The Arrangement

by Joan Wolf

  How do you tell a child that something you have led him to believe all his life is untrue?

  I inhaled deeply and began slowly, feeling my way. “I want to tell you a story, Nicky. It is about my sister, but it is about you too, so will you please be patient and listen?”

  Nicky gave me an alert look. Like all youngsters, he was interested in anything that pertained to himself. “All right, Mama,” he said.

  I stripped off my riding gloves and ran them nervously through my fingers as I talked.

  “When Deborah and I were quite young,” I began, “our parents were killed in a hotel fire and we were sent to the village of Hatfield to live with my father’s sister, my Aunt Margaret. Deborah was a few years older than I and the kindest, most gentle person whom I have ever known. We were very close—much closer than sisters usually are.”

  “That was because you had no parents, I expect,” Nicky said wisely.

  I smiled at him. “Quite probably.” I drew in a deep breath, consulted the heavy gray sky, and continued. “Now, Hatfield village lies close to Devane Hall, which was the home of an uncle of the Earl of Savile. At the time that Deborah and I were living in Hatfield, this Lord Devane had one son, whose name was George, and he was a very handsome and personable young man.”

  I looked into Nicky’s clear blue eyes. “Are you following me so far?”

  “I think so, Mama. Lord Devane was the earl’s uncle.”

  “And Lord Devane had a son named George, who was just a year older than my sister, Deborah,” I clarified further.

  There was a faint line of puzzlement between Nicky’s finely drawn brows, but he nodded that he understood.

  I looked down at the gloves I was mangling between my fingers. “Well, what happened next, Nicky, was that Deborah and George fell in love. But Deborah and I had no money, and because of this George knew that his father would never allow him to marry Deborah.”

  Nicky nodded again. Even at eight, he knew what it was like when one had no money.

  I went on, “But George and Deborah loved each other very much, and so they decided that they would get married secretly.”

  I could see that this romantic tale of people whom he had never known and did not care about was not holding Nicky’s attention. I said sharply, “Pay attention, Nicky. This is important.”

  His eyes left the horses and came back to me. “Yes, Mama,” he said with an effort.

  “This is what happened,” I said firmly. “George and Deborah got married in secret and didn’t tell anyone. Then George’s father tried to make him marry Harriet Cole because the Coles were rich and George’s father had gambled away all of the family’s money.”

  Now I had truly caught Nicky’s attention. “Do you mean Maria, Frances, and Jane’s mama?”

  “Yes, that is who I mean. And, as you can imagine, it upset Deborah very much to see George paying attention to Harriet, especially since George was already married to herself.”

  I could see Nicky struggling to follow this.

  “What happened was this, Nicky,” I said simply. “Deborah found out that she was going to have George’s baby, and because she was very upset at the way George was behaving, she ran away from Hatfield. I had been married to Tommy Saunders for a few months, and of course Deborah came to stay with me.”

  Suddenly an apprehensive look came across Nicky’s childish face, a look that said he did not think he was going to like what was coming next. He didn’t say anything.

  I put my arm around his shoulders and held him against me. “My beloved sister died right after she gave birth to her baby, and with her last breath she gave me her child for my own. And for eight years now you have been my own, Nicky, the child of my heart even if you are not the child of my body.”

  Silence. His body was stiff, resisting my embrace.

  “I’m not your son?” he said at last.

  The note in his voice was anguishing.

  I said softly, “You are the son of my sister, Deborah, and of George, Lord Devane, Nicky. In fact, in case you are interested, you yourself are the new Lord Devane. Not Roger. Not Harriet’s child if it is a boy. You.”

  I waited for him to ask me about this, but he said nothing.

  Finally, “You lied to me,” he said. I looked down into his white face, into his huge and stricken eyes.

  I felt as if a knife twisted in my heart. “I love you more than anything in the world,” I said. “That love is not a lie. It never has been.”

  I felt a shudder go all through him and he jerked himself away from me and jumped to his feet. “How could you love me and lie to me like this? Why didn’t you tell me? I could have understood it. You should have told me!”

  I held out a pleading hand. “Sweetheart, Deborah never told me that she and George had been married! I thought that you were baseborn, and neither your fa— neither Tommy nor I wanted you to suffer that stigma. Can’t you understand that?”

  He didn’t understand what I was saying. He was, after all, only eight years of age, and his world had just been turned upside down. His mother was not his mother. That was all he could comprehend at the moment, all that he could understand.

  He was devastated. I had known that he would be.

  Suddenly he whirled away from me and ran toward the horses. In a flash he had untied Narsalla’s reins and was swinging up into the saddle. The little mare reared a bit as he swung her recklessly away from the cottage and toward the lake path. Then they were away at full gallop. I could hear the sound of hooves pounding even after they were out of my sight.

  My chest was tight with fear, but I let him go. For the moment, I understood, Nicky needed to get away from me.

  * * * *

  The gray clouds were low and thick by the time I got back to the castle. The flags flying from the four towers were scarcely visible in the late afternoon gloom.

  The first person I asked for when I came in the door was Roger. I wanted to make certain that he was in the house and not loose somewhere on the grounds, free to make mischief with Nicky.

  Powell told me that Roger had gone to his room right after the meeting in the library and was still there.

  Next I asked for Raoul.

  “I believe his lordship is in his office,” Powell replied, and that is where I went.

  One of the understewards was with Raoul when I looked in, but he said, “Come in, Gail. Barrett and I have just finished.”

  I came in as the young steward went out, greeting me with grave courtesy as he went by. Raoul gestured me to the chair that faced his desk.

  “How did it go?” he asked gently.

  “It went the way I thought it would,” I replied. “He was extremely upset. In fact, he ran away from me, Raoul. I did not chase after him because I thought that would do more harm than good, but I am worried. He is riding Narsalla, and you know how high-spirited she is and Nicky is upset and…”

  I could hear the rising panic in my voice and I forced myself to stop talking.

  Raoul got up from behind his desk and went out into the hallway to tell the footman who was stationed there that he wanted a message sent to the stables that a search was to be instituted immediately for Master Nicky.

  “And when he is found, he is to be told that I wish to see him.”

  “Yes, my lord,” I heard the footman reply.

  Raoul came back into the room, resumed his chair, frowned at me, and said abruptly, “You look as if you have lost ten pounds, Gail, and there was never very much of you to begin with.”

  “Yes, well, living in constant fear is not a very effective appetite stimulant,” I retorted.

  “It is almost all over now, sweetheart,” he said soothingly. “You call start eating again.”

  I sighed and rubbed my temples. “You really think that Nicky is safe?”

  “I’m sure of it. As a matter of fact, I am sending both of you to Devane Hall tomorrow. That is what I was talking to Barrett about when you came in. He is leaving immediately so h
e can get there first and make certain that things go smoothly for you when you get there.”

  I dropped my hands and stared at him in shock. “You want me to go to Devane Hall tomorrow?”

  The eyes that met mine were a clear, pure amber. “Yes. I think it is important to establish Nicky as the rightful Lord Devane immediately. You don’t need to go about in the neighborhood if you don’t wish to, Gail, but you should be in possession of the premises.” He smiled. “I will even have Mr. and Mrs. Macintosh driven down from Deepcote to join you. Perhaps Mr. Macintosh’s cooking will start you eating again.”

  “Oh,” I said. Then, tonelessly: “That will be nice.”

  “Devane Hall has turned into a tidy little property,” Raoul said. “You will have no more occasion to worry about Nicky, Gail; his future is fixed. And you don’t have to worry about your legal relationship to him either. I have contacted my solicitor and we have begun the paperwork to have you declared his guardian. I will be the executor of his property until he reaches his majority, but under the law you will remain his mother, sweetheart.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “Is it really necessary for us to leave tomorrow? It will be so upsetting for Nicky to leave in such a rush.”

  He answered my real concern, “I can’t come with you tomorrow, Gail, but I will join you as soon as I see to a few things that need my attention here. I’m not deserting you, sweetheart, I promise you.”

  Powell came into the room. “My lord, I just thought you might like to know that Master Nicky has been found and he is all right. He will be coming to see you within the next ten minutes.”

  I shut my eyes as relief flooded my heart.

  “Thank you, Powell,” Raoul said.

  I opened my eyes, and as soon as Powell had gone I said sharply, “I don’t want you to talk to Nicky about…about what I just discussed with him, Raoul.”

  “I have no intention of interfering in your relationship with your son, Gail.”

  “Then what do you want to talk to him about?” I demanded.

  “I wish to talk to him about his responsibilities as the new Lord Devane. Specifically, I wish to talk to him about his responsibilities toward his sisters.”

  It took me a moment to realize that Raoul was referring to Harriet’s children.

  “Mr. Cole will take care of them,” I said. “He has a ton of money.”

  Raoul replied, “It is not just a matter of money, Gail. It is a matter of branding these little girls as bastards.”

  I sat staring at him.

  “Is there something that can be done?” I asked at last.

  “I will discuss that with Nicky.”

  “Raoul, Nicky is eight years old!”

  “He is also Lord Devane, and during his lifetime he will be responsible for the welfare of a great many people. One is never too young to learn that one’s responsibilities are a part of one’s privileges.”

  I couldn’t quarrel with him. I didn’t want to quarrel with him. All I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me that he loved me so much that he couldn’t live without me, and that regardless of my unimpressive origins, he wanted to marry me.

  But there was small chance of that, I thought as I got wearily to my feet. He was sending me off tomorrow and he seemed remarkably cheerful about the idea. Of course, he wasn’t planning to break off our affair. He would come to visit me at Devane Hall as he had promised, I had no doubt of that, and he would expect to continue where we had left off at Savile.

  What he didn’t know, of course, was that once I left Savile I would never lie with him again.

  A knock came at the door and a small voice said, “Did you wish to see me, sir?”

  “Yes, come in, Nicky,” Raoul replied.

  Nicky looked surprised when he saw me. “Hello, Ma . , .” His voice trailed off. His face was white and pinched-looking and his hair and the shoulders of his coat were wet. I glanced out the window and saw that it had begun to rain.

  “Well, I’ll leave you two together, then,” I said quietly.

  Both males looked at me and nodded and neither of them replied.

  * * * *

  I did not go down to dinner that night. I did go upstairs to the nursery to say my usual good night to Nicky, and I found a very subdued scene. Harriet’s girls were gone, of course, and the Melville boys, who hadn’t yet been told what had happened that afternoon, were very unhappy that Nicky would be leaving the following day.

  I said as little as I could, just kissed Nicky good night as I always did. The fact that he called me Mama and clung to me for an infinitesimally brief second made me feel considerably better.

  Then I went back to my room, finished packing my paltry belongings, and went to stand at the window to look out at the rain.

  Raoul came at midnight, when the rain was pouring down, sending the heavy wet scent of the garden wafting through my open window.

  “Aren’t you chilled, standing there?” he asked as he came in and shut the door behind him.

  “No. I have always liked the smell of summer rain,” I replied.

  “You’re all right about going down to Devane tomorrow, aren’t you?” he asked. “You can stay one night on the road and Barrett will be there when you arrive. You shouldn’t have any trouble moving in, Gail.”

  A rush of cool air had come in through the window when the door opened and I absently rubbed my hands up and down my arms for warmth. “I must confess that I don’t quite understand the need for such a rush, Raoul.”

  “I feel it is important for Nicky to be in possession of the premises.”

  “You don’t really believe that Cole is going to take this to law, do you?” I asked. “As you yourself pointed out this afternoon in the library, even without the parish register there is too much evidence against Harriet’s claim.”

  Raoul shrugged and turned to lock the door. “Who knows what a man like Cole will do when he is enraged?”

  I shivered. “That is true. Perhaps you ought to send one of those Bow Street runners along with us to keep a watch on Nicky, just to be certain that he is safe.”

  “As a matter of fact, I am planning to do just that,” Raoul surprised me by replying.

  I said sharply, “Then you don’t think that Nicky is safe!”

  “I do, but it never hurts to make certain.”

  I crossed my arms tightly across my chest. I was not happy.

  “Gail…” Raoul was approaching me. “Please don’t think that I’m deserting you, sweetheart. I’ll come to Devane myself sometime next week, I promise. I just cannot get away at the present time.”

  “Yes, Raoul,” I said tightly. “I understand.”

  He put his hands on my waist, bent his head, and nuzzled the place where my neck and shoulder joined. I felt the faint roughness of his beard scratching my tender skin. I linked my arms around his waist and leaned my body all along his, letting my head fall back so he could have access to my throat.

  His fingers moved along my ribs. “You’re too thin,” he said again. “We’ll have to get Mr. Macintosh to fatten you up.”

  “You make me sound like a Christmas goose,” I murmured.

  He chuckled, a deep, baritone sound that sent shivers all through me.

  Our lovemaking that night was slow and deeply intense. Every move we made, every word we said, was indelibly engraved upon my heart. The unhurried thrusts of his body rippled through mine, letting me hold on to the feeling of him, the smell of him, the taste of him, giving me time to memorize saying goodbye to the whole heart-shattering experience that was loving Raoul.

  It was not the same for him. Raoul was an aristocrat with an aristocrat’s view of sexual matters. He saw nothing wrong with shunting me off to Devane Hall and then maintaining our arrangement under the cover of his visits as executor of George’s will. He would expect to arrive at Devane Hall the following week and find me willing to pick up with him where we had left off.

  But I could not—would not—do that to Nic
ky. There would be enough scandal about the way Nicky had come to inherit Devane Hall as it was. I would not add to the talk by letting the neighborhood know that I was having an affair with the Earl of Savile.

  Nor could I explain my feelings to Raoul right now and risk losing my treasured last moments with him. Instead, I ran my fingers over his face, the way a blind person might do to learn it, and agreed to all that he was telling me about how I should go about taking charge at Devane Hall.

  I lay there awake long after Raoul had gone back to his room, listening to the rain and fighting off the feeling of desolation that threatened to overwhelm me.

  The bitter truth was, all that I wanted out of life was to be Raoul’s wife. I couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful than to live with him always, to help him take care of his beloved house, to have his children, to wake up every morning with his tousled golden-haired head on the pillow beside mine.

  But I had to accept the fact that this would never happen. My name had been somewhat cleared by the revelation that I had not had an affair with George, but the daughter of a country doctor, a woman who had earned her own living by giving riding lessons to Cits, such a woman was not the kind of person who married a great nobleman like the Earl of Savile. I understood that. It was just that the knowledge of it was breaking my heart.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  There was at least one good thing about the trip to Devane. Nicky and I were enclosed together in a chaise for hours on end and we had a chance to settle some things between us that badly needed settling.

  “I’m sorry I ran away from you yesterday, Mama,” he started by saying in a polite, brittle little voice after we had left the causeway behind us and started on the road that would eventually take us to Hatfield village and Devane Hall.

  We were seated beside each other on the dark blue velvet squabs of the chaise, but the stiffness in Nicky’s shoulders made it clear to me that he preferred me to keep as far to my side of the coach as I could, while he would keep to his.

  I said quietly, “You were upset, darling, and you had a perfect right to be upset. I understood that. I still understand that. But you know, what has happened is not as dire as it may appear to be. Deep down inside, you are still the boy you always were. Nothing can change Nicky from being Nicky, you know.”