost ‘normal’ again, she continued down to the ground floor.
Back in the old days, they’d always traveled to and from the hospital via the bus. It was much easier than struggling to find a parking space, and therefore so much less stressful. However, the last time she and Chris had visited the hospital, she was in no shape for a bus ride. After their final appointment in the fertility department, Angie had cried so inconsolably that they’d taken a taxi home. Right now, Angie was weeping again, but this time she was crying on the inside, so no one could see her tears. Chris and Angie had made the same journey so many times, yet Chris had forgotten it all. Thoughts were buzzing through her head while she took the familiar path to the bus stop and waited.
Chapter Nine
When she put the key in her door, Angie had never been so glad to be home. In recent times she had often returned home reluctantly, dreading being alone again. Yes she had put on a front and pretended like she’d loved the new independence. It was true that now and again she did find the idea of being single a little exciting, but deep down she missed having someone to share things with. Angie and Chris had lost touch with most of their friends over the years. This was mostly due to the fact that they had nothing in common anymore. The one’s who had remained single were going off here and there and didn’t do ‘married couple’ things. The one’s who had gotten married drifted away when they had their children. Their friends seemed almost embarrassed when they had to announce that they were expecting baby number one, two, three, or sometimes four, even though both Chris and Angie had always kept their disappointment well hidden.
Some of the old friends still kept in distant contact via social networking sites, but there was no real substance to the friendships anymore. In a few cases they were just another profile on the ‘friends’ list. Angie was now totally alone, and although she could phone her mother anytime she wished, it wasn’t the same as having Chris around. After so many years together, he totally understood her, faults and all.
Kicking off her shoes, Angie removed her coat at the same time, and tossed it on the sofa. She instantly pictured Chris sitting on the sofa and saying the same thing he always said when she dumped her coat, “Oh, so this is the new coat rack is it?” he’d say sarcastically. Right now she wished he were here, moaning at her. Before he left, Chris’ constant griping about the slightest little thing would drive Angie nuts. She was on edge almost all of the time, wondering why she couldn’t do anything right. Perhaps it was her own feelings of failure that had made her so sensitive to his constant criticism. Perhaps he thought she wasn’t good enough for him, and he wanted someone better. As the griping began to become the norm, Angie tried to bite her tongue to avoid yet another argument, but in the end she’d had enough. In the end, Angie started nitpicking too, and that led to even more arguments. In the end, the only time they weren’t arguing was when they weren’t speaking to each other at all. In the end, whatever had caused the problems didn’t really matter and she just wanted to be alone.
Yesterday, if Chris hadn’t have been so lucky, he could easily have been killed. Instead, he’d been left with bumps, bruises, and broken bones, which would soon heal. For that Angie was truly grateful. On the other hand, although he hadn’t lost his life, he had lost all memories of Angie and their life together, and that was pretty devastating for her to accept. Now her deepest hope was that the hospital tests would confirm there was nothing to worry about, and Chris would remember her again.
Angie hadn’t eaten since the two burnt slices of toast that were breakfast. Her stomach was rumbling with a combination of hunger and nervousness. Although she knew that she really should eat something, she just couldn’t face it. The lack of sustenance was giving her a heavy head, and a migraine lingered menacingly in the background. Angie decided to make herself a cup of tea, put her feet up for a while, and try to relax. Then she would call the hospital and try to have a word with Louise to get some advice on what to do next. Nurse Louise Brannagan had so far been a godsend to Angie. She had calmed and reassured Angie when she had become overwhelmed with the whole situation. Angie needed someone she could trust, and felt that Louise would tell her straight whether there was something to worry about or not.
Once in the bedroom, Angie rested the mug of tea on the bedside table. The clank of porcelain on the ceramic coaster made her jump. Plumping up the pillows into a high pile, she climbed onto the bed and clicked the switch on the small radio alarm clock to radio. The music blasted out and she quickly turned the volume dial down low. It was their favorite radio station, and usually they both liked to have their music loud, but right now Angie wasn’t in the mood for loud music. Her tense limbs and impending headache would not be eased by thundering beats, no matter how tuneful the melody. The smooth relaxing beat of the music was serving its purpose, soothing the stress away. After a while Angie could feel the tension ease throughout her body. A good half hour later the headache had passed and she could feel herself becoming drowsy. Just as her eyelids became so heavy that she had to fight to keep them open, the beat of a familiar song brought her instantly back to being wide-awake. It was the opening beat to ‘their song’. It was a song they had played at their wedding, and it was the song that always brought a tear to her eye. Soon the opening beats were followed by the words Angie knew by heart.
“Lay a whisper on my pillow,” the female sang. Within seconds, Angie was turning the volume up as far as it would go. She began to sing along just as she always did, only this time she didn’t have Chris to join in with the chorus. Memories of the 1990’s came flooding back. Chris had taken her to the movies to see the film that all her friends had been raving about. ‘Pretty Woman’ had everybody talking, especially about the fact that the central character was a call girl. The film may have been seen as somewhat controversial, but this tearjerker just had to be seen. Although Angie’s friends had convinced the couple to check out the movie, they didn’t give much away, and most certainly didn’t hint about how the film ended. Angie’s mother had asked them to check the movie out on her behalf. Doreen had raved about Richard Gere since she had drooled over him in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ eight years earlier. Doreen and Bill rarely went to the movies anymore. Bill preferred to ‘leave that sort of stuff to the young ones’, and more important, he liked the comfort of his own sofa. He promised Doreen that if the movie were any good, he would buy her the video when it came out and then she could watch it over and over again. So Doreen offered to pay for their movie tickets if Angie and Chris gave the movie the thumbs up.
When she saw Mr. Gere on the big screen, it wasn’t hard for Angie to see why her mother had found him so attractive. This charismatic character with the dreamy eyes and provocative smile was just the type of hero that many women would wish to come along and sweep them off their feet. In this movie he wasn’t just the hero, he was the extremely rich hero. However, Angie had her very own hero and he was the one holding her hand while they both sat glued to this captivating movie.
As the silver limousine took ‘Vivian’ back to where she came from, the song began.
“Lay a whisper on my pillow; leave the winter on the ground.” Vivian glanced out of the back window, as if in the faint hope that ‘Edward’ would come after her. Meanwhile, ‘Edward’ looked as though he was missing her already, and that he knew he’d made a huge mistake by letting her go. Angie resisted the strong urge to yell at the screen, ‘Go on Edward, go after her you idiot’. Chris squeezed Angie’s hand tightly and they both sniffed loudly, but neither of them took their eyes off the big screen. Angie’s body twitched as she struggled to hold the sob inside. Grateful that she had taken her friends’ advice and brought an extra large handkerchief, Angie pulled it from her pocket as discreetly as possible.
With the film drawing to an
end, there was now a fierce battle going on to prevent Angie from blubbering like a baby. As ‘Edward’ rolled up to ‘Vivian’s’ apartment clutching a bunch of red roses, Angie’s battle was lost. Biting her lip in an attempt to keep the sniffling levels to a minimum she couldn’t contain it any longer. All of the emotions that had been building up inside Angie since the film began came spilling out in a tidal wave of tears. Rarely did she openly cry over a movie, but it was totally forgivable because this was the happy ending that Angie, Chris, and the rest of the cinema were seeking for ‘Vivian’.
To the sound of Roy Orbison, and with the final credits rolling, the film was over. The tears were now streaming down Angie’s face, and her handkerchief was soaking wet. As the lights went up Chris playfully teased her. “I guess this film should have come with a flood warning. Looks like you need a bucket to catch the tears, not a handkerchief.”
“Looks to me like your eyes are a little bit wet too,” Angie joked back.
“No way. It’s just going from darkness to light that did that. Those lights are so bright they’re making my eyes water, that’s all,” Chris fibbed as he rubbed his eyes, furiously attempting to destroy all evidence of tears.
“OK whatever you say. All I know is that was the best movie I’ve seen in ages, and I defy any woman or man not to shed a tear or two when they watch it.”
It Must Have Been Love Page 4